OT: parenting and the santa barbara shooter

[bearishgurl]

[quote=Blogstar]I wouldn’t want to take any money for foster care. That would ruin it. Then again it would be expensive. It seems like mostly single mothers who need money do it? Is that right BG? When I was in foster care it was a single black woman and she was doing a good job. Just helping a refugee or two , perhaps orphaned or a kid who needed a stable environment to finish high school that seems doable. But yeah, it’s scary…[/quote]

Well, I suppose a single parent could do it for extra income but the applicant needs to have at least one available bedroom for every two children of the same sex. HHSA DOES inspect foster-parent applicants’ homes and I don’t think they would place foster children in homes where they had to sleep on a futon on the living room floor or where 3-4 kids would have to sleep in a <= 10x12' bdrm. Most single parents can barely afford their rent or mortgage on a home big enough for the kid(s) they already have. I know a retired lady (widow) residing in Otay Mesa who has a license to foster children but she has a 5 bdrm home that is all her own on a big lot and her kids are grown. However, two out of her available four bedrooms with beds and dressers in them have been perpetually empty in recent years because she has been picky about the kids she will foster. She's had too many problems in the past with kids (mostly teenagers) disappearing for days at a time and being truant after she sends them off to school and also getting suspended from school. She was tired of dealing with all that because life can be short. I think she has actually had to send several kids back to DSS (now HHSA) for another placement in her foster-parent "career." I forgot to add that foster kids are also eligible for free bus transportation from their school district if they need it.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=Blogstar]I wouldn’t want to take any money for foster care. That would ruin it. Then again it would be expensive. It seems like mostly single mothers who need money do it? Is that right BG? When I was in foster care it was a single black woman and she was doing a good job. Just helping a refugee or two , perhaps orphaned or a kid who needed a stable environment to finish high school that seems doable. But yeah, it’s scary…[/quote]

Well, I suppose a single parent could do it for extra income but the applicant needs to have at least one available bedroom for every two children of the same sex. HHSA DOES inspect foster-parent applicants’ homes and I don’t think they would place foster children in homes where they had to sleep on a futon on the living room floor or where 3-4 kids would have to sleep in a <= 10x12' bdrm. Most single parents can barely afford rent or mortgage for a home big enough for the kids they already have. I know a retired lady (widow) residing in Otay Mesa who has a license to foster children but she has a 5 bdrm home that is all her own on a big lot and her kids are grown. However, two out of her available four bedrooms with beds and dressers in them have been perpetually empty in recent years because she has been picky about the kids she will foster. She's had too many problems in the past with kids (mostly teenagers) disappearing for days at a time and being truant after she sends them off to school and also getting suspended from school. She was tired of dealing with all that because life can be short. I think she has actually had to send several kids back to DSS (now HHSA) for another placement in her foster-parent "career." I forgot to add that foster kids are also eligible for free bus transportation from their school district if they need it.[/quote] Even if I'm not accused the kids could easily be out and about having sex using drugs etc and I'm at risk of felony child endangerment. There's just no way I can imagine anyone really pondering reality and it's risks who can do this unless they are truly fearless or driven by spiritual forces.

[NotCranky]

[quote=scaredyclassic][quote=bearishgurl][quote=Blogstar]I wouldn’t want to take any money for foster care. That would ruin it. Then again it would be expensive. It seems like mostly single mothers who need money do it? Is that right BG? When I was in foster care it was a single black woman and she was doing a good job. Just helping a refugee or two , perhaps orphaned or a kid who needed a stable environment to finish high school that seems doable. But yeah, it’s scary…[/quote]

Well, I suppose a single parent could do it for extra income but the applicant needs to have at least one available bedroom for every two children of the same sex. HHSA DOES inspect foster-parent applicants’ homes and I don’t think they would place foster children in homes where they had to sleep on a futon on the living room floor or where 3-4 kids would have to sleep in a <= 10x12' bdrm. Most single parents can barely afford rent or mortgage for a home big enough for the kids they already have. I know a retired lady (widow) residing in Otay Mesa who has a license to foster children but she has a 5 bdrm home that is all her own on a big lot and her kids are grown. However, two out of her available four bedrooms with beds and dressers in them have been perpetually empty in recent years because she has been picky about the kids she will foster. She's had too many problems in the past with kids (mostly teenagers) disappearing for days at a time and being truant after she sends them off to school and also getting suspended from school. She was tired of dealing with all that because life can be short. I think she has actually had to send several kids back to DSS (now HHSA) for another placement in her foster-parent "career." I forgot to add that foster kids are also eligible for free bus transportation from their school district if they need it.[/quote] Even if I'm not accused the kids could easily be out and about having sex using drugs etc and I'm at risk of felony child endangerment. There's just no way I can imagine anyone really pondering reality and it's risks who can do this unless they are truly fearless or driven by spiritual forces.[/quote] There is some element of irrationality going on here. If they started to run out of the house and stuff wouldn't you tell the case workers immediately? Your covered, I would think.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=scaredyclassic]Even if I’m not accused the kids could easily be out and about having sex using drugs etc and I’m at risk of felony child endangerment. There’s just no way I can imagine anyone really pondering reality and it’s risks who can do this unless they are truly fearless or driven by spiritual forces.[/quote]

I’m not sure but I think foster parents may be “immune” from prosecution if their “charge” decides they don’t want to go to school anymore. My friend was taking in foster kids BEFORE 9/11 (when the US Port of Entry had “open entry” policies) so, in the past, they could have ostensibly hopped a bus or trolley to TJ instead of going to school that day. She lives only 4 miles north of the int’l border.

If foster parents didn’t have some kind of legal immunity … at least with taking in teenagers, then no one would apply for the job. HHSA is already well-aware of potential problems with each placement BEFORE they place them so the first few weeks/months of a placement are likely on a “trial” basis.

[NotCranky]

[quote=scaredyclassic][quote=bearishgurl][quote=Blogstar]I wouldn’t want to take any money for foster care. That would ruin it. Then again it would be expensive. It seems like mostly single mothers who need money do it? Is that right BG? When I was in foster care it was a single black woman and she was doing a good job. Just helping a refugee or two , perhaps orphaned or a kid who needed a stable environment to finish high school that seems doable. But yeah, it’s scary…[/quote]

Well, I suppose a single parent could do it for extra income but the applicant needs to have at least one available bedroom for every two children of the same sex. HHSA DOES inspect foster-parent applicants’ homes and I don’t think they would place foster children in homes where they had to sleep on a futon on the living room floor or where 3-4 kids would have to sleep in a <= 10x12' bdrm. Most single parents can barely afford rent or mortgage for a home big enough for the kids they already have. I know a retired lady (widow) residing in Otay Mesa who has a license to foster children but she has a 5 bdrm home that is all her own on a big lot and her kids are grown. However, two out of her available four bedrooms with beds and dressers in them have been perpetually empty in recent years because she has been picky about the kids she will foster. She's had too many problems in the past with kids (mostly teenagers) disappearing for days at a time and being truant after she sends them off to school and also getting suspended from school. She was tired of dealing with all that because life can be short. I think she has actually had to send several kids back to DSS (now HHSA) for another placement in her foster-parent "career." I forgot to add that foster kids are also eligible for free bus transportation from their school district if they need it.[/quote] Even if I'm not accused the kids could easily be out and about having sex using drugs etc and I'm at risk of felony child endangerment. There's just no way I can imagine anyone really pondering reality and it's risks who can do this unless they are truly fearless or driven by spiritual forces.[/quote] There is some element of irrationality going on here. If they started to run out of the house and stuff wouldn't you tell the case workers immediately? You're covered, I would think.

[NotCranky]

[quote=scaredyclassic][quote=FlyerInHi][quote=scaredyclassic]children are such tender sprouts. they vibrate with emotion and long for acceptance. to know someone is there and fighting for you. so important.

i made some pad thai ina box for my boys who are very large last night. put a big steaming plate of it infront of the 18 year old.

“my pa loves me” he said, reflexively.

elliot couldnt even walk into his da’ds house without getting a big pile of shit from his stepmother. bullshit.[/quote]

Some kids need more love than others, sure.

Did anyone consider that too much love can be detrimental and cause needy, dysfunctional kids?

Some kids get sent to boarding academy and become very strong adults ready to conquer the world.

Maybe Elliot didn’t need more love and coddling but needed to learn how to handle life, despite his mental weaknesses. We all have weaknesses and neurosis to overcome in order to thrive. The people who have fewer weaknesses are just luckier.

Elliot seemed to tie his well-being to possessing luxury products and having a hot girlfriend. The problem is that he wasn’t equipped to go out and get what he wanted.[/quote]

Perhaps for some but no boarding school, not even hogwarts would’ve worked for elliot.[/quote]

I don’t know about other people…but love and coddling isn’t what it’s all about all the time. That’s crazy talk. They may be tender shoots but all plants need to be hardened off before they get set out into the elements. The skill is to do it without sun scalding them.

Then again, this “conquering the world” stuff I am not sure that is a great main goal for every kid.

[FlyerInHi]

maybe the emphasis on parenting as a full-time job rather then something incidental to life, especially on making the kids happy, is a recent American middle class phenomenon.

look at the lives of people of the past like Winston Churchill. they did pretty well despite not being so close to their parents. Of course, he was an alcoholic.

[bearishgurl]

Foster kids may also be eligible for “food stamps” (now food aid via EBT card) because foster family homes are not defined as “institutions” in CA. I have no idea how much monthly food aid each foster child is allowed to receive … but every little bit helps.

4. Individuals or groups living together cannot be a food stamps household if they are residents of an institution or residents of a commercial boarding house, or boarders, unless they meet the following exceptions [7 C.F.R. § 273.1(b)(3).]:

Institution Exception [MPP § 63-402.4.]
Certain group living situations are not defined as “institutions.” This includes: federally subsidized housing for the elderly, drug and alcohol residential treatment centers, disabled or blind Title II recipients in group living arrangements, Domestic Violence shelters, foster family homes (but not group homes unless the program is for disabled youth/meet the requirements of 63-402.43), and homeless shelters. (See the subsections of MPP § 63-402.4 for specific rules.)

see: http://foodstampguide.org/households-receive-food-stamps/

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=Blogstar][quote=scaredyclassic][quote=bearishgurl][quote=Blogstar]I wouldn’t want to take any money for foster care. That would ruin it. Then again it would be expensive. It seems like mostly single mothers who need money do it? Is that right BG? When I was in foster care it was a single black woman and she was doing a good job. Just helping a refugee or two , perhaps orphaned or a kid who needed a stable environment to finish high school that seems doable. But yeah, it’s scary…[/quote]

Well, I suppose a single parent could do it for extra income but the applicant needs to have at least one available bedroom for every two children of the same sex. HHSA DOES inspect foster-parent applicants’ homes and I don’t think they would place foster children in homes where they had to sleep on a futon on the living room floor or where 3-4 kids would have to sleep in a <= 10x12' bdrm. Most single parents can barely afford rent or mortgage for a home big enough for the kids they already have. I know a retired lady (widow) residing in Otay Mesa who has a license to foster children but she has a 5 bdrm home that is all her own on a big lot and her kids are grown. However, two out of her available four bedrooms with beds and dressers in them have been perpetually empty in recent years because she has been picky about the kids she will foster. She's had too many problems in the past with kids (mostly teenagers) disappearing for days at a time and being truant after she sends them off to school and also getting suspended from school. She was tired of dealing with all that because life can be short. I think she has actually had to send several kids back to DSS (now HHSA) for another placement in her foster-parent "career." I forgot to add that foster kids are also eligible for free bus transportation from their school district if they need it.[/quote] Even if I'm not accused the kids could easily be out and about having sex using drugs etc and I'm at risk of felony child endangerment. There's just no way I can imagine anyone really pondering reality and it's risks who can do this unless they are truly fearless or driven by spiritual forces.[/quote] There is some element of irrationality going on here. If they started to run out of the house and stuff wouldn't you tell the case workers immediately? Your covered, I would think.[/quote] Agreed. Extreme overcaution.

[bearishgurl]

CA foster kids successfully graduating from HS with all A-G reqs. met and passing their CAHSEE in English and Math can apply to CSU under each campus’ special programs for foster youth:

http://www.calstate.edu/fosteryouth/programs-services/index.shtml

In addition, CA foster kids are eligible for a $5000 Chafee grant to help pay for university or job training:

https://www.chafee.csac.ca.gov/

Not sure about Cal Grants, but they may be eligible for those, also.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=Blogstar][quote=scaredyclassic][quote=bearishgurl][quote=Blogstar]I wouldn’t want to take any money for foster care. That would ruin it. Then again it would be expensive. It seems like mostly single mothers who need money do it? Is that right BG? When I was in foster care it was a single black woman and she was doing a good job. Just helping a refugee or two , perhaps orphaned or a kid who needed a stable environment to finish high school that seems doable. But yeah, it’s scary…[/quote]

Well, I suppose a single parent could do it for extra income but the applicant needs to have at least one available bedroom for every two children of the same sex. HHSA DOES inspect foster-parent applicants’ homes and I don’t think they would place foster children in homes where they had to sleep on a futon on the living room floor or where 3-4 kids would have to sleep in a <= 10x12' bdrm. Most single parents can barely afford rent or mortgage for a home big enough for the kids they already have. I know a retired lady (widow) residing in Otay Mesa who has a license to foster children but she has a 5 bdrm home that is all her own on a big lot and her kids are grown. However, two out of her available four bedrooms with beds and dressers in them have been perpetually empty in recent years because she has been picky about the kids she will foster. She's had too many problems in the past with kids (mostly teenagers) disappearing for days at a time and being truant after she sends them off to school and also getting suspended from school. She was tired of dealing with all that because life can be short. I think she has actually had to send several kids back to DSS (now HHSA) for another placement in her foster-parent "career." I forgot to add that foster kids are also eligible for free bus transportation from their school district if they need it.[/quote] Even if I'm not accused the kids could easily be out and about having sex using drugs etc and I'm at risk of felony child endangerment. There's just no way I can imagine anyone really pondering reality and it's risks who can do this unless they are truly fearless or driven by spiritual forces.[/quote] There is some element of irrationality going on here. If they started to run out of the house and stuff wouldn't you tell the case workers immediately? You're covered, I would think.[/quote] What if they say you gave them the drugs? What if they say you tried to hit them so they ran?

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