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flyer
ParticipantCalabasas–near Malibu, and Morro Bay on the Central Coast–are also great. Have family in both locations, and visit often.
ParticipantIf your son really doesn’t know what he wants to do, but you have faith that he’ll find himself, as he pursues the GE requirements at a 4-year university, I’d probably roll the dice–especially if you think he may be inclined toward medicine or law, etc.
Our kids went Ivy League–but they knew exactly what that wanted to do–and they got in–so we went along for the ride, and it worked out.
Whatever you can do for him will be to his advantage. My kids, now in their late 20’s, found an extremely competitive job market before they nailed down their positions, and it and will only become more and more competitive as time goes on.
ParticipantI’m sure they’ve also considered the millions they may need for retirement, healthcare, and to help their kids buy houses, and, and, and.
As many have said–it’s all relative. For us, several million will go a long way–others need tens of millions.
In the end, none of us can take it with us, so we might as well enjoy it while we’re here–then pass it on. We have very strong spiritual beliefs, so we realize we’re just passing through anyway.
ParticipantBG and UC Gal, both of you have hit the nail on the head.
Yes, many of the kids I mentioned are VERY unrealistic, and expected to “have it all” upon graduating from college. It seems they always thought a magic wand would wave for them on that golden day, and part the heavens.
I honestly don’t blame them, because it was the way they were raised, and, IMHO, and from my experience, parents who aren’t explaining the realities involved in excelling in this world are really doing a great disservice to their children.
Many kids go from being extremely pampered, to a world of extreme competition–where they are just another number–and they have no idea of how to handle it. We’ve seen many just fall apart.
As you mentioned, even though our kids were very priviledged, my wife and I went out of our way to
make sure, among other things, that they understood goals in life are earned, and that they were not “entitled” to anything.Whatever we may have done right, it appears to have served them
well–and for that I am very grateful.I certainly wish you and your kids the very best as they take on the world.
ParticipantIt is interesting to note that, although neither my wife and I, nor any of the parents of our kids friends considered ourselves to be “tiger parents,” and yet, all of our kids excelled at everything from school, to sports, to music, etc. and on and on, and yet the success rate of these same young people (now in their 20’s) is still only about 50%.
Although they came from quite well-to-do families, we still hear many of our kids friends complaining about the fact that they can’t find high-level jobs here, and will never be able to afford a home in San Diego, or CA in general, (for those who wish to stay here)so it seems some of them have kind of given up. A sad, but fascinating conundrum.
ParticipantWhether you’re a “Tiger Mom or Dad,” (and I agree with flu, those terms can apply to people of all races and cultures) or any other type of parent, in the end, the proof of success will lie in whether your kids achieve their goals in life or not.
As someone with grown children, I’m seeing it from the “other side of the equation,” and, in at least 50% of the families of our kids peers (many raised in RSF, CV, DM, etc., etc.) it’s not a pretty picture.
Many parents we talk to about their grown kids have found that even though they crossed every “t” and dotted every “i,” there were still elements (attitude, personality, competition, etc., etc.) in the real world that were out of their control.
You can micromanage your kids, but you can’t micromanage the world they live in, so all you can do is the very best you can, and hope it all works out for them.
ParticipantOn the macro level, to which this article speaks, it is very clear that life’s playing field is not fair, and is growing more skewed each day.
But, because life is so short, and the core problems are so vast, IMHO, all each of us can do is everything in our individual power to help our own kids achieve success in life. On the micro level, that’s what we did, and it seems to have worked out.
ParticipantWe’ve lived in Rancho Santa Fe for over 20 years, and love it. You can check the zip code (92067) out at sdlookup.com to see what’s available, along with the other areas you’ve mentioned. (Not sure about the “chicken” thing in RSF. It would probably vary by property location within the area, and most realtors could probably answer that question.)
Even though we’ve also lived all over the world, we always come back to our home here, for all of the reasons you’ve mentioned.
Happy Hunting!
ParticipantAgree on many of your points, zk and squat.
IMHO, as long as you can (legally) support yourself, and live life at the level you choose, it really doesn’t matter whether you select your life’s work based upon your passions, or competence and skill–again, as long as you can support yourself.
The problem comes, when the person who chooses their life path is not willing to live with the outcome, and feels they are “entitled” to be supported by others (read parents), for an indefinite period of time, even when they make poor decisions.
Case in point. Several of our friends who did not clearly outline their expectations from their kids prior to college, still have kids in their 20’s and even 30’s, bouncing around all over the place–with no direction in life.
They aren’t happy and their kids aren’t happy–so nobody wins. Sadly, as the article I mentioned noted, this scenario is becoming more and more common, and it’s not working out well.
Of course, outlining college or any other expectations in life does not guarantee success, but it’s definitely a better bet than having a flaky plan or no plan at all–but again, to each his own–as long as you are prepared to live with your decisions for better or worse.
Participantzk, I completely understand your questions.
I should have qualified some of the things I said.
We have always encouraged our kids to live their dreams, but we also made sure they knew from the moment they made their decisions about college, that they also needed to eventually support themselves. (Even though they are aware they will have trust funds, we have never given them the option of relying upon that.)
As the article I shared stated, we made sure (long before we ever read an article like this), that they understood that “college is not a hobby.” Fortunately, their dreams happened to coincide with viable professions.
If, however, someone has a child that is interested in pursuing the arts, or sports, or some other field you feel they may struggle with, and you think they have real talent, versus wishful thinking–there are a couple of options I can think of.
-You could show them the stats with regard to success in the dream professions they want to pursue, so they are aware of their REAL chances of success.
-If, after that, they still choose to move forward, you could let them know that they will need to eventually support themselves, and, as the article stated, you could encourage them to pursue their dreams, while they concurrently pursue a “Plan B” should things not work out.
-OR, you could encourage them to pursue their dreams indefinitely, with no strings attached, as long as you are comfortable supporting them indefinitely–should things not work out.
Please realize these thoughts are just my opinions, and I wouldn’t construe them as advice. I wish you the best!
ParticipantInteresting Blogstar, good for you.
We’ve been involved in rentals for many years, and the sudden surge in purchasing income property has been very interesting to watch–that’s why I asked.
Since my wife and I grew up in San Diego, the parents, grandparents and great-grandparents of many of our friends and family actually helped build this County beginning in the early 1900’s–including mega apartment complexes in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s–but, I agree, with a few exceptions, that is mostly a thing of the past.
ParticipantA question for the OP.
Just wondered if you built your rentals in San Diego County or elsewhere?
We have quite a few rentals, here and elsewhere, and I was just curious where people are building now?
ParticipantNot to interrupt, but just wanted to interject one other thought–since we’ve kind of “been there, done that.”
Eventually, many of your concerns as a parent will all boil down to how big your kids dreams are–because that’s really what going to school is all about–achieving your dreams.
If they have big dreams and want to live life on a grand scale as ours did and do–you have many extreme challenges as a parent to try to help them get there. In our case, two of our kids wanted MBA’s and corporate jobs in Hollywood–which worked out–and the other is just about finished with medical school.
When you get to that point in life, you should finally see the payoff for all of your years of hard work as a parent–and, believe me, it is very exciting when, somehow, it all comes together! Enjoy the journey!!
ParticipantAs far as where anyone lives for whatever reason, as long as you are living the life of your dreams, that’s all that matters. No need to
justify it–if you’re really happy.Having lived many places, regardless of the problems in our “Golden State,” for us CA–and specifically San Diego–is the only place we want to be–but to each his own.
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