OT: parenting and the santa barbara shooter

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=SK in CV][quote=spdrun]

iin his mind, he was trying, but his effortsinvolved extremely ineffective attemptsbasically just walking around and smiling at girls.

Exactly, so the rejection was mostly in his head … I’d suspect that 99% of the women didn’t even notice he was interested, and the other 1% may have thought it was a passing smile, not really to be acted on.[/quote]

This wasn’t just “the rejection was mostly in his head”. He hadn’t been rejected. I think most guys, maybe even some women here will get this analogy.

When I was in high school, I played on the basketball team. That’s a mild exaggeration, because I didn’t play. I went to practice every day, and sat on the bench during games. I wanted to play, but I knew I wasn’t anywhere near as good as the guys playing ahead of me. But there was this guy who sat next to me on the bench that was convinced that the coach hated him, and he really was as good as the guys who were playing. That he should be “entitled” to play. Rodger wasn’t like this guy. Rodger was a kid in the stands who was convinced the coach hated him, and that’s the reason he wasn’t playing, and he was angry as hell about it. Despite the fact that he’d never tried out for the team. Despite the fact that he’d never picked up a basketball.

That’s not a sense of entitlement. That’s displaced anger. And everything he wrote about women, about everyone else that he was going to “get back at” was displaced anger. It had no rational basis. That’s just bat-shit crazy.[/quote]

dont we all suffer from displaced anger?

[spdrun]

I have to say it’s also unfortunate that he wasn’t interested in women of certain non-WASP persuasions. In my experience, women of certain non-Anglo nationalities have tended to be a bit more forward — perhaps he would have had the fun times he needed to get his confidence up without having to expend much energy.

First girl who was really interested in high school was of Trinidadian origin and a couple years older. She made it very obvious what she wanted, and as a kid who got his fair share of crap as a freshman (just moved to a new town, etc), this was a nice boost of confidence. Still kind of miss her — she’s a doctor in Canada now!

Sometimes the coach telling that kid in the corner — “you look like you’d make a hell of a basketball player…” might be just what’s needed.

[UCGal]

Ok – for those that are saying broken brain, and genetics, etc… Here’s a personal story. It’s long but please read it. Especially if you have family that might have some of the mental health labels applied to them.

Have any of you heard of the MTHFR gene? I will freely admit I never heard of it till our family came to a little crisis.

It’s linked to a whole bunch of stuff – mostly high homocysteine levels – which means bad stuff for heart attacks and strokes. But it’s also linked to brain chemistry.

Basically if you have one of the variants on this gene you don’t produce the most effective version of the enzyme that is key to the methylization cycle. Which in turn means you don’t break down folate (green leafy veggies) or folic acid (in breads and flour) into L-5-methyl folate. (B9- to methylized b9)

You’ve probably heard that b9 and b12 are inportant for mood/stress/etc. They regulate and control your neurotransmitters – seratonin, dopamine, melatonin, etc… You need the methylized version to cross the blood brain barrier.

If you have this varient/mutation you only methylize between 10% and 60%.

This mutation is linked with:
ADHD
Asbergers
Autism
Depression
Anxiety
Bipolar disorder
Schizophrenia
Autism

Plus a bunch of other stuff non mental health
Strokes
Deep vein thrombosis
IBS
Fibromylagia
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

etc….

So you’d think you’d be screwed if you have this mutation. You’d be wrong. It’s correctable with over the counter vitamins. You need to get the methylized version of b9 and b12. Costco sells the b12 in the form of methylcolban (sp). Amazon sells the methyl b9.

If you suspect that you or a family member might have this it’s pretty easy to find out. You get your genome tested with 23andMe for $99. Then you can look at the raw data. (You still have access to the entire data – just not their interpretation of it). You look up the mthfr c677t and a1298c markers and see.

As a parent of a child that was having issues this has been a big deal to discover and fix.

My son had been diagnosed with opposition personality, ADHD, anxiety, and depression. They wanted to medicate him for all of this, which I resisted because something didn’t seem right. I knew there was a problem but he didn’t cleanly fit into those buckets. A friend tipped me off about the mthfr… Since my husband and I had already done 23andMe I looked up our results. We both had 1 marker of the mutation. I tested my kids – and sure enough – my son with the issues had the homozygous mutation – meaning he wasn’t methylizing more than 10%.

He’s been on vitamins for a while – and it’s been a huge improvement in his mood and social coping skills. As well as a dramatic improvement in school.

This isn’t on the radar of most doctors. Lets face it, genotyping is new.

So yes – there can be broken brains, of a genetic type… But that doesn’t mean it isn’t fully treatable.

I’m sharing this fairly personal info because if no one had tipped me off – I never would have looked it up, done the research, done the testing, and found the answer.

[spdrun]

UCGal — interesting. Does anyone have recommendations where to get similar gene testing done now that the FDA has terrorized 23andme into discontinuing their product?

[UCGal]

We were able to get the data we needed from 23andMe.

My husband and I got tested prior to the FDA (ridiculous) ruling. But we had our sons tested after.

For us – our concern, initially was some specific markers. It’s VERY easy to get that info from 23andMe even with the FDA ruling, since these markers were not part of the original health data.

You get tested, you get your results… You log onto 23andMe, Then you plug the snp you’re interested into the search button. You’ll get whatever discussions are about it – but also a link to the raw data for that marker.

Another approach – do the 23andMe testing – then download the raw data as a zip file. You can then upload it to a program called promethease – and it will interpret your markers for you, with links to the research. (Promethease costs $6 – so your total output is about $105 with the $99 23andMe)

We were able to see everything about the kids with the promethease tool.

Here’s a link to how to do it.
http://blog.stickyrice.net/archives/2013/decode-23andme-for-mthfr-genes/

I looked at lab tests for the MTHFR gene – and they run about $150. Why it costs more to test less, I have no idea. But being frugal and not knowing what we’d find – I wanted the complete genotype for the lower price.

[spdrun]

Interesting — so you still get the raw data dump, but they’re just not allowed to give their interpretation. Clever way around heavy-handed government!

Thanks.

[Jazzman]

There is still a lot of soul searching going on in America over this issue. From the outside, the focus on psychoanalysis to try and explain the problem starts to look like an excuse for it, with the unfortunate unintended consequence of deflecting attention away from the real victims. Whether you believe the solution lies in vitamins, psychoanalysis, and better parenting another disaster is waiting to happen. The NRA is credited with highjacking gun control legislation, which addresses the immediate problem of access. If there is even a grain of truth to this, then the exercise of rational prioritizing would appear to be obliquely conspicuous by its absence.

[Coronita]

[quote=Jazzman]There is still a lot of soul searching going on in America over this issue. From the outside, the focus on psychoanalysis to try and explain the problem starts to look like an excuse for it, with the unfortunate unintended consequence of deflecting attention away from the real victims. Whether you believe the solution lies in vitamins, psychoanalysis, and better parenting another disaster is waiting to happen. The NRA is credited with highjacking gun control legislation, which addresses the immediate problem of access. If there is even a grain of truth to this, then the exercise of rational prioritizing would appear to be obliquely conspicuous by its absence.[/quote]

BUT 3 people were killed with a knife…..

[FlyerInHi]

[quote=scaredyclassic]
why would a BMW help you have more fun?[/quote]

Same reasons older adults buy expensive cars.

When you’re a college student, the car is pretty much the only thing you have even though your parents probably paid for it. So it’s even more relevant.

I don’t want a bmw anymore, but it would have been fun in college. Maybe I would have been more popular.

[FlyerInHi]

[quote=Blogstar]The statement was the he came from a “good Family” how does anyone know?
[/quote]

I don’t know, but I’m assuming.

It’s like when you a get letters of recommendation. how do you know the people who wrote them are “good”? you’re just assuming.

you may assume that good parenting is spending a lot of time at the job the parenting, talking and playing and spending all your free time with the kids. I think it may turn them into needy adults, who have to call their moms at every little setbacks.

I think that sending kids to boarding academy and seeing them only during the holidays is good parenting. It depends on the children, but generally, I think it’s good.

[FlyerInHi]

[quote=Jazzman]There is still a lot of soul searching going on in America over this issue. From the outside, the focus on psychoanalysis to try and explain the problem starts to look like an excuse for it, with the unfortunate unintended consequence of deflecting attention away from the real victims. Whether you believe the solution lies in vitamins, psychoanalysis, and better parenting another disaster is waiting to happen. The NRA is credited with highjacking gun control legislation, which addresses the immediate problem of access. If there is even a grain of truth to this, then the exercise of rational prioritizing would appear to be obliquely conspicuous by its absence.[/quote]

I agree.

this guy was not a criminal who knew how to get an illegal gun. If he didn’t have access to guns he wouldn’t have planned his revenge this way. it’s pretty safe to assume this tragedy would not have happened without access to guns.

[flyer]

IMO, even for those young people who do not have verifiable mental illness, the “entitlement mentality” encouraged by parents, and applauded by our society as well as marketing professionals around the globe, is a recipe for disaster.

We’ve seen this with some of our kids friends who are in their 20’s, and when life doesn’t work out for them as planned and promised, they fall apart. A few have become suicidal, others just give up, and the stories go on and on.

The misconception that EVERYONE is entitled–for no particular reason or reasons–to everything they want in life–is leading many down a path that will not end well.

[CA renter]

[quote=FlyerInHi][quote=Jazzman]There is still a lot of soul searching going on in America over this issue. From the outside, the focus on psychoanalysis to try and explain the problem starts to look like an excuse for it, with the unfortunate unintended consequence of deflecting attention away from the real victims. Whether you believe the solution lies in vitamins, psychoanalysis, and better parenting another disaster is waiting to happen. The NRA is credited with highjacking gun control legislation, which addresses the immediate problem of access. If there is even a grain of truth to this, then the exercise of rational prioritizing would appear to be obliquely conspicuous by its absence.[/quote]

I agree.

this guy was not a criminal who knew how to get an illegal gun. If he didn’t have access to guns he wouldn’t have planned his revenge this way. it’s pretty safe to assume this tragedy would not have happened without access to guns.[/quote]

As flu mentioned above, you seem to be missing the fact that 50% of the victims were STABBED to death.

A wannabe murderer will kill, no matter what type of weapon he has at his disposal. There are knives, bombs, poisons, cars, etc…so many ways to kill. The tools are not the problem; killers are the problem.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=CA renter][quote=FlyerInHi][quote=Jazzman]There is still a lot of soul searching going on in America over this issue. From the outside, the focus on psychoanalysis to try and explain the problem starts to look like an excuse for it, with the unfortunate unintended consequence of deflecting attention away from the real victims. Whether you believe the solution lies in vitamins, psychoanalysis, and better parenting another disaster is waiting to happen. The NRA is credited with highjacking gun control legislation, which addresses the immediate problem of access. If there is even a grain of truth to this, then the exercise of rational prioritizing would appear to be obliquely conspicuous by its absence.[/quote]

I agree.

this guy was not a criminal who knew how to get an illegal gun. If he didn’t have access to guns he wouldn’t have planned his revenge this way. it’s pretty safe to assume this tragedy would not have happened without access to guns.[/quote]

As flu mentioned above, you seem to be missing the fact that 50% of the victims were STABBED to death.

A wannabe murderer will kill, no matter what type of weapon he has at his disposal. There are knives, bombs, poisons, cars, etc…so many ways to kill. The tools are not the problem; killers are the problem.[/quote]

the people he was able to stab were asleep in their bed. out on the street it was car and pistol.

[CA renter]

Doesn’t matter where they were or what they were doing, IMO. The point is that people who want to kill will do so, irrespective of the tools that are legally available to them.

[Author]

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