[temeculaguy]

Just an addendum, the 2k daycare is bugging me. Is there a grandparent or relative that isn’t doing anything? It’s almost the equivalent of rent. I feel blessed seeing your story since I only had to deal with the childcare thing for a short time, but a place with another room, even a place you buy, shouldn’t be 2k more and many people have a relative who would exchange free rent/utilities/food for childcare. Because you wrote of the trips to visit relatives in Europe, it may not be an option. If it is, that can be soloution. With so many people unemployed, are you related to any of them that wouldn’t mind living in So Cal for free? Grandparents and great grandparents can be a nice influence on the younguns, sometimes it is an impossibility but sometimes all you need to do is ask.

[temeculaguy]

Just an addendum, the 2k daycare is bugging me. Is there a grandparent or relative that isn’t doing anything? It’s almost the equivalent of rent. I feel blessed seeing your story since I only had to deal with the childcare thing for a short time, but a place with another room, even a place you buy, shouldn’t be 2k more and many people have a relative who would exchange free rent/utilities/food for childcare. Because you wrote of the trips to visit relatives in Europe, it may not be an option. If it is, that can be soloution. With so many people unemployed, are you related to any of them that wouldn’t mind living in So Cal for free? Grandparents and great grandparents can be a nice influence on the younguns, sometimes it is an impossibility but sometimes all you need to do is ask.

[temeculaguy]

Just an addendum, the 2k daycare is bugging me. Is there a grandparent or relative that isn’t doing anything? It’s almost the equivalent of rent. I feel blessed seeing your story since I only had to deal with the childcare thing for a short time, but a place with another room, even a place you buy, shouldn’t be 2k more and many people have a relative who would exchange free rent/utilities/food for childcare. Because you wrote of the trips to visit relatives in Europe, it may not be an option. If it is, that can be soloution. With so many people unemployed, are you related to any of them that wouldn’t mind living in So Cal for free? Grandparents and great grandparents can be a nice influence on the younguns, sometimes it is an impossibility but sometimes all you need to do is ask.

[temeculaguy]

Just an addendum, the 2k daycare is bugging me. Is there a grandparent or relative that isn’t doing anything? It’s almost the equivalent of rent. I feel blessed seeing your story since I only had to deal with the childcare thing for a short time, but a place with another room, even a place you buy, shouldn’t be 2k more and many people have a relative who would exchange free rent/utilities/food for childcare. Because you wrote of the trips to visit relatives in Europe, it may not be an option. If it is, that can be soloution. With so many people unemployed, are you related to any of them that wouldn’t mind living in So Cal for free? Grandparents and great grandparents can be a nice influence on the younguns, sometimes it is an impossibility but sometimes all you need to do is ask.

[temeculaguy]

[quote=Scarlett][quote=outtamojo]Not to criticize spending habits, but shouldn’t 170K income/ year be plenty even w/ kids?[/quote]
Plenty for what? To live decently in a pricey area like La Jolla UTC (renting) – yes, but not saving much.

Here is a breakdown:
The take home salary is 12K. Maximizing 401K means 2000/mo. 2000/mo daycare, 1000/mo college funds, 500/mo life insurance; gas,car insurance, car payments 1000/mo. $500 utilities, cable and iphones. So here are 7000$ already accounted for. we have left $5000 at MOST. $2500 rent.
Food is at least $1500.

Then there are clothes, toys/games, books, parks, classes/activities, and other household items…

Only for last couple years we had real income after one of us left finally academia…

Of course all of us going to Europe to see my family and them to see the kids every other year for a few weeks wipes most of the savings those year…[/quote]

Don’t take this the wrong way, I mean it constructively. There are a few expenses you may want to take a look at, the 2k a month daycare, the 1500 food, the 500 life insurance and the 1k college funds. I’m past the daycare days but there hasn’t been that much inflation, I remember having a “live in” maid/nanny for about $200 a week for some of the years, just an option, but it was nice to have the house clean, laundry done and the kids learned spanish. 1500 in food for four people is high, that’s $100 a week per person or $50 a day, a sandwich costs about a buck to make and $5 at subway, plus for the money you spend at daycare, isn’t food covered. I’m feeding a high school football player on far less than that. I’m not being sarcastic, but try costco, I can feed that kid a 1/4 pound of bacon, half dozen eggs and 1/4 loaf of bread for about $5. There’s nothing more expensive than feeding a teenager, little kids are cheap to feed, what’s a happy meal these days? $3, a bowl of cereal and a banana is $1, there’s breakfast for four for a month for $120.
College fund, that’s negotiable, not sure how old you are but if they will be in college while you are still working you don’t really need it paid for entirely by the time they start, just a nice chunk to offset it, half is good. Buy a house when they are young, don’t heloc and by the time they are in college, your fixed rent will be lower than rent so there will be a little surplus. Life insurance? Get term, half a mil, maybe a mil, once they are out of college, you don’t need it, it’s nice but if it’s taking such a big chunk of your income then it’s too much. I think people over insure sometimes, figure it out like alimony, a couple grand a month until the kids are 18 is more than enough for divorced women, widows don’t need lottery money and the odds are you will live.

Just some things to look at, sometimes some of the things we like are our undoing. I’m guilty of similar financial decisions, but have found that making cost saving choices didn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought.

[temeculaguy]

[quote=Scarlett][quote=outtamojo]Not to criticize spending habits, but shouldn’t 170K income/ year be plenty even w/ kids?[/quote]
Plenty for what? To live decently in a pricey area like La Jolla UTC (renting) – yes, but not saving much.

Here is a breakdown:
The take home salary is 12K. Maximizing 401K means 2000/mo. 2000/mo daycare, 1000/mo college funds, 500/mo life insurance; gas,car insurance, car payments 1000/mo. $500 utilities, cable and iphones. So here are 7000$ already accounted for. we have left $5000 at MOST. $2500 rent.
Food is at least $1500.

Then there are clothes, toys/games, books, parks, classes/activities, and other household items…

Only for last couple years we had real income after one of us left finally academia…

Of course all of us going to Europe to see my family and them to see the kids every other year for a few weeks wipes most of the savings those year…[/quote]

Don’t take this the wrong way, I mean it constructively. There are a few expenses you may want to take a look at, the 2k a month daycare, the 1500 food, the 500 life insurance and the 1k college funds. I’m past the daycare days but there hasn’t been that much inflation, I remember having a “live in” maid/nanny for about $200 a week for some of the years, just an option, but it was nice to have the house clean, laundry done and the kids learned spanish. 1500 in food for four people is high, that’s $100 a week per person or $50 a day, a sandwich costs about a buck to make and $5 at subway, plus for the money you spend at daycare, isn’t food covered. I’m feeding a high school football player on far less than that. I’m not being sarcastic, but try costco, I can feed that kid a 1/4 pound of bacon, half dozen eggs and 1/4 loaf of bread for about $5. There’s nothing more expensive than feeding a teenager, little kids are cheap to feed, what’s a happy meal these days? $3, a bowl of cereal and a banana is $1, there’s breakfast for four for a month for $120.
College fund, that’s negotiable, not sure how old you are but if they will be in college while you are still working you don’t really need it paid for entirely by the time they start, just a nice chunk to offset it, half is good. Buy a house when they are young, don’t heloc and by the time they are in college, your fixed rent will be lower than rent so there will be a little surplus. Life insurance? Get term, half a mil, maybe a mil, once they are out of college, you don’t need it, it’s nice but if it’s taking such a big chunk of your income then it’s too much. I think people over insure sometimes, figure it out like alimony, a couple grand a month until the kids are 18 is more than enough for divorced women, widows don’t need lottery money and the odds are you will live.

Just some things to look at, sometimes some of the things we like are our undoing. I’m guilty of similar financial decisions, but have found that making cost saving choices didn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought.

[temeculaguy]

[quote=Scarlett][quote=outtamojo]Not to criticize spending habits, but shouldn’t 170K income/ year be plenty even w/ kids?[/quote]
Plenty for what? To live decently in a pricey area like La Jolla UTC (renting) – yes, but not saving much.

Here is a breakdown:
The take home salary is 12K. Maximizing 401K means 2000/mo. 2000/mo daycare, 1000/mo college funds, 500/mo life insurance; gas,car insurance, car payments 1000/mo. $500 utilities, cable and iphones. So here are 7000$ already accounted for. we have left $5000 at MOST. $2500 rent.
Food is at least $1500.

Then there are clothes, toys/games, books, parks, classes/activities, and other household items…

Only for last couple years we had real income after one of us left finally academia…

Of course all of us going to Europe to see my family and them to see the kids every other year for a few weeks wipes most of the savings those year…[/quote]

Don’t take this the wrong way, I mean it constructively. There are a few expenses you may want to take a look at, the 2k a month daycare, the 1500 food, the 500 life insurance and the 1k college funds. I’m past the daycare days but there hasn’t been that much inflation, I remember having a “live in” maid/nanny for about $200 a week for some of the years, just an option, but it was nice to have the house clean, laundry done and the kids learned spanish. 1500 in food for four people is high, that’s $100 a week per person or $50 a day, a sandwich costs about a buck to make and $5 at subway, plus for the money you spend at daycare, isn’t food covered. I’m feeding a high school football player on far less than that. I’m not being sarcastic, but try costco, I can feed that kid a 1/4 pound of bacon, half dozen eggs and 1/4 loaf of bread for about $5. There’s nothing more expensive than feeding a teenager, little kids are cheap to feed, what’s a happy meal these days? $3, a bowl of cereal and a banana is $1, there’s breakfast for four for a month for $120.
College fund, that’s negotiable, not sure how old you are but if they will be in college while you are still working you don’t really need it paid for entirely by the time they start, just a nice chunk to offset it, half is good. Buy a house when they are young, don’t heloc and by the time they are in college, your fixed rent will be lower than rent so there will be a little surplus. Life insurance? Get term, half a mil, maybe a mil, once they are out of college, you don’t need it, it’s nice but if it’s taking such a big chunk of your income then it’s too much. I think people over insure sometimes, figure it out like alimony, a couple grand a month until the kids are 18 is more than enough for divorced women, widows don’t need lottery money and the odds are you will live.

Just some things to look at, sometimes some of the things we like are our undoing. I’m guilty of similar financial decisions, but have found that making cost saving choices didn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought.

[temeculaguy]

[quote=Scarlett][quote=outtamojo]Not to criticize spending habits, but shouldn’t 170K income/ year be plenty even w/ kids?[/quote]
Plenty for what? To live decently in a pricey area like La Jolla UTC (renting) – yes, but not saving much.

Here is a breakdown:
The take home salary is 12K. Maximizing 401K means 2000/mo. 2000/mo daycare, 1000/mo college funds, 500/mo life insurance; gas,car insurance, car payments 1000/mo. $500 utilities, cable and iphones. So here are 7000$ already accounted for. we have left $5000 at MOST. $2500 rent.
Food is at least $1500.

Then there are clothes, toys/games, books, parks, classes/activities, and other household items…

Only for last couple years we had real income after one of us left finally academia…

Of course all of us going to Europe to see my family and them to see the kids every other year for a few weeks wipes most of the savings those year…[/quote]

Don’t take this the wrong way, I mean it constructively. There are a few expenses you may want to take a look at, the 2k a month daycare, the 1500 food, the 500 life insurance and the 1k college funds. I’m past the daycare days but there hasn’t been that much inflation, I remember having a “live in” maid/nanny for about $200 a week for some of the years, just an option, but it was nice to have the house clean, laundry done and the kids learned spanish. 1500 in food for four people is high, that’s $100 a week per person or $50 a day, a sandwich costs about a buck to make and $5 at subway, plus for the money you spend at daycare, isn’t food covered. I’m feeding a high school football player on far less than that. I’m not being sarcastic, but try costco, I can feed that kid a 1/4 pound of bacon, half dozen eggs and 1/4 loaf of bread for about $5. There’s nothing more expensive than feeding a teenager, little kids are cheap to feed, what’s a happy meal these days? $3, a bowl of cereal and a banana is $1, there’s breakfast for four for a month for $120.
College fund, that’s negotiable, not sure how old you are but if they will be in college while you are still working you don’t really need it paid for entirely by the time they start, just a nice chunk to offset it, half is good. Buy a house when they are young, don’t heloc and by the time they are in college, your fixed rent will be lower than rent so there will be a little surplus. Life insurance? Get term, half a mil, maybe a mil, once they are out of college, you don’t need it, it’s nice but if it’s taking such a big chunk of your income then it’s too much. I think people over insure sometimes, figure it out like alimony, a couple grand a month until the kids are 18 is more than enough for divorced women, widows don’t need lottery money and the odds are you will live.

Just some things to look at, sometimes some of the things we like are our undoing. I’m guilty of similar financial decisions, but have found that making cost saving choices didn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought.

[temeculaguy]

[quote=Scarlett][quote=outtamojo]Not to criticize spending habits, but shouldn’t 170K income/ year be plenty even w/ kids?[/quote]
Plenty for what? To live decently in a pricey area like La Jolla UTC (renting) – yes, but not saving much.

Here is a breakdown:
The take home salary is 12K. Maximizing 401K means 2000/mo. 2000/mo daycare, 1000/mo college funds, 500/mo life insurance; gas,car insurance, car payments 1000/mo. $500 utilities, cable and iphones. So here are 7000$ already accounted for. we have left $5000 at MOST. $2500 rent.
Food is at least $1500.

Then there are clothes, toys/games, books, parks, classes/activities, and other household items…

Only for last couple years we had real income after one of us left finally academia…

Of course all of us going to Europe to see my family and them to see the kids every other year for a few weeks wipes most of the savings those year…[/quote]

Don’t take this the wrong way, I mean it constructively. There are a few expenses you may want to take a look at, the 2k a month daycare, the 1500 food, the 500 life insurance and the 1k college funds. I’m past the daycare days but there hasn’t been that much inflation, I remember having a “live in” maid/nanny for about $200 a week for some of the years, just an option, but it was nice to have the house clean, laundry done and the kids learned spanish. 1500 in food for four people is high, that’s $100 a week per person or $50 a day, a sandwich costs about a buck to make and $5 at subway, plus for the money you spend at daycare, isn’t food covered. I’m feeding a high school football player on far less than that. I’m not being sarcastic, but try costco, I can feed that kid a 1/4 pound of bacon, half dozen eggs and 1/4 loaf of bread for about $5. There’s nothing more expensive than feeding a teenager, little kids are cheap to feed, what’s a happy meal these days? $3, a bowl of cereal and a banana is $1, there’s breakfast for four for a month for $120.
College fund, that’s negotiable, not sure how old you are but if they will be in college while you are still working you don’t really need it paid for entirely by the time they start, just a nice chunk to offset it, half is good. Buy a house when they are young, don’t heloc and by the time they are in college, your fixed rent will be lower than rent so there will be a little surplus. Life insurance? Get term, half a mil, maybe a mil, once they are out of college, you don’t need it, it’s nice but if it’s taking such a big chunk of your income then it’s too much. I think people over insure sometimes, figure it out like alimony, a couple grand a month until the kids are 18 is more than enough for divorced women, widows don’t need lottery money and the odds are you will live.

Just some things to look at, sometimes some of the things we like are our undoing. I’m guilty of similar financial decisions, but have found that making cost saving choices didn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought.

[temeculaguy]

Didn’t the supermarkets kill the bakery, the butcher and the green grocer a few decades ago? What makes them sacred now? They replaced family owned and operated businesses and they may get replaced by the walmarts and costco’s, in time walmart will be replaced by whatever the next concept is. Niche’s will flourish in their wake, trader joes does nicely where walmart isn’t looking. There’s no reason to hate one and like another, the Spanish Armada no longer rules the seas and I don’t see anyone crying about that, things change.

On a personal note, I have a superwalmart near me, I like it. If I’m short on time, I can knock out a few errands in one place, use less gas and less time, novel concept. Maybe the grocery stores will adapt, maybe they wont, but if they don’t, they will be replaced. Have you ever needed some food and a light bulb. Why does the grocery store rape you for the lightbulb on price? Because they are banking on you being lazy. If anything, the superwalmart has forced my favorite grocery store to play along, my grocery bill is lower even if I don’t go to walmart.

It’s happening with television. Cable, dish, directTv, verizon fios, att. Throw them all in a room and let them fight it out, they don’t get my business because I think they are neato, they have to earn it with price and service. Who has ever switched to one television provider because they give their employees better benefits, when has that conversation taken place? 20 years ago I paid some horrible amount of money for long distance calls, calling a friend in the next county for an hour would cost more than dinner. Now it’s almost free, I’m not sure they even have itemized billing. Change isn’t always bad.

It also happened with real estate, we just had a buyers revolt, a big one. The consumers said No (or had to say no because prices got out of reach), and the prices changed as a result.

The invisible hand always wins.

[temeculaguy]

Didn’t the supermarkets kill the bakery, the butcher and the green grocer a few decades ago? What makes them sacred now? They replaced family owned and operated businesses and they may get replaced by the walmarts and costco’s, in time walmart will be replaced by whatever the next concept is. Niche’s will flourish in their wake, trader joes does nicely where walmart isn’t looking. There’s no reason to hate one and like another, the Spanish Armada no longer rules the seas and I don’t see anyone crying about that, things change.

On a personal note, I have a superwalmart near me, I like it. If I’m short on time, I can knock out a few errands in one place, use less gas and less time, novel concept. Maybe the grocery stores will adapt, maybe they wont, but if they don’t, they will be replaced. Have you ever needed some food and a light bulb. Why does the grocery store rape you for the lightbulb on price? Because they are banking on you being lazy. If anything, the superwalmart has forced my favorite grocery store to play along, my grocery bill is lower even if I don’t go to walmart.

It’s happening with television. Cable, dish, directTv, verizon fios, att. Throw them all in a room and let them fight it out, they don’t get my business because I think they are neato, they have to earn it with price and service. Who has ever switched to one television provider because they give their employees better benefits, when has that conversation taken place? 20 years ago I paid some horrible amount of money for long distance calls, calling a friend in the next county for an hour would cost more than dinner. Now it’s almost free, I’m not sure they even have itemized billing. Change isn’t always bad.

It also happened with real estate, we just had a buyers revolt, a big one. The consumers said No (or had to say no because prices got out of reach), and the prices changed as a result.

The invisible hand always wins.

[temeculaguy]

Didn’t the supermarkets kill the bakery, the butcher and the green grocer a few decades ago? What makes them sacred now? They replaced family owned and operated businesses and they may get replaced by the walmarts and costco’s, in time walmart will be replaced by whatever the next concept is. Niche’s will flourish in their wake, trader joes does nicely where walmart isn’t looking. There’s no reason to hate one and like another, the Spanish Armada no longer rules the seas and I don’t see anyone crying about that, things change.

On a personal note, I have a superwalmart near me, I like it. If I’m short on time, I can knock out a few errands in one place, use less gas and less time, novel concept. Maybe the grocery stores will adapt, maybe they wont, but if they don’t, they will be replaced. Have you ever needed some food and a light bulb. Why does the grocery store rape you for the lightbulb on price? Because they are banking on you being lazy. If anything, the superwalmart has forced my favorite grocery store to play along, my grocery bill is lower even if I don’t go to walmart.

It’s happening with television. Cable, dish, directTv, verizon fios, att. Throw them all in a room and let them fight it out, they don’t get my business because I think they are neato, they have to earn it with price and service. Who has ever switched to one television provider because they give their employees better benefits, when has that conversation taken place? 20 years ago I paid some horrible amount of money for long distance calls, calling a friend in the next county for an hour would cost more than dinner. Now it’s almost free, I’m not sure they even have itemized billing. Change isn’t always bad.

It also happened with real estate, we just had a buyers revolt, a big one. The consumers said No (or had to say no because prices got out of reach), and the prices changed as a result.

The invisible hand always wins.

[temeculaguy]

Didn’t the supermarkets kill the bakery, the butcher and the green grocer a few decades ago? What makes them sacred now? They replaced family owned and operated businesses and they may get replaced by the walmarts and costco’s, in time walmart will be replaced by whatever the next concept is. Niche’s will flourish in their wake, trader joes does nicely where walmart isn’t looking. There’s no reason to hate one and like another, the Spanish Armada no longer rules the seas and I don’t see anyone crying about that, things change.

On a personal note, I have a superwalmart near me, I like it. If I’m short on time, I can knock out a few errands in one place, use less gas and less time, novel concept. Maybe the grocery stores will adapt, maybe they wont, but if they don’t, they will be replaced. Have you ever needed some food and a light bulb. Why does the grocery store rape you for the lightbulb on price? Because they are banking on you being lazy. If anything, the superwalmart has forced my favorite grocery store to play along, my grocery bill is lower even if I don’t go to walmart.

It’s happening with television. Cable, dish, directTv, verizon fios, att. Throw them all in a room and let them fight it out, they don’t get my business because I think they are neato, they have to earn it with price and service. Who has ever switched to one television provider because they give their employees better benefits, when has that conversation taken place? 20 years ago I paid some horrible amount of money for long distance calls, calling a friend in the next county for an hour would cost more than dinner. Now it’s almost free, I’m not sure they even have itemized billing. Change isn’t always bad.

It also happened with real estate, we just had a buyers revolt, a big one. The consumers said No (or had to say no because prices got out of reach), and the prices changed as a result.

The invisible hand always wins.

[temeculaguy]

Didn’t the supermarkets kill the bakery, the butcher and the green grocer a few decades ago? What makes them sacred now? They replaced family owned and operated businesses and they may get replaced by the walmarts and costco’s, in time walmart will be replaced by whatever the next concept is. Niche’s will flourish in their wake, trader joes does nicely where walmart isn’t looking. There’s no reason to hate one and like another, the Spanish Armada no longer rules the seas and I don’t see anyone crying about that, things change.

On a personal note, I have a superwalmart near me, I like it. If I’m short on time, I can knock out a few errands in one place, use less gas and less time, novel concept. Maybe the grocery stores will adapt, maybe they wont, but if they don’t, they will be replaced. Have you ever needed some food and a light bulb. Why does the grocery store rape you for the lightbulb on price? Because they are banking on you being lazy. If anything, the superwalmart has forced my favorite grocery store to play along, my grocery bill is lower even if I don’t go to walmart.

It’s happening with television. Cable, dish, directTv, verizon fios, att. Throw them all in a room and let them fight it out, they don’t get my business because I think they are neato, they have to earn it with price and service. Who has ever switched to one television provider because they give their employees better benefits, when has that conversation taken place? 20 years ago I paid some horrible amount of money for long distance calls, calling a friend in the next county for an hour would cost more than dinner. Now it’s almost free, I’m not sure they even have itemized billing. Change isn’t always bad.

It also happened with real estate, we just had a buyers revolt, a big one. The consumers said No (or had to say no because prices got out of reach), and the prices changed as a result.

The invisible hand always wins.

[temeculaguy]

[quote=Enorah]I feel really sad reading this thread[/quote]
Which is why I originally planned to stay out of this one, why make divide between the sexes deeper than it already is? If someone finds their way into an unhappy or unhealthy relationship, they should find their way out of it, the process will benefit them.

Whenever I’ve been in a conversation with a friend and we are talking about another friend in a relationship where it seems unpleasant, my first response is usually “well, maybe her’s shoots sparks or something.” I’ve done exhaustive research and women are similarly equipped, there are variances, but none are worth subjecting oneself to undue hardship for time spent with their anatomy.

It’s gotta be more than just sexual power or fear of financial loss. People get into, stay in, or create unhealthy/unbalanced relationships for a reason, one rooted in their own psychology, not their sexuality.

If you could waive a magic wand and free that guy of all financial loss, end his relationship and let him start over without pain or loss, he will likely end up in exactly the same situation he is in now. Another poster mentioned wife 1.0 and wife 2.0, the only reason wife 2.0 works was because of wife 1.0, not in spite of her.

Once again, life charges tuition for it’s lessons just like a university does, both are worth the money.

[Author]

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