Where did all the friendships go?

[Anonymous]

Death via auto accident happens; there are lots of bad drivers on the road, and I make dumb mistakes, too. Death via terrorism can be stopped; coming to a highway near you:

http://www.kansascity.com/mld/kansascity/news/15577977.htm

I know, we shouldn't prejudge.  Probably just arranging for spectacular fireworks for their next 'Crucify the Pope' party.

Our beagle is a dear part of our family, and we treat him very well.  Funny how, generally, Puritans are dog lovers and not cat owners.  At our kids' two schools, both private and religious, the school dog roams the campus freely.  And, in two weeks, the school chaplain at our daughter's school will be blessing family pets during St. Francis of Assisi day.

[FutureSDguy]

“Did I mention that I am liberal agnostic/buddhist living in a conservative area (Murrieta) so that makes finding local friends even more of a challenge.”

I am quite conservative. As long as you treat others as human beings and respect differences in world view I don’t see why a conservative and a liberal can not enjoy each others company, friendship, and enrichening conversation. As long as you seek to find others to agree with you before you are willing to socialize with them, you put up a wall that prevents a bond from forming. Respect for other people’s opinions goes a long way–you can’t be as picky with people as you can with say, toilet paper made of recycleables or organic canned tomatoes. Sometimes when you finally respect a person from the inside out and you actually listen to their views, 180 apart from yours, your eyes open a bit more about the world around you.

[carlislematthew]

Marriage without children is a sign of selfishness

LOL!

You play an excellent over-the-top puritan! I particularly love the classic black and white viewpoints you pretend to have.

[Anonymous]

CM, my feelings are hurt; I AM an over-the-top Puritan! Just ask my wife, kids, and coworkers. My kids enjoy ‘The Simpsons,’ and call me Flanders.

Life’s paths are easy to navigate with a well-grounded sense of right and wrong.

[Chrispy]

Sounds like you might be missing a lot of the scenery.

[speedingpullet]

LOL!

But do you agree/disagree that you can still have a well-grounded sense of right and wrong without the religion?

[PerryChase]

In my view, there’s nothing more selfish than procreation. The selfless thing to do is not procreate so we leave the earth cleaner than when we arrived. The right thing to do is adopt and care for a poor unwanted child.

I find that progressives are quite open minded and accepting of other people’s viewpoints. It’s the puritans who poison friendships by asking people to “repent.” The preachers of America aren’t much different from the Mullahs of Islam.

As for the religious Christians going to the sex clubs, my friend is a psychologist and he tells me that under the surface of propriety, people are “guilty” of all kinds of “sins” (married men having gay sex, adultery, drugs, etc…). I believe that the incident of sinful acts is sky high in conservative areas. Anyone remember tele-evangelist Jim Baker? Look at Rush Limbaugh. He’s the voice of the conservative movement. What a good example to follow!

Progressives have weakness for sure but we don’t pretend to be hollier-than-thou.

I have to say that I enjoy my European friends the most. We can talk, disagree, never feel personally attacked and always remain good friends.

jd, watch out, a friend of mine dad’s is a minister. My friend moved away to the big city for college, “sinned,” and no longer believes in God. To this day, he still doesn’t have the guts to tell his parents. The parents believe they have the perfect son. And the son is hiding the biggest part of his life from his family.

[Anonymous]

Rush is entertaining and often thought-provoking. No conservative that I know of considers him a role model: mulitple divorces, drug abuse; what’s to emulate?

[Anonymous]

Being religious in America has its positives and negatives:

Negative — commonly called a ‘Bible beater’ or Puritan.
Positive — by definition, we ARE holier than thou!

[JES]

I’m loving the references to the Puritans. I grew up attending the UCC (United Church of Christ), the church that is supposed to have descended from the Puritans. It is now the most liberal Protestant denomination in the country. If this is the modern day Puritan ideal that we are referring to I claim no part of it:)

[bgates]

Irony Watch:
I find that progressives are quite open minded and accepting of other people’s viewpoints.
[one sentence later…]
The preachers of America aren’t much different from the Mullahs of Islam.
[one sentence after that…]
I believe that the incident of sinful acts is sky high in conservative areas.

Interesting word, ‘believe’. Christians use it in reference to God, whose existence is beyond the ability of human beings to prove. Christians’ belief in something greater than themselves inspires humility and service to others.

Perry uses the word ‘believe’ in reference to crime statistics, which could be established as true or false if he wanted to take a minute to find the facts. His belief that conservatives are lesser than himself justifies his contempt.

[Anonymous]

It’s possible. But, only religious precepts consistently speak against harm to innocents: poor, young, infirm, weak of mind. While there may be fine sets of non-religious precepts, there are a whole range of them — e.g., materialism, Nihilism — that are dangerous. Hence, why one of the Founding Fathers stated that Americans should prefer leaders that are religious, and, ideally, Christian.

Remember what stopped the slave trade: British Christianity. Remember what stopped slavery in America: the flavor of Puritanism called Abolitionism.

[sdduuuude]

This is a pretty interesting post, mydogsarelazy.
Thoughs from one who was transplanted in San Diego 13 years ago:

I’m nearly 40, married, kids. The single friends/married friends thing is pretty rough. I don’t think the groups are very compatible, in general, especially when the married friends have kids.

Strange thing is – I have recently discovered a social group of single guys that I do things with regularly now. I have two lives – stuff with the family and stuff with the guys. It is definitely two different circles, though. Both work well, and the family definitely comes first. You just have to find that single guy circle, I think.

Right now, with your medical problems and divorce, your friends most likely just don’t know if you want them to get in touch. They wonder about you, for sure, but don’t know if getting in touch will be appreciated or appropriate.

Divorced people can be, depressed, confused, angry, annoying, hard to deal with. Add in medical problems and they might be concerned that if they get in touch, they either won’t like what they find, they won’t know how to deal with you, or most likely they will be intruding somehow where they don’t belong.

Definitely up to you to take that step. I hope you do it. You likely won’t reconnect with all your friends, but you will find one or two that are surprised and truly thrilled you are healthy and happy.

RE: FLAKY CALIFORNIANS.
OH, MY GOD! Are there alot of flakes around here. I remember my first few years here. Every friggin week someone would flake on me personally and professionally. Drives me crazy. I can smell flakes a mile away now and until I know someone is solid, I don’t put much faith in the reliability of strangers unless they need me to make a final payment. When you find people who show up when they say they will – don’t lose them.

I don’t think this is related to the fact that people are stretched thin financially. I think flakes are just flakes. They are unsettled, always feel they haven’t found what they are looking for and don’t understand the value of commitment. They are always looking for someting better than the great thing they have right in front of them. I know so many people like this here in SD.

Three thoughts for you:

1) Get in touch with those old friends. Tell them exactly what you told us: You’ve been through hell and are now coming out of it. It’s been a long time and you miss your old friends. If they are good friends, that will all make sense to everyone in about 5 seconds after you meet again.

2) Do stuff that you love with people you don’t know. I like to take classes. Sports or trade classes are great. Learn new things and meet people – soccer, tennis, welding, whatever. Just show up to class and meet people. Or compete in something you were once good at. I mean – jeez, there’s a club for everything now. Or join a team. Don’t wait to join with a friend. Just join by yourself.

3) You don’t have to hang out with married people all the time to be their friends. I have single friends that my wife and I do things with, but only when they have a girlfriend. Sometimes we won’t see them for months, but when they are looking for a double date, we’re in. So, keep those married people in your network, but understand you won’t do much together if you are single.

[carlislematthew]

CM, my feelings are hurt; I AM an over-the-top Puritan! Just ask my wife, kids, and coworkers. My kids enjoy ‘The Simpsons,’ and call me Flanders.

Life’s paths are easy to navigate with a well-grounded sense of right and wrong.

I agree, but I’d like to humbly request that you allow others to have a different sense of right and wrong. There is no universal morality…

[Chrispy]

“There is no universal morality.”

Ditto that.

And, JG, it is extremely offensive to read that you think single people and childless couples are selfish. Judge not, less ye be judged.

[Author]

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