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NotCranky
ParticipantI agree, young people can have very nice qualities and settling down with someone won’t be easy for all the reasons you mention. Can be a wild time…or a lonely time, almost any kind of time…and not always easy to find middle ground. I am glad to be through it.
I always have trouble with that word “sacrifice” as it relates to family. I know it’s true….but it doesn’t seem like something one wants to think about….like it’s selfish to look at it that way….I sort of look at it like tradeoffs and just forget about it, but it might be better the other way….you could be proud of the sacrifices you make I guess, or something.
I could be sacrificing myself by watching a terrible movie with them right now.
Journey to Mysterious Island. I already told my wife the only thing in it for me is looking at the girl… she said it’s o.k. she doesn’t mind.,,good to mitigate the sacrifices.ParticipantActually, if I want to live in a small house in the country with spectacular views I’d ask my tenant to move.
ParticipantProbably rather buy a property in latin america instead…let people live on it and just save a shack or part of a shack for me and my family when we wanted to go there.
ParticipantI don’t think scaredy’s six pack or my 8 pack hold much sway with our respective wives or with women in general.
The best way to be attractive is to be almost universally kind, not too addicted, humorous,Patient(something I lack) , at least moderately productive and definitely interesting by doing things that are appealing widely across genders on a regular basis with at least several activities,, good ones are art, gardening, nature activities, exercise(not macho contests) reading, cooking and dining, liking at least some chick flick or theatre, reading and or language hobbies, dancing, etc. Beauty can help of course, we are easily swayed by that for sure, but it can be bad when it is put above these things or used too blatantly to cross socio-economic lines, ignoring what is important.
Many women have told me they liked me after seeing how kind I was to old people! Sincerely appreciating children , not just to pass your name, just children anywhere, can make life easier. I have gotten respect for how bad my cars are.
If a man is like that and not cursed with obvious health issues, he will be potentially accepted by lots of straight women (appreciated by lesbians) .. pretty much anyone except gold diggers .
The comment about it being easier for some, like getting good grades is true though. I’d try not to get too hung up on improving the superficial though.
ParticipantYou do probably have a few things going for you.
I could end up being a greeter at Walmart….will it be o.k. to blame my wife for that?
Probably should be a “giving notice clause”…3 or 4 years indexed to unemployment figures or something. Somebody could write and app….”track my divorce”.
I could retool, maybe get liposuction and find someone new.
ParticipantNo one legit would think a 100% belonged to them after years of shared effort at family. People might try to start negotiations from there but that’s absurd. I can’t imagine getting a concept like that in ones head.
I tend to think that even if the SAHP brought assets and the working stiff didn’t the working stiff is catching up. Even if net worth fell from time of marriage. Maybe I don’t value the home making enough…I value it a lot, but 100%? In any case, it ceases to be anything like 100% from day one in typical households. Even in your case, who would believe that 100% belonged to them? Only and entitled infantile person.
I have heard a few women think that having babies makes them own 100%…hell some think that having a vagina makes them own 100% and I guess the opposite could be said too.
At this point I think it would have been better to trust a hell of a lot more. Hard to estimate how much fear costs.
Funny , there are a few families in our circles where neither parent works. One is a late 40’s 50ish couple…they live in two countries and their lives are a bit different I guess but really nice and down to earth…they volunteer a lot at the public school when their kids were there and even when not. There was none of that where I come from…though, now I can see it really doesn’t take that much money to do that if you want to. More than I have by far.
The money really could easily be the least of trouble. If you really want to be serious about loathing the idea , concentrate on all the other ways a bad marriage and divorce after children could be hell. How bad would you feel if the other parent dumped their affection for the kids or jerked everyone around constantly? Stalking anyone? OMG!
ParticipantNo too different from where I live already. Cheap though. I like the house too.
ParticipantBetter half is wrong…I say it because it is common in Spanish…media naranja…half of the orange…I try not to say mom without the “your” to the boys but it happens. WWFS…what would freud say.
ParticipantAll this time wasted on the internet, dirty words and everything and I am not even in trouble! I think I have something like survivors guilt.
ParticipantThe impasse is what you and your future wife are doing, flyer, ask yourselves.
Really when you come to an impasse you say “just don’t fuck me alright” ..if you chose well they won’t and things will get better. Certainly no guarantees.
Participant[quote=FlyerInHi]What happens when there’s an impasse when both sides are protecting themselves?
Maybe marriage is easier when you’re young and have nothing.[/quote]
Maybe, so what?Participant[quote=FlyerInHi]Wo Blogstar. Super dad.
I think I need to negotiate for a nanny.[/quote]
It’s my feminine side what can I say. (hate labels!)
I imagine you can do a lot of it better.ParticipantI weigh a lot more and can squish the trash cans down better…lot’s less trips to the garbage.
I am the only one who does the mans work but it’s o.k.in theory to pay someone to do some of it too.
Participant[quote=scaredyclassic]My level of housekeeping would be much much lower without my wife. Vacuum daily? What is the rush the dust isn’t going anywhere. Doesn’t it make more SenSe to allow some real dirt to accumulate? It provides a much better yield for the effort… I can see for sure where the bathroom absolutely has to be cleaned twice or at the very least once a month. I also like to empty the sink and clear the deck in the kitchen every day. But scrub the stove every day? I’m gonna Ness it up when I cook tomorrow. Consolidation…[/quote]
You could always just put some grow lights over the dust and get some vegetables out of it…not your fault if you are resourceful…and a bit of a nature boy.
My wife and I have taken turns at almost every domestic task. This is not meant as a slight but she has never set the bar too high on any off them, she is possibly as proud of that as I am…I can hang…May be crying after a few weeks of her going full time but I can do it dammit.
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