NY-er moving to SD- but where??

[FlyerInHi]

bg, thanks for the legal info. Good to know.
We know you’re not practicing law and are just blogging about general information.

If you put assets assets in trust prior to marriage. Is that community property? Does it make a difference if it’s revocable trust or irrevocable trust?

[CA renter]

Njtosd, it’s not that the husband is necessarily looking to dump his family or anything, but to force your spouse who is perfectly happy to move is asking a bit much when you’ve met in your current location and have been raising your children near family all these years.

I’m in the same boat as NYmom’s husband, but on a more local scale. Bought a house in SD in the late 90s only because it was near the bottom of the market and I wanted to sell it a few years later to get a bigger downpayment to buy a place up in LA. Commuted between the two cities (weekends here, rented a room from friends up there) for over 1 1/2 years. Then, met my DH and got engaged. He has an excellent job down here and never wanted to move back to LA, so we had to stay in SD. I have always wanted to move back to LA, but know that it wouldn’t be right to force my DH to do that, and we don’t even have any family down here like NYmom does back east. So I do understand both sides, but think that her husband is asking for too much of a sacrifice from NYmom and her family, including their kids.

In your case, it sounds like you were both on the same page which makes it a very different situation, IMHO.

But NYmom will probably appreciate your input after all we’ve said here.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=njtosd]FWIW – We spent 4 yrs in northern NJ (Morris Co.) after having lived here for ten years. Our whole family was unhappy and we returned to San Diego in 2011. On paper, NJ should have been perfect – husband had a great job, house was probably the nicest I’ll ever own (2 acre lot, huge house, towering oaks, foxes, deer – very idyllic). School and downtown quaint shopping district were walkable. Nonetheless we couldn’t wait to get out – we were miserable. I would attribute it to the culture – not sure how exactly to describe it. We now live in a house on a tiny lot and the shopping area is barely walkable but definitely not quaint. We are much happier. So – I can sympathize with the husband of NYMom. I can definitely see his point of view without there being an underlying problem motivating the move. Everyone should stop jumping to conclusions.[/quote]

Just raising potential issues. No conclusions…

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=njtosd]FWIW – We spent 4 yrs in northern NJ (Morris Co.) after having lived here for ten years. Our whole family was unhappy and we returned to San Diego in 2011. On paper, NJ should have been perfect – husband had a great job, house was probably the nicest I’ll ever own (2 acre lot, huge house, towering oaks, foxes, deer – very idyllic). School and downtown quaint shopping district were walkable. Nonetheless we couldn’t wait to get out – we were miserable. I would attribute it to the culture – not sure how exactly to describe it. We now live in a house on a tiny lot and the shopping area is barely walkable but definitely not quaint. We are much happier. So – I can sympathize with the husband of NYMom. I can definitely see his point of view without there being an underlying problem motivating the move. Everyone should stop jumping to conclusions.[/quote]

Just raising potential issues. No conclusions…

[NYMom]

Again, I’m surprised and grateful for everyone’s input, opinions, advice and information.

Rest assured, having lived this for the last 12 years, I have thought of all of these scenarios, including and especially, the prospect of being “trapped” in CA with my children, should things not work out. Gaining the knowledge regarding how the courts view stay-at-home mothers, however, was definitely eye-opening, so thank you for that valuable commentary.

I truly believe “Wherever you go, there you are…” Which is something I think about quite often regarding this whole situation and what my husband is really searching for, and finding it inside himself, not in CA. But I always come back to the fact that on our first date, he told me his plan is to return to CA, sooner rather than later. He was up front and honest about that, so I can’t fault him there. I do think that falling in love, getting married and starting your own family should trump “the plans” of a single man, but unfortunately, he feels that he’s just been waiting to get back to his original “plan,” just with us to live it out with him.

There is no easy, right, or best decision here, one of us is going to have to compromise. The bottom line is that I’m generally a happier, easier person who doesn’t hold grudges and wants a happy, intact family unit more than I want anything else. For me, and for my children. He’s been here for 14 years…guess now it’s my turn.

I appreciate everyone’s posts, never thought this would be the turn they would take, but that’s okay. 🙂 Wish me luck on the next chapter, folks!

[scaredyclassic]

I brought some coconut in tin foil to some obscure foreign movie on an early date with my wife.

At least she knew I was cheap and weird from the get go.

[nla]

[quote=bearishgurl]
FYI folks: SDSU rec’d ~78K freshman and transfer apps for fall 2014 and only admitted ~7700 (<10%).
[/quote]

SDSU’s acceptance rate is way higher than 10%. Not even UCLA/Berkeley has that acceptance rate.

The 7700 figure that you quoted are the total number of students that will enroll out of the admitted students. Not all admitted students will enroll. The yield rate (enrolled/admitted) for SDSU is pretty low. Last year there are 50K+ applied, 20K+ accepted but only 3.6K enrolled as freshmen. The figure for Fall 2014 s/b not be that far off from last year.

http://www.calstate.edu/as/stat_reports/2013-2014/apps_f2013_all.htm

[flyer]

Sounds like your eyes are wide open NYMom, and I wish you the best. Wherever you folks end up–have a great time, and live life to the
max–whatever that might mean to you and your family. That’s what we’ve always done, and I can tell you, we have absolutely no regrets.

[NYMom]

Thank you, Flyer. That’s my goal. 🙂

[bearishgurl]

[quote=nla][quote=bearishgurl]
FYI folks: SDSU rec’d ~78K freshman and transfer apps for fall 2014 and only admitted ~7700 (<10%).
[/quote]

SDSU’s acceptance rate is way higher than 10%. Not even UCLA/Berkeley has that acceptance rate.

The 7700 figure that you quoted are the total number of students that will enroll out of the admitted students. Not all admitted students will enroll. The yield rate (enrolled/admitted) for SDSU is pretty low. Last year there are 50K+ applied, 20K+ accepted but only 3.6K enrolled as freshmen. The figure for Fall 2014 s/b not be that far off from last year.

http://www.calstate.edu/as/stat_reports/2013-2014/apps_f2013_all.htm
[/quote]

Thanks for that report, nla (although it doesn’t print correctly for me). Yes, my bad. You are correct. ~7700 is the total number of accepted undergraduates who will enroll at SDSU for Fall 2014. 78K undergrad applications for Fall 2014 is a record number for SDSU!

nla, isn’t your student a 2014 graduate of a Sweetwater school? What are you hearing from Compact for Success-eligible students and parents who applied to SDSU but were rejected after satisfying all the terms of their compact by the end of their junior year? I’ve heard from several of my kid’s friends and/or their parent as well as several parents at the gym that their compact-eligible seniors were turned down for freshman admission to SDSU. Not only for fall 2014 but for the last three academic years.

My own 2014 graduate was rejected for admission to SDSU, was compact-eligible and declared a major. In our case, SDSU was not my kid’s 1st or even 2nd choice school so it turned out okay. But what about all those Sweetwater graduates whose parents can’t afford housing in another county?

Keep in mind that Compact-eligible students being accepted on that premise to SDSU must have attended grades 7 through 12 in the Sweetwater District (submit a senior transcript from same district as a condition of their eventual matriculation into SDSU after admission and acceptance).

I’m just failing to see what all the brouhaha was about when all the parents were invited to an awards assembly at the end of junior year and ~300 “compact eligible” juniors came up on stage to get their “Guaranteed Admission” certificates to SDSU. What’s the point of all this if SDSU has no intention in honoring but a small percentage of them??

In addition, I’ve had neighbors who were having trouble getting into SDSU/UCSD from CC after successfully satisfying all of their GE’s (60 units) for university admission as a junior. There are currently two that I’m aware of still living at home and I have to check to see if they finally got into SDSU/UCSD for fall 2014. One of them has taken two years off to work so far waiting to get admitted to a local public university. It’s tough these days for a college student who can’t afford to pay for housing and won’t take out a student loan.

This is another reason why I preferred my kids didn’t start college at CC. Once admitted to a university as a freshman, the student is allowed to stay and continue as long as they keep their grades up. For a solid “B” student, getting admitted to university in CA is more than half the battle. If I’m to “go away” to hole myself up in the mtns in “retirement,” I would rather do that knowing my kid is already enrolled in a school they can get a Bachelor degree from. If they want to later apply to transfer to another CSU as a junior, more power to them! But if they get turned down for admission again, they can stay. No harm done.

Severe impaction of degree programs at the CSUs makes it a jungle out there, folks, and you and your student will need to spray on more and more bug repellant as the years roll by. GOOD LUCK to all Pigg parents and their students!

[CA renter]

BG, if the CSU isn’t honoring those compacts, I’d think the parents should have the right to force it through legal means. It is unconscionable that the colleges would do this to these families. Not cool at all.

[CA renter]

[quote=NYMom]
Rest assured, having lived this for the last 12 years, I have thought of all of these scenarios, including and especially, the prospect of being “trapped” in CA with my children, should things not work out. Gaining the knowledge regarding how the courts view stay-at-home mothers, however, was definitely eye-opening, so thank you for that valuable commentary.

[/quote]

You’re not the only one who is/will be surprised by this. It’s a movement that’s been gaining momentum over the past 10-15 years. They call it the “Father’s Rights Movement,” but it’s really the second (and subsequent) wives who are the engine behind the whole thing. They didn’t like that the men they married still had obligations to their first families, so they’ve been pushing to reduce and eliminate alimony and child support payments to the first families. It has nothing at all to do with father’s rights, and everything to do with the greed of the women who knowingly take on a man with other obligations, then fight to eliminate those obligations to their other families.

And it’s disgusting that feminism — a movement that purports to help women — is actually behind pulling the rug out from under women. Funny how a movement that claims to advocate for women’s causes is leading the charge in denigrating the work that has traditionally been done by women. If they really wanted to advocate for women and women’s rights, they would officially recognize this work, impute a monetary value to it, and advocate for protections for the workers/women who do it.

[Rhett]

[quote=FlyerInHi][quote=CA renter] And there are way more trees in LA than in SD. It’s weird…people in San Diego seem to have something against trees. They cut them down every chance they get, probably because everything is on a hill here and the trees block the views. Some think trees are “dirty” because the leaves fall. Very strange…and sad, IMO.[/quote]

I agree.

There are more HOAs in San Diego. They like to trim… a job to do, monthly fees to collect.

I noticed that in newer cities, they trim trees a lot more… Irvine, San Diego, Dallas, etc.

The shopping centers like to keep things clear so people can see the signs.

I was in Pasadena not long ago. They have beautiful streets with oak canopies. In SD, developers plant cheap trees that are like Barbie doll trees.
[/quote]

I’m not a gardening/landscape expert nor do I play one on TV, but our soil is a great deal different than that in Pasadena/LA. You simply cannot grow trees like that here. The only trees that do grow well here are eucalyptus, and I think we know all the negatives that come with them.

I want to echo something that Barneby said – San Diego’s environment is classified as “coastal arid desert”. Our natural color is brown, and the only reason we have green things around here is irrigation. If we don’t get a few El Nino winters or an abnormally wet winter like 2004-5, we are about to run into a big world of trouble when it comes to water.

Everything else aside, NYMom, if green is important to you don’t move to California – especially Baja San Diego. You’ll be miserable.

I disagree with ScaredyCat, though – your husband isn’t a momma’s boy. He’s a typical native Californian. If you take most of the people that post in this forum and plot them down elsewhere, they’d have the same issues. Human nature…

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=Rhett][quote=FlyerInHi][quote=CA renter] And there are way more trees in LA than in SD. It’s weird…people in San Diego seem to have something against trees. They cut them down every chance they get, probably because everything is on a hill here and the trees block the views. Some think trees are “dirty” because the leaves fall. Very strange…and sad, IMO.[/quote]

I agree.

There are more HOAs in San Diego. They like to trim… a job to do, monthly fees to collect.

I noticed that in newer cities, they trim trees a lot more… Irvine, San Diego, Dallas, etc.

The shopping centers like to keep things clear so people can see the signs.

I was in Pasadena not long ago. They have beautiful streets with oak canopies. In SD, developers plant cheap trees that are like Barbie doll trees.
[/quote]

I’m not a gardening/landscape expert nor do I play one on TV, but our soil is a great deal different than that in Pasadena/LA. You simply cannot grow trees like that here. The only trees that do grow well here are eucalyptus, and I think we know all the negatives that come with them.

I want to echo something that Barneby said – San Diego’s environment is classified as “coastal arid desert”. Our natural color is brown, and the only reason we have green things around here is irrigation. If we don’t get a few El Nino winters or an abnormally wet winter like 2004-5, we are about to run into a big world of trouble when it comes to water.

Everything else aside, NYMom, if green is important to you don’t move to California – especially Baja San Diego. You’ll be miserable.

I disagree with ScaredyCat, though – your husband isn’t a momma’s boy. He’s a typical native Californian. If you take most of the people that post in this forum and plot them down elsewhere, they’d have the same issues. Human nature…[/quote]

people do want to go home.

but people do miss their mamas.

[CA renter]

[quote=Rhett]
I’m not a gardening/landscape expert nor do I play one on TV, but our soil is a great deal different than that in Pasadena/LA. You simply cannot grow trees like that here. The only trees that do grow well here are eucalyptus, and I think we know all the negatives that come with them.

I want to echo something that Barneby said – San Diego’s environment is classified as “coastal arid desert”. Our natural color is brown, and the only reason we have green things around here is irrigation. If we don’t get a few El Nino winters or an abnormally wet winter like 2004-5, we are about to run into a big world of trouble when it comes to water.

[/quote]

Yes, we are in big trouble if we don’t get some rain. People in the weather community had been thinking that conditions were setting up for an El Nino this winter, but they’ve started to back off on that. Let’s hope their initial forecasts were right.

But it’s not so much that good trees don’t grow here — there are plenty of beautiful trees in different neighborhoods that prove they can grow here — it’s the people who cut them down that are the problem. I’ve seen absolutely glorious, mature trees murdered because people thought it obstructed their views, or because they thought the leaves were “dirty.”

And trees are one of the best things for our environment. Some believe that the deforestation of our planet is largely responsible for global warming (of the possible man-made causes of global warming).

…

“By most accounts, deforestation in tropical rainforests adds more carbon dioxide to the atmosphere than the sum total of cars and trucks on the world’s roads.”

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/deforestation-and-global-warming/

and

http://environment.nationalgeographic.com/environment/global-warming/deforestation-overview/

…

Many trees require very little water and, once established, need almost no additional irrigation at all. They keep the ground and air cooler, keep the soil moist, remove pollutants and greenhouse gasses from the air, and they are aesthetically pleasing. Some studies show that trees and nature have a very positive effect on people’s psychological well-being.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/03/how-nature-resets-our-minds-and-bodies/274455/

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