How much does it really cost to raise kids?

[lifeisgood]

This has always been an interesting topic for me. I read a recent post on Yahoo that ranked the cities who spoil their kids the most:
10 Cities that Spoil Kids The Most
New York, NY
Brooklyn, NY
Miami, FL
Minneapolis, MN
Tulsa, OK
Dallas, TX
Atlanta, GA
Los Angeles, CA
San Diego, CA
Ft. Worth, TX
I’m not surprised that San Diego ranks in the top 10. Everywhere that I go in SD, I see kids with the best of everything. Do you all think that sends the wrong message to their children? I mean do we really need to spend 500 dollars on a stroller that we will only use for a short period of the child’s life? I read another article that said that the cost of raising children is rising. Aren’t there ways to cut the cost of raising a child? Can’t we buy a lot of what a child needs at garage sales and thrift stores? I guess we really need to distinguish between what our kids really need and what our friends parents bought their kids. It’s almost like there is a big competition in some cities to see who’s got the best diaper bag. I’m not a big fan of buying things that they will grow out of in a few months at a high price. Just think about how much money parents waste on the materialistic items that they buy for their kids. They could probably save enough money on these items to put a large amount of money towards their college tuition. I feel that a lot of parents use their kids as an accessory . What do you all think? Is it really expensive to raise a child?

[an]

delete.

[an]

I don’t think it’s that big of a difference between different cities. I personally don’t think it’s expensive to raise a child. My kids wear hand me downs. The new clothes they get are ones when I can find great deal for (i.e. ~$5/t-shirt and <$10 for jeans/shirts/jackets). We reused the same car seat/stroller for both kids, then we'll be giving it to my SIL. We got hand me down crib too before it fall apart and we have to buy a new one. Most of their toys are gifts. So, the materialistic things are pretty cheap. However, private schools, piano lesson, swim lesson, various other activities are expensive. These items though are all luxury. So, if you don't have money, you don't have to do these luxury things. So, you can raise your kids on the cheap if you wanted to. But it can be quite expensive if you want to give them all the advantages you can afford.

[lifeisgood]

You said that if you don’t have money, you don’t have to do these luxury things. Is it not OK to have money and still not do those luxury things? I think that you can still raise your kids cheaply even if you have the funds to buy all of the things that you have pointed out. Most of the time parents put their kids in swimming lessons, piano lesson, and other various sports whether the kid wants to or not. You always see the kids playing soccer that actually want to be there and the ones that don’t. I think that society has driven parents to do certain things because they are socially accepted. Almost like they want to one up other parents. Shouldn’t we let kids decide what they are interested in? As far as private schools, I would like like to see the data that shows that a child going to a private school is worth the cost. Why not save that cost for tuition to a college? Isn’t that the diploma that counts anyways?

[Rhett]

I get what you’re saying, and if I knew then what I knew now, I’d buy a lot more hand-me-downs, but the stroller is a bad example. We used a stroller every day, at least a half hour if not an hour a day, for almost the first three years of our daughter’s life. We started out with a Graco set (with a matching infant car seat), but quickly saw the value in a Peg Perego. We also got a good umbrella stroller (a MacLaren), because we needed something that was easily foldable yet durable. Total cost of both at the time – maybe around $350? Worth twice that much in my opinion.

This may sound like a picky point, but it’s not. At some point, you get a lot of value out of certain items, and it isn’t worth skimping. I’d cite an infinite amount of toys and games that never got used more than once or twice (or in some cases, never were used at all) as much bigger wastes than a stroller.

Let me guess – you pretty much drive everywhere so the stroller is not used that much?

[Rhett]

[quote=lifeisgood]Why not save that cost for tuition to a college? Isn’t that the diploma that counts anyways?[/quote]

College prices have gotten out of whack (you can find about 50 threads here that discuss that). If you saved what the projected college costs would be, you’d be living a rather spartan lifestyle if you weren’t clearing 250 grand (in San Diego). Not worth doing, in my opinion.

[lifeisgood]

What I was speaking to was that I couldn’t justify spending a ton of money on a private school. I just haven’t seen any data that proves that it is worth it. I’d rather save the money for the piece of paper that means something to the future employer of my child. I do not expect to be able to save the entire cost of college tuition for my children, but at least help a bit.

[lifeisgood]

[quote=Rhett]I get what you’re saying, and if I knew then what I knew now, I’d buy a lot more hand-me-downs, but the stroller is a bad example. We used a stroller every day, at least a half hour if not an hour a day, for almost the first three years of our daughter’s life. We started out with a Graco set (with a matching infant car seat), but quickly saw the value in a Peg Perego. We also got a good umbrella stroller (a MacLaren), because we needed something that was easily foldable yet durable. Total cost of both at the time – maybe around $350? Worth twice that much in my opinion.

This may sound like a picky point, but it’s not. At some point, you get a lot of value out of certain items, and it isn’t worth skimping. I’d cite an infinite amount of toys and games that never got used more than once or twice (or in some cases, never were used at all) as much bigger wastes than a stroller.

Let me guess – you pretty much drive everywhere so the stroller is not used that much?[/quote]

No, I use a stroller frequently. I just think that you are not the person that I was talking about. You know as well as I do that you can get good value for many items that cost much less than the brand name merchandise that is the norm in many uppity cities around the country. You can even get those brand name BOB’s and others on craigs list and other online auctions for much cheaper that are barely used. My main point is that I don’t think that parents are as thrifty as they should be. It’s everyones choice as to how much it costs to raise children. I just believe we can do it for less and get the same result.

[bearishgurl]

I’m with AN. The “baby/toddler industry” is a racket. You don’t use that stuff very long. I had the $19 umbrella strollers to fit in the back of my Toy Tercel. I got ALL KINDS of used stuff from coworkers, some VERY high-quality, for super-cheap prices. Then I resold it and gave it away when I didn’t need it anymore.

Of course, many improvements in everything from stollers to diapers to carseats, etc have been made since I was in the “raising baby” mode ;=D

I STILL think its all a big waste of money. Kids are MUCH more expensive in HS when they wouldn’t be caught dead wearing hand-me-downs (in a school that doesn’t require uniforms) and need more toiletries, have greater school expenses, braces, lessons, trips and so on. This is even if they don’t drive!

College (except for CC) is off the charts! The ink dries the same on a university diploma no matter WHERE the student’s first two years of college are spent. So why pay more??

[Rhett]

[quote=lifeisgood]
No, I use a stroller frequently. I just think that you are not the person that I was talking about. You know as well as I do that you can get good value for many items that cost much less than the brand name merchandise that is the norm in many uppity cities around the country. You can even get those brand name BOB’s and others on craigs list and other online auctions for much cheaper that are barely used. My main point is that I don’t think that parents are as thrifty as they should be. It’s everyones choice as to how much it costs to raise children. I just believe we can do it for less and get the same result.[/quote]

I am in full agreement with that; I just think you didn’t pick the best example with the stroller.

On the other hand, if Tulsa is ahead of us on that list, it is a head scratcher.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=lifeisgood]What I was speaking to was that I couldn’t justify spending a ton of money on a private school. I just haven’t seen any data that proves that it is worth it. I’d rather save the money for the piece of paper that means something to the future employer of my child. I do not expect to be able to save the entire cost of college tuition for my children, but at least help a bit.[/quote]

I agree with this. The public HS’s today are doing a bang-up job of satisfying the A – G requirements of preparing student for public university admission. If you’re already paying property taxes, why pay more??

[bearishgurl]

[quote=Rhett]…On the other hand, if Tulsa is ahead of us on that list, it is a head scratcher.[/quote]

Rhett, you would have to visit yourself to believe it. Tanning salons in practically every strip mall. That is … to cater to the “portion of Tulsanians” that actually need a tan, lol!

Very much a “keeping up with the Joneses” environment going on there :=0

[bearishgurl]

[quote=lifeisgood]You said that if you don’t have money, you don’t have to do these luxury things. Is it not OK to have money and still not do those luxury things? I think that you can still raise your kids cheaply even if you have the funds to buy all of the things that you have pointed out. Most of the time parents put their kids in swimming lessons, piano lesson, and other various sports whether the kid wants to or not. You always see the kids playing soccer that actually want to be there and the ones that don’t. I think that society has driven parents to do certain things because they are socially accepted. Almost like they want to one up other parents. Shouldn’t we let kids decide what they are interested in? As far as private schools, I would like like to see the data that shows that a child going to a private school is worth the cost. Why not save that cost for tuition to a college? Isn’t that the diploma that counts anyways?[/quote]

Yes, to all, except the part about parents being driven to put their kids in sports because its “socially accepted.”

I think these parents do it because THEY either used to participate in these sports/activities or always wanted to and never got to. They are attempting to live vicariously through their kids because they have nothing of interest going on in their own current lives.

[lifeisgood]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=Rhett]…On the other hand, if Tulsa is ahead of us on that list, it is a head scratcher.[/quote]

Rhett, you would have to visit yourself to believe it. Tanning salons in practically every strip mall. That is … to cater to the “portion of Tulsanians” that actually need a tan, lol!

Very much a “keeping up with the Joneses” environment going on there :=0[/quote]

I would have to say that there is a keeping up with the Joneses attitude in all the cities listed. I was a Marine Corps recruiter from 2004-2007, and I was incredibly surprised how todays youth have a since of entitlement. It isn’t their fault. I believe that children have to be taught what is expected out of life by their parents. To me it all starts with teaching kids to earn what they get. I believe that most people on this site teach their kids how to earn. It’s the rest of this world that we live in that are missing the boat on this very important life lesson.

[an]

[quote=lifeisgood]You said that if you don’t have money, you don’t have to do these luxury things. Is it not OK to have money and still not do those luxury things? I think that you can still raise your kids cheaply even if you have the funds to buy all of the things that you have pointed out. Most of the time parents put their kids in swimming lessons, piano lesson, and other various sports whether the kid wants to or not. You always see the kids playing soccer that actually want to be there and the ones that don’t. I think that society has driven parents to do certain things because they are socially accepted. Almost like they want to one up other parents. Shouldn’t we let kids decide what they are interested in? As far as private schools, I would like like to see the data that shows that a child going to a private school is worth the cost. Why not save that cost for tuition to a college? Isn’t that the diploma that counts anyways?[/quote]
You’re right, you don’t have to spend on those luxuries, even if you have money. Which is why I said it’s optional. WRT all the activities, the caveat is that the kids would want to do those things. I don’t believe in forcing them to do stuff when they’re miserably doing it (except for academic stuff). Those extra curricular activities are there to enhance their life and if they’re miserable, that’s not enhancing anything and you’re just wasting money. However, if the kids are interested in those things, it cost money to provide them with those activities and lessons.

As for private school, it would be interesting to see data as well. I don’t know if it’s worth it or not, but what I do know is class size. While public schools are dealing with high 20s to 1 teacher, my kid’s school at the same grade have a teacher to student ratio of 12 to 1. I never said to send your kids to private school and not save for college. I’m doing both. Yes, the degree at the end is what matter. I think elementary level private schools makes a bigger difference than Jr. High and HS level. There was a study that show kids who are ahead by 5th grade tend to keep that lead through out Middle school and high school. So, I’m putting my money is elementary school level education and college level education. Once you kick start their desire to learn in the elementary school level, they’ll carry that desire to learn in MS/HS level by themselves.

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