NY-er moving to SD- but where??

[flyer]

Probably a good thing everyone has a different idea of the “perfect” place to live, or we’d all end up in one overly crowded location.

Even though we love RSF, we’ve always been open to moving, and have checked out many places over the years. Family and friends in Santa Monica, Laguna, Malibu, Calabasas, etc. have tried to encourage us to move to those locations, but even though they are fantastic places, and would be closer to my wife’s connection to the film business, we just can’t deal with the proximity to LA on a daily basis.

As far as the OP is concerned, as long as you folks know exactly what to expect from living in the Los Angeles area–you should be fine–but I’d still check San Diego County (and Temecula) out thoroughly before making your final decision.

[barnaby33]

NyMom, San Diego is a desert. That barren feel is San Diego. Honestly you are just not being realistic. Everyone likes to recommend areas on the coast like Del Mar, but there is no way you’ll get what you want in the price range you are looking.

Olivenhain would be a good area to look for the down to earth feel, but there is no village.

I’d recommend some of the areas around La Mesa. Not La Mesa proper, or even Hillcrest. You’d probably have to send the kids to private school though as both those areas are in San Diego City Unified. Those areas are much more down to earth and have a wide variety of housing stock.

3000+ square feet is gigantic. Only the newer cookie cutter stuff will be in that size, or it will be a very, very expensive area.

Compromises are key. What’s more important, house, neighborhood feel, or schools. Once you nail which is the biggest deal, the others are pretty easily winnow-able.
Josh

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=flyer]Probably a good thing everyone has a different idea of the “perfect” place to live, or we’d all end up in one overly crowded location.

Even though we love RSF, we’ve always been open to moving, and have checked out many places over the years. Family and friends in Santa Monica, Laguna, Malibu, Calabasas, etc. have tried to encourage us to move to those locations, but even though they are fantastic places, and would be closer to my wife’s connection to the film business, we just can’t deal with the proximity to LA on a daily basis.

As far as the OP is concerned, as long as you folks know exactly what to expect from living in the Los Angeles area–you should be fine–but I’d still check San Diego County (and Temecula) out thoroughly before making your final decision.[/quote]

In the interest of complete disclosure you will probably find Temecula sucky. I’ll understand.

Maybe you guys should just sell the house, take the cash and go on a 2 year adventure.

[CA renter]

[quote=bearishgurl]

CAR, those were absolutely beautiful links. Thanks for sharing!

I s-o-o-o wished my college-bound kid would have been accepted into a particular program at CSUN but they didn’t quite make it (likely due to intense competition from their “service area” HS graduates). That area would have been a GREAT area for internships and jobs fresh out of college, as well.

They’re going to apply again for their junior year. Onward and upward :)[/quote]

Yep, I figured you would like those since we tend to have the same taste in housing. 🙂

How about having your kid go to one of the local community colleges and then transferring to CSUN?

There are lots of jobs up there, especially when compared to SD County, so they could work their way through college and get that incredibly valuable work experience while they go through college (that work experience ended up being more valuable to me than my college education).

[CA renter]

[quote=NYMom]Thanks for replying. Husband is from North Hollywood, his Mom is still there. And NOT in a fun, NOHO part. He would never move back to the Valley, and I really don’t like it either. When we visit, we drive over the hill almost daily or head to South Pas to eat, shop etc. I have looked at Calabasas, but shied away for those exact reasons you mentioned. That’s why I had hoped Thousand Oaks could be the answer, but neither of us liked it there.

He’s in Finance, but is in between jobs now and could switch careers altogether if he wanted to. If he had to be in LA for work, that would obviously affect the LA or OC decision, but he prefers to live in OC. Santa Monica I think is his ideal but he knows how important being on a bigger lot is to me, I’m just not willing to compromise, no matter how awesome the house or the neighborhood is, if I’m on top of my neighbors I will be miserable.[/quote]

Totally understand. People from the Valley tend to either love it or hate it…very little in between.

Both my DH and I were born and raised in the SFV. He couldn’t get out fast enough — left the week after he graduated from HS, and never looked back. I came down here because housing was more affordable (for similar homes…but didn’t realize the job market was so poor), but have yearned to go back ever since. We’re up there often, and I always feel a bit sad when we have to come back down to SD.

And there are way more trees in LA than in SD. It’s weird…people in San Diego seem to have something against trees. They cut them down every chance they get, probably because everything is on a hill here and the trees block the views. Some think trees are “dirty” because the leaves fall. Very strange…and sad, IMO.

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredyclassic][quote=NYMom]He’s lived here for close to 15 years now and has hated it from the start. It was supposed to be a temporary move for work, but the co. took off and then we met. He’s been wanting to go back for about 8 years now. He’s just very unhappy here. Doesn’t like “the lifestyle,” the weather, or pretty much anything. He feels like he’s waited long enough, worked hard, and should be able to live where he wants to finally.[/quote]

Dudes making $, lives in an awesome spot, but doesn’t like the lifestyle?

I think you guys need to sign up for my intensive counseling course before any big moves.[/quote]

Scaredy is joking a bit here, but I think he has a very valid point. You both should probably take more time to really think about what it is he wants to change. Based on what you’ve posted, it just doesn’t sound as though moving out here would be an improvement in any way (except for the weather, perhaps). It might not be a bad idea to talk to a counselor about this; it’s a big move that will cost a lot of money, and it might create some major resentments and problems if it doesn’t work out as he had hoped.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=CA renter][quote=scaredyclassic][quote=NYMom]He’s lived here for close to 15 years now and has hated it from the start. It was supposed to be a temporary move for work, but the co. took off and then we met. He’s been wanting to go back for about 8 years now. He’s just very unhappy here. Doesn’t like “the lifestyle,” the weather, or pretty much anything. He feels like he’s waited long enough, worked hard, and should be able to live where he wants to finally.[/quote]

Dudes making $, lives in an awesome spot, but doesn’t like the lifestyle?

I think you guys need to sign up for my intensive counseling course before any big moves.[/quote]

Scaredy is joking a bit here, but I think he has a very valid point. You both should probably take more time to really think about what it is he wants to change. Based on what you’ve posted, it just doesn’t sound as though moving out here would be an improvement in any way (except for the weather, perhaps). It might not be a bad idea to talk to a counselor about this; it’s a big move that will cost a lot of money, and it might create some major resentments and problems if it doesn’t work out as he had hoped.[/quote]

i was not joking! i am serious! well, except for the signing up for my therapy sessions. i don’t actually give therapy. But lawyers are also known as “counselors”, and indeed, much of what we do is try to give reasonable counsel…

there’s no motivation for this move. it’s like a mysterious divorce stirring, just a feeling in his gut like there’s got to be something better than this crappy humid life in westchester. but…

. you are gonna be one pissed lady when you realize how little you’re gonna see your extended italian family, how it just wont be the same, more staged, more not like normal life, the visits will not be as nearly as frequent as necessary to keep the relationships fresh and genuine and the relatives wont be integral to your kids lives like theya re now, just odd people who show up from time to time and eat a lot of tomato sauce products probably.

you were practucally crying when you were writing about how you were going to miss this. so he knows what it means to you. unless he really hates these people, there’s no reason to flee from them. well, maybe that’s me interjecting my desire for free child care there, but still, no rational reaosn to rip these young uns away from their loved ones.

have you considered: . it might be that he intuitively knows this move will gnaw away at the goodwill in your heart, and wants to move to make you bitter and angry to generate conflict to have an excuse to split up because he’s too passive to do it directly?.

it seems devious, but one’s subconscious is incredibly devious. I don’t trust mine, i’ll tell you that.

I’m not saying splitting up is inevitable, but that unhappiness breeds on these illdefined unexamined feelings of dissatisfaction, and resentments build, and you know, you ahve kids, and your worried about the kids, and frankly, as a guy, it can get old..what about me? i like my kids, sure, but what about me? thats what he’s thinking. thats what i was thinking. thats what a lot of guys think…

the way forward is honesty, brutal honesty, tempered with love and understanding and maybe compromise. I don’t see what is better for him out here. i say you need to get in a counseling office to hash it out before you sell…

it’s unclear what the answer is…but everyone needs to be upfront… given how unhappy you will be, and how unclear it is that he will be happier, i think this is a trap…

[scaredyclassic]

funny. if you’d come to the site 5 years ago we’d all be trying to talk you out of buying a house. now it’s all just neighborhood advice and marital counseling.

the more i think about it, the more you eprosnally are going to despise temecula. cross it off your list. it’s not for you. seriously. im not trying reverse psychology here. no temecula…

[scaredyclassic]

if you want me to talk to him, I will…

[scaredyclassic]

Wait. 5 years ago we wouldn’t have been trying to talk you out of buying. Maybe 7. Tempus fugit.

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredyclassic]
I’m not saying splitting up is inevitable, but that unhappiness breeds on these illdefined unexamined feelings of dissatisfaction, and resentments build, and you know, you ahve kids, and your worried about the kids, and frankly, as a guy, it can get old..what about me? i like my kids, sure, but what about me? thats what he’s thinking. thats what i was thinking. thats what a lot of guys think…

[/quote]

Just think…women are almost always the ones “trapped” at home with a bunch of small kids while the men are out enjoying their hobbies and “hanging with the guys” (you know, because they deserve it after “working so hard” while the women stay home and “do nothing”). You think major resentment isn’t building up in many women, too? IMO, this is why you often see the women initiating divorce when the youngest hits eighteen. It’s like they’ve been chomping at the bit for years. Most men take care of themselves just fine; it’s the women who usually give up everything that mattered to them before marriage/kids.

And I agree very much with the rest of your post, too. This is a very difficult situation, and resentment is likely either way.

[scaredyclassic]

well, i was just putting it from the guy’s perspective, cause that’s the one i feel more acutely, i agree and respect there are two sides to the coin, it takes two to tango (though only one to hop around and dance like an idiot). i wasnt trying to negate women’s bitternesses or justifiable grudges.

the more I think about it, the more acute i think your situation is. the “village” feel you claim you are seeking in some bland SD suburb will be a pale, unsatisfying substitute for the real village you want. the village of your people, your village people, all those crazy relatives, that sense of really really belonging, not fake ass belonging, not some country club village green bullshit, but yourreal, real FAMILY…..and more important, your KIDS family! you want to get a phone call someone DIEd who you ahven’t seen for a year or so cause you were busy with this and that? NO. you want people to be dropping by every Sunday night for dinner. you want them AROUND.

and all he has is he doesn’t like the NY metro area?

well, Im kind of on his side, i hate NYC too, but i hate everywhere sort of. except my house i love my house.

this is not going to end well without a serious discussion, either in or out of the counseling office. it just tends to go better ina counselors office and it sounds liek you ahve the $. it’s a cheap investment in the future, to go really hash this out togetehr….

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=CA renter][quote=scaredyclassic]
I’m not saying splitting up is inevitable, but that unhappiness breeds on these illdefined unexamined feelings of dissatisfaction, and resentments build, and you know, you ahve kids, and your worried about the kids, and frankly, as a guy, it can get old..what about me? i like my kids, sure, but what about me? thats what he’s thinking. thats what i was thinking. thats what a lot of guys think…

[/quote]

Just think…women are almost always the ones “trapped” at home with a bunch of small kids while the men are out enjoying their hobbies and “hanging with the guys” (you know, because they deserve it after “working so hard” while the women stay home and “do nothing”). You think major resentment isn’t building up in many women, too? IMO, this is why you often see the women initiating divorce when the youngest hits eighteen. It’s like they’ve been chomping at the bit for years. Most men take care of themselves just fine; it’s the women who usually give up everything that mattered to them before marriage/kids.

And I agree very much with the rest of your post, too. This is a very difficult situation, and resentment is likely either way.[/quote]

well, guys have to take care of temselves first and keep thesmelves in shape for the second family. women are probably going to just go for the one set of kids.

[scaredyclassic]

see why my wife has to hit me so often?

[bearishgurl]

[quote=CA renter]Yep, I figured you would like those since we tend to have the same taste in housing. 🙂

How about having your kid go to one of the local community colleges and then transferring to CSUN?

There are lots of jobs up there, especially when compared to SD County, so they could work their way through college and get that incredibly valuable work experience while they go through college (that work experience ended up being more valuable to me than my college education).[/quote]

Transferring into CSU/UC as a junior is nowhere near as easy as it used to be, CAR, as the CSU/UC are “picky” about the associate degree earned at CC. It now should be one of just two:

AA-T – Associate of Arts
AS-T – Associate of Science

http://adegreewithaguarantee.com/

These degrees have strictly prescribed list of classes needed for CSU/UC admission as a junior, depending on university major applying for.

If your student wants to major in say, accounting clerk or medical transcribing in CC (so they can get work skills) and expects their CC credits to someday transfer to CSU/UC, as they did in the past, they will find that the vast majority of them will not.

Did you happen to graduate from CSUN, CAR? I’m really impressed by the faculty there.

My kid will be attending another CSU campus this fall which offers almost the same major as CSUN and has the same Gen Ed requirements as CSUN’s program. They will also be able to obtain a ~13 hr week campus gig (likely fast food) at $10 hr. That’s just enough gas money with their leftover annual scholarship proceeds and fee waiver (for classes only). My kid also wanted to rush and join some of their HS predecessors at CSUN in a Greek organization there but I think they’re going to have to have a minimum 3.6 – 3.7 GPA their first two years in college in order to get accepted as a junior into CSUN’s program so we’ll see what happens. The CSU is getting much, much pickier than they used to be and CSUN is no exception.

FYI folks: SDSU rec’d ~78K freshman and transfer apps for fall 2014 and only admitted ~7700 (<10%).

http://go.sdsu.edu/sdsu_newscenter/news.aspx?s=74654

And every single major at SDSU (along with CSUF, CSULB, SJSU and CPSLO) is currently “impacted,” making it next to impossible for an incoming freshman to declare a major.

http://www.calstate.edu/sas/documents/impactedprogramsmatrix.pdf

In 2014, SDSU ended up reneging on 75% of the promises they made to Sweetwater students (SUHSD) who have been working towards their “Guaranteed Admission” goal since the 7th grade.

http://compactforsuccess.sdsu.edu/compact/

SDSU is (shamefully) still making these promises to a population where many of the students in the pipeline won’t be able to attend university out-of-county due to housing cost and so are relying on SDSU’s CFS promise of guaranteed admission. Believe it or not, they’re still speaking to SUHSD 7th grade students and parents and parading them thru the CFS program and guided campus tour!

Out of over 300 CFS Guaranteed Admission certificates issued May of 2013 to my kid’s class of about 530, I believe only about 125 were admitted and 100 or so will attend (some were admitted too late … in April and thus already made other arrangements).

CC has never been an option for us as my kids are/were eligible for a (classes only) CSU/UC fee waiver plus have a small annual scholarship and they stay much more focused out-of-county where they can be “on their own” (since they won’t be attending CC right across the street from their HS, lol). Trust me when I say that “out of county” is the better option for us 😀

If any Piggs out there have HS-age kids, please keep them focused as much as possible. Applying to public universities in CA has turned into a crapshoot, at best, especially if your student has under a 3.65 GPA the end of their junior year. By April 2014, the only campuses that still had slots available were CSU Bakersfield and UC Merced (very few slots). These two campuses in armpit-land were filling up fast with last minute apps from the thousands of scrambling seniors who were rejected from every single campus they applied to. Many of my kid’s classmates applied to 8-12 campuses and were rejected by all! (Yes, they successfully completed all their A-G reqs and all the other prereqs to applying). I would surmise that a very large portion of the Class of 2014 HS seniors in CA who never expected to will now be attending CC this fall. And a handful of my kid’s class (dozen?) are fleeing to AZ State, where they accept SoCal HS graduates as in-state students in select degree programs.

Folks, always remember that out-of-state and out-of-country applicants are very attractive to the CSU/UC because they “pay the full freight.”

And if you have a HS senior in the class of 2015, make sure they are declaring a major in their app this fall and not attempting to get admitted as “undeclared!” And don’t let them be “picky” (only want campus x miles from the beach, etc). Those days are gone and they can’t afford to (unless they have a GPA over 4.0). Encourage them to apply to a variety of campuses in diverse locations in which they have a reasonably good chance of being accepted to.

My kid applied in early November and got accepted into their 2nd choice campus for their 2nd choice major and their 3rd choice campus for their 1st choice major (out of 4 apps). With a 3.14 GPA (now a 3.41), they were very, very fortunate, so much so that they know they would be a fool to mess this oppt’y up.

Sorry for the hijack, NYMom … just offering some more bureaucratic CA info you might want to file away for future reference :=0

[Author]

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