OT: I hate tiger moms and dads

[The-Shoveler]

From my humble observations in life,
Success comes mostly from having a good work ethic early in life.
Having health, looks with a little luck thrown in never hurts.
Things most people have at least a little control over like not being overweight, not being into drugs etc.. help a lot too.

I know a few individuals who never went to college and have done extremely well for themselves, I know college grads driving trucks for a living and a few on welfare. College is not the end all be all it is billed as well.

[flyer]

Totally agree that as long as your kids are living the lives they want to live (and that goes for all of us)–that’s all that matters–as long as they can eventually support themselves. My point was that, many parenting roads do not necessarily seem to be leading to that destination–from what we’ve seen with many of the kids our kids grew up with.

Also agree that college is not the end all be all. We know pilots who have made over $200K/yr. for many years, as we did, who never went to college, but they did find a niche in which to support themselves and their families. (That, along with investment properties, and franchises, as flu mentioned.)

[svelte]

Well if you live in CV or PUSD, ya can’t complain about the tiger moms and dads. You had to know they come with the territory when you bought.

[dumbrenter]

OP got the terminology mixed up.

Tiger parents do not blabber on about the achievements, they simply demand excellence from their kids.
If OP’s parents only had done that, we would not have had such a confusing post!!

I do not like parents who keep talking about their kids achievements either, but I see nothing wrong with demanding excellence of kids in whatever they do.
May be we all will be in a better society when more parents start doing that.
There are some real problems everyday on the other end of the spectrum i.e. parents who simply are not interested in their kid’s education & activities.

[flyer]

Interesting clarification–dumbrenter.

I agree that cultivating excellence in all things, and being very connected to your kids lives is a wonderful way to raise kids. Truly the way we tried to raise our kids (who are now in their 20’s and successful) as did most of our friends.

Everyone hopes their kids will achieve their dreams, but, from what we’ve seen, many of our kids peers–actually over 50% of our kids friends–although raised in ways one could almost call “perfect,” by the standards we’ve discussed here, are still struggling to find their place in the world, and are far from self-sufficent.
Therin lies the enigma.

Perhaps it simply proves that real life does not come with a 100% guarantee!!

[cvmom]

[quote=SK in CV][quote=cvmom]It’s really tough parenting in CV with the tiger parents. And it only gets worse and more cut-throat as the kids get older…and those parents will do ANYTHING to get their kids a leg up on the “competition”. I’ve seen it all already, and my kid is just entering high school. Nasty. And what awful role models for their kids.[/quote]

I have to disagree with you here. It’s not tough at all, unless you get caught up in it. Just don’t. And make sure your kids know that they’re only competing with themeselves. They don’t have to be better than anyone else, they only have to be as good as they can be.
[/quote]

This is a great point! It’s hard to remember when you’re surrounded by the kill-or-be-killed mindset. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

[bubble_contagion]

This thread made me recall this excellent video from The Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/video/gymnast-shawn-johnson-put-to-sleep-after-breaking,14345/

[SK in CV]

[quote=cvmom][quote=SK in CV]
I have to disagree with you here. It’s not tough at all, unless you get caught up in it. Just don’t. And make sure your kids know that they’re only competing with themeselves. They don’t have to be better than anyone else, they only have to be as good as they can be.
[/quote]

This is a great point! It’s hard to remember when you’re surrounded by the kill-or-be-killed mindset. Thanks for the reminder. :)[/quote]

Just for some more words of encouragement, both of my kids graduated from UC (different campuses). All of the UC campuses are in the top 20 most competitive public universities in the country. Neither one of them ever felt any competition from other students. This isn’t anything I (or my dear ex wife) deserve any particular credit for, other than making sure their mindset was to challenge and compete only with themselves. There’s plenty of other crap to stress kids out. Competing with their classmates doesn’t have to be one of them.

[an]

[quote=SK in CV]Just for some more words of encouragement, both of my kids graduated from UC (different campuses). All of the UC campuses are in the top 20 most competitive public universities in the country. Neither one of them ever felt any competition from other students. This isn’t anything I (or my dear ex wife) deserve any particular credit for, other than making sure their mindset was to challenge and compete only with themselves. There’s plenty of other crap to stress kids out. Competing with their classmates doesn’t have to be one of them.[/quote]To some, who buy in CV specifically for the school (tiger parents or not), only to have their kids to only go to the top 20 public university, would make them feel like they failed or the school failed or they wasted a bunch of money for nothing. Now, if their kids end up going to the top 5 or top 10 university (private and public), then they might feel like it’s worth the money.

[Coronita]

[quote=dumbrenter]OP got the terminology mixed up.

Tiger parents do not blabber on about the achievements, they simply demand excellence from their kids.
If OP’s parents only had done that, we would not have had such a confusing post!!

I do not like parents who keep talking about their kids achievements either, but I see nothing wrong with demanding excellence of kids in whatever they do.
May be we all will be in a better society when more parents start doing that.
There are some real problems everyday on the other end of the spectrum i.e. parents who simply are not interested in their kid’s education & activities.[/quote]

I find that quite often, there is a huge correlation between “tiger parents” and diarrhea of the mouth…

The again, I do see some parents with diarrhea of the mouth, with the dumbest kids too.

I call parents that demand excellence from their kids…. well expected parenting.

[Coronita]

[quote=AN][quote=SK in CV]Just for some more words of encouragement, both of my kids graduated from UC (different campuses). All of the UC campuses are in the top 20 most competitive public universities in the country. Neither one of them ever felt any competition from other students. This isn’t anything I (or my dear ex wife) deserve any particular credit for, other than making sure their mindset was to challenge and compete only with themselves. There’s plenty of other crap to stress kids out. Competing with their classmates doesn’t have to be one of them.[/quote]To some, who buy in CV specifically for the school (tiger parents or not), only to have their kids to only go to the top 20 public university, would make them feel like they failed or the school failed or they wasted a bunch of money for nothing. Now, if their kids end up going to the top 5 or top 10 university (private and public), then they might feel like it’s worth the money.[/quote]

Yeah, but do you blame us? Look at all we had to give up….Real leather versus Pleather in our cars, TRACT homes with dissolvable walls, no AC and no front and back yard…. No furniture in our home except for the $99 Ikea special…

Not like we’re living a luxurious life like some of more privileged, affluent constituents in wealthier Mira Mesa… I mean, most of us workaholics slave away and return to the Slums in Carmel Valley after working on that information super-railroad, brick by brick…For shame.

[Coronita]

[quote=Allan from Fallbrook][quote=cvmom]It’s really tough parenting in CV with the tiger parents. And it only gets worse and more cut-throat as the kids get older…and those parents will do ANYTHING to get their kids a leg up on the “competition”. I’ve seen it all already, and my kid is just entering high school. Nasty. And what awful role models for their kids.[/quote]

When I coached T-ball (5 and 6 year olds), I had parents coming up to me and asking how to prepare their kids for “The Show” (Major League Baseball). Kids in question didn’t know how to tie their shoes yet and mom and dad were talking about pitching and hitting coaches, specialized gear, etc.

In Pop Warner, I see obsessive parents (and it’s both parents, not just the dads), who are hiring QB coaches, at astronomical prices, for their 12yo sons, or sending their kids to NFL summer camps (another good way to separate yourself from your money), or engaging in good, old-fashioned treachery to advance their kid’s fortunes over someone else’s.

I’m all for sports to teach teamwork, build character and instill camaraderie, but, somewhere along the line, we lost the handle, societally-speaking. We are now encouraging yet another generation of coddled, entitled little idiots, who have no sense of others, let alone empathy for them, to go out into a world where it’s all about them and their “accomplishments”.[/quote]

You mean the every kid for themselves mentality? Yeah, I know. Interesting isn’t it?

[flyer]

I wonder if the “tiger parents” in CV realize there is an entire strata of existence far beyond that realm? Just curious–not trying to provoke anyone.

To turn the tables a bit–we have friends in Beverly Hills, the OC, and in Manhattan etc., whose children wouldn’t be caught dead with parents who were anything less than multi-millionaires (famous, helps, too) with access to any school they want, an apartment in the the city and a summer home in The Hamptons, and the list goes on and on and on. . .

Guess everything is relative.

[scaredyclassic]

All the bragging is based on fear and insecurity.

What are we afraid of? Failure. Death. Inability. Lack of capacity to reproduce successfully?

I came up with a brief list of attributes this morning before breakfast that might be worth bragging about, other than grades or athletic achievements?

.does your kid give a crap about others
Do they enjoy their day?
Do they have a sense of duty? Of purpose?
Are they flexible?
Are they capable of real attachments/
Do they have a true friend?
Do they love?
Are they fun?
Funny?
Do they laugh?
Are they anxious?
Are they resilient?
Do they take care?
Are they interested?
Are they independently minded>
Are they incessantly comparing themselves to others?
Do they have a hobby?
Can they stand to hang out with you/ can they bear to talk to you? Does your mere voice fill them with a sense of dread and anxiety?
Are they faithful? Kind? Respectful?
Do they take themselves way too seriously?
Is he enlightened?

At breakfast my wife shot down my list. Basically, she said, parenting, it’s about getting them out on t heir own, and able to make decent money so they can support themselves and others. She was probably being contrary and independent minded..if I had spouted her position originally, i bet she would have come up with an even longer list liek mine…

….i am not sure exactly what is necessary and what is sufficient, what is optional and what is essential…I do feel strong urges to bragabout my kidsrecent high AP scores…i can see that it is insecurity, that i am hoping it all translates into a better life for him. But will it? Who the hell knows? Does it matter? probably no more than him having qualities off the list above…probably much less…

Do tiger moms in buddhist countries worry about how much faster and deeper their kids enlightenment is?

“you will meditate four hours tonight! You cannot get into a decent temple with your half-assed meditation!

[scaredyclassic]

is excellence always required?

Sometimes just an ok job is better…

except with mechanical watches…

perhaps im soft because i just want my kids to like me. maybe I am fostering mediocrity and it will all end in tears…

[Author]

Posts