OT: Divorce Lawyer

[svelte]

Wow, once again some very great thoughts on here. Taken collectively, you all have an amazing ability to analyze things from all angles.

I don’t want to say too much to make them identifiable (their friends may be reading!), but this has come up before in their relationship. I tried to be mediator and was successful (at least I helped in some manner), but here we are over a year later in the same spot. I truly think they just aren’t compatible. And yes, I’ve asked them to get counceling to no avail – at various times, one or the other won’t go.

I guess I had thrown out the no-lawyer option because they aren’t seeing eye to eye on how the divorce would go (from what I hear, anyway). But these posts have made me rethink that option – they aren’t that far apart and it certainly would save them money, which is very tight for them right now. So thank you all for making me re-examine that option for them.

What I hadn’t considered is that even if they can’t reach perfect agreement among themselves, if the court has formulas for how to do the split, maybe they’ll both agree to accept whatever comes out the other end of those equations. That might work. Thank you, tg.

I was trying to convince them to stay together because of the kids, but at a certain point staying together really does more harm than good. They are all miserable. Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to help at all.

[scaredyclassic]

sure they’re miserable. life is often miserable. who said they were supposed to be happy? the purpose of life is to fulfill your duty, not be happy constantly. moreover, their happiness will vary over time. it’s like in 5 years the whole situation will be different.

show me in the wedding vows where its expected anyone is happy.

don’t you think that would be covered if it had any importance whatsoever?

i’m not even sure the human individual matters. they should each think of themselves as human sacrifices.

[jpinpb]

Okay. I’m new to this marriage thing, but have had previous long-term relationships. I really don’t know what kind of marriages you people have. I am sad for you. If your marriages are so bad, why stay in it? No, it will not always be blissful, but I can’t imagine my life w/out my DH and he says the same and no, not just saying it. It is mutual, for sure. He said I’m his soul mate. I laugh b/c that strikes me as something a girl says. But he means it.

I hope you guys are kidding. I know plenty of people who are married that are very content. Sure there are ups and downs in life, but that would be the case whether they were single or married. The marriage itself is happy.

[jpinpb]

[quote=svelte]WI was trying to convince them to stay together because of the kids, but at a certain point staying together really does more harm than good. They are all miserable. Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to help at all.[/quote]

I don’t know how long the marriage is, but forcing to stay together for the kids could cause resentment. One more straw and strain on the relationship. Debateable whether it’s good for the kids or not in the end, depending on how old the kids are.

[scaredyclassic]

Jpinb how long you been married? How many kids?

Marriage is part war, part business arrangement part friendship and part childraising partner.

The proportions may vary.

No one married less than 10 years is permiited to comment on the nature of marriage. That is a new law in calif. Misdemeanor punishable by up to 6 mos. County jail.

[jpinpb]

LOL. Okay. Dated for almost 2 years. Lived together almost 2 years. Married 4. Maybe I’m still considered a newlywed.

Edit – 2 stepkids.

[Anonymous]

[quote=walterwhite]Marriage is part war, part business arrangement part friendship and part childraising partner.[/quote]

No sex?

Or is that what you mean by “war?”

Interesting approach…

[scaredyclassic]

I’d put sex as a subcategory under friendship

[briansd1]

I’m with walter.

Often times people are happy with their situations because they don’t look deep down.

Of course, there are plenty of happy marriages out there, but they are not the majority. As walter said, generally it’s about duty and obligations and going through the motions, just like others and generations before us have done.

[scaredyclassic]

Which is nit incompatible with occasional spells of happiness.

[NotCranky]

[quote=walterwhite]Which is nit incompatible with occasional spells of happiness.[/quote]

Nor is it incompatible with a best case scenario for over all quality of life for all involved. This may be hard to discern at times,more or less, depending on the people involved.

[scaredyclassic]

Hey your friend can always get divorced next year. What’s the rush?

[UCGal]

[quote=Jacarandoso][quote=walterwhite]Which is nit incompatible with occasional spells of happiness.[/quote]

Nor is it incompatible with a best case scenario for over all quality of life for all involved. This may be hard to discern at times,more or less, depending on the people involved.[/quote]

Maybe I’m in denial… but I think you can be very happy when you find a person who’s a good partner in child rearing (if you have kids), financial endeavors, hobbies, travel. The key is being on the same page on the big stuff – money, kids, commitment.

But if the couple is out of balance on commitment (cheating), money (a spender vs a saver), or child rearing (strict parent vs lenient parent)… happiness is definitely doable.

[briansd1]

Does happiness have anything to do with sexual attraction? What if you are really attracted to a certain type person, but you can’t find one who will like you back.

Can you compromise and still be happy with “the big stuff – money, kids, commitment.”

In talking to my friends, I find that some people care about the sexual partner more than others. Some people are very happy to have someone cook for them, or somebody around to lessen the loneliness.

[NotCranky]

[quote=UCGal][quote=Jacarandoso][quote=walterwhite]Which is nit incompatible with occasional spells of happiness.[/quote]

Nor is it incompatible with a best case scenario for over all quality of life for all involved. This may be hard to discern at times,more or less, depending on the people involved.[/quote]

Maybe I’m in denial… but I think you can be very happy when you find a person who’s a good partner in child rearing (if you have kids), financial endeavors, hobbies, travel. The key is being on the same page on the big stuff – money, kids, commitment.

But if the couple is out of balance on commitment (cheating), money (a spender vs a saver), or child rearing (strict parent vs lenient parent)… happiness is definitely doable.[/quote]

I don’t think you are in denial, unless you mean, happy all the time. Even then, maybe you wouldn’t be in denial, but I have never met anyone like that. I can see where the way scaredy said “occasional spells of happiness” could fall short of some people’s reality too.

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