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May 20, 2011 at 5:25 PM #698704May 21, 2011 at 3:38 AM #697585
CA renter
Participant[quote=temeculaguy]I’m going to offer an entirely different perspective. Sell it,(short or whatever), throw away the mattress and the bed linens and rent for a bit. Get completely detached from the former in laws financially, hopefully they get all their money back, because you have a lot of holidays and events where you will have to deal with them, fighting them now will just screw up your karma and your christmas.
You mentined you had 35k, a stable income, and joint custody with your now ex-wife. Keeping that place sucks for a few reasons. The ex feels comfortable in it, which means she will feel at home visting and know where everything is and probably has a key or knows how to get in. She may have friends that are your neighbors, these are now to be considered spies. It’s better she feels like a stranger at your new place, knows nobody, doesn’t know where a guest’s car would be parked or which car is out of place. Because on nights she has your daughter, you might get lonely and find a fellow divorcee, she will not like it there. She will ask if that is the same bed and if your linens are not masculine, she’ll know another woman picked them. It sounds silly, but it will happen. Don’t find a replacement wife, you can do this by yourself a while, it’s better that way. Plus don’t you want to start fresh, do it yourself, decide yourself. It’s liberating, cleansing, and apartments wont kill you for a few years.
Your daughter will be fine, life is an adventure, and let her help pick the new place and eventually the one you buy, let her pick her room. Love the crap out of her, avoid getting babysitters for nights out, keep your social life and any future ladyfriends from her and your daughter will be just fine, no matter where she lives. Tension between her two sides of her famiily will worsen things.
No matter how it feels right now, there will come a day when this is all behind you and there might even come a day when you find a potential new Mrs. French, however my other piece of advice is make that day a long way off. And I can guarantee, she wont want to live in the pace you picked out with your ex. Women are usually the ones who try to keep the place and it makes them crazy and broke trying not to change their standard of living, but accept it, own it, it’s actually much more fun even if you have less. Everytime I mow my lawn I miss my condo.
You know what else is prevalent in rentals… newly divorced women!!!
Or take the money out of your 401k, but give those people back their money, you didnt spend all your money on their daughter, you spent it on your wife. Don’t take what isn’t yours, even if you can, even if it’s legal. Doing the right thing, getting neagative people out of your life or minimizing their impact, well, it’s priceless.
Having travleed the road you just set foot on, let me tell you, it gets better from here.[/quote]
Best advice in the thread.
May 21, 2011 at 3:38 AM #697676Participant[quote=temeculaguy]I’m going to offer an entirely different perspective. Sell it,(short or whatever), throw away the mattress and the bed linens and rent for a bit. Get completely detached from the former in laws financially, hopefully they get all their money back, because you have a lot of holidays and events where you will have to deal with them, fighting them now will just screw up your karma and your christmas.
You mentined you had 35k, a stable income, and joint custody with your now ex-wife. Keeping that place sucks for a few reasons. The ex feels comfortable in it, which means she will feel at home visting and know where everything is and probably has a key or knows how to get in. She may have friends that are your neighbors, these are now to be considered spies. It’s better she feels like a stranger at your new place, knows nobody, doesn’t know where a guest’s car would be parked or which car is out of place. Because on nights she has your daughter, you might get lonely and find a fellow divorcee, she will not like it there. She will ask if that is the same bed and if your linens are not masculine, she’ll know another woman picked them. It sounds silly, but it will happen. Don’t find a replacement wife, you can do this by yourself a while, it’s better that way. Plus don’t you want to start fresh, do it yourself, decide yourself. It’s liberating, cleansing, and apartments wont kill you for a few years.
Your daughter will be fine, life is an adventure, and let her help pick the new place and eventually the one you buy, let her pick her room. Love the crap out of her, avoid getting babysitters for nights out, keep your social life and any future ladyfriends from her and your daughter will be just fine, no matter where she lives. Tension between her two sides of her famiily will worsen things.
No matter how it feels right now, there will come a day when this is all behind you and there might even come a day when you find a potential new Mrs. French, however my other piece of advice is make that day a long way off. And I can guarantee, she wont want to live in the pace you picked out with your ex. Women are usually the ones who try to keep the place and it makes them crazy and broke trying not to change their standard of living, but accept it, own it, it’s actually much more fun even if you have less. Everytime I mow my lawn I miss my condo.
You know what else is prevalent in rentals… newly divorced women!!!
Or take the money out of your 401k, but give those people back their money, you didnt spend all your money on their daughter, you spent it on your wife. Don’t take what isn’t yours, even if you can, even if it’s legal. Doing the right thing, getting neagative people out of your life or minimizing their impact, well, it’s priceless.
Having travleed the road you just set foot on, let me tell you, it gets better from here.[/quote]
Best advice in the thread.
May 21, 2011 at 3:38 AM #698272Participant[quote=temeculaguy]I’m going to offer an entirely different perspective. Sell it,(short or whatever), throw away the mattress and the bed linens and rent for a bit. Get completely detached from the former in laws financially, hopefully they get all their money back, because you have a lot of holidays and events where you will have to deal with them, fighting them now will just screw up your karma and your christmas.
You mentined you had 35k, a stable income, and joint custody with your now ex-wife. Keeping that place sucks for a few reasons. The ex feels comfortable in it, which means she will feel at home visting and know where everything is and probably has a key or knows how to get in. She may have friends that are your neighbors, these are now to be considered spies. It’s better she feels like a stranger at your new place, knows nobody, doesn’t know where a guest’s car would be parked or which car is out of place. Because on nights she has your daughter, you might get lonely and find a fellow divorcee, she will not like it there. She will ask if that is the same bed and if your linens are not masculine, she’ll know another woman picked them. It sounds silly, but it will happen. Don’t find a replacement wife, you can do this by yourself a while, it’s better that way. Plus don’t you want to start fresh, do it yourself, decide yourself. It’s liberating, cleansing, and apartments wont kill you for a few years.
Your daughter will be fine, life is an adventure, and let her help pick the new place and eventually the one you buy, let her pick her room. Love the crap out of her, avoid getting babysitters for nights out, keep your social life and any future ladyfriends from her and your daughter will be just fine, no matter where she lives. Tension between her two sides of her famiily will worsen things.
No matter how it feels right now, there will come a day when this is all behind you and there might even come a day when you find a potential new Mrs. French, however my other piece of advice is make that day a long way off. And I can guarantee, she wont want to live in the pace you picked out with your ex. Women are usually the ones who try to keep the place and it makes them crazy and broke trying not to change their standard of living, but accept it, own it, it’s actually much more fun even if you have less. Everytime I mow my lawn I miss my condo.
You know what else is prevalent in rentals… newly divorced women!!!
Or take the money out of your 401k, but give those people back their money, you didnt spend all your money on their daughter, you spent it on your wife. Don’t take what isn’t yours, even if you can, even if it’s legal. Doing the right thing, getting neagative people out of your life or minimizing their impact, well, it’s priceless.
Having travleed the road you just set foot on, let me tell you, it gets better from here.[/quote]
Best advice in the thread.
May 21, 2011 at 3:38 AM #698418Participant[quote=temeculaguy]I’m going to offer an entirely different perspective. Sell it,(short or whatever), throw away the mattress and the bed linens and rent for a bit. Get completely detached from the former in laws financially, hopefully they get all their money back, because you have a lot of holidays and events where you will have to deal with them, fighting them now will just screw up your karma and your christmas.
You mentined you had 35k, a stable income, and joint custody with your now ex-wife. Keeping that place sucks for a few reasons. The ex feels comfortable in it, which means she will feel at home visting and know where everything is and probably has a key or knows how to get in. She may have friends that are your neighbors, these are now to be considered spies. It’s better she feels like a stranger at your new place, knows nobody, doesn’t know where a guest’s car would be parked or which car is out of place. Because on nights she has your daughter, you might get lonely and find a fellow divorcee, she will not like it there. She will ask if that is the same bed and if your linens are not masculine, she’ll know another woman picked them. It sounds silly, but it will happen. Don’t find a replacement wife, you can do this by yourself a while, it’s better that way. Plus don’t you want to start fresh, do it yourself, decide yourself. It’s liberating, cleansing, and apartments wont kill you for a few years.
Your daughter will be fine, life is an adventure, and let her help pick the new place and eventually the one you buy, let her pick her room. Love the crap out of her, avoid getting babysitters for nights out, keep your social life and any future ladyfriends from her and your daughter will be just fine, no matter where she lives. Tension between her two sides of her famiily will worsen things.
No matter how it feels right now, there will come a day when this is all behind you and there might even come a day when you find a potential new Mrs. French, however my other piece of advice is make that day a long way off. And I can guarantee, she wont want to live in the pace you picked out with your ex. Women are usually the ones who try to keep the place and it makes them crazy and broke trying not to change their standard of living, but accept it, own it, it’s actually much more fun even if you have less. Everytime I mow my lawn I miss my condo.
You know what else is prevalent in rentals… newly divorced women!!!
Or take the money out of your 401k, but give those people back their money, you didnt spend all your money on their daughter, you spent it on your wife. Don’t take what isn’t yours, even if you can, even if it’s legal. Doing the right thing, getting neagative people out of your life or minimizing their impact, well, it’s priceless.
Having travleed the road you just set foot on, let me tell you, it gets better from here.[/quote]
Best advice in the thread.
May 21, 2011 at 3:38 AM #698774Participant[quote=temeculaguy]I’m going to offer an entirely different perspective. Sell it,(short or whatever), throw away the mattress and the bed linens and rent for a bit. Get completely detached from the former in laws financially, hopefully they get all their money back, because you have a lot of holidays and events where you will have to deal with them, fighting them now will just screw up your karma and your christmas.
You mentined you had 35k, a stable income, and joint custody with your now ex-wife. Keeping that place sucks for a few reasons. The ex feels comfortable in it, which means she will feel at home visting and know where everything is and probably has a key or knows how to get in. She may have friends that are your neighbors, these are now to be considered spies. It’s better she feels like a stranger at your new place, knows nobody, doesn’t know where a guest’s car would be parked or which car is out of place. Because on nights she has your daughter, you might get lonely and find a fellow divorcee, she will not like it there. She will ask if that is the same bed and if your linens are not masculine, she’ll know another woman picked them. It sounds silly, but it will happen. Don’t find a replacement wife, you can do this by yourself a while, it’s better that way. Plus don’t you want to start fresh, do it yourself, decide yourself. It’s liberating, cleansing, and apartments wont kill you for a few years.
Your daughter will be fine, life is an adventure, and let her help pick the new place and eventually the one you buy, let her pick her room. Love the crap out of her, avoid getting babysitters for nights out, keep your social life and any future ladyfriends from her and your daughter will be just fine, no matter where she lives. Tension between her two sides of her famiily will worsen things.
No matter how it feels right now, there will come a day when this is all behind you and there might even come a day when you find a potential new Mrs. French, however my other piece of advice is make that day a long way off. And I can guarantee, she wont want to live in the pace you picked out with your ex. Women are usually the ones who try to keep the place and it makes them crazy and broke trying not to change their standard of living, but accept it, own it, it’s actually much more fun even if you have less. Everytime I mow my lawn I miss my condo.
You know what else is prevalent in rentals… newly divorced women!!!
Or take the money out of your 401k, but give those people back their money, you didnt spend all your money on their daughter, you spent it on your wife. Don’t take what isn’t yours, even if you can, even if it’s legal. Doing the right thing, getting neagative people out of your life or minimizing their impact, well, it’s priceless.
Having travleed the road you just set foot on, let me tell you, it gets better from here.[/quote]
Best advice in the thread.
May 21, 2011 at 10:04 PM #697700Anonymous
GuestFrenchlambada –
1) I am not a lawyer.
2) The advice and comments in this thread are good, but the best advice is to consult a real lawyer.
3) It may very well be that it is not in your best interest to use retirement money to hang onto the condo. If it is, though, you should be aware of two possible ways to access the money. One is to take a loan from your 401k balance. Not all plans allow this, and different plans have different rules. You should contact your HR department and ask about the particulars of your 401k, and what the rules are for loans. One landmine to be aware of is that if you ever leave your current employer, you have a *very* short period of time to repay the loan. If you fail to do that, the amount of the remaining loan balance will likely be considered an early withdrawl, subject to income tax and penalties.
The other way to access the money is something called a “hardship withdrawl”. Your plan may or may not provide for those, but most plans that do will recognize “payments necessary to prevent eviction from, or foreclosure on, a principal residence” as a valid reason for a hardship withdrawl. Your withdrawl would likely be subject to ordinary income tax, and an additional 10% penalty. For example, if you are in the 28% bracket and you withdraw $100,000, then $10,000 would go to the penalty, $28,000 would go to federal income taxes, and you’d be left with $62,000. This ignores California income taxes, which make the whole thing look even less attractive. If this hasn’t completely discouraged you, ask your HR department about your plan’s policies regarding hardship withdrawls.
If you have a special flavor of the 401k called a “Roth 401k”, the rules may be more favorable to you. Those are relatively rare, though.
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc557.html
4) If you are determined to stay where you are, have you run the numbers on buying an identical unit in your complex, moving to it, and stategically defaulting on your current condo? That probably doesn’t make sense, but it’s worth a few minutes thought.
May 21, 2011 at 10:04 PM #697791GuestFrenchlambada –
1) I am not a lawyer.
2) The advice and comments in this thread are good, but the best advice is to consult a real lawyer.
3) It may very well be that it is not in your best interest to use retirement money to hang onto the condo. If it is, though, you should be aware of two possible ways to access the money. One is to take a loan from your 401k balance. Not all plans allow this, and different plans have different rules. You should contact your HR department and ask about the particulars of your 401k, and what the rules are for loans. One landmine to be aware of is that if you ever leave your current employer, you have a *very* short period of time to repay the loan. If you fail to do that, the amount of the remaining loan balance will likely be considered an early withdrawl, subject to income tax and penalties.
The other way to access the money is something called a “hardship withdrawl”. Your plan may or may not provide for those, but most plans that do will recognize “payments necessary to prevent eviction from, or foreclosure on, a principal residence” as a valid reason for a hardship withdrawl. Your withdrawl would likely be subject to ordinary income tax, and an additional 10% penalty. For example, if you are in the 28% bracket and you withdraw $100,000, then $10,000 would go to the penalty, $28,000 would go to federal income taxes, and you’d be left with $62,000. This ignores California income taxes, which make the whole thing look even less attractive. If this hasn’t completely discouraged you, ask your HR department about your plan’s policies regarding hardship withdrawls.
If you have a special flavor of the 401k called a “Roth 401k”, the rules may be more favorable to you. Those are relatively rare, though.
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc557.html
4) If you are determined to stay where you are, have you run the numbers on buying an identical unit in your complex, moving to it, and stategically defaulting on your current condo? That probably doesn’t make sense, but it’s worth a few minutes thought.
May 21, 2011 at 10:04 PM #698387GuestFrenchlambada –
1) I am not a lawyer.
2) The advice and comments in this thread are good, but the best advice is to consult a real lawyer.
3) It may very well be that it is not in your best interest to use retirement money to hang onto the condo. If it is, though, you should be aware of two possible ways to access the money. One is to take a loan from your 401k balance. Not all plans allow this, and different plans have different rules. You should contact your HR department and ask about the particulars of your 401k, and what the rules are for loans. One landmine to be aware of is that if you ever leave your current employer, you have a *very* short period of time to repay the loan. If you fail to do that, the amount of the remaining loan balance will likely be considered an early withdrawl, subject to income tax and penalties.
The other way to access the money is something called a “hardship withdrawl”. Your plan may or may not provide for those, but most plans that do will recognize “payments necessary to prevent eviction from, or foreclosure on, a principal residence” as a valid reason for a hardship withdrawl. Your withdrawl would likely be subject to ordinary income tax, and an additional 10% penalty. For example, if you are in the 28% bracket and you withdraw $100,000, then $10,000 would go to the penalty, $28,000 would go to federal income taxes, and you’d be left with $62,000. This ignores California income taxes, which make the whole thing look even less attractive. If this hasn’t completely discouraged you, ask your HR department about your plan’s policies regarding hardship withdrawls.
If you have a special flavor of the 401k called a “Roth 401k”, the rules may be more favorable to you. Those are relatively rare, though.
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc557.html
4) If you are determined to stay where you are, have you run the numbers on buying an identical unit in your complex, moving to it, and stategically defaulting on your current condo? That probably doesn’t make sense, but it’s worth a few minutes thought.
May 21, 2011 at 10:04 PM #698533GuestFrenchlambada –
1) I am not a lawyer.
2) The advice and comments in this thread are good, but the best advice is to consult a real lawyer.
3) It may very well be that it is not in your best interest to use retirement money to hang onto the condo. If it is, though, you should be aware of two possible ways to access the money. One is to take a loan from your 401k balance. Not all plans allow this, and different plans have different rules. You should contact your HR department and ask about the particulars of your 401k, and what the rules are for loans. One landmine to be aware of is that if you ever leave your current employer, you have a *very* short period of time to repay the loan. If you fail to do that, the amount of the remaining loan balance will likely be considered an early withdrawl, subject to income tax and penalties.
The other way to access the money is something called a “hardship withdrawl”. Your plan may or may not provide for those, but most plans that do will recognize “payments necessary to prevent eviction from, or foreclosure on, a principal residence” as a valid reason for a hardship withdrawl. Your withdrawl would likely be subject to ordinary income tax, and an additional 10% penalty. For example, if you are in the 28% bracket and you withdraw $100,000, then $10,000 would go to the penalty, $28,000 would go to federal income taxes, and you’d be left with $62,000. This ignores California income taxes, which make the whole thing look even less attractive. If this hasn’t completely discouraged you, ask your HR department about your plan’s policies regarding hardship withdrawls.
If you have a special flavor of the 401k called a “Roth 401k”, the rules may be more favorable to you. Those are relatively rare, though.
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc557.html
4) If you are determined to stay where you are, have you run the numbers on buying an identical unit in your complex, moving to it, and stategically defaulting on your current condo? That probably doesn’t make sense, but it’s worth a few minutes thought.
May 21, 2011 at 10:04 PM #698889GuestFrenchlambada –
1) I am not a lawyer.
2) The advice and comments in this thread are good, but the best advice is to consult a real lawyer.
3) It may very well be that it is not in your best interest to use retirement money to hang onto the condo. If it is, though, you should be aware of two possible ways to access the money. One is to take a loan from your 401k balance. Not all plans allow this, and different plans have different rules. You should contact your HR department and ask about the particulars of your 401k, and what the rules are for loans. One landmine to be aware of is that if you ever leave your current employer, you have a *very* short period of time to repay the loan. If you fail to do that, the amount of the remaining loan balance will likely be considered an early withdrawl, subject to income tax and penalties.
The other way to access the money is something called a “hardship withdrawl”. Your plan may or may not provide for those, but most plans that do will recognize “payments necessary to prevent eviction from, or foreclosure on, a principal residence” as a valid reason for a hardship withdrawl. Your withdrawl would likely be subject to ordinary income tax, and an additional 10% penalty. For example, if you are in the 28% bracket and you withdraw $100,000, then $10,000 would go to the penalty, $28,000 would go to federal income taxes, and you’d be left with $62,000. This ignores California income taxes, which make the whole thing look even less attractive. If this hasn’t completely discouraged you, ask your HR department about your plan’s policies regarding hardship withdrawls.
If you have a special flavor of the 401k called a “Roth 401k”, the rules may be more favorable to you. Those are relatively rare, though.
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc557.html
4) If you are determined to stay where you are, have you run the numbers on buying an identical unit in your complex, moving to it, and stategically defaulting on your current condo? That probably doesn’t make sense, but it’s worth a few minutes thought.
May 23, 2011 at 9:52 AM #697850zzz
Participant[quote=ucodegen]
Libel only applies if it is not true. Also, opinions on blogs are generally protected under first amendment. Exceptions are if the poster of the information is presenting themselves as an expert. (there are a few other items that would be exceptions, but they don’t apply here)[/quote]ucodegen, i’m familiar with what libel is, but people do and can sue you regardless if their claim has any legs to stand on, and people have sued over “opinions” on review sites, blogs, etc. the point is, he should consult an attorney since he’s in complicated predicament, so why air these personal matters online on any off chance they could come back to haunt?
May 23, 2011 at 9:52 AM #697941Participant[quote=ucodegen]
Libel only applies if it is not true. Also, opinions on blogs are generally protected under first amendment. Exceptions are if the poster of the information is presenting themselves as an expert. (there are a few other items that would be exceptions, but they don’t apply here)[/quote]ucodegen, i’m familiar with what libel is, but people do and can sue you regardless if their claim has any legs to stand on, and people have sued over “opinions” on review sites, blogs, etc. the point is, he should consult an attorney since he’s in complicated predicament, so why air these personal matters online on any off chance they could come back to haunt?
May 23, 2011 at 9:52 AM #698536Participant[quote=ucodegen]
Libel only applies if it is not true. Also, opinions on blogs are generally protected under first amendment. Exceptions are if the poster of the information is presenting themselves as an expert. (there are a few other items that would be exceptions, but they don’t apply here)[/quote]ucodegen, i’m familiar with what libel is, but people do and can sue you regardless if their claim has any legs to stand on, and people have sued over “opinions” on review sites, blogs, etc. the point is, he should consult an attorney since he’s in complicated predicament, so why air these personal matters online on any off chance they could come back to haunt?
May 23, 2011 at 9:52 AM #698682Participant[quote=ucodegen]
Libel only applies if it is not true. Also, opinions on blogs are generally protected under first amendment. Exceptions are if the poster of the information is presenting themselves as an expert. (there are a few other items that would be exceptions, but they don’t apply here)[/quote]ucodegen, i’m familiar with what libel is, but people do and can sue you regardless if their claim has any legs to stand on, and people have sued over “opinions” on review sites, blogs, etc. the point is, he should consult an attorney since he’s in complicated predicament, so why air these personal matters online on any off chance they could come back to haunt?
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