[scaredyclassic]

[quote=Rhett][quote=FlyerInHi][quote=CA renter] And there are way more trees in LA than in SD. It’s weird…people in San Diego seem to have something against trees. They cut them down every chance they get, probably because everything is on a hill here and the trees block the views. Some think trees are “dirty” because the leaves fall. Very strange…and sad, IMO.[/quote]

I agree.

There are more HOAs in San Diego. They like to trim… a job to do, monthly fees to collect.

I noticed that in newer cities, they trim trees a lot more… Irvine, San Diego, Dallas, etc.

The shopping centers like to keep things clear so people can see the signs.

I was in Pasadena not long ago. They have beautiful streets with oak canopies. In SD, developers plant cheap trees that are like Barbie doll trees.
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I’m not a gardening/landscape expert nor do I play one on TV, but our soil is a great deal different than that in Pasadena/LA. You simply cannot grow trees like that here. The only trees that do grow well here are eucalyptus, and I think we know all the negatives that come with them.

I want to echo something that Barneby said – San Diego’s environment is classified as “coastal arid desert”. Our natural color is brown, and the only reason we have green things around here is irrigation. If we don’t get a few El Nino winters or an abnormally wet winter like 2004-5, we are about to run into a big world of trouble when it comes to water.

Everything else aside, NYMom, if green is important to you don’t move to California – especially Baja San Diego. You’ll be miserable.

I disagree with ScaredyCat, though – your husband isn’t a momma’s boy. He’s a typical native Californian. If you take most of the people that post in this forum and plot them down elsewhere, they’d have the same issues. Human nature…[/quote]

people do want to go home.

but people do miss their mamas.

[scaredyclassic]

Scaredy was terrified to have children who might judge him harshly.

Now scaredy is unafraid.

[scaredyclassic]

I brought some coconut in tin foil to some obscure foreign movie on an early date with my wife.

At least she knew I was cheap and weird from the get go.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=njtosd]FWIW – We spent 4 yrs in northern NJ (Morris Co.) after having lived here for ten years. Our whole family was unhappy and we returned to San Diego in 2011. On paper, NJ should have been perfect – husband had a great job, house was probably the nicest I’ll ever own (2 acre lot, huge house, towering oaks, foxes, deer – very idyllic). School and downtown quaint shopping district were walkable. Nonetheless we couldn’t wait to get out – we were miserable. I would attribute it to the culture – not sure how exactly to describe it. We now live in a house on a tiny lot and the shopping area is barely walkable but definitely not quaint. We are much happier. So – I can sympathize with the husband of NYMom. I can definitely see his point of view without there being an underlying problem motivating the move. Everyone should stop jumping to conclusions.[/quote]

Just raising potential issues. No conclusions…

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=njtosd]FWIW – We spent 4 yrs in northern NJ (Morris Co.) after having lived here for ten years. Our whole family was unhappy and we returned to San Diego in 2011. On paper, NJ should have been perfect – husband had a great job, house was probably the nicest I’ll ever own (2 acre lot, huge house, towering oaks, foxes, deer – very idyllic). School and downtown quaint shopping district were walkable. Nonetheless we couldn’t wait to get out – we were miserable. I would attribute it to the culture – not sure how exactly to describe it. We now live in a house on a tiny lot and the shopping area is barely walkable but definitely not quaint. We are much happier. So – I can sympathize with the husband of NYMom. I can definitely see his point of view without there being an underlying problem motivating the move. Everyone should stop jumping to conclusions.[/quote]

Just raising potential issues. No conclusions…

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=FlyerInHi]a lawyer who apologizes is very novel. Regret, but never apologize.[/quote]

I’m satisfied with not always winning and saying I’m wrong.

[scaredyclassic]

heres a marital tip; dont call your menopausal wife THE FLASH.

[scaredyclassic]

i dont remember my dad ever apologizing to me. i remember thinking he was wrong about some stuff. can’t remember what.

there is something amazingly powerful about apologizing to a child. i can still remember their tiny serious faces listening intently, me wringing my hands in front of this tiny human, sweating, them forgiving me…

in sum, id say a good theory of parenting is not “love your child”, but instead to demonstrate in some way every day a deep respect and interest in the autonomy, individuality and thoughts of each child, even when little. also you have to feed them.

in this way, perhaps, they wont be fucked up int he head…

a persons a person no matter how small.. ..

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=CA renter][quote=bearishgurl]…In your case, divorce would be much, much more expensive than an interstate move and our domestic courts in CA urban coastal counties have a minimum two-year wait for trial. In any case, CA law favors a 50/50 child custody timeshare between parents (if contested) and the courts prefer both parents working and filing income and expense declarations before they will issue permanent support orders. Suffice to say your life will change 180 degrees if you split up after moving here due to you both not being on the same page with one another. If this happens, you could lose your freedom to move back home (unless you want to go back alone) and your case could easily get drawn out for YEARS. Trust me when I say that you don’t want to go there!
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Excellent point, BG. This could end up being a HUGE deal where NYmom would lose, big time, if she were to move out here and subsequently divorce while in CA. She could find herself in a position where she might never again be able to have her kids and family in the same state, at least not full-time. Potentially giving up this right needs to be fully thought out before any decisions are made.

It sucks that some of us sound like Debbie Downers, but it’s this sort of gut-wrenching truth that can (hopefully) help people make fully informed decisions.[/quote]

yeah, donald downers too. it’s not just women who can be downers. guys can be downers…

this would freak me out. i would not expect anyone to be happier post move than premove, and if he’s unhappy now, it’s not inconceivable he’ll b e unhappier later. maybe the problem isn’t the location, he reasons later, once he’s in the new location and finds himself no happier, maybe it’s this woman. then you’re the one trapped, just like he was “trapped” in NY. on the other hand, it really is terrible to emotionally negotiate and navigate witha legal compass such matters in what is theoretically at leasta completely 100% committed relationship. plotting and thinking about your next move within a legal framework ofrights and remedies sheesh. what kind of way is that to be married? you might as well be a litigant.

on the other ahnd, you’d be a fool not to think this through.

please dont take anything im saying as legal advice. consult with your own attorney versed in NY and CA family law in particular.

screw RE websites. go on one of those divorce chat groups and see if any alarm bells go off…

[scaredyclassic]

You need to be able to talk to your kids. I have pet names for each one. Like “special one”, “specialty product” etc… I keep coming up with new names. But i ask first. For ibstance I ran loin fruit by its intended target before calling him that and he said no that won’t work. So I respected that. If I had just kept calling him loin fruit or his brother fruit of the loin, that would’ve not been respectful.

Listening… Key…

[scaredyclassic]

Man, how did people figure shit out before the internet?

[scaredyclassic]

see why my wife has to hit me so often?

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=CA renter][quote=scaredyclassic]
I’m not saying splitting up is inevitable, but that unhappiness breeds on these illdefined unexamined feelings of dissatisfaction, and resentments build, and you know, you ahve kids, and your worried about the kids, and frankly, as a guy, it can get old..what about me? i like my kids, sure, but what about me? thats what he’s thinking. thats what i was thinking. thats what a lot of guys think…

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Just think…women are almost always the ones “trapped” at home with a bunch of small kids while the men are out enjoying their hobbies and “hanging with the guys” (you know, because they deserve it after “working so hard” while the women stay home and “do nothing”). You think major resentment isn’t building up in many women, too? IMO, this is why you often see the women initiating divorce when the youngest hits eighteen. It’s like they’ve been chomping at the bit for years. Most men take care of themselves just fine; it’s the women who usually give up everything that mattered to them before marriage/kids.

And I agree very much with the rest of your post, too. This is a very difficult situation, and resentment is likely either way.[/quote]

well, guys have to take care of temselves first and keep thesmelves in shape for the second family. women are probably going to just go for the one set of kids.

[scaredyclassic]

well, i was just putting it from the guy’s perspective, cause that’s the one i feel more acutely, i agree and respect there are two sides to the coin, it takes two to tango (though only one to hop around and dance like an idiot). i wasnt trying to negate women’s bitternesses or justifiable grudges.

the more I think about it, the more acute i think your situation is. the “village” feel you claim you are seeking in some bland SD suburb will be a pale, unsatisfying substitute for the real village you want. the village of your people, your village people, all those crazy relatives, that sense of really really belonging, not fake ass belonging, not some country club village green bullshit, but yourreal, real FAMILY…..and more important, your KIDS family! you want to get a phone call someone DIEd who you ahven’t seen for a year or so cause you were busy with this and that? NO. you want people to be dropping by every Sunday night for dinner. you want them AROUND.

and all he has is he doesn’t like the NY metro area?

well, Im kind of on his side, i hate NYC too, but i hate everywhere sort of. except my house i love my house.

this is not going to end well without a serious discussion, either in or out of the counseling office. it just tends to go better ina counselors office and it sounds liek you ahve the $. it’s a cheap investment in the future, to go really hash this out togetehr….

[scaredyclassic]

Wait. 5 years ago we wouldn’t have been trying to talk you out of buying. Maybe 7. Tempus fugit.

[Author]

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