how much is he worth?

[Coronita]

You aren't a wuss for worrying about your kid or wanting to spend time with him or her. I think it's admirable that outsourcing child care and raising a child to others bothers you. Where did we ever get the notion that hired help is what a child deserves?

What bothers me about the other side of the argument is that it seems to say the hell with the kids. As if their care and nurturing wasn't worth anything in their view if and when it comes time to pay for it after divorcing. They see no value in caring for a child, nor do they understand that the child's care most likely came along with compromising earnings, future job possibilities, retirement funding, etc. for the parent who stayed at home or cut corners to be the primary care giver. To me the wuss is the one who won't cut corners to care for the child they created or whine that the other parent who did, doesn't deserve a damn thing for doing so.

 

I'm finding out the hard way that

1) Social Stigma: Stay at home Dad == bad idea

2) Stay At Home Mom == Wife would go insane.

We don't look down on people who are stay at home parents. Quite contrary, it's not that easy to do. And as much as I love my wife, there are days I think, damnit, things would be easier if she just wanted to stay home. But at the same time I understand that that's just how she was brought up to be independent. She would feel useless if that was the only thing she did.

I think my wife and are managing reasonably well. Not ideal, but ok. Plus i really don't want to get the inlaws involved.

So for the time being my weekday routine is

6:15am-7am: Dad wakes up, checks the stock market. Places whatever market orders for that day.

7am-9am: Child wakes up. Mom takes care of changing child. Nanny preps breakfast. Mom and Dad Family spends time with child in the park, no tv. Wife goes to work around 8:30, while dad waits until 9.

9:30-12pm: Dad and mom work while live in nanny takes care of child, who btw, keeps the damn tv on all day. Dad schedules meetings around 9:30am so he can take it on a cell phone on at home or on the way to work (yes I have a handsfree bluetooth kit in my car so I'm not one of those retarded people doing 40mph on I-56)

12-1pm: lunch break with child (me or wife and not all the time)

1-5:30pm: both of us work while nanny puts child to sleep for about 2-3 hours. Somewhere along the line, during free time, I close any stock orders on a need basis. Child wakes up around 5, and nanny gives child a bath and preps for dinner.

5:30pm: Wife gets home and spends time with child while nanny preps dinner. Nanny finishes dinner.

6:30-7:30 I get home. Family dinner time.

7:30-8:30 Nanny cleans up, dismissed for the day. Family time spent in the park

8:30-9:00 Bedtime reading and play time, no tv.

9:00 pm child put sent to bed. Dad rests with Mom until Mom falls asleep.

10:00 pm-2am Dad spends time catching up with work, blogging, looking at porn, and any leftover time spent time building company with other people so he doesn't have to continue in the bored as hell rat race moving forward.

 

The deal with my wife is either

1) I find a job that brings in a gross household income of $300k/year and she'll consider quiting… That frankly won't happen by me trying to climb an existing corporate ladder….

2) OR she gets laid off/fired at which point she'll won't re-enter the engineering space (also highly unlikely).

3) OR I figure out a way to have a company that she can be a part of on a part-time basis such that she could be challenged. Together with investments, bring $300k/year.

So we're planning for plan 3 right now. The ridiculous thing about this one would conclude, fvck, that's a pretty messed up family. You guys spend and spend and spend, don't save, and are complaining. Why don't you downsize your lifestyle, be more frugale, and your wife wouldn't need to work? Contrary, we are pretty frugale, we don't spend alot, cash flow is very positive each month, and overall investments are ok. Go figure.

The problem you have sometimes marrying someone with career objectives too much like you…is that they think too much like you….You both end up being pigheaded on the same things. It's pretty frickin scary when your wife goes to sleep talking with you about some code defect she found at work and you could totally relate and talk about it or if your wife asked you to help do a code review over dinner.

[Anonymous]

“Divorce doesn’t screw kids up, selfish parents do.”

Amen brother. Wow, that is the best line ive read in this string. I wish the American system had the option of men electing to take the children full time and paying zero in alimony and child support. In the spirit of TC guys comments, any guy who opted out of that arrangement, out of negligence, should have to pay up. Women who arent willing to fight for their kids should receive nothing and in the new world order of equality a 50/50 share of the kids between parents who are parenting with no additional money changing hands should be the rule of thumb.

I have little sympathy for selfish attitudes of parents running to cuba for brides for more kids and women who ask “how much is he worth” instead of “how much do i need”. Attitudes which say $1,000 per kid is to much, vs. $1,000 doesnt go far….i know people with 3 kids who have nowhere near $36K per year in disposable income. They stay married and somehow make ends meet.

As down as each ex-spouse is down on the other is usually complimented by how high they are on themselves. i.e. “he’s a dirtbag but im a stunning long haired great cooking size 6″. And im sure his attitude is similar in reverse…..”dumped that b!t@$ but im still such a stunning good looking great guy that a 17 year old size 2 is duly impressed” Each side takes the moral high ground in a never ending battle of winless pride.

It is difficult to blame either side for trying to optimize their position. Western women have an incredibly liberal and accomadating law compared to the rest of the world, and history….yet the insatiable appitite to do better and have more rarely leads to an appreciation of one’s current position. It is also hard to blame men for going outside this system to match with women…….foreign women are much easier to deal with. So yes, men have that insatiable appitite to do better and have more also.

Unfortunately that selfish appitite obstructs what most reasonable people would agree is best for the kids.

Cant you be happy that you have your boys and that the money we “need” isnt nearly as much as what we’d like to have? I know single mothers who work for minimum wage and dont complain…..stressed? sure. But they are so happy to have their kid(s) that no amount money would replace that experience. Masking greed for money as “i need it for the kids” and a woe-is-me tragedy of self pity is a cop out and a great way to instill a sense of irresponsibility and entitlement with your sons.

You dont want your boys to end up like their father……..a selfish one sided thinker who is unwilling to see the other persons point of view and unable to sacrifce or compromise for the good of the family, partnership, team. I woudl have to agree with you there. Unfortunately, even if their father isnt around….and they wont have a chance to learn it from him…..sounds like they’ll have a good chance to learn it from their mother.

J

P.S. Yes im married. Yes i have kids. And yes i would take my kids 100% in any circumstance possible. Luckily for me, i have them, and my wife 100% right now so i dont have to choose.

[Anonymous]

“Divorce doesn’t screw kids up, selfish parents do.”

Amen brother. Wow, that is the best line ive read in this string. I wish the American system had the option of men electing to take the children full time and paying zero in alimony and child support. In the spirit of TC guys comments, any guy who opted out of that arrangement, out of negligence, should have to pay up. Women who arent willing to fight for their kids should receive nothing and in the new world order of equality a 50/50 share of the kids between parents who are parenting with no additional money changing hands should be the rule of thumb.

I have little sympathy for selfish attitudes of parents running to cuba for brides for more kids and women who ask “how much is he worth” instead of “how much do i need”. Attitudes which say $1,000 per kid is to much, vs. $1,000 doesnt go far….i know people with 3 kids who have nowhere near $36K per year in disposable income. They stay married and somehow make ends meet.

As down as each ex-spouse is down on the other is usually complimented by how high they are on themselves. i.e. “he’s a dirtbag but im a stunning long haired great cooking size 6″. And im sure his attitude is similar in reverse…..”dumped that b!t@$ but im still such a stunning good looking great guy that a 17 year old size 2 is duly impressed” Each side takes the moral high ground in a never ending battle of winless pride.

It is difficult to blame either side for trying to optimize their position. Western women have an incredibly liberal and accomadating law compared to the rest of the world, and history….yet the insatiable appitite to do better and have more rarely leads to an appreciation of one’s current position. It is also hard to blame men for going outside this system to match with women…….foreign women are much easier to deal with. So yes, men have that insatiable appitite to do better and have more also.

Unfortunately that selfish appitite obstructs what most reasonable people would agree is best for the kids.

Cant you be happy that you have your boys and that the money we “need” isnt nearly as much as what we’d like to have? I know single mothers who work for minimum wage and dont complain…..stressed? sure. But they are so happy to have their kid(s) that no amount money would replace that experience. Masking greed for money as “i need it for the kids” and a woe-is-me tragedy of self pity is a cop out and a great way to instill a sense of irresponsibility and entitlement with your sons.

You dont want your boys to end up like their father……..a selfish one sided thinker who is unwilling to see the other persons point of view and unable to sacrifce or compromise for the good of the family, partnership, team. I woudl have to agree with you there. Unfortunately, even if their father isnt around….and they wont have a chance to learn it from him…..sounds like they’ll have a good chance to learn it from their mother.

J

P.S. Yes im married. Yes i have kids. And yes i would take my kids 100% in any circumstance possible. Luckily for me, i have them, and my wife 100% right now so i dont have to choose.

[Anonymous]

“Divorce doesn’t screw kids up, selfish parents do.”

Amen brother. Wow, that is the best line ive read in this string. I wish the American system had the option of men electing to take the children full time and paying zero in alimony and child support. In the spirit of TC guys comments, any guy who opted out of that arrangement, out of negligence, should have to pay up. Women who arent willing to fight for their kids should receive nothing and in the new world order of equality a 50/50 share of the kids between parents who are parenting with no additional money changing hands should be the rule of thumb.

I have little sympathy for selfish attitudes of parents running to cuba for brides for more kids and women who ask “how much is he worth” instead of “how much do i need”. Attitudes which say $1,000 per kid is to much, vs. $1,000 doesnt go far….i know people with 3 kids who have nowhere near $36K per year in disposable income. They stay married and somehow make ends meet.

As down as each ex-spouse is down on the other is usually complimented by how high they are on themselves. i.e. “he’s a dirtbag but im a stunning long haired great cooking size 6″. And im sure his attitude is similar in reverse…..”dumped that b!t@$ but im still such a stunning good looking great guy that a 17 year old size 2 is duly impressed” Each side takes the moral high ground in a never ending battle of winless pride.

It is difficult to blame either side for trying to optimize their position. Western women have an incredibly liberal and accomadating law compared to the rest of the world, and history….yet the insatiable appitite to do better and have more rarely leads to an appreciation of one’s current position. It is also hard to blame men for going outside this system to match with women…….foreign women are much easier to deal with. So yes, men have that insatiable appitite to do better and have more also.

Unfortunately that selfish appitite obstructs what most reasonable people would agree is best for the kids.

Cant you be happy that you have your boys and that the money we “need” isnt nearly as much as what we’d like to have? I know single mothers who work for minimum wage and dont complain…..stressed? sure. But they are so happy to have their kid(s) that no amount money would replace that experience. Masking greed for money as “i need it for the kids” and a woe-is-me tragedy of self pity is a cop out and a great way to instill a sense of irresponsibility and entitlement with your sons.

You dont want your boys to end up like their father……..a selfish one sided thinker who is unwilling to see the other persons point of view and unable to sacrifce or compromise for the good of the family, partnership, team. I woudl have to agree with you there. Unfortunately, even if their father isnt around….and they wont have a chance to learn it from him…..sounds like they’ll have a good chance to learn it from their mother.

J

P.S. Yes im married. Yes i have kids. And yes i would take my kids 100% in any circumstance possible. Luckily for me, i have them, and my wife 100% right now so i dont have to choose.

[Anonymous]

“Divorce doesn’t screw kids up, selfish parents do.”

Amen brother. Wow, that is the best line ive read in this string. I wish the American system had the option of men electing to take the children full time and paying zero in alimony and child support. In the spirit of TC guys comments, any guy who opted out of that arrangement, out of negligence, should have to pay up. Women who arent willing to fight for their kids should receive nothing and in the new world order of equality a 50/50 share of the kids between parents who are parenting with no additional money changing hands should be the rule of thumb.

I have little sympathy for selfish attitudes of parents running to cuba for brides for more kids and women who ask “how much is he worth” instead of “how much do i need”. Attitudes which say $1,000 per kid is to much, vs. $1,000 doesnt go far….i know people with 3 kids who have nowhere near $36K per year in disposable income. They stay married and somehow make ends meet.

As down as each ex-spouse is down on the other is usually complimented by how high they are on themselves. i.e. “he’s a dirtbag but im a stunning long haired great cooking size 6″. And im sure his attitude is similar in reverse…..”dumped that b!t@$ but im still such a stunning good looking great guy that a 17 year old size 2 is duly impressed” Each side takes the moral high ground in a never ending battle of winless pride.

It is difficult to blame either side for trying to optimize their position. Western women have an incredibly liberal and accomadating law compared to the rest of the world, and history….yet the insatiable appitite to do better and have more rarely leads to an appreciation of one’s current position. It is also hard to blame men for going outside this system to match with women…….foreign women are much easier to deal with. So yes, men have that insatiable appitite to do better and have more also.

Unfortunately that selfish appitite obstructs what most reasonable people would agree is best for the kids.

Cant you be happy that you have your boys and that the money we “need” isnt nearly as much as what we’d like to have? I know single mothers who work for minimum wage and dont complain…..stressed? sure. But they are so happy to have their kid(s) that no amount money would replace that experience. Masking greed for money as “i need it for the kids” and a woe-is-me tragedy of self pity is a cop out and a great way to instill a sense of irresponsibility and entitlement with your sons.

You dont want your boys to end up like their father……..a selfish one sided thinker who is unwilling to see the other persons point of view and unable to sacrifce or compromise for the good of the family, partnership, team. I woudl have to agree with you there. Unfortunately, even if their father isnt around….and they wont have a chance to learn it from him…..sounds like they’ll have a good chance to learn it from their mother.

J

P.S. Yes im married. Yes i have kids. And yes i would take my kids 100% in any circumstance possible. Luckily for me, i have them, and my wife 100% right now so i dont have to choose.

[Anonymous]

“Divorce doesn’t screw kids up, selfish parents do.”

Amen brother. Wow, that is the best line ive read in this string. I wish the American system had the option of men electing to take the children full time and paying zero in alimony and child support. In the spirit of TC guys comments, any guy who opted out of that arrangement, out of negligence, should have to pay up. Women who arent willing to fight for their kids should receive nothing and in the new world order of equality a 50/50 share of the kids between parents who are parenting with no additional money changing hands should be the rule of thumb.

I have little sympathy for selfish attitudes of parents running to cuba for brides for more kids and women who ask “how much is he worth” instead of “how much do i need”. Attitudes which say $1,000 per kid is to much, vs. $1,000 doesnt go far….i know people with 3 kids who have nowhere near $36K per year in disposable income. They stay married and somehow make ends meet.

As down as each ex-spouse is down on the other is usually complimented by how high they are on themselves. i.e. “he’s a dirtbag but im a stunning long haired great cooking size 6″. And im sure his attitude is similar in reverse…..”dumped that b!t@$ but im still such a stunning good looking great guy that a 17 year old size 2 is duly impressed” Each side takes the moral high ground in a never ending battle of winless pride.

It is difficult to blame either side for trying to optimize their position. Western women have an incredibly liberal and accomadating law compared to the rest of the world, and history….yet the insatiable appitite to do better and have more rarely leads to an appreciation of one’s current position. It is also hard to blame men for going outside this system to match with women…….foreign women are much easier to deal with. So yes, men have that insatiable appitite to do better and have more also.

Unfortunately that selfish appitite obstructs what most reasonable people would agree is best for the kids.

Cant you be happy that you have your boys and that the money we “need” isnt nearly as much as what we’d like to have? I know single mothers who work for minimum wage and dont complain…..stressed? sure. But they are so happy to have their kid(s) that no amount money would replace that experience. Masking greed for money as “i need it for the kids” and a woe-is-me tragedy of self pity is a cop out and a great way to instill a sense of irresponsibility and entitlement with your sons.

You dont want your boys to end up like their father……..a selfish one sided thinker who is unwilling to see the other persons point of view and unable to sacrifce or compromise for the good of the family, partnership, team. I woudl have to agree with you there. Unfortunately, even if their father isnt around….and they wont have a chance to learn it from him…..sounds like they’ll have a good chance to learn it from their mother.

J

P.S. Yes im married. Yes i have kids. And yes i would take my kids 100% in any circumstance possible. Luckily for me, i have them, and my wife 100% right now so i dont have to choose.

[temeculaguy]

I completely missed page two of the thread when I wrote, Sd and MG thanks for the props but it wasn’t a new siren that has me preoccupied, promotion at work and having to knock down extra hours due to the learning curve. Still a good trade off, better company car, mo money, status like a rockstar, my apologies for neglecting my homeboys.

Another thing, after reading marion’s page 2 posts, where do I sign up for the pot roast and back massages, this girl has it going on, she even mentioned “curvy” so as long as beans and rice didn’t miss this sister I may be in love already. In her posts she mentioned whipping someone into shape, any post from a woman metioning whips, gets a thumbs up.

FLU, tough schedule, as a parent of teens, I can tell you it gets better and more fun, at the end of the rat race there’s cheese and cheese is good (side note, dubliner cheese at costco has become one of my four food groups, goes with any wine and I’m certain was brought here by aliens, do try). FLU, 2 extra points for admitting that porn is a non negotiable part of a man’s schedule, you have taken the first step towards enlightenment.

[temeculaguy]

I completely missed page two of the thread when I wrote, Sd and MG thanks for the props but it wasn’t a new siren that has me preoccupied, promotion at work and having to knock down extra hours due to the learning curve. Still a good trade off, better company car, mo money, status like a rockstar, my apologies for neglecting my homeboys.

Another thing, after reading marion’s page 2 posts, where do I sign up for the pot roast and back massages, this girl has it going on, she even mentioned “curvy” so as long as beans and rice didn’t miss this sister I may be in love already. In her posts she mentioned whipping someone into shape, any post from a woman metioning whips, gets a thumbs up.

FLU, tough schedule, as a parent of teens, I can tell you it gets better and more fun, at the end of the rat race there’s cheese and cheese is good (side note, dubliner cheese at costco has become one of my four food groups, goes with any wine and I’m certain was brought here by aliens, do try). FLU, 2 extra points for admitting that porn is a non negotiable part of a man’s schedule, you have taken the first step towards enlightenment.

[temeculaguy]

I completely missed page two of the thread when I wrote, Sd and MG thanks for the props but it wasn’t a new siren that has me preoccupied, promotion at work and having to knock down extra hours due to the learning curve. Still a good trade off, better company car, mo money, status like a rockstar, my apologies for neglecting my homeboys.

Another thing, after reading marion’s page 2 posts, where do I sign up for the pot roast and back massages, this girl has it going on, she even mentioned “curvy” so as long as beans and rice didn’t miss this sister I may be in love already. In her posts she mentioned whipping someone into shape, any post from a woman metioning whips, gets a thumbs up.

FLU, tough schedule, as a parent of teens, I can tell you it gets better and more fun, at the end of the rat race there’s cheese and cheese is good (side note, dubliner cheese at costco has become one of my four food groups, goes with any wine and I’m certain was brought here by aliens, do try). FLU, 2 extra points for admitting that porn is a non negotiable part of a man’s schedule, you have taken the first step towards enlightenment.

[temeculaguy]

I completely missed page two of the thread when I wrote, Sd and MG thanks for the props but it wasn’t a new siren that has me preoccupied, promotion at work and having to knock down extra hours due to the learning curve. Still a good trade off, better company car, mo money, status like a rockstar, my apologies for neglecting my homeboys.

Another thing, after reading marion’s page 2 posts, where do I sign up for the pot roast and back massages, this girl has it going on, she even mentioned “curvy” so as long as beans and rice didn’t miss this sister I may be in love already. In her posts she mentioned whipping someone into shape, any post from a woman metioning whips, gets a thumbs up.

FLU, tough schedule, as a parent of teens, I can tell you it gets better and more fun, at the end of the rat race there’s cheese and cheese is good (side note, dubliner cheese at costco has become one of my four food groups, goes with any wine and I’m certain was brought here by aliens, do try). FLU, 2 extra points for admitting that porn is a non negotiable part of a man’s schedule, you have taken the first step towards enlightenment.

[temeculaguy]

I completely missed page two of the thread when I wrote, Sd and MG thanks for the props but it wasn’t a new siren that has me preoccupied, promotion at work and having to knock down extra hours due to the learning curve. Still a good trade off, better company car, mo money, status like a rockstar, my apologies for neglecting my homeboys.

Another thing, after reading marion’s page 2 posts, where do I sign up for the pot roast and back massages, this girl has it going on, she even mentioned “curvy” so as long as beans and rice didn’t miss this sister I may be in love already. In her posts she mentioned whipping someone into shape, any post from a woman metioning whips, gets a thumbs up.

FLU, tough schedule, as a parent of teens, I can tell you it gets better and more fun, at the end of the rat race there’s cheese and cheese is good (side note, dubliner cheese at costco has become one of my four food groups, goes with any wine and I’m certain was brought here by aliens, do try). FLU, 2 extra points for admitting that porn is a non negotiable part of a man’s schedule, you have taken the first step towards enlightenment.

[temeculaguy]

Jasper, Amen right back at you brother. You, my friend, have it all figured out. Enjoy the 100% of it all, I envy you. Don’t ever choose but if you get in a predicament where you are forced to and something you didn’t initiate, follow the path you laid out, I assure you it is the best plan B one can have.

[temeculaguy]

Jasper, Amen right back at you brother. You, my friend, have it all figured out. Enjoy the 100% of it all, I envy you. Don’t ever choose but if you get in a predicament where you are forced to and something you didn’t initiate, follow the path you laid out, I assure you it is the best plan B one can have.

[temeculaguy]

Jasper, Amen right back at you brother. You, my friend, have it all figured out. Enjoy the 100% of it all, I envy you. Don’t ever choose but if you get in a predicament where you are forced to and something you didn’t initiate, follow the path you laid out, I assure you it is the best plan B one can have.

[temeculaguy]

Jasper, Amen right back at you brother. You, my friend, have it all figured out. Enjoy the 100% of it all, I envy you. Don’t ever choose but if you get in a predicament where you are forced to and something you didn’t initiate, follow the path you laid out, I assure you it is the best plan B one can have.

[Author]

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