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scaredyclassic
Participant[quote=CA renter][quote=scaredyclassic][quote=svelte]OK.
I need to go out and buy my wife some flowers.
She brought no baggage to our marriage, doesn’t have any traits that bother me, and actually still excites me every time I see her after decades of marriage. It sounds like I may be the only one in this electronic room that can say that.
She had zero debt, zero prior marriages, no kids, no diseases, and no old boyfriends that came back to pester her.
She doesn’t crochet, like frilly house decorations, wear too much perfume, spend a fortune on anything, pick her nose, laugh like a hyena in heat, or have any addictions.
On top of that, she is still an extremely attractive woman – even moreso than when we met. I enjoy very much watching eyes track her as we walk through a room (she’s oblivious to it)- I should also mention she’s humble and certainly not full of herself.
Yessirree, I knew a fine specimen when I saw one and wasted no time in making her mine. You all are making me realize all over again what a brilliant move that was…[/quote]
my woman, unlike yours, does actually laugh a bit like a hyena. I couldn’t be with someone who I couldn’t actually make convulsed with laughter sometimes. I might put the hyena laughter above appearance, debts, or ability to orgasm.[/quote]
Yay! Someone appreciates a woman who laughs like a hyena. Guilty as charged. Like you, my husband seems to appreciate it, thank goodness. He’s funny, too.
Svelte, you’re a lucky man. I think there are a few of us lucky couples here (including UCGal, Rustico, scaredy, flyer, etc.). We’re maybe not singing our spouse’s praises here, but we’re not the ones complaining, either…at least not seriously. Every day, I give my DH hugs and kisses for being the best husband in the universe (for me). We were both thirty when we married, but didn’t have much baggage.
Remember, those of us who are happily married (with or without baggage) aren’t the ones sitting on bar stools, telling people like Kev and Brian and Davelj how horrible marriage is. We’re not complaining about it online, either. Perhaps we stay silent because we don’t want to jinx anything, or maybe we just don’t want to rub it in the faces of those who aren’t as fortunate…but we’re out there, and I think there are quite a few of us.[/quote]
my laugh has been described as snortlike, which it is but also aspirating and pained, like I’m in serious medical distress. I don’t laugh that often but when I do its disturbing. The process can be very tiring. Got set off by an old curb your enthusiasm episode last night.
Participantif you don’t want to be subject to NBA rules, you don’t have to buy a team.
lots of contracts have morals clauses.
hell, even the us gov can suppress speech of military personnel, kick you out for morals clause type reasons, even for adultery.
but in general, you can say what you like , with certain time place and manner restrictions, and not get prosecuted or penalized by the government…the NBA is not the govt
Participanta child is such a tender tendril. little tiny slights can be so so painful.
i always called my little ones tendrils and tried to be sensitive to their extreme tenderness
Participant[quote=flyer]+1 on the amazing wife. Sounds like we were all very lucky to have met “the one” who was right for us.[/quote]
Au contraire. Luck doesn’t enter into it. G-D is in control.
ParticipantAt least mail order brides don’t come with collectible debt.
Participant[quote=FlyerInHi][quote=Blogstar]
Cynicism is baggage too, you know?[/quote]
I was being funny[/quote]
believe me, your future wife won’t find you funny, if your life unwinds like mine.
Participant[quote=kev374]It’s not hard in life to avoid baggage. For most people it holds true that if they have baggage it’s due to bad decisions they have made.
People who took out way too much debt for school with no chance of paying it off in a reasonable timeframe.
People who got directly or indirectly scammed (either due to sheer stupidity or greed)
People who lived above their means
People who are in trouble because they co-signed for other delinquents or somehow support the behavior of other delinquents.
People who have serious emotional issues (Borderline personality disorders, Bi-polar etc.)
Now, if you accidently hit a car on the freeway and now are being sued beyond what your insurance will cover then I can maybe sympathize…it’s an unforseeable event and could happen to anyone. If you are being sued because you signed fraudulent paperwork, then claim ignorance and then vehemently deny that any of it is your fault and then expect unconditional support…well, tough luck!
There are guys who are desperate enough to marry just about anyone..my ex ex GF had a student loan balance of $70,000 7 odd years out of school and made only $34k/yr. It was revealed that most of this debt was acquired through extravagant “living expenses” in college and of course she justified it as well. In addition she lived way above her means and had close to $0 in the bank (paycheck to paycheck living)
Just like many women here in Orange County she felt she was just entitled to have an expensive wedding, raise a large family, be a stay at home mom etc. and the expectation was that her mate would pick up the pieces…nevermind the fact that she had not done any diligence with her financial affairs to prepare for all the things that she wanted.
Now, found out she is just engaged to some bloke. Well, what was unacceptable to me was apparently acceptable to him so, there IS indeed someone for everyone I guess…[/quote]
I blame the student loan industry.
There’s something to be said for young dumb love. Once you start crunching numbers this whole marriage thing is often a losing proposition.
Participant[quote=flu]What happens if you are me and you are the baggage? Lol…[/quote]
If you must be baggage, be carry on.
Participant[quote=FlyerInHi]Could be better to forget the whole fairy tale altogether and get married for estate planning like our forefathers did.[/quote]
Was easier to arrange when womenfolk were chattel.
Participant[quote=Blogstar][quote=scaredyclassic][quote=Blogstar]B, The exchange thing , you are playing hard semantics with that to the point it looks defensive.
These hypothetical “clean people” might have an easy time finding other “clean people” but the whole catastrophe is guaranteed either way. There’s a reason some stories are called fairy tales.[/quote]
Just like a lexus pre owned certified car service maybe we can pre certify dates.[/quote]
Well why don’t we just pre-certify ourselves and go on being single just to make sure?[/quote]I’m pretty sure I’m pre certifiably insane.
Participant[quote=Blogstar]B, The exchange thing , you are playing hard semantics with that to the point it looks defensive.
These hypothetical “clean people” might have an easy time finding other “clean people” but the whole catastrophe is guaranteed either way. There’s a reason some stories are called fairy tales.[/quote]
Just like a lexus pre owned certified car service maybe we can pre certify dates.
ParticipantIf people were completely objective andrational they’d never hook up.
Participant[quote=FlyerInHi][quote=Blogstar]
Yeah you definitely don’t want to do major man woman battle over the curtains and quilts and other frilly stuff…that could be devastating.
.[/quote]I have friends who ended up in this situation. Not something I want. That’s not baggage but it’s a non-workable compatibility issue.
Also not baggage, but I wouldn’t get married to a woman who wants to move to Spokane, WA (or Lakeside, Santee or Poway) to be near her parents. Not baggage, but still a no-go.
[quote=Blogstar]
Is a previous divorce too much baggage? Having too little relationship experience for your age, Maybe that’s too much baggage to some people…maybe worse than a past addiction or crime or debt or herpes. If people having any of these issues is unloveable there isn’t much love around.[/quote]Like I said, you have to define baggage.
Previous divorce is not baggage. But if the previous spouse has problems and comes around to pester you, then it is baggage.
Some people like virgins so that’s not baggage… But it could be a non-workable issue for people who want experienced spouses.
I separate personality issues from baggage. Baggage is extra weight you carry that’s not inherent to the person, like herpes, criminal history, crazy family, drug dealing friends, disease, etc… Baggage that the person is unable or unwilling to dispose of.
Maybe people who have baggage can get together and “exchange”. But for someone who is clean, it’s just too much of a burden to acquire someone else’s baggage. It’s easier to find someone without.
Back to real estate… when you buy a house with baggage, it’s much cheaper. You can fix up and improve. But a person with baggage is more expensive just because it’s costly to shed baggage. They also may have mental problems what cause spendthrift behavior such as shopping for expensive Louis Vuitton luggage that you have to pay for.[/quote]
love is blind and crazy. Or maybe that’s syphilis.
Participant[quote=Blogstar]I had more baggage than LAX when I was young, or at least I perceived myself that way. I had problems. It wasn’t my fault I was born into the non-family that I was with all the violence drinking bad acts of all kinds and divorce and death. I know I am the only pigg who spent time in a black head of household foster home.But that all that makes a stigma that is hard to break through. I held it against myself and It was held against me.
I had to have more years of reputable adulthood under my belt than other people did to be taken seriously. Lots of women needed life experience to figure out what was important and possibly buck their judgemental parents. It was hard. I am lucky to have survived and have the relationship(s) that I do.[/quote]
How was your foster experience? In theory I would like to do it. But I’d be terrified in practice.
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