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  • January 21, 2014 at 7:59 PM #770040
    njtosd
    Participant

    Based on personal experience, I have never changed my mind about someone after knowing them for two or three years. I barely change my mind after the first hour. My attitude is fish or cut bait. Most happily married men I have known have been crazy about their wives from early in the relationship. If you don’t feel that way, that’s a concern. You should always be striving to find the person who will help you to have a great life (and vice versa). Don’t waste your time – as the old saying goes – it’s later than you think.

    January 21, 2014 at 8:30 PM #770043
    moneymaker
    Participant

    Kev, not sure if this is good advice, but I can totally see Charlie Sheen’s character doing it this way. Let her catch you with someone else, then she will think the breakup is her idea. Just make sure she doesn’t have a conceal/carry permit first, or own a gun for that matter.

    January 21, 2014 at 9:29 PM #770047
    CA renter
    Participant

    [quote=njtosd]Based on personal experience, I have never changed my mind about someone after knowing them for two or three years. I barely change my mind after the first hour. My attitude is fish or cut bait. Most happily married men I have known have been crazy about their wives from early in the relationship. If you don’t feel that way, that’s a concern. You should always be striving to find the person who will help you to have a great life (and vice versa). Don’t waste your time – as the old saying goes – it’s later than you think.[/quote]

    Bingo.

    January 21, 2014 at 9:38 PM #770049
    CA renter
    Participant

    [quote=kev374][quote=CA renter]
    I was just going from what you’ve said about her likely reaction to your news. If you’ve been fully honest with her from day one, then it’s all good.[/quote]

    2 months ago she asked me to move in with her and I refused and said I do not want to do it because incase we breakup I don’t want it to be complicated.

    Let me ask you, if a man says after 2 years that they are NOT going to move in with you what message does it send you? As a logical person you make the determination. Does it give the message that I am going head over heels about someone? Or does it give you the message that I have doubts about the relationship? I don’t think one has to be a rocket scientist to figure this one out!

    It’s my life and I reserve the right to be indecisive for any length of time as long as I don’t make false promises. As I said it’s upto someone to move on or continue knowing that they could be wasting their time.

    And I may be wasting my time as well but obviously I think it’s worth it to stick around to see if my feelings about the situation change. One may feel it’s worth sticking around and the other may not feel it’s ok and that is fine.

    What is NOT ok is to know the other person is unsure and then stay with that person and then make them feel bad that they are not proposing marriage and trying to guilt them or rush them into marriage… THAT is what is wrong.[/quote]

    Kev, you need to realize that her “ultimatums” are her way of trying to gauge where you stand. If you’re not that into her, set her free, or let her know that you only intend to keep it “casual” from now on.

    Don’t just assume that your “hints” (however obvious they may seem to you) are being received in the same way you’re intending them to be interpreted. Be the most forthright, honest person you can be; be painfully blunt. That way, nobody expends time and energy in a way that will make them feel resentful later on because they think that you had different, more serious, intentions.

    January 22, 2014 at 9:04 AM #770072
    joec
    Participant

    [quote=moneymaker]Kev, not sure if this is good advice, but I can totally see Charlie Sheen’s character doing it this way. Let her catch you with someone else, then she will think the breakup is her idea. Just make sure she doesn’t have a conceal/carry permit first, or own a gun for that matter.[/quote]

    This is also why I think people almost purposely cheat to get caught to force a breakup since most people won’t stick around to allow that…They almost WANT to be caught.

    I really think that you really aren’t in the same place as her and she’s giving you these ultimatums pretty much to hint that she doesn’t want to waste anymore time on you.

    You think you’re being clear, but like men complain that women need to be direct, you’ll doing the same thing because being direct (and I agree) is very very hard with an insane/upset/crazy/sad/sobbing g/f / anyone…

    Bottom line is you don’t want what she wants NOW…that may change and you read about stories of people breaking up, getting back together, or regretting breaking up later and never getting back together, but that’s where things are now…

    Best of luck either way!

    January 22, 2014 at 9:53 AM #770075
    njtosd
    Participant

    [quote=moneymaker]Kev, not sure if this is good advice, but I can totally see Charlie Sheen’s character doing it this way. Let her catch you with someone else, then she will think the breakup is her idea. Just make sure she doesn’t have a conceal/carry permit first, or own a gun for that matter.[/quote]

    So sad – people citing a fictional character portrayed by Charlie Sheen (bipolar at least) for examples of useful behavior. Generally speaking I think I have a pretty good attitude toward men – but some of you guys are pathetic. To quote Lucy Ricardo and many other fictional characters – “What are you, a man or a mouse?”

    January 22, 2014 at 10:55 AM #770076
    NotCranky
    Participant

    You make good comments,joec, this woman is probably 10 steps ahead, tested the man with the “pressure” and thinks it will be fun for kev to think it was his idea to break up. Pressure from outside people is too bad though…that’s where the married people deserve the misery loves company comments…

    January 22, 2014 at 10:56 AM #770078
    NotCranky
    Participant

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    January 22, 2014 at 11:11 AM #770077
    NotCranky
    Participant

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    January 22, 2014 at 11:23 AM #770079
    FlyerInHi
    Guest

    Some of the comments here suck.

    Kev is the “client.” He asked a question so you should be his advocate and advise what is best for him to achieve the goal he wants, not how you believe it ought to be.

    January 22, 2014 at 11:28 AM #770080
    Hobie
    Participant

    Kev,put another way:
    1. You pick the woman, not the other way around.
    2. She is showing her cards on how she will deal with major life issues if you continue w/her. Your call.

    and +1 to njtosd. funny while very true.

    Oh if you have the talk. I suggest not listing all the reasons. It gives the impression you are open to negotiation. Just a simple sorry, and make the exit. Make a decision and be firm in your resolve. Like business.

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