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scaredyclassic
Participant[quote=FlyerInHi]I don’t understand all the drama people live.
Why do you need to treat anyone badly. If you don’t get along with someone, you can still be polite but keep the interaction to the bare minimum. Why is that so bad even if it’s your own parents.
I don’t care who it is. I just don’t like being around needy demanding people. I would make an exception for Alzheimer’s but who cares at that point.
I’ve seen parents who call their kids and demand they do this and that all the time. The parents and kids are just enablers of one another.[/quote]
All kids are needy and demanding
Participant[quote=FlyerInHi]I don’t understand all the drama people live.
Why do you need to treat anyone badly. If you don’t get along with someone, you can still be polite but keep the interaction to the bare minimum. Why is that so bad even if it’s your own parents.
I don’t care who it is. I just don’t like being around needy demanding people. I would make an exception for Alzheimer’s but who cares at that point.
I’ve seen parents who call their kids and demand they do this and that all the time. The parents and kids are just enablers of one another.[/quote]
All kids are needy and demanding
Participantinteresting, in the torah, Jews are specifically instructed that the commandment “honor your father and mother” leads to the blessing of long life, specifically detailed in exodus and deuteronomy. the payback you get is you get to live a long time…I guess even that more pimitive tribal society had such nutty parents that they had to up the ante and put something in it for the kiddos…a long life as a reward…the wother commandments i don’t think come with specific bonus es.
im feeling like my Dad, a guy who dies quick of a heart attack, so less concerned. for me. more concerned for my wife, sicne genetically, she is likely to become a 90 year old woman.
Participantid need to see some research..but…im wondering…
is it more likely that adult kids hang out with and care for parents they actually like being with…
or parents who took care of grandparents?
Participantin the 70s my mom didn’t work outside the home and lived four blocks from her folks, saw them many times a week.
i live 3000 miles from my mom, and my wife works.
if this is indeed a trend, isn’t this going to affect relationships?
Participantgenuine love. no resentment….
i dont know. i guess it’s as good a strategy as any…
ultimately love is about the things we do for one another, my 11 year old said.he said he loves us because we do things for him, serve him. if we did nothing for him, he posited, he would not love us.
the way we show love is to serve.
and yet.
just because we serve elders, doesn’t mean we get the favor returned by the theory.once we are done being of service…what value do we have..
it is better to go witha biblical theory than a karma theory i think
just a strict commandment…
HONOR THEY FATHER AND MOTHER
no debate, no cost analysis, no karmic hopes.
just do it because G-d said so…
this seems far far more lielly to ge tyou the desired result…
Participant[quote=AN][quote=scaredyclassic]
what if i don’t want to be nice? does that significantly lessen the odds that my kids will tend to me?what if I act only out of guilt, not out of love? does that negate the whole thing? is it better for me nott o do anything out of guilt?
i think the real truth is that a lot of people’s folks drive them batshit crazy …[/quote]then, put them all into homes and put yourself into a home when you’re no longer independent. Problem solved. Why even worry about any of it. It seems like it’s not even worth thinking about since everyone is driving everyone else batshit.[/quote]
probably statistically and culturally way more likely.
number of hours worked per week.
number of 2 parent working families.
yeah, you could be nice.
but there were a series of cultural and econoic decisions that are going to, on the whole, make old people less relevant and more difficult to maintain.
not that you can’t be the exception.
but liek child care, it may cost you a lot of money.
Participantis it really that kids treat parents how they see parents treat parents?
or is it cultural?
what is the average distance lived between kid and parent in 1960?
in 2014?
filial piety. how many generations before this breaks down?
so you act nice with no expectation of anything in return?
and no disappointment if you get nothing back?
perhaps.
i dont see that around me. i see people expecting return for what they put out and guilt when they dont get it…
Participant[quote=AN][quote=Blogstar]When a whole bunch of terrible things happen to a family of children at the hands of their parents, is that Karma to the children from a past life or something? So those kids don’t do too much for abusive parents ,but treat their children wonderfully when they have them….how should Karma work then? Not expectations …just the bit about Karma?[/quote]You can mocked the idea of karma. It doesn’t really matter if you believe or care about karma. But when your kids see you neglect your parents and you telling them that it’s OK. Don’t be too surprise when they follow your footstep and neglect you when you need them. The apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree. It’s really not that hard to grasp. Treat others how you’d like to be treated. That’s including treating your kids how you’d like they to treat you and teach them that how they treat out will someday be learned by their kids and they will treat them the way they treat you. If your kids see you genuinely love your parents and take care of them when they needed your care without any resentment, maybe they’ll learn that lesson and treat you the same way. Sometimes they won’t but like I said, don’t be nice with expectation of something in return. Be nice for the sake of being nice and hoping the niceness will rub off on people around you. But if it doesn’t, that’s OK too, because you genuinely did it because you want to, and not because you’re expecting something in return.[/quote]
what if i don’t want to be nice? does that significantly lessen the odds that my kids will tend to me?
what if I act only out of guilt, not out of love? does that negate the whole thing? is it better for me nott o do anything out of guilt?
i think the real truth is that a lot of people’s folks drive them batshit crazy …
Participant[quote=Blogstar]When a whole bunch of terrible things happen to a family of children at the hands of their parents, is that Karma to the children from a past life or something? So those kids don’t do too much for abusive parents ,but treat their children wonderfully when they have them….how should Karma work then? Not expectations …just the bit about Karma?[/quote]
karma gets a little complicated when you talk about actual karma.
think this is more of a do unto others as you would ahve them do unto you.
problem is, just because you feel obliged to do something, doresn’t eman your offspring will necessarily feel so obliged. particularly if you didn’t raise them to feel guilty about shit.
which was my mistake…
Participant[quote=AN][quote=scaredyclassic][quote=AN]What goes around comes around. Treat others how you’d like to be treated (parents included). It’s really that simple. If you leave your parents to rot in the nursing home with no visits, you shouldn’t expect anymore from your own kids.[/quote]
What goes around sometimes comes around.
Is it really just about payback
You may expect more if you are a good child but expectations are often disappointed[/quote]
Its not about expectations. You shouldn’t do it expecting something in return. But Karma is a bitch.[/quote]if only it were as simple as, you do good things, you get good things.
reality is, bad shit happens to good people. all day long.
Participant20%is basically heavy tithing. avoid guilt. of course it’s going down rapidly from 7 to 11. so by the time they hit 25, it’s probably down to 2% or less…
ParticipantHilarious. 20 percent sounds awesome. Especially since I got a lot of pleasure from the 80 percent.
Participant[quote=AN]What goes around comes around. Treat others how you’d like to be treated (parents included). It’s really that simple. If you leave your parents to rot in the nursing home with no visits, you shouldn’t expect anymore from your own kids.[/quote]
What goes around sometimes comes around.
Is it really just about payback
You may expect more if you are a good child but expectations are often disappointed
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