OT: Divorce Lawyer

[svelte]

No, not for me. A close friend was by this weekend and said his wife is about to ask for a divorce. He wanted to know how to go about it, if she asks.

I have no experience in this area, does anyone have advice on a good divorce lawyer, preferably along the 78 corridor in north county?

They don’t have much money, so that is going to be a factor in choosing a lawyer also. They have kids too.

[scaredyclassic]

Important; dude should start watching LOUIE on fx or netflix.

[jpinpb]

I recommend Carl Sizemore. He’s a family law specialist certified. Not normally in North County, but has been known to go up there. Occasionally takes on low income situations. Worth a try.

[DataAgent]

If the divorce is ‘uncontested’, a lawyer may not be needed.

Here’s some good reading:
http://www.legalzoom.com/divorce-guide/uncontested-contested-divorce.html

[briansd1]

If he thinks that she will ask for divorce, then why not ask first and surprise her? She might change her mind if that’s what he wants. But if he wants to end the marriage, then don’t give her the satisfaction of making the first step.

Women like to play mind games. He should play better if he wants to win.

[desmond]

[quote=walterwhite]Important; dude should start watching LOUIE on fx or netflix.[/quote]

Just like the guys marriage, the Louie season finale is on Thursday.

[scaredyclassic]

Maybe he’s too poor to get divorced.

Save up 20 percent of final costs before divorcing.

[njtosd]

[quote=briansd1] . . . then don’t give her the satisfaction of making the first step.

Women like to play mind games. He should play better if he wants to win.[/quote]

You (as a man) seem to be pretty up on the mind games, too. Putting emphasis on something as petty as who makes the first step in something as serious as a divorce suggests that you are a bit clueless in this category. Based on the OP, it could be that the husband believes that the wife has figured out that he is having an affair. . .

A more healthy approach might be to try to find out, just for example, whether the marriage might be saved, but that is dependent on the facts of this particular situation.

[briansd1]

njtosd, please forgive me; I’m just being an advocate to a fellow comrade-in-arms. 😉

[scaredyclassic]

I gotta agree in general with Brian on principle; you always have to appear able and ready to walk away from anything to appear desireable. It’s just humanity.

[temeculaguy]

The best advice you can give is to avoid lawyers altogether. If he can talk to her before she gets one, and they are on decent speaking terms, they can work this out using the same attorney, a paralegal or by themselves like Dataagent reccomended. It all depends how mad they are and if they want to go to war or not.

I never saw the inside of a courtroom, my legal fees were under a grand and we went to the same attorney at the same time. We had property, investments, pensions, kids, debts and all the other complications, indluding a marriage over ten years long. It could have been a 50k fight in court and in the end, the same result. The courts have formulas, almost like turbo tax, you enter the facts and the result is the usually the same, you just save time and money.

7 years later, all is still well, kids are grown, never had much of fight and we still maintain a special joint checking account to pay for all kid expenses (sports, pictures, field trips, etc.) and their college savings is a joint account. I realize I hit the divorce jackpot and my ex is a reasonable and fiscally responsible woman, but it takes two to tango, and most couples (divorced or married) usually have things in common like this, even when divorced. Advise him to everything he can from making this a drawn out fight or trying to exact revenge.

In retrospect, neither of us felt like we were screwed over, in fact we both feel we did better by avoiding the cost an the stress that court creates. Other than that, I got nothing.

[jpinpb]

It definitely is better to mediate w/out attorneys. Once one party goes to an attorney, it complicates things. Whatever you do, be extremely careful on what you agree to and make sure things are specified, allowing for changes if circumstances arise that cause things to be modified.

[briansd1]

[quote=temeculaguy] Other than that, I got nothing.[/quote]

That makes is simple doesn’t it? 😉

But seriously, I do agree that keeping the lawyers out is the best course of action. Otherwise the lawyers win.

When my brother got divorced at the peak, the wife got the house. Too bad for her she wanted the house instead of cash.

My brother had already moved on, but lots of emotions on the part of the wife. Can’t talk reasonably to a bundle of emotions.

[njtosd]

[quote=walterwhite]I gotta agree in general with Brian on principle; you always have to appear able and ready to walk away from anything to appear desireable. It’s just humanity.[/quote]

I agree with you when you are talking about an arms length negotiation. When dealing with relationships that can be expressed in dollars and cents (such as in business) you always have to do your best to keep the upper hand. Achieving long lasting personal relationships, in my opinion, takes a more sophisticated approach. You need to decide whether it’s better to feel like you have the upper hand or whether it’s better in the long run to admit that you might not be perfect. My parents were married for 59 years, my husband’s parents were married for 65. I don’t think any of them ever sat around thinking about how they could act to “appear” more desirable – the trick was to actually *be* desirable, which is a lot harder. . . .

[scaredyclassic]

women are different now than they were then. men are the same.

ther ewill be periods of massive discontent in most women during marriage. if you appear clingy, fearful or show any sign of fear, the woman will see it as weakness and will attempt to eat you.

a man must always appear to be ready to pick up and leave nowadays.

[Author]

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