How much does it really cost to raise kids?

[ltsddd]

[quote=lifeisgood]You said that if you don’t have money, you don’t have to do these luxury things. Is it not OK to have money and still not do those luxury things? I think that you can still raise your kids cheaply even if you have the funds to buy all of the things that you have pointed out. Most of the time parents put their kids in swimming lessons, piano lesson, and other various sports whether the kid wants to or not. You always see the kids playing soccer that actually want to be there and the ones that don’t. I think that society has driven parents to do certain things because they are socially accepted. Almost like they want to one up other parents. Shouldn’t we let kids decide what they are interested in? As far as private schools, I would like like to see the data that shows that a child going to a private school is worth the cost. Why not save that cost for tuition to a college? Isn’t that the diploma that counts anyways?[/quote]

Agree with most you said except for swimming lessons. To me that could be a life saving skill that parents might want to “force” their kids to take.

[carlsbadworker]

Geez. You guys are cheap. Just avoid buying expensive house that you cannot afford, avoid sending your kids to private schools that you cannot afford, etc, etc. If you can take out these unnecessary major expenses, you will have plenty of money to buy new clothes for the kids and avoid cribs that are falling apart, which are really unsafe.
You will need 250 grand/year to afford college for your kids? Either you have a financial management issue or you have some serious priority issue.

[an]

[quote=carlsbadworker]Geez. You guys are cheap. Just avoid buying expensive house that you cannot afford, avoid sending your kids to private schools that you cannot afford, etc, etc. If you can take out these unnecessary major expenses, you will have plenty of money to buy new clothes for the kids and avoid cribs that are falling apart, which are really unsafe.
You will need 250 grand/year to afford college for your kids? Either you have a financial management issue or you have some serious priority issue.[/quote]
It’s all about priority. It’s not that we can’t afford new clothes, but there’s nothing wrong with Gymboree/Carter’s quality hand me downs from our cousins. When we do buy clothes, we only buy stuff that are on clearance. If I buy clearance stuff for myself, why should I spend more on my kids’ clothes than on my own clothes?

BTW, I would never suggest people to send their kids to private schools that they cannot afford or buy expensive house that they cannot afford. I would only suggest private school if you already max out your retirement, save enough to pay for their college (regardless of where they go), and save enough to build up for a decent rainy day fund.

[CA renter]

[quote=AN]
However, private schools, piano lesson, swim lesson, various other activities are expensive. These items though are all luxury. So, if you don’t have money, you don’t have to do these luxury things. So, you can raise your kids on the cheap if you wanted to. But it can be quite expensive if you want to give them all the advantages you can afford.[/quote]

Exactly.

[UCGal]

PSA alert.
That hand me down car seat… be careful. Carseats have expiration dates… the plastic breaks down over time, I think it’s like 8 years… so if your family uses it for 2 kids over 5 years – then passes it on and they use it for 5 years… those last few years it’s not as safe.

On the expensive stroller thing. I have friends in Philly who spent big $$ on their stroller… but they live in center city and don’t drive anywhere… shopping, library, etc is all done on foot and on bus… so a good stroller is required. I would imagine this is true for several east coast cities as well as SF proper.

(disclaimer – we had the pricey Peg Perego stroller – well worth the price because it was tall enough that my husband didn’t need to hunch. Unfortunately, an airline destroyed one of the handles – but we just duct taped it. LOL)

My kids wear a combo of hand me downs and discount/on sale clothes from target. No gymboree or Hannah Anderson. Sports are through the rec center which makes it cheaper. Swim lessons were also through the park rec center. We do spend for piano lessons. Talked my employer into sponsoring the lego/robotics team… so that saved $$s.

We make our kids earn $ for their gadgets. (DS upgrades, computer games, etc.) They are paid for chores. And they’ve just started getting “clients” in the neighborhood to mow lawns. They’ve started learning they can fund that “must have” purchase quicker if they go out and earn the cash.

[Coronita]

[quote=UCGal]PSA alert.
That hand me down car seat… be careful. Carseats have expiration dates… the plastic breaks down over time, I think it’s like 8 years… so if your family uses it for 2 kids over 5 years – then passes it on and they use it for 5 years… those last few years it’s not as safe.

On the expensive stroller thing. I have friends in Philly who spent big $$ on their stroller… but they live in center city and don’t drive anywhere… shopping, library, etc is all done on foot and on bus… so a good stroller is required. I would imagine this is true for several east coast cities as well as SF proper.

(disclaimer – we had the pricey Peg Perego stroller – well worth the price because it was tall enough that my husband didn’t need to hunch. Unfortunately, an airline destroyed one of the handles – but we just duct taped it. LOL)

My kids wear a combo of hand me downs and discount/on sale clothes from target. No gymboree or Hannah Anderson. Sports are through the rec center which makes it cheaper. Swim lessons were also through the park rec center. We do spend for piano lessons. Talked my employer into sponsoring the lego/robotics team… so that saved $$s.

We make our kids earn $ for their gadgets. (DS upgrades, computer games, etc.) They are paid for chores. And they’ve just started getting “clients” in the neighborhood to mow lawns. They’ve started learning they can fund that “must have” purchase quicker if they go out and earn the cash.[/quote]

It’s 5 years I believe

[poorgradstudent]

With a few accessories, our BOB Stroller ran us $400. It will see our son through at least 2 years, possibly 3, at which point we very well will be manufacturing baby #2. Oh, and did I mention the resell value on BOBs is amazing. I wish my car was still worth 75% of its retail value years later. Getting back $200 for it would be “let’s just sell it to our friends for a deal”. So net we’re looking at 200 bucks spread over 5-6 years… I spend significantly more per year on Netflix.

Oh, and do you know who that stroller is actually for? Mom and Dad and their backs. It’s a great piece of engineering. It JUST WORKS. Not having to struggle with a cheap stroller saves us minutes of our lives here and there, and that can really add up fast in terms of value.

That said, there definitely are a few things my wife has chosen to purchase for our baby I view as unnecessary. It’s hard for me to keep track of what we bought vs. bought with gift cards vs. received as hand-me-downs (90% of his wardrobe) vs. received as gifts. A lot of the more useless stuff falls into the hand-me-down category. We have a lot of stuff that we are the 3rd to 4th owner for. It’s nice to have yuppie friends who are done having kids and eager to clear out their garages!

Honestly, the people who waste money on their kids aren’t people we need to worry about. They’re the top 10% and 1% of income earners, people who will be able to afford to send their kid to whatever college and will have reasonably comfortable retirements. It’s not the poor families having modest birthday parties at Mission Bay on the weekends that are buying fancy clothes and diaper bags for their babies.

Kids eat, especially after they wean. They need health insurance. Babies need diapers (cloth is an option with its own headaches). Children grow and need clothing, although hand-me-downs are an option. Finally, most parent don’t want their child sharing their bedroom beyond a certain age, so that means a young family renting a studio or 1-bedroom needs a 2-bedroom apartment, with the increased rent costs. Oh, and part of having kids means a lot more laundry, driving up water and electric bills. Most of these aren’t areas you can cut costs much.

[Coronita]

Speaking of kids stuff, what’s up with Zuca bags????
Why do people like them so much….

Seems like a luggage on wheels for kids…

[briansd1]

How about finishing school for kids and parents too?
I feel like kids these days are out of control. Just fllew and was greeted by the sight of mom and teenage kids resting their bare feet on the bulkhead of the plane for everybody to see. Disgusting behavior.

[Coronita]

[quote=lifeisgood]You said that if you don’t have money, you don’t have to do these luxury things. Is it not OK to have money and still not do those luxury things? I think that you can still raise your kids cheaply even if you have the funds to buy all of the things that you have pointed out. Most of the time parents put their kids in swimming lessons, piano lesson, and other various sports whether the kid wants to or not. You always see the kids playing soccer that actually want to be there and the ones that don’t. I think that society has driven parents to do certain things because they are socially accepted. Almost like they want to one up other parents. Shouldn’t we let kids decide what they are interested in? As far as private schools, I would like like to see the data that shows that a child going to a private school is worth the cost. Why not save that cost for tuition to a college? Isn’t that the diploma that counts anyways?[/quote]

Problem is that some kids don’t know what they like/don’t like until they try it. And some kids don’t like it until they try it for some time.

Most kids if you left them alone, all they would want to do is just probably play in the park or something.

[Coronita]

It depends on where you want to put your financial priorities.

Some people like to spend a fortune on a house and then spend nothing on furniture/upgrades.

Others rather buy an expensive car and not own a house.

Others rather spend money on their kids instead of buy a new car…

Others just like to be cheap and hoard everything. Nothing wrong with that either.

I often hear people say “I don’t understand why someone would want to buy XYZ or ABC new…” Well, my answer is maybe they like it and can afford it because they don’t spend somewhere else and don’t like to live like a hermit.
Maybe some folks realize that even if you try to live like a miser, the government will do a pretty bang up job trying to either kill your savings through it’s dollar policy or try to tax you the hell out the rest of it.
So, it’s all about what you like what your financial priorities are, and where you want to allocate your dollars. And depending on how much income one has, the allocation can be more or less. Folks with less have to allocate less, and folks with more have more parameters to work with.

Where I think people get into trouble is a lot of folks try to eat their cake and have it too. They see other folks do/have X, and they want the same thing, despite the fact that either they really can’t afford it or if they could have, already spent their financial freedom elsewhere…

Complicated is the fact that is if you have kids, you have kids peer pressure.. Hey, my friend just got X, can I get X? Some parents have an issue with saying “no”. Some parents are the problem and are the ones the other parents hate because they are the ones that spoil their kids rotten. Don’t have an answer to this issue, except that saying “no and too damn bad” works most of the time.

I have no problem buying a new top of the line car seat for my kid, but at the same time have no qualm trying to put the shittiest new tires on my beater car, with the emphasis that I would never put my kid in my beater car or anyone else for that matter.

So it’s all about priorities.

We sort of covered this on the Mira Mesa house thread. I live in the slums of CV, with no AC, no front or backyard, wear $5 tshirts, and I’m so cheap that if I get a hole in my pants, I cut shear the pants, and use them as work shorts. And my car has pleather, and my poor underprivileged kid needs to attend a lowly public school…AN, on the other hand lives in a frickin MM palace with AC, and front and backyard, and cars with real leather, and probably can send his/her kids to a private school.I can’t keep up with the Jones in MM, so I don’t bother to 🙂

[desmond]

No matter what you do or don’t do kids are very expensive, but they are your kids so just enjoy it. One other thing, as you raise your kids and go through all the challenges you will find out how hard it is and your criticism on how other parents raise their kids will diminish.

[Coronita]

[quote=desmond]No matter what you do or don’t do kids are very expensive, but they are your kids so just enjoy it. One other thing, as you raise your kids and go through all the challenges you will find out how hard it is and your criticism on how other parents raise their kids will diminish.[/quote]

so damn true

[SD Realtor]

Pretty well said Desmond. I would add that I would much rather pay money and expose my kid to sports camps, exploring camps, masters of science camps, and stuff like that, which are not cheap rather then have them sit around and watch tv which is very cheap. Same thing with taking them on trips, or fishing, camping, visiting relatives, ballgames and stuff like that. Maybe even learning a musical instrument. My kids love to swim and at first they were down on swim lessons… We did it more for a safety measure then anything else.

The thing I have learned as a parent is how fast it goes by and that the fun period will end once the kid is 13 or so. Then they pretty much don’t want to have anything to do with you.

Forgot to add they loved karate lessons as well.

Add that stuff up over several years and multiple kids… It is not cheap but they enjoyed it all.

[no_such_reality]

Is the rear seat DVD playing entertainment center in the mini-van spoiling the kids or spoiling mom & dad?

Or is it merely a matter of survival when the child gets fussing on the long road trip?

[Author]

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