Wife is turning on me.

[desmond]

I need help. When I bring up the subject of a possible downturn as carefully as possible to my wife and that if we could get ready for it, by possibly cutting back a little on spending, then “s” hits the fan. As some on this board know we sold our house 10/5 and have been renting. We rent a brand new house 2400 sq. ft. only 1/4 mile from our old house. I try to ease into the conversations with what we talk about on the board, but to know avail. Hell, she accuses me of looking at porn when I am on this site, tonight she said she wants a divorce! I am typing as quietly as possible. Help.

[waiting hawk]

wow man if it’s that bad, I would start looking at porn..
Tell her to point out a few homes you would buy now. Then watch them drop in a few month time span. Do 4 total. Funner than watching paint dry knowing that each reduce is money you would have spent.

My website tracking Temecula and South Riverside County

[Bugs]

She’s mad because you sold?

[hoo-doo]

Ok.

Big problems.

Money issues are one of the biggies in marital relationships.

My guess is that she perceives that you are headed down a path of no return and she’s not going to go there.

One alternative (assuming money is the only issue). Find a way to split your finances. Agree on the shared areas and cooperate – maybe groceries, utilities, rent, etc. You manage yours the way you see fit and allow her to do what she chooses with hers. It sounds difficult but I know some folks who do this successfully.

Good luck!

[sdduuuude]

“wow man if it’s that bad, I would start looking at porn…”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
That’s the best advice ever.

[desmond]

Money not a problem, we cleared over 500k on the old house. She seems to resent that I did something right and have a new, and better, attitude on life. This board really helps me, very few places where people can express thoughts and not get reemed if something is said(or spelled) incorrectly. Thanks again

[powayseller]

Does she want to buy another house, or is she mad about all the time you spend on piggington?

[lindismith]

yeah, find out exactly what is the crux of the matter. In my experience, we women never say exactly what we think. Apparently you men have to intuitively ‘know’ what’s wrong.

I’d keep asking her questions to get to the heart of the matter.

There is something very telling in your line, “she seems to resent that I did something right and have a new, and better, attitude on life.” Are you saying because you sold the house, and were sucessful, she now resents you?

Are you absolutely sure of this, or are you just guessing?

[waiting hawk]

My post takes less effort though 🙂

My website tracking Temecula and South Riverside County

[barnaby33]

One of the reasons I live in Northpark is that my ex-girlfriend was pressuring me to invest in housing in 2004. Actually she wanted to get married and invest in housing, namely hers. Not buying the RE is not why I didn’t marry her, but It certainly was a big issue. So far the comments I see are right about two things:

1)Go ahead look at porn and make sure she knows it.
2)If you can’t agree on financial matters you need to have separate finances. If that fails, so will the marriage, and there is nothing worse than an ugly divorce except maybe and failed marriage that isn’t ended.

Any relationship which stifles you as a thinking human is dangerous to say the least. Mostly I post snide stuff but man I feel for you you are not in a good place.

Josh

[capeman]

Hide the profits! If she resents you being successful then likely she’s going to try to take the success if she leaves! Porn won’t do much for you in the long run but if you want to see what’s really going on just make for yourself a few more successes. If there’s more resentment then you may be in the presence of a succubus. Sorry I’m no real help!

If she resents you though you have to get her to buy into the ideas like they were really hers so that way the success belongs to both of you. Maybe that will help… and if everything goes south at least you’re not stuck in a home you can’t get out of.

[novice1027]

My husband would be stoked if I was looking at porn instead of this site, lol!
I must be getting old if this is the site I choose to look at instead of porn, damn. I think I need help!!!!!!

[Beach Rat]

The comment about porn tells us more about her then it does you. She is having insecurity issues about herself, her appearance, whether or not you still find her attractive, and possibly the decision for selling her nest which she will blame you for forever. Now these fears may or may not be valid, but that doesn’t matter. I would recommend that you let her know that she is still beautiful and that you love her (that you aren’t thinking about cheating on her which is how a lot of women interpret porn. ie you are interested in other women).

Also find one of those women that she just can’t stand that bought an expensive home in the last year or two. I’m sure you know the ones I’m talking about. Track the comparable sales in the neighborhood with your wife so she can see how much this person is losing. You can start out by saying look so and so bought their home for $X and their neighbor just went into foreclosure and had to sell for $Y. With any luck Y will be less than X. This will get her in the mind set that there is a declining market/economy and it will also help REAFFIRM her position for having sold a year ago.

As far as money goes you could start saving for a “romantic” trip. A little charm should get her talked into it easy enough and improve her happiness. If the S@#% hits the fan you could always use the cash to get by on (the re-appropriation of funds has to be her decision, you can have no part for obvious reasons.) If nothing hits the fan then you have some cash to travel to an exotic place with your wife. Embezzlement is also an option. Stash a $20 here $100 if she asks just tell her you spent it on porn or something (that may not be a good idea). Finally if nothing works you could always slip Prozac into her coffee. All is fair in love and war! This last paragraph I was just brain storming, but I think your wife feels uneasy right now with a lot of things. She needs to know that everything is going to be all right and that she made the right decisions. Women have lots of insecurities and need to constantly reaffirm their position. (Sorry girls, not trying to pick on you)

[CardiffBaseball]

Is it possible that she is close to people who have done very well in RE, and assumed they had it right. Now even though you made a wise choice, she resents it, because it didn’t follow the outline.

I think the pigginton women are the exception about not minding renting in this market. I know it bothers my wife, but I constantly feed her data on why buying right now isn’t a great idea, so she begrudgingly goes along. Having a slum lord landlord doesn’t help, and I know that adds stress to my wife’s life.

However, one thing to keep in mind is I don’t even have a successful sale, we basically have squat. I lost out in the midwest and had to bring 11K to closing, and now we don’t have a lot of savings. BTW my previous company laid off all they way up to my CTO when we were bought out, so the only reason I am here is because of a corporate transfer. I’d love to be sitting on some winnings right now, and your wife should be enjoying piece of mind.

[Monster]

Wow, do we have something in common. I sold my home on the east coast and now have 7 figures in the bank in cash. Sounds good? No way, I’m now accused of betraying the family selling this house. By the way, she did all the paerwork to make sure the deal not fall thru. Damned if you do,and damned if you dont. We didn’t even love the house.

There is alot more to this story, but now we rent and we are homeless with cash. I’m an a-hole for selling in a depreciating market. Also, hurricanes and property insurance are killing the coastal east coast market. People in CA have 1/2 the problems the east coast has.

CAT 3-5’s will kill the market over there. doesn’t matter where it lands. Oh yeah, we hated the hurricane prep. work and now it seems to be ok. Flip flop, flip flop!!!

I feel your pain. Homeless in LaJolla. I’m such a jerk.

[Author]

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