The new smart financial move is walking away

[Anonymous]

[quote=jpinpb]I’ve avoided getting into this debate b/c for the most part people will not likely change their opinions about marriage. I’d just like to say that if 50% of marriages end in divorce, then 50% of people married must be happy. I don’t buy into the notion that people will not divorce b/c of the cost. It has not been a deterrent to the 50% that got divorced. The old saying – why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it!
[/quote]

I think you are confusing happiness with lack of other good options. My parents only stayed married because of the kids (me and my two sisters). They were a miserable lot, but stuck it out because they didn’t have a lot of money and my sisters would cry each time dad tried to leave. My parents didn’t divorce, but they definitely weren’t happy. I’m sure there are lots of couples who stay married for the kids, even though they aren’t happy.

As for having kids, it is very selfish. I realize that my kids are taking resources that could be used to feed and clothe someone else’s child. Adoption is much more of a selfless act than having one’s own children.

[jpinpb]

[quote=IForget]
I think you are confusing happiness with lack of other good options. My parents only stayed married because of the kids (me and my two sisters). [/quote]

If I may ask, are all the children grown now? Are your parents still married? I have heard about parents staying together for the kids before. Yet I’ve also seen that after the kids are grown and leave that many still stay married.

[jpinpb]

[quote=IForget]
I think you are confusing happiness with lack of other good options. My parents only stayed married because of the kids (me and my two sisters). [/quote]

If I may ask, are all the children grown now? Are your parents still married? I have heard about parents staying together for the kids before. Yet I’ve also seen that after the kids are grown and leave that many still stay married.

[jpinpb]

[quote=IForget]
I think you are confusing happiness with lack of other good options. My parents only stayed married because of the kids (me and my two sisters). [/quote]

If I may ask, are all the children grown now? Are your parents still married? I have heard about parents staying together for the kids before. Yet I’ve also seen that after the kids are grown and leave that many still stay married.

[jpinpb]

[quote=IForget]
I think you are confusing happiness with lack of other good options. My parents only stayed married because of the kids (me and my two sisters). [/quote]

If I may ask, are all the children grown now? Are your parents still married? I have heard about parents staying together for the kids before. Yet I’ve also seen that after the kids are grown and leave that many still stay married.

[jpinpb]

[quote=IForget]
I think you are confusing happiness with lack of other good options. My parents only stayed married because of the kids (me and my two sisters). [/quote]

If I may ask, are all the children grown now? Are your parents still married? I have heard about parents staying together for the kids before. Yet I’ve also seen that after the kids are grown and leave that many still stay married.

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredycat]what do we do that is so “selfless” for our kids, anyway? cook dinner? hell I was cooking dinner anyway, I just break off a piece. for a few years i gave them a bath and brushed their teeth, but that was fun, not selfless. It’s fun to give a kid a bath. . i gave them a ride to day care, but they couldn’t drive, and before that i used to have trouble getting up in t he morning, so that was more for me than them. i should be waking up earlier.. IN that vein, I wouldn’t have been able to keep a job without them as there would have been no particular point to continuing. So they helped me out with getting up in the morning and maintaining employment. Without them, I would have been drinking alone a lot more. Also, they’re hilarious and exquisitely interesting conversationalists. i cannot think of one lousy sacrifice ive made on their behalf.[/quote]

Good for you, scaredy. It sounds like you really need to thank your wife for giving you those children (including the third you initially didn’t want). 🙂

Of course, the sacrifices (or trade-offs, as many sacrifices can be viewed) depend on whether or not you’re the breadwinner or the primary caretaker (or both!), and what your career ambitions are/were before and after having kids. It depends on whether or not you liked to travel or not, and whether or not you had hobbies, etc. that you can’t really do once you have kids (because of time, money, danger, etc.). You have to admit scaredy, your sex life certainly takes a hit once kids enter the picture, and you no longer get to have those long, interesting conversations with other adults. You no longer have “free” time to hang out with friends or just sit and watch TV for a few hours during the day (some do, but some of us prefer not to have the TV on when the kids are around — yes, it’s an “option”).

All this is not to say that there are no benefits to having kids. If we didn’t derive pleasure from having kids, the human race would have died off long ago. But you can’t say that having kids doesn’t require sacrifice. Not even close.

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredycat]what do we do that is so “selfless” for our kids, anyway? cook dinner? hell I was cooking dinner anyway, I just break off a piece. for a few years i gave them a bath and brushed their teeth, but that was fun, not selfless. It’s fun to give a kid a bath. . i gave them a ride to day care, but they couldn’t drive, and before that i used to have trouble getting up in t he morning, so that was more for me than them. i should be waking up earlier.. IN that vein, I wouldn’t have been able to keep a job without them as there would have been no particular point to continuing. So they helped me out with getting up in the morning and maintaining employment. Without them, I would have been drinking alone a lot more. Also, they’re hilarious and exquisitely interesting conversationalists. i cannot think of one lousy sacrifice ive made on their behalf.[/quote]

Good for you, scaredy. It sounds like you really need to thank your wife for giving you those children (including the third you initially didn’t want). 🙂

Of course, the sacrifices (or trade-offs, as many sacrifices can be viewed) depend on whether or not you’re the breadwinner or the primary caretaker (or both!), and what your career ambitions are/were before and after having kids. It depends on whether or not you liked to travel or not, and whether or not you had hobbies, etc. that you can’t really do once you have kids (because of time, money, danger, etc.). You have to admit scaredy, your sex life certainly takes a hit once kids enter the picture, and you no longer get to have those long, interesting conversations with other adults. You no longer have “free” time to hang out with friends or just sit and watch TV for a few hours during the day (some do, but some of us prefer not to have the TV on when the kids are around — yes, it’s an “option”).

All this is not to say that there are no benefits to having kids. If we didn’t derive pleasure from having kids, the human race would have died off long ago. But you can’t say that having kids doesn’t require sacrifice. Not even close.

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredycat]what do we do that is so “selfless” for our kids, anyway? cook dinner? hell I was cooking dinner anyway, I just break off a piece. for a few years i gave them a bath and brushed their teeth, but that was fun, not selfless. It’s fun to give a kid a bath. . i gave them a ride to day care, but they couldn’t drive, and before that i used to have trouble getting up in t he morning, so that was more for me than them. i should be waking up earlier.. IN that vein, I wouldn’t have been able to keep a job without them as there would have been no particular point to continuing. So they helped me out with getting up in the morning and maintaining employment. Without them, I would have been drinking alone a lot more. Also, they’re hilarious and exquisitely interesting conversationalists. i cannot think of one lousy sacrifice ive made on their behalf.[/quote]

Good for you, scaredy. It sounds like you really need to thank your wife for giving you those children (including the third you initially didn’t want). 🙂

Of course, the sacrifices (or trade-offs, as many sacrifices can be viewed) depend on whether or not you’re the breadwinner or the primary caretaker (or both!), and what your career ambitions are/were before and after having kids. It depends on whether or not you liked to travel or not, and whether or not you had hobbies, etc. that you can’t really do once you have kids (because of time, money, danger, etc.). You have to admit scaredy, your sex life certainly takes a hit once kids enter the picture, and you no longer get to have those long, interesting conversations with other adults. You no longer have “free” time to hang out with friends or just sit and watch TV for a few hours during the day (some do, but some of us prefer not to have the TV on when the kids are around — yes, it’s an “option”).

All this is not to say that there are no benefits to having kids. If we didn’t derive pleasure from having kids, the human race would have died off long ago. But you can’t say that having kids doesn’t require sacrifice. Not even close.

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredycat]what do we do that is so “selfless” for our kids, anyway? cook dinner? hell I was cooking dinner anyway, I just break off a piece. for a few years i gave them a bath and brushed their teeth, but that was fun, not selfless. It’s fun to give a kid a bath. . i gave them a ride to day care, but they couldn’t drive, and before that i used to have trouble getting up in t he morning, so that was more for me than them. i should be waking up earlier.. IN that vein, I wouldn’t have been able to keep a job without them as there would have been no particular point to continuing. So they helped me out with getting up in the morning and maintaining employment. Without them, I would have been drinking alone a lot more. Also, they’re hilarious and exquisitely interesting conversationalists. i cannot think of one lousy sacrifice ive made on their behalf.[/quote]

Good for you, scaredy. It sounds like you really need to thank your wife for giving you those children (including the third you initially didn’t want). 🙂

Of course, the sacrifices (or trade-offs, as many sacrifices can be viewed) depend on whether or not you’re the breadwinner or the primary caretaker (or both!), and what your career ambitions are/were before and after having kids. It depends on whether or not you liked to travel or not, and whether or not you had hobbies, etc. that you can’t really do once you have kids (because of time, money, danger, etc.). You have to admit scaredy, your sex life certainly takes a hit once kids enter the picture, and you no longer get to have those long, interesting conversations with other adults. You no longer have “free” time to hang out with friends or just sit and watch TV for a few hours during the day (some do, but some of us prefer not to have the TV on when the kids are around — yes, it’s an “option”).

All this is not to say that there are no benefits to having kids. If we didn’t derive pleasure from having kids, the human race would have died off long ago. But you can’t say that having kids doesn’t require sacrifice. Not even close.

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredycat]what do we do that is so “selfless” for our kids, anyway? cook dinner? hell I was cooking dinner anyway, I just break off a piece. for a few years i gave them a bath and brushed their teeth, but that was fun, not selfless. It’s fun to give a kid a bath. . i gave them a ride to day care, but they couldn’t drive, and before that i used to have trouble getting up in t he morning, so that was more for me than them. i should be waking up earlier.. IN that vein, I wouldn’t have been able to keep a job without them as there would have been no particular point to continuing. So they helped me out with getting up in the morning and maintaining employment. Without them, I would have been drinking alone a lot more. Also, they’re hilarious and exquisitely interesting conversationalists. i cannot think of one lousy sacrifice ive made on their behalf.[/quote]

Good for you, scaredy. It sounds like you really need to thank your wife for giving you those children (including the third you initially didn’t want). 🙂

Of course, the sacrifices (or trade-offs, as many sacrifices can be viewed) depend on whether or not you’re the breadwinner or the primary caretaker (or both!), and what your career ambitions are/were before and after having kids. It depends on whether or not you liked to travel or not, and whether or not you had hobbies, etc. that you can’t really do once you have kids (because of time, money, danger, etc.). You have to admit scaredy, your sex life certainly takes a hit once kids enter the picture, and you no longer get to have those long, interesting conversations with other adults. You no longer have “free” time to hang out with friends or just sit and watch TV for a few hours during the day (some do, but some of us prefer not to have the TV on when the kids are around — yes, it’s an “option”).

All this is not to say that there are no benefits to having kids. If we didn’t derive pleasure from having kids, the human race would have died off long ago. But you can’t say that having kids doesn’t require sacrifice. Not even close.

[CA renter]

Oh, one more BIG sacrifice that many women make: their bodies, especially in a society that is so image-conscious. While some very lucky (and usually younger) moms can get their pre-baby bodies back, most of us will NEVER see those bodies again. 😉

[CA renter]

Oh, one more BIG sacrifice that many women make: their bodies, especially in a society that is so image-conscious. While some very lucky (and usually younger) moms can get their pre-baby bodies back, most of us will NEVER see those bodies again. 😉

[CA renter]

Oh, one more BIG sacrifice that many women make: their bodies, especially in a society that is so image-conscious. While some very lucky (and usually younger) moms can get their pre-baby bodies back, most of us will NEVER see those bodies again. 😉

[CA renter]

Oh, one more BIG sacrifice that many women make: their bodies, especially in a society that is so image-conscious. While some very lucky (and usually younger) moms can get their pre-baby bodies back, most of us will NEVER see those bodies again. 😉

[Author]

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