Where did all the friendships go?

[justme]

barnaby33 wrote:

>Wow, JES, I can actually imagine you salivating as you typed >that. You took a thread that was mostly about finding/losing >friends and really warped it. True JG helped, but man thats a >real stretch.

>Your message is full of the same religion based paranoia that >seems to permeate conservative discourse. Why does it matter

You should have seen the number that JES and Bgates did
on the “Bill Clinton does FOX” thread. Whoooee!! I have
to say that facts, logic and moral consistency were not
their strong points. Be glad they didn’t accuse you or
anyone else of condoning disembowelment of aid workers,
or worse.

On the other hand, they were at least *somewhat* on topic
in the Clinton thread.

Oops. I think I just ridiculed them. Oh well. My bad.
As was stated in yet another thread, once someone presents
a consistently bad analysis a repeated number of times,
one might be tempted to take the shortcut of ridiculing
said analyst.

[barnaby33]

Not that I totally disagree, but how does any of the borderline religion bashing help here?

I thought MyDosAreLazy started this thread to bemoan his lack of friendships. There are plenty of websites where you can have political debates, but not so many where you can lament the more subtle aspects of life. I would much rather see a post about how you bridge the gap and build a friendship with someone from the other side of the fence, whatever the fence.

Unless anonymity truly does breed contempt. I wouldn’t post anything on a thread I wouldn’t say to someones face and since I went to the last meetup others had a chance to size up what they saw versus what I post. Are the rest of you willing to do the same?

See ya in November!

Josh

[VanMorrisonFan]

Part of the problem is cultural. In goal-oriented, forward-looking cultures (like America) people assume that close friendships and even marriage will “fit into” the empty spaces after education, work, and other responsibilities have met. In more relational, process-oriented cultures people assume the opposite – work, education, etc., take second place.

There are pros and cons of each type of culture. Try and get your phone or car fixed in a place where relationship is more valued than completing a particular task! Oh boy…that mentality can really be a problem. On the other hand, more and more Americans report that they are lonely and disconnected…that they spend day after day paying bills and feel strangely unconnected from other people – even family members at times.

What’s the solution? I think it is to take some time to focus on close friendships/relationships. Make that one of your core goals. The time spent will at first seem wasted, but in time the harvest will be enormous.

[Anonymous]

As one gets older it is harder to make friendships – in general.

My personal experience is to keep good friendships with close relatives ( siblings, cousins ) and with my wife’s siblings and close friends. I find that my wife is a more sociable person and organizes our social contacts. Having young children adds an extra dimension – you get invited to birthday parties and it affords an opportunity to meet people.

However It does get lonelier as one ages. People change with age and hence relationships will change too. A friend of mine told me that I was one of the few people he knew who had not changed much in our fifteen year friendship.

[zk]

kristinejm,

Ironically, my first thought when reading your post was, “amen.”

In fact, I agreed with it so much, I could’ve written it myself, if I were a better writer (and a lesbian). Except the part about being from a long line of non-religious people. My mom and her family were very religious. I still remember driving home from church one day when I was 6 years old. I asked my mom where god came from, and she said, “he’s always been there.” I pressed her rather tenaciously for a better answer, but none was forthcoming. I’ve been an atheist since that day.

“If you are liberal, they have a chapter of “Drinking Liberally” in San Diego. You can get on a mailing list and they will send you updates.”

Sounds pretty interesting, I may google that. But I’m not really a liberal. I may be drifting into another subject here, but here goes.

Say a person is for:

lower taxes (fiscally responsible ones, ones for low-income people, not the ones Republicans give away), for tough punishment on crimes, for a free-market-driven economy, against affirmative action, for getting welfare recipients to work and for the death penalty in principle (but against it in practice: it costs too much, it isn’t a deterrent and our justice system isn’t good enough to ensure executing the correct person),

but also for:

gay rights, well-funded public education, strict separation of church and state, keeping government out of morality issues, environmental protection, energy independence, diplomacy backed by brute force rather than just brute force, a guest worker program, and freedom of speech (the proposed amendment against burning the flag can clearly only be backed by people who have trouble thinking, and book banning is a big step towards fascism).

Such a person (me) isn’t a liberal or a conservative. I don’t understand why most people seem to have to stick to one or the other of the major parties’ platforms. Let’s hear from some other free thinkers out there.

[sdduuuude]

zk – I just want to say you sound like you have your shit together. I always appreciate your posts and manner.

[PerryChase]

zk, I also think you have your stuff together.

But why be against affirmative action? Life is not about being the smartest. For example a Black student may not have the best test scores or the best grades but he may turn out to be the best doctor caring for the sick in his community, thus enhancing overall health care in our society. We then all benefit.

My Asian friends would love the end of affirmative action because their kids have the best exams scores and could then get into the top universities.

[Author]

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