OT: How much baggage will you accept?

[flyer]

Whatever works for each person/couple/family is all that matters. Enjoy!

[scaredyclassic]

All people are irritating. Your spouse is way way more irritating than the average person.

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredyclassic][quote=svelte]90K in debt would give me pause – I would probably have to analyze whether it was an anomaly or a pattern likely to reoccur.

However, the deceit would be the dealbreaker. If I felt she was not telling the truth and would not admit she wasn’t telling the truth, I’d run for the hills. If she wasn’t telling the truth and then admitted to it, I’d put her on probation and probably watch her very closely for a couple of years. If it ever happened again, I’d be out of there.

Sometimes integrity has to trump your heart.[/quote].

I strongly disagree. Integrity Always trumps the heart.[/quote]

That’s what I was going to respond with. Integrity is a HUGE deal in a marriage, IMO. It’s pretty much everything.

[FlyerInHi]

I can understand baggage, but don’t want it my own life. Marriage is supposed to make life more enjoyable. If not, then why do it?

Would you marry an alcoholic or drug addict?

Culture, ethnicity, economics are not baggage. But family full of drama and invective is baggage.

Oh, never marry a dirty person. My observations show that dirty people are of weak character and make bad partners.

[NotCranky]

[quote=FlyerInHi]I can understand baggage, but don’t want it my own life. Marriage is supposed to make life more enjoyable. If not, then why do it?
[/quote]

The only choice, if you don’t want to exchange some baggage is to stay single (because you have plenty too). If you like the trade-off, good for you. Two people can not overcome incompatibility just by co-mingling baggage…that’s the real risk.

[NotCranky]

It’s doubtful that people who would get into a very long term unhappy marriage would be happy single . Lots of unhappy single people too though, previously married and never married. Status is not a big factor long term, individual make-up is.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=FlyerInHi]I can understand baggage, but don’t want it my own life. Marriage is supposed to make life more enjoyable. If not, then why do it?

Would you marry an alcoholic or drug addict?

Culture, ethnicity, economics are not baggage. But family full of drama and invective is baggage.

Oh, never marry a dirty person. My observations show that dirty people are of weak character and make bad partners.[/quote]

You don’t get married to enjoy life. You get married to experience The Full Catastrophe, as zorba the Greek calls it.

[scaredyclassic]

Meaning does not come from a string of enjoyable moments.

[FlyerInHi]

[quote=Blogstar]
The only choice, if you don’t want to exchange some baggage is to stay single (because you have plenty too). [/quote]

Exchange baggage? I don’t get the concept.

Let’s not confuse baggage with being irritating at times or having some minor character flaws. Of course, in a relationship there is some compromising.

Baggage is criminal background, addiction, STDs, financial problems, family that make their problems your problems… the type of things you don’t want in your life.

There are also incompatibility issues that are not baggage. To relate back to real estate, I hate anything Victorian or old fashioned looking like quilts, frilly curtains or country stuff. I would be miserable forced to compromise to live in a house like that.

[Hobie]

Suppose you go for it. You diligently are working off the debt and she is now pregnant. And she wants to fix up the place ( nesting) You say, I don’t have the $ for a while due to her debt. Tensions mount and you now have a kid with her. Bad plan.

+100 to scardy
especially how we become our fathers and daughters mimic their moms.

And, I don’t think you mentioned it or I missed it, but it didn’t sound like she has the ability or job potential to make a dent in this 90k. Strike 3.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=scaredyclassic][quote=FlyerInHi]I can understand baggage, but don’t want it my own life. Marriage is supposed to make life more enjoyable. If not, then why do it?

Would you marry an alcoholic or drug addict?

Culture, ethnicity, economics are not baggage. But family full of drama and invective is baggage.

Oh, never marry a dirty person. My observations show that dirty people are of weak character and make bad partners.[/quote]

You don’t get married to enjoy life. You get married to experience The Full Catastrophe, as zorba the Greek calls it.[/quote]

Alexis Zorba: Am I not a man? And is a man not stupid? I’m a man, so I married. Wife, children, house,everything. The full catastrophe.

there is a lo ot of wisdom in that zorba book. and movie

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=Hobie]Suppose you go for it. You diligently are working off the debt and she is now pregnant. And she wants to fix up the place ( nesting) You say, I don’t have the $ for a while due to her debt. Tensions mount and you now have a kid with her. Bad plan.

+100 to scardy
especially how we become our fathers and daughters mimic their moms.

And, I don’t think you mentioned it or I missed it, but it didn’t sound like she has the ability or job potential to make a dent in this 90k. Strike 3.[/quote]

yeah plus 100 to me. im collecting those points in a little box.. i am really starting to hate this wench. she’s upset that you don’t want a 90k bill for her moms felonious conduct whcih she claims she didn’t know about but which hasn’t caused an irrevocable rift in their relationship. I can almost guarantee with 100 % certainty that had you married her you would be raked over the divorce coals in perpetuity until you were just nothing, a burnt hollow ash of your former robust self.

i HATE HER!!!!

for the record i don’tt hink we exactly become our parents. there is change. but there are certain things that seem to often get passed on that may express themselves in different ways. like maybe her mom’s a crook because she feels entitled toa certain lifestyle. maybe her daughter isn’t an actual crook, but gets the same basic underlying message and instead gets the money not from stealing but by say screwing you over ina divorce…

i need more info, but really, in spite of that, im ready to pass jugdment on her right this minute…

[NotCranky]

[quote=FlyerInHi][quote=Blogstar]
The only choice, if you don’t want to exchange some baggage is to stay single (because you have plenty too). [/quote]

Exchange baggage? I don’t get the concept.

Let’s not confuse baggage with being irritating at times or having some minor character flaws. Of course, in a relationship there is some compromising.

Baggage is criminal background, addiction, STDs, financial problems, family that make their problems your problems… the type of things you don’t want in your life.

There are also incompatibility issues that are not baggage. To relate back to real estate, I hate anything Victorian or old fashioned looking like quilts, frilly curtains or country stuff. I would be miserable forced to compromise to live in a house like that.[/quote]

Yeah you definitely don’t want to do major man woman battle over the curtains and quilts and other frilly stuff…that could be devastating.

I think other people covered pretty well that what’s forgivable could easily go beyond minor character flaws….depending on other factors. If the limit was minor character flaws but zero pretty questionable stuff in the past or maybe herpes, there wouldn’t be very many couples.

Is a previous divorce too much baggage? Having too little relationship experience for your age, Maybe that’s too much baggage to some people…maybe worse than a past addiction or crime or debt or herpes. If people having any of these issues is unloveable there isn’t much love around.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=Blogstar][quote=FlyerInHi][quote=Blogstar]
The only choice, if you don’t want to exchange some baggage is to stay single (because you have plenty too). [/quote]

Exchange baggage? I don’t get the concept.

Let’s not confuse baggage with being irritating at times or having some minor character flaws. Of course, in a relationship there is some compromising.

Baggage is criminal background, addiction, STDs, financial problems, family that make their problems your problems… the type of things you don’t want in your life.

There are also incompatibility issues that are not baggage. To relate back to real estate, I hate anything Victorian or old fashioned looking like quilts, frilly curtains or country stuff. I would be miserable forced to compromise to live in a house like that.[/quote]

Yeah you definitely don’t want to do major man woman battle over the curtains and quilts and other frilly stuff…that could be devastating.

I think other people covered pretty well that what’s forgivable could easily go beyond minor character flaws….depending on other factors. If the limit was minor character flaws but zero pretty questionable stuff in the past or maybe herpes, there wouldn’t be very many couples.

Is a previous divorce too much baggage? Having too little relationship experience for your age, Maybe that’s too much baggage to some people…maybe worse than a past addiction or crime or debt or herpes. If people having any of these issues is unloveable there isn’t much love around.[/quote]

funny you should mention herpes…

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=Blogstar][quote=FlyerInHi][quote=Blogstar]
The only choice, if you don’t want to exchange some baggage is to stay single (because you have plenty too). [/quote]

Exchange baggage? I don’t get the concept.

Let’s not confuse baggage with being irritating at times or having some minor character flaws. Of course, in a relationship there is some compromising.

Baggage is criminal background, addiction, STDs, financial problems, family that make their problems your problems… the type of things you don’t want in your life.

There are also incompatibility issues that are not baggage. To relate back to real estate, I hate anything Victorian or old fashioned looking like quilts, frilly curtains or country stuff. I would be miserable forced to compromise to live in a house like that.[/quote]

Yeah you definitely don’t want to do major man woman battle over the curtains and quilts and other frilly stuff…that could be devastating.

I think other people covered pretty well that what’s forgivable could easily go beyond minor character flaws….depending on other factors. If the limit was minor character flaws but zero pretty questionable stuff in the past or maybe herpes, there wouldn’t be very many couples.

Is a previous divorce too much baggage? Having too little relationship experience for your age, Maybe that’s too much baggage to some people…maybe worse than a past addiction or crime or debt or herpes. If people having any of these issues is unloveable there isn’t much love around.[/quote]

frilly stuff isn’t so bad but quilting itself, the hobby, is akin to mental illness…

[Author]

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