OT: How much baggage will you accept?

[CA renter]

[quote=Blogstar]One day when the world is as evolved holding someone’s family against a person will be called what it is, bigotry of a kind. If something is being held against a person because the family is poor that’s called greed. Different question than personal debt, of course.

People who pair up in large part due to pedigrees often times get burned the worst.

Odd couples are happier.[/quote]

IMO, this isn’t about holding someone’s family against them. It’s about not marrying a fraudster or, if she truly didn’t know she was committing fraud (doubtful), someone who is so ignorant that they don’t even know when they are being defrauded or when they are getting involved in a crime.

Either way, I would run for the hills.

[flyer]

My wife has a friend who married the “love of her life,” an MD who seemed to fit the bill in every way. After they were married, lots of things happened that she never expected, and–long story short–they divorced. None of the issues that led to the divorce were evident prior to marriage.

Even now that she has remarried, and loves the guy she’s married to, she has confided in my wife that she will always love her first husband in a way that she could never love anyone else. Even after several years apart, that feeling has never gone away.

It’s definitely a difficult situation when you love someone, but other circumstances prevent you from being together.

It appears you made a decision about your relationship based upon what your head was telling you, not your heart, and that was your choice.

Going forward, you may find the same depth of love you had in the prior relationship, along with the “suitability factor”, in someone else, or you may not. There are just no guarantees when it comes to these things.

[NotCranky]

I know , I am just goofing a bit with the idea because SOME poster thinks family
is cause for rejection on it’s own without any proof of any other weak stuff.
I don’t really want the next PC to be marry people from the most crazy families…though I am glad some good people do.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=flyer]My wife has a friend who married the “love of her life,” an MD who seemed to fit the bill in every way. After they were married, lots of things happened that she never expected, and–long story short–they divorced. None of the issues that led to the divorce were evident prior to marriage.

Even now that she has remarried, and loves the guy she’s married to, she has confided in my wife that she will always love her first husband in a way that she could never love anyone else. Even after several years apart, that feeling has never gone away.

It’s definitely a difficult situation when you love someone, but other circumstances prevent you from being together.

It appears you made a decision about your relationship based upon what your head was telling you, not your heart, and that was your choice.

Going forward, you may find the same depth of love you had in the prior relationship, along with the “suitability factor”, in someone else, or you may not. There are just no guarantees when it comes to these things.[/quote]

Love is dumb.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=Blogstar]One day when the world is as evolved holding someone’s family against a person will be called what it is, bigotry of a kind. If something is being held against a person because the family is poor that’s called greed. Different question than personal debt, of course.

People who pair up in large part due to pedigrees often times get burned the worst.

Odd couples are happier.[/quote]

Poor is a warning sign. Interpret it carefully.

Marriage is a rowboat. Do not marry someone who does not have an oar in the water and who can pull hard.

[scaredyclassic]

This kind of stuff is what my dad mightvsay. Young scaredy would never ever say or think like this.

[scaredyclassic]

On these facts, I demand humbleness, accommodation, caring, trepidation and most important no ultimatums from this absurd female. Let her go suck money out of some fool. She will be married and pregnant within 18 months with a fools child. I dislike her strongly. If I were your dad I’d sit you down for a long talk.

[scaredyclassic]

On the other hand my parents hated my wife at first and thought I was making a tragic mistake on every level. They were completely wrong but I almost broke up cause of it. So listen but have courage of your convictions.

[svelte]

90K in debt would give me pause – I would probably have to analyze whether it was an anomaly or a pattern likely to reoccur.

However, the deceit would be the dealbreaker. If I felt she was not telling the truth and would not admit she wasn’t telling the truth, I’d run for the hills. If she wasn’t telling the truth and then admitted to it, I’d put her on probation and probably watch her very closely for a couple of years. If it ever happened again, I’d be out of there.

Sometimes integrity has to trump your heart.

[scaredyclassic]

I wouldn’t say it’s am absolute cause to reject. But isn’t common wisdom to check out her mother and see what she looks like, how she acts, and treats the father? If you cant stand her mom, beware. They often turn into her. Like i am turning into my dad, not a carbon copy,; but in certain ways. Other issues also impact. It’s not an auto disqualifier but it’s an important data point.
Data points like that probably account for the success of many arranged marriages.

I don’t like this girls attitude. Sounds scammy.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=svelte]90K in debt would give me pause – I would probably have to analyze whether it was an anomaly or a pattern likely to reoccur.

However, the deceit would be the dealbreaker. If I felt she was not telling the truth and would not admit she wasn’t telling the truth, I’d run for the hills. If she wasn’t telling the truth and then admitted to it, I’d put her on probation and probably watch her very closely for a couple of years. If it ever happened again, I’d be out of there.

Sometimes integrity has to trump your heart.[/quote].

I strongly disagree. Integrity Always trumps the heart.

[scaredyclassic]

That was what my parents could not see. They saw someone of different ethnicity, much different background, economically, religiously. What they didn’t know, is that like my mom, she was and is absolutely 100 percent honest and hardworking.

Sometime advice givers are flat out wrong.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=Blogstar]Ex-girlfriend? I guess that makes the real question; How much baggage does Kev have to work through before he can be in a healthy relationship, and especially not attract and spend several years with women who are beneath him?[/quote]

As your pretend Internet dad I’d probably say work on kev first. I’d front the $ for appropriate therapy. Maybe some kind of encounter group? I feel this situation is partly your fault. Even if it isn’t it’s the right way to look at it.

[scaredyclassic]

i think maybe the spirit walk at http://www.peyoteway.org would clear up some of the crap in your head.

or drive you completely nuts.

[NotCranky]

[quote=scaredyclassic]That was what my parents could not see. They saw someone of different ethnicity, much different background, economically, religiously. What they didn’t know, is that like my mom, she was and is absolutely 100 percent honest and hardworking.

Sometime advice givers are flat out wrong.[/quote]

That’s what I am saying, in day your different ethnicities made you oddballs and you are probably much better off in marriage than the average. People who do all the proper guidelines in a compulsory way…that’s a problem too.

[Author]

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