[NYMom]

That really sucks. Where we live, it’s known for the majestic trees. Lately, the town and residents have had to take a lot of trees down because they’re at the end of their lifespan and were falling on homes and knocking out power lines during storms. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but the town takes it very seriously and always plants a new tree in it’s place.

[NYMom]

Thank you, Flyer. That’s my goal. 🙂

[NYMom]

Again, I’m surprised and grateful for everyone’s input, opinions, advice and information.

Rest assured, having lived this for the last 12 years, I have thought of all of these scenarios, including and especially, the prospect of being “trapped” in CA with my children, should things not work out. Gaining the knowledge regarding how the courts view stay-at-home mothers, however, was definitely eye-opening, so thank you for that valuable commentary.

I truly believe “Wherever you go, there you are…” Which is something I think about quite often regarding this whole situation and what my husband is really searching for, and finding it inside himself, not in CA. But I always come back to the fact that on our first date, he told me his plan is to return to CA, sooner rather than later. He was up front and honest about that, so I can’t fault him there. I do think that falling in love, getting married and starting your own family should trump “the plans” of a single man, but unfortunately, he feels that he’s just been waiting to get back to his original “plan,” just with us to live it out with him.

There is no easy, right, or best decision here, one of us is going to have to compromise. The bottom line is that I’m generally a happier, easier person who doesn’t hold grudges and wants a happy, intact family unit more than I want anything else. For me, and for my children. He’s been here for 14 years…guess now it’s my turn.

I appreciate everyone’s posts, never thought this would be the turn they would take, but that’s okay. 🙂 Wish me luck on the next chapter, folks!

[NYMom]

He’s lived here for close to 15 years now and has hated it from the start. It was supposed to be a temporary move for work, but the co. took off and then we met. He’s been wanting to go back for about 8 years now. He’s just very unhappy here. Doesn’t like “the lifestyle,” the weather, or pretty much anything. He feels like he’s waited long enough, worked hard, and should be able to live where he wants to finally.

[NYMom]

Thanks for replying. Husband is from North Hollywood, his Mom is still there. And NOT in a fun, NOHO part. He would never move back to the Valley, and I really don’t like it either. When we visit, we drive over the hill almost daily or head to South Pas to eat, shop etc. I have looked at Calabasas, but shied away for those exact reasons you mentioned. That’s why I had hoped Thousand Oaks could be the answer, but neither of us liked it there.

He’s in Finance, but is in between jobs now and could switch careers altogether if he wanted to. If he had to be in LA for work, that would obviously affect the LA or OC decision, but he prefers to live in OC. Santa Monica I think is his ideal but he knows how important being on a bigger lot is to me, I’m just not willing to compromise, no matter how awesome the house or the neighborhood is, if I’m on top of my neighbors I will be miserable.

[NYMom]

Bearish, thanks for the rant. 🙂 I totally get where you’re coming from and agree that letting go and preparing them to go off on their own is as much a part of parenting as guiding and raising them in the beginning is. Thanks for the advice and kind words, I appreciate the feedback. Next steps involve narrowing down the list, which because of everyone’s help here, I’m slowly doing, then coming to visit the short list contenders. Thx again!

[NYMom]

Yes, I’ve been looking, and Poway has some great inventory! Big lots, houses that all look different and reasonable prices (that sounds ridiculous at this price point, doesn’t it?!). It does seem very inland to me though, is that the case? I read someone had said 5-7 miles inland has the best weather, but I cant tell from the online maps how far that is in reality.

[NYMom]

Wow, everybody. I’m so impressed, not only by the depth and breadth of answers you’ve provided me, but also with everyone being so nice about sparing their own time to respond at all! Thank you also for not “judging me” too harshly based on my expectations and requirements, and for being respectful toward each other even if you disagree. I’ve never posted to a site before and I’m just blown away and grateful.

This is one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, and the move will definitely be the most difficult, gut-wrenching thing I’ve ever done. Leaving my friends and extended family will have long lasting effects on me, but I’m hoping that if it turns out to be a great decision for my kids, not only in preserving OUR family, but if they’re happier and healthier for it, then I will find it was all worth it in the end.

Flyer, what keeps me up at night is the thought that staying where we are and raising them here, vs. leaving and raising them in CA, they will “turn out” differently. I don’t even know how, or to what extent, I just think no matter how on top of things I am at home, you are so much a product of your environment, and I worry about what “environment” we’ll provide them out there. I’m also so sad they will not grow up with the same tight-knit, big, crazy but incredibly fun and supportive family I had growing up. It will really just be us and their Uncle out there, and no matter how many friends we make, you can’t replicate Sunday dinners with 10-20 aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents around the table. My husband didn’t grow up like that, so doesn’t have that same value set in that department. Ugh…I’m making myself sad just typing this.

Anyway, I know I spoke about walk ability where we live currently, and it’s awesome to have, but I certainly have no problem hopping in the car to run errands, go eat or head to the beach for a walk with the dog. I just want to know that at the end of that short drive, there’s a village of shopkeepers I can get to know, that will know my kids names eventually and where I can grab a bottle of wine, get my dress dry cleaned, make a run to the bank, buy a gift for a friend who’s sick or myself some fresh flowers to cheer myself up if I’m homesick. Does that make sense?

Again, for the umpteenth time…thank you all for your kindness and generosity. I’m going to get to work on researching the cities that may well become home. I even bought myself a little notebook. Wish me luck! 🙂

[NYMom]

Again, thank you all for putting so much time and thought into helping me from afar on such a huge decision. So far, these are the cities I’m going to look into further:
-Encinitas
-Del Mar
-Solano Beach
-Mission Hills
-Coronado
-Poway
-La Habra Heights
-La Jolla
-Temecula
-Olivenain

These are in addition to the ones I’ve already researched such as Rancho Santa Fe, Laguna, etc.

I’ll keep you posted!

[NYMom]

FlyerInHi…thanks for the comments. Respectfully, I disagree that he should decide. This decision should be based on what’s best for our children first and foremost. I do agree that it will be hard to find, but am hopeful that there are people in CA that want that same community and want to raise their kids the right way. It’s these fears that keep me up at night.

[NYMom]

Thank you all for such thoughtful replies! I really appreciate the feedback, please keep it coming as I research the areas you’ve already recommended!

[NYMom]

We’ve actually stayed in Carlsbad for a week at a rental house and I wasn’t thrilled with the area. It seemed very barren to me in the housing developments. I like lush, greenery and lots of trees and there were LOTS of mobile homes parked in driveways! LOL. The owner of the house said they moved because they’re kids were getting older and the schools there aren’t good. Now they live in RSF, but keep that house as a vacation rental.

[NYMom]

I totally hear you. Our town where we live, the kids don’t even get bussed to school! We can walk to schools, the village, parks, friends houses, and my husband has a 7 minute walk to the train which takes him to NYC in 30 minutes. It’s ideal for sure. But he’s FROM California, and is dying to return. I think my marriage basically depends on it at this point. So, pretty compelling. 🙂

[NYMom]

I’m sorry, you’re right I forgot to mention that. Our current home is worth around 1.3, so I would say our range is 1.3-1.75 on the very upper range.

[Author]

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