Totally OT: Governator sires child with Home worker…

[jpinpb]

[quote=briansd1]That’s life. That’s the way things have been done for thousands of years.

I don’t think that it’s misleading as much as that marriage is a hypocritical institution.

If you really love each other, why do you need a legal marriage? You need the legal marriage as a kind of insurance policy.

Marriage is a social institution that coerces, compels and legally binds two families together to ensure continuity of the family and prosperity for the progeny. It has much less to do with love, because true love can stand on it’s own.

IMO, it’s possible to love someone you never had sex with and don’t marry. Love is a state of mind. It’s a mistake to confuse and conflate love with sex and marriage. They don’t necessarily go together.[/quote]

All very true. I’ve had long term relationships in my life, 7+ years and never married. I’ve had great sexual relationships that were emotionally destructive. Marriage does give one a sense of security (sometimes false) and I never had that before. And I’m not the one that wanted necessarily to get married. I’m surprised my DH wanted to, considering he was previously divorced (his ex was the cheater). I guess some people still believe in marriage. Society in general pushes for it.

I think what makes it different than, say, Bernie Madoff, is that you are marrying someone that you supposedly love and care about. If that is true, then why deceive them?

My brother was married for 10 years. He fell out of love. He wanted to be w/other women. He did not cheat on his wife. He explained to her that it was better for them to divorce. He did not want to deceive her. He wanted her to be happy and find somone who loved her. She was hurt at the time, but now is happy. I think it would’ve been more traumatic for her if he cheated on her. It affects the family, also. We really liked his wife and grew close to her. But now I can say that my brother did the right thing and had the courage to break off the marriage before matters got worse. He’s still single and wants to find someone he loves to marry again. But at least he was honorable enough to not cheat on his wife. She respects him for that.

I think if you are going to marry someone you claim to love, respect should be considered. Maybe I’m just too idealistic. That could explain why it took so long for me to actually marry.

[quote=briansd1] But I don’t believe that sex outside of marriage is irresponsible. Somecouples decide that the benefits of staying married outweigh the benefits ofdivorce. So they stay married. I don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s upto each spouse to make that decision. [/quote]

That’s fine if all parties agree and one is not blindsided by the person they love and trust.

[njtosd]

[quote=briansd1]

I don’t think that it’s misleading as much as that marriage is a hypocritical institution.

[/quote]

If you don’t want to get married under the conditions that the other person desires, don’t get married. If you agree, you should honor your word. No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.

I don’t believe that everyone needs to be married, any more than I believe that everyone should buy a house, take part in a religion or any other activity. All I’m saying is that people who promise something that they don’t intend to carry through on are, by definition, misleading others.

Guys who don’t want to get married should hang out with women who don’t want to get married. And if there is a married couple where both parties agree that sex outside the marriage is acceptable – great. But when you promise fidelity with your fingers crossed behind your back, it makes you a liar.

[njtosd]

[quote=briansd1]

I don’t think that it’s misleading as much as that marriage is a hypocritical institution.

[/quote]

If you don’t want to get married under the conditions that the other person desires, don’t get married. If you agree, you should honor your word. No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.

I don’t believe that everyone needs to be married, any more than I believe that everyone should buy a house, take part in a religion or any other activity. All I’m saying is that people who promise something that they don’t intend to carry through on are, by definition, misleading others.

Guys who don’t want to get married should hang out with women who don’t want to get married. And if there is a married couple where both parties agree that sex outside the marriage is acceptable – great. But when you promise fidelity with your fingers crossed behind your back, it makes you a liar.

[njtosd]

[quote=briansd1]

I don’t think that it’s misleading as much as that marriage is a hypocritical institution.

[/quote]

If you don’t want to get married under the conditions that the other person desires, don’t get married. If you agree, you should honor your word. No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.

I don’t believe that everyone needs to be married, any more than I believe that everyone should buy a house, take part in a religion or any other activity. All I’m saying is that people who promise something that they don’t intend to carry through on are, by definition, misleading others.

Guys who don’t want to get married should hang out with women who don’t want to get married. And if there is a married couple where both parties agree that sex outside the marriage is acceptable – great. But when you promise fidelity with your fingers crossed behind your back, it makes you a liar.

[njtosd]

[quote=briansd1]

I don’t think that it’s misleading as much as that marriage is a hypocritical institution.

[/quote]

If you don’t want to get married under the conditions that the other person desires, don’t get married. If you agree, you should honor your word. No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.

I don’t believe that everyone needs to be married, any more than I believe that everyone should buy a house, take part in a religion or any other activity. All I’m saying is that people who promise something that they don’t intend to carry through on are, by definition, misleading others.

Guys who don’t want to get married should hang out with women who don’t want to get married. And if there is a married couple where both parties agree that sex outside the marriage is acceptable – great. But when you promise fidelity with your fingers crossed behind your back, it makes you a liar.

[njtosd]

[quote=briansd1]

I don’t think that it’s misleading as much as that marriage is a hypocritical institution.

[/quote]

If you don’t want to get married under the conditions that the other person desires, don’t get married. If you agree, you should honor your word. No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.

I don’t believe that everyone needs to be married, any more than I believe that everyone should buy a house, take part in a religion or any other activity. All I’m saying is that people who promise something that they don’t intend to carry through on are, by definition, misleading others.

Guys who don’t want to get married should hang out with women who don’t want to get married. And if there is a married couple where both parties agree that sex outside the marriage is acceptable – great. But when you promise fidelity with your fingers crossed behind your back, it makes you a liar.

[jpinpb]

[quote=njtosd]
If you don’t want to get married under the conditions that the other person desires, don’t get married. If you agree, you should honor your word. No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.

I don’t believe that everyone needs to be married, any more than I believe that everyone should buy a house, take part in a religion or any other activity. All I’m saying is that people who promise something that they don’t intend to carry through on are, by definition, misleading others.

Guys who don’t want to get married should hang out with women who don’t want to get married. And if there is a married couple where both parties agree that sex outside the marriage is acceptable – great. But when you promise fidelity with your fingers crossed behind your back, it makes you a liar.[/quote]

X2 – well said, nj

[jpinpb]

[quote=njtosd]
If you don’t want to get married under the conditions that the other person desires, don’t get married. If you agree, you should honor your word. No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.

I don’t believe that everyone needs to be married, any more than I believe that everyone should buy a house, take part in a religion or any other activity. All I’m saying is that people who promise something that they don’t intend to carry through on are, by definition, misleading others.

Guys who don’t want to get married should hang out with women who don’t want to get married. And if there is a married couple where both parties agree that sex outside the marriage is acceptable – great. But when you promise fidelity with your fingers crossed behind your back, it makes you a liar.[/quote]

X2 – well said, nj

[jpinpb]

[quote=njtosd]
If you don’t want to get married under the conditions that the other person desires, don’t get married. If you agree, you should honor your word. No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.

I don’t believe that everyone needs to be married, any more than I believe that everyone should buy a house, take part in a religion or any other activity. All I’m saying is that people who promise something that they don’t intend to carry through on are, by definition, misleading others.

Guys who don’t want to get married should hang out with women who don’t want to get married. And if there is a married couple where both parties agree that sex outside the marriage is acceptable – great. But when you promise fidelity with your fingers crossed behind your back, it makes you a liar.[/quote]

X2 – well said, nj

[jpinpb]

[quote=njtosd]
If you don’t want to get married under the conditions that the other person desires, don’t get married. If you agree, you should honor your word. No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.

I don’t believe that everyone needs to be married, any more than I believe that everyone should buy a house, take part in a religion or any other activity. All I’m saying is that people who promise something that they don’t intend to carry through on are, by definition, misleading others.

Guys who don’t want to get married should hang out with women who don’t want to get married. And if there is a married couple where both parties agree that sex outside the marriage is acceptable – great. But when you promise fidelity with your fingers crossed behind your back, it makes you a liar.[/quote]

X2 – well said, nj

[jpinpb]

[quote=njtosd]
If you don’t want to get married under the conditions that the other person desires, don’t get married. If you agree, you should honor your word. No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.

I don’t believe that everyone needs to be married, any more than I believe that everyone should buy a house, take part in a religion or any other activity. All I’m saying is that people who promise something that they don’t intend to carry through on are, by definition, misleading others.

Guys who don’t want to get married should hang out with women who don’t want to get married. And if there is a married couple where both parties agree that sex outside the marriage is acceptable – great. But when you promise fidelity with your fingers crossed behind your back, it makes you a liar.[/quote]

X2 – well said, nj

[briansd1]

[quote=jpinpb] Society in general pushes for it.
[/quote]

That’s the key here. That’s why I say that marriage is coercive.

For social advancement you need to get married.

Arnold needed to get married to become governor. Maria wanted a trophy husband as much as Arnold wanted a trophy wife in a well-connected political family.

Charles and Diana needed to get married. Charles needed it to become king and assure continuity for the monarchy. Diana did it for social advancement.

I think that Diana was very childish and irresponsible. She should have swallowed her pride and played along to gain the advantage of becoming queen. But she behaved like a low-class guest on Oprah.

Of course, regular folks are not as compelled to get married. But still, to more easily advance in society, you need to get married

Married people get more days off. They are allowed to leave early to deal with family problems, etc..

Unmarried employees will be believed to be gay. And we all know that married folks discriminate against single folks. It’s true in the private workplace, true in government, and true in the military.

Because society pushes for marriage, people do to it to gain the advantages of marriage. Love and fidelity are the idealistic aspects of marriage, not the practical, business-like part.

People may not admit it to themselves, but social benefits is what marriage is all about. That’s what the institution of marriage was designed for.

[quote=njtosd]
No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.
[/quote]

It’s not a free choice.

Pressures from peers, family and society are very powerful. The pressures easily overcome the individual, especially if the individual is not psychologically strong.

[briansd1]

[quote=jpinpb] Society in general pushes for it.
[/quote]

That’s the key here. That’s why I say that marriage is coercive.

For social advancement you need to get married.

Arnold needed to get married to become governor. Maria wanted a trophy husband as much as Arnold wanted a trophy wife in a well-connected political family.

Charles and Diana needed to get married. Charles needed it to become king and assure continuity for the monarchy. Diana did it for social advancement.

I think that Diana was very childish and irresponsible. She should have swallowed her pride and played along to gain the advantage of becoming queen. But she behaved like a low-class guest on Oprah.

Of course, regular folks are not as compelled to get married. But still, to more easily advance in society, you need to get married

Married people get more days off. They are allowed to leave early to deal with family problems, etc..

Unmarried employees will be believed to be gay. And we all know that married folks discriminate against single folks. It’s true in the private workplace, true in government, and true in the military.

Because society pushes for marriage, people do to it to gain the advantages of marriage. Love and fidelity are the idealistic aspects of marriage, not the practical, business-like part.

People may not admit it to themselves, but social benefits is what marriage is all about. That’s what the institution of marriage was designed for.

[quote=njtosd]
No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.
[/quote]

It’s not a free choice.

Pressures from peers, family and society are very powerful. The pressures easily overcome the individual, especially if the individual is not psychologically strong.

[briansd1]

[quote=jpinpb] Society in general pushes for it.
[/quote]

That’s the key here. That’s why I say that marriage is coercive.

For social advancement you need to get married.

Arnold needed to get married to become governor. Maria wanted a trophy husband as much as Arnold wanted a trophy wife in a well-connected political family.

Charles and Diana needed to get married. Charles needed it to become king and assure continuity for the monarchy. Diana did it for social advancement.

I think that Diana was very childish and irresponsible. She should have swallowed her pride and played along to gain the advantage of becoming queen. But she behaved like a low-class guest on Oprah.

Of course, regular folks are not as compelled to get married. But still, to more easily advance in society, you need to get married

Married people get more days off. They are allowed to leave early to deal with family problems, etc..

Unmarried employees will be believed to be gay. And we all know that married folks discriminate against single folks. It’s true in the private workplace, true in government, and true in the military.

Because society pushes for marriage, people do to it to gain the advantages of marriage. Love and fidelity are the idealistic aspects of marriage, not the practical, business-like part.

People may not admit it to themselves, but social benefits is what marriage is all about. That’s what the institution of marriage was designed for.

[quote=njtosd]
No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.
[/quote]

It’s not a free choice.

Pressures from peers, family and society are very powerful. The pressures easily overcome the individual, especially if the individual is not psychologically strong.

[briansd1]

[quote=jpinpb] Society in general pushes for it.
[/quote]

That’s the key here. That’s why I say that marriage is coercive.

For social advancement you need to get married.

Arnold needed to get married to become governor. Maria wanted a trophy husband as much as Arnold wanted a trophy wife in a well-connected political family.

Charles and Diana needed to get married. Charles needed it to become king and assure continuity for the monarchy. Diana did it for social advancement.

I think that Diana was very childish and irresponsible. She should have swallowed her pride and played along to gain the advantage of becoming queen. But she behaved like a low-class guest on Oprah.

Of course, regular folks are not as compelled to get married. But still, to more easily advance in society, you need to get married

Married people get more days off. They are allowed to leave early to deal with family problems, etc..

Unmarried employees will be believed to be gay. And we all know that married folks discriminate against single folks. It’s true in the private workplace, true in government, and true in the military.

Because society pushes for marriage, people do to it to gain the advantages of marriage. Love and fidelity are the idealistic aspects of marriage, not the practical, business-like part.

People may not admit it to themselves, but social benefits is what marriage is all about. That’s what the institution of marriage was designed for.

[quote=njtosd]
No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to get married (unless you’re very unlucky). It’s a free choice.
[/quote]

It’s not a free choice.

Pressures from peers, family and society are very powerful. The pressures easily overcome the individual, especially if the individual is not psychologically strong.

[Author]

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