OT: Divorce Lawyer

[temeculaguy]

svelte, you did all you can do. Some people aren’t wired for marriage and some people are definately not wired to be married to each other. They are over it because they have come to terms with it. Think of it like an incurable illness. It’s best to just give advice and support to them so that they may find the best way to cope with it, the one that causes the least pain and reduces the spread of the disease. Treat and contain, not cure.

More than likely the reasons they gave you were symptoms and not the actual reasons.

Don’t let it bother you, their experience is probably much different than yours so it’s difficult to compare it or judge it.

Do this, cherish your marriage, be thankful, and go tell your wife how lucky you are to have her. Then tomorrow, stop by the flower stand and buy her some flowers. When she asks what they are for, tell her this “Honey, I look at our friends and their divorce and their problems and it made me think to myself, what did I do that was so great that I was lucky enough to marry you. I asked God but God wouldn’t talk to me, he never actually talks to me so as I was driving and I saw a florist stand, florists see people in love probably more than bartenders see people in sorrow so I figured I’d ask him. He didn’t know either, I’m not sure he spoke english because he grabbed these flowers and began wrapping them. Maybe it was a sign, maybe it was just a language barrier, but I thought you’d like them so I bought them.”

You can thank me later.

[scaredyclassic]

My wife would accuse me of being on drugs or maybe mental illness.

[jpinpb]

TG – You always say the right things 🙂

If this couple are not happy together, then maybe divorce is a good thing. They maybe will find someone who is their soul mate.

[svelte]

[quote=walterwhite]
Pm me and I’ll get you his number.[/quote]

You’ve been pm’ed.

[svelte]

[quote=temeculaguy]
Then tomorrow, stop by the flower stand and buy her some flowers…[/quote]

Great advice tg and I think I’ll do just that. Making lemonade out of lemons as best I can.

I’ll come up with different words than yours though because, while the divorcing couple is Catholic, we are non believers. The part about the whole situation making me appreciate what we have certainly rings very, very true…thanks in advance. 🙂

[CA renter]

[quote=temeculaguy]The best advice you can give is to avoid lawyers altogether. If he can talk to her before she gets one, and they are on decent speaking terms, they can work this out using the same attorney, a paralegal or by themselves like Dataagent reccomended. It all depends how mad they are and if they want to go to war or not.

I never saw the inside of a courtroom, my legal fees were under a grand and we went to the same attorney at the same time. We had property, investments, pensions, kids, debts and all the other complications, indluding a marriage over ten years long. It could have been a 50k fight in court and in the end, the same result. The courts have formulas, almost like turbo tax, you enter the facts and the result is the usually the same, you just save time and money.

7 years later, all is still well, kids are grown, never had much of fight and we still maintain a special joint checking account to pay for all kid expenses (sports, pictures, field trips, etc.) and their college savings is a joint account. I realize I hit the divorce jackpot and my ex is a reasonable and fiscally responsible woman, but it takes two to tango, and most couples (divorced or married) usually have things in common like this, even when divorced. Advise him to everything he can from making this a drawn out fight or trying to exact revenge.

In retrospect, neither of us felt like we were screwed over, in fact we both feel we did better by avoiding the cost an the stress that court creates. Other than that, I got nothing.[/quote]

GREAT advice, TG.

FWIW, my parents’ divorce proceedings lasted for about five years. Needless to say, they were six figures deep after going through multiple, multiple attorneys, forensic accountants, etc. It was heinous. At the end of it all, they both felt royally screwed, and never really recovered fully from it, financially or emotionally.

Svelte, tell you friends NOT to do what my parents did. Tell them to take TG’s advice. They still have kids to raise, and there is nothing worse than having your kids sit in the middle of a protracted, bitter, expensive divorce.

Hope they are able to work things out in their marriage; but if not, I hope they can come to an amicable agreement and live happily divorced. Some of our divorced friends all still hang out together with the new husbands & wives, and new kids, friends, etc. The new kids from the new marriages are the best of friends and share half-siblings. It is SO much better than having an ugly divorce.

[CA renter]

[quote=Jacarandoso][quote=walterwhite]Which is nit incompatible with occasional spells of happiness.[/quote]

Nor is it incompatible with a best case scenario for over all quality of life for all involved. This may be hard to discern at times,more or less, depending on the people involved.[/quote]

Agree very much with both of you.

Scaredy,

I love how you described marriage. You’re spot on. 🙂

[CA renter]

[quote=briansd1]Does happiness have anything to do with sexual attraction? What if you are really attracted to a certain type person, but you can’t find one who will like you back.

Can you compromise and still be happy with “the big stuff – money, kids, commitment.”

In talking to my friends, I find that some people care about the sexual partner more than others. Some people are very happy to have someone cook for them, or somebody around to lessen the loneliness.[/quote]

No offense, brian (and I’m sure you won’t be offended by this), but you’re talking like a serial dater — which you are.

Marriage is much deeper than that. The initial sexual attraction gives way to reality over the first months or years, and the more “mature” stuff — character, integrity, work habits, etc. — become far, far, far more important as time goes on. Once you have kids, you will either endear yourself to your partner or make them resent you. It’s a game-changer. When you have an awesome partner who works with you in all things, who is always there through thick and thin, and who shares many of the same values, etc., they become the most beautiful and magnificent person in the world — even if they look like John Goodman or Rosanne Barr.

[CA renter]

[quote=jpinpb][quote=UCGal]I meant that happiness was doable if you’re on the same page. It’s MUCH harder if you’re out of balance in any of those areas.[/quote]
You guys seem like a very good pair![/quote]

Definitely. 🙂

[CA renter]

[quote=briansd1]I agree, walter. when it’s over it’s over. why flight? You get hurt as much as the other party.

I could understand if there’s money to fight over. But generally there isn’t.

we should make getting married just as difficult as getting divorced so we people understand the legal contract they are getting into.[/quote]

On ^THAT^, we are in definite agreement.

[CA renter]

[quote=njtosd][quote=briansd1]Does happiness have anything to do with sexual attraction? What if you are really attracted to a certain type person, but you can’t find one who will like you back.

[/quote]

Is the “certain type person” you’re talking about a “woman”? If so, your options are probably kind of limited.[/quote]

ROFLMAO!!!!

[briansd1]

[[quote=njtosd][quote=briansd1]Does happiness have anything to do with sexual attraction? What if you are really attracted to a certain type person, but you can’t find one who will like you back.

[/quote]

Is the “certain type person” you’re talking about a “woman”? If so, your options are probably kind of limited.[/quote]

haha.. that’s what I meant by mind games. Women are pretty good at inuendos, you do have to keep up with them.

I think that data is on my side. I’m not the middle age divorcee looking to get remarried.

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