Tales of an RSF Buyer (Part 3)

[DWCAP]

I have to say that this site always suprises me as to who is actually posting here. Reading the general comments I sense a very male tone and I know that I contribute to it. However there seems to be a far larger number of female posters here than I imagined. Interesting to see the social dynamics of a group when no one can see anyone else.
Along the same lines I am suprised how many people on here seem to be “pull yourself up by your bootstrap” kinds of people. But I really shouldnt be suprised at that, I think the mentality of earning it on your own brings financial wisdom sorely lacking in Washington today.

While I may be hated for saying this I dont think that post you all responded to about Raptor wife was TOO terrible. The part about lazy ass and nail salons and such wasnt needed, but the underlying point wasnt too far off. You all responded with two things,

1) Wanting a house for my family isnt spoiled
2) You just dont understand how it is (kids, spouse, family etc)

1) you are right, wanting a house isnt spoiled. But there is a huge difference between wanting a 5 million dollar house and a 500K SFR. RD works hard and deserves to do as he pleases with his money. I wont tell him or his wife where or when he should and shouldnt spend his money. But as a bonified child of rich parents who grew up with many others of the same I can say that I ran into a similar mentality alot. I liked jpinpb’s point about throwing the football around alot more than worring if the nursery is 12*12 or 10*10. Tell yourself whatever you want, those decisions are being made on your behalf, not the childs. Making sure there is no nails poking through the wall or lead in the paint is for your kids. Everyone wants the best for their children and that is a beautiful thing. But dont tell me that any child cant do just as well in Mira Mesa, Poway, or anyother middle class neighborhood with good schools and low crime. You buy in RSF for the extras, and making demands and threats (buy this house or I wont talk to you) is acting spoiled, even if she isnt a spoiled person.

2) While I am loath to ever accept the “you just dont get it and you never can” argument for anything this may be a case where there is something to it. Usually this argument is for people who cant support what they are saying. Having said that, I come back to the “whats really best for your child” argument. Money was never an issue in my family, but time with my parents was. I use to have alot of jealousy for the kids who got picked up everyday from school. I got very good at a game I invented while waiting to eventually get picked up. It was called “How many stars can you count”. I eventually was allowed to walk home, all 2.8 miles, at the age of 11. It took an hour and half, but atleast I got home at a regular time. My father routinly recalls a camping trip or a day at the beach or something and I have to remind him that was my older brother, not me. (His buisness became much more demanding as time went on.) So I maybe I have a twisted point of view, but alot of things people do “for their kids” is actually for themselves so they can tell themselves what good parents they are. As an example, my sister-in-law spent a small fortune on kids clothes. My neice mostly just ran around in a diaper, but she sure looked cute when company came over. Is that really for the kid????????

Also, to turn alot of your “id do anything for my family” argument around, Dont you think she was wrong in not realizing this is very important to her husband? I do. I get this from my GF every now and then. She was mad at me for something while I was cooking dinner, and was going on and on about how I dont show her I care enough. I asked her “like making you dinner most nights?” I was showing I cared in my own way, but she wasnt picking up on it. We talked about it, agreed to some minor changes and moved on. Punishing him for being himself is the otherside of the coin for her frustration at not buying.

RD, I am glad you took it all instride and she is talking to you again. I dont mean denouce your wife, but I really like the ability to analize peoples behavior. I tried to include some stuff about myself, I am a nut too, if it helps at all. I really hope someday I can be as well off as you are so I can have the problem of not buying a 5 million dollar house. That isnt being mean, I really do. (I guess that is the internet equilivant of a thumbs up for all your success)

[jpinpb]

DWCAP – I liked your post. And a good point about living wherever. I understand many people w/children want to be in the best school district, but we had a thread somewhere about someone in a dilemma about buying in Carmel Valley or continuing to live in Clairemont and sending kids to private schools. I was in public and private and have to certainly say, better regimented education in private.

Also, for the amount of money one in paying for the houses in neighborhoods with “good school” although I haven’t really checked the details, I would say the difference becomes negigible between living in not the most elite area, but sending kids to private school. The cost of private schools seem cost less in the long run than the cost of a house in the coveted areas. Of course, if prices continue to decline, that won’t continue to be true.

[jpinpb]

DWCAP – I liked your post. And a good point about living wherever. I understand many people w/children want to be in the best school district, but we had a thread somewhere about someone in a dilemma about buying in Carmel Valley or continuing to live in Clairemont and sending kids to private schools. I was in public and private and have to certainly say, better regimented education in private.

Also, for the amount of money one in paying for the houses in neighborhoods with “good school” although I haven’t really checked the details, I would say the difference becomes negigible between living in not the most elite area, but sending kids to private school. The cost of private schools seem cost less in the long run than the cost of a house in the coveted areas. Of course, if prices continue to decline, that won’t continue to be true.

[jpinpb]

DWCAP – I liked your post. And a good point about living wherever. I understand many people w/children want to be in the best school district, but we had a thread somewhere about someone in a dilemma about buying in Carmel Valley or continuing to live in Clairemont and sending kids to private schools. I was in public and private and have to certainly say, better regimented education in private.

Also, for the amount of money one in paying for the houses in neighborhoods with “good school” although I haven’t really checked the details, I would say the difference becomes negigible between living in not the most elite area, but sending kids to private school. The cost of private schools seem cost less in the long run than the cost of a house in the coveted areas. Of course, if prices continue to decline, that won’t continue to be true.

[jpinpb]

DWCAP – I liked your post. And a good point about living wherever. I understand many people w/children want to be in the best school district, but we had a thread somewhere about someone in a dilemma about buying in Carmel Valley or continuing to live in Clairemont and sending kids to private schools. I was in public and private and have to certainly say, better regimented education in private.

Also, for the amount of money one in paying for the houses in neighborhoods with “good school” although I haven’t really checked the details, I would say the difference becomes negigible between living in not the most elite area, but sending kids to private school. The cost of private schools seem cost less in the long run than the cost of a house in the coveted areas. Of course, if prices continue to decline, that won’t continue to be true.

[jpinpb]

DWCAP – I liked your post. And a good point about living wherever. I understand many people w/children want to be in the best school district, but we had a thread somewhere about someone in a dilemma about buying in Carmel Valley or continuing to live in Clairemont and sending kids to private schools. I was in public and private and have to certainly say, better regimented education in private.

Also, for the amount of money one in paying for the houses in neighborhoods with “good school” although I haven’t really checked the details, I would say the difference becomes negigible between living in not the most elite area, but sending kids to private school. The cost of private schools seem cost less in the long run than the cost of a house in the coveted areas. Of course, if prices continue to decline, that won’t continue to be true.

[larrylujack]

I find RDs posts interesting and certainly illuminating as to the areas he is looking to buy since I once upon a time was interested in some of the same areas.
But, and this is a big but, how can anyone spend so much time and effort looking at houses and all the research that goes into it, not to mention the travel time being from the Bay area, and so forth and yet not end up with anything. Clearly, according to RD he has the financial resources to pull the trigger on anything he looked at, and can afford to wait even if there is some near term devaluation due to the housing market, so I just don’t get it. If I were RD, I’d consider a shrink to find out. His wife IMO is understandably frustrated.

I am sorry life is too short and to try to get the best deal seems to be really missing the point. I would have gotten tired or bored with the hunt along time ago, life has a defined time limit, and spending a large chunk of my life house hunting seems like a huge waste, kinda like going to the mall frequently and just window shopping.

I know, to each their own and RD has a discipline thing going, but I thought the goal was to buy a house, not to search seemingly forever for a house.

LL

[larrylujack]

I find RDs posts interesting and certainly illuminating as to the areas he is looking to buy since I once upon a time was interested in some of the same areas.
But, and this is a big but, how can anyone spend so much time and effort looking at houses and all the research that goes into it, not to mention the travel time being from the Bay area, and so forth and yet not end up with anything. Clearly, according to RD he has the financial resources to pull the trigger on anything he looked at, and can afford to wait even if there is some near term devaluation due to the housing market, so I just don’t get it. If I were RD, I’d consider a shrink to find out. His wife IMO is understandably frustrated.

I am sorry life is too short and to try to get the best deal seems to be really missing the point. I would have gotten tired or bored with the hunt along time ago, life has a defined time limit, and spending a large chunk of my life house hunting seems like a huge waste, kinda like going to the mall frequently and just window shopping.

I know, to each their own and RD has a discipline thing going, but I thought the goal was to buy a house, not to search seemingly forever for a house.

LL

[larrylujack]

I find RDs posts interesting and certainly illuminating as to the areas he is looking to buy since I once upon a time was interested in some of the same areas.
But, and this is a big but, how can anyone spend so much time and effort looking at houses and all the research that goes into it, not to mention the travel time being from the Bay area, and so forth and yet not end up with anything. Clearly, according to RD he has the financial resources to pull the trigger on anything he looked at, and can afford to wait even if there is some near term devaluation due to the housing market, so I just don’t get it. If I were RD, I’d consider a shrink to find out. His wife IMO is understandably frustrated.

I am sorry life is too short and to try to get the best deal seems to be really missing the point. I would have gotten tired or bored with the hunt along time ago, life has a defined time limit, and spending a large chunk of my life house hunting seems like a huge waste, kinda like going to the mall frequently and just window shopping.

I know, to each their own and RD has a discipline thing going, but I thought the goal was to buy a house, not to search seemingly forever for a house.

LL

[larrylujack]

I find RDs posts interesting and certainly illuminating as to the areas he is looking to buy since I once upon a time was interested in some of the same areas.
But, and this is a big but, how can anyone spend so much time and effort looking at houses and all the research that goes into it, not to mention the travel time being from the Bay area, and so forth and yet not end up with anything. Clearly, according to RD he has the financial resources to pull the trigger on anything he looked at, and can afford to wait even if there is some near term devaluation due to the housing market, so I just don’t get it. If I were RD, I’d consider a shrink to find out. His wife IMO is understandably frustrated.

I am sorry life is too short and to try to get the best deal seems to be really missing the point. I would have gotten tired or bored with the hunt along time ago, life has a defined time limit, and spending a large chunk of my life house hunting seems like a huge waste, kinda like going to the mall frequently and just window shopping.

I know, to each their own and RD has a discipline thing going, but I thought the goal was to buy a house, not to search seemingly forever for a house.

LL

[larrylujack]

I find RDs posts interesting and certainly illuminating as to the areas he is looking to buy since I once upon a time was interested in some of the same areas.
But, and this is a big but, how can anyone spend so much time and effort looking at houses and all the research that goes into it, not to mention the travel time being from the Bay area, and so forth and yet not end up with anything. Clearly, according to RD he has the financial resources to pull the trigger on anything he looked at, and can afford to wait even if there is some near term devaluation due to the housing market, so I just don’t get it. If I were RD, I’d consider a shrink to find out. His wife IMO is understandably frustrated.

I am sorry life is too short and to try to get the best deal seems to be really missing the point. I would have gotten tired or bored with the hunt along time ago, life has a defined time limit, and spending a large chunk of my life house hunting seems like a huge waste, kinda like going to the mall frequently and just window shopping.

I know, to each their own and RD has a discipline thing going, but I thought the goal was to buy a house, not to search seemingly forever for a house.

LL

[raptorduck]

LL. Have you been talking with my wife? The way you described it is why I can’t be upset at my wife for being upset and why I don’t think she is acting spoiled. I don’t agree with her view on renting, but understand the other stuff.

Well there are many reasons so much time has been spent, but here are but a few.

• a little OCD on my part
• we have a long list of criteria that we require for an ideal home and despite a large inventory in the market, many houses don’t come close to that criteria.
• two people with “very” different tastes and needs in homes so you have to find a house that caters to both. (good luck!) To make it more interesting, we are giving our older kids and my dad, who will live with us, a say too.
• we are very very picky to boot.
• I view any price in my range as a lot of money and that makes me that much more nit-picky.
• Unlike the last time when we bought a 5 year house we stayed in 8 so far, we are looking for a 20+ year house now. Many houses we have seen would have been great for 5 years , but we could not project them out further.
• despite all of the above, we have found lots of houses that fit all our criteria, around a dozen, cuz that is about how many offers we wrote.
• but after all that you still have to find a seller willing to sell you a house at the price you want to pay. In half the cases I more or less found such a seller, unfortunatley so did a bunch of other bidders willing to pay more than I was. In the other case I found sticky sellers sticking to above market prices that are hundreds of thousands of dollars above what I would pay. Those homes are all still on the market.
• in the one case where I could have found “the house” I screwed up. You could be in a motorcycle race and be perfect for 99 laps and blink at the wrong time for a split second and boom, crash and burn.
• unlike up here where you find 1 in 100 homes that fits your criteria and thus if the price is anywhere in your price range, you jump all over it, we found that SD had an embarrasment or riches of the type of homes we like, and that is not necessarly a good thing because it makes you not “jump” on the first house that you like. Sometimes too many choices lead to no choice at all. In NorCal you look at 100 homes to find the “one”, in SD you look at 100 homes to find the best of many “ones.”
• This has been a learning process. Through all this searching we have refined our tastes as to what we like in a home and what we don’t like. Seeing that many houses has that inevitable effect. As those tastes have been refined, some homes became of greater interest and othes less.
• Not knowing what particular part of RSF and surrounds is best for us left us looking in a pretty broad range of areas.
• Our range is pretty broad and you can’t compare a $2M home to a $5M home, a fixer upper to a turn-key, so easily.

For all those reasons above and many others we ended up looking at a lot of homes. In part due to our experience to date, when we start looking again, we are considering limiting our search to Fairbanks Ranch only in the $3M-$4M market, as opposed to $2M-$5M. The reason for that is obvious from my previous posts.

P.S. We did not pick RSF just for school district. CV’s is as good or better, for example. We picked it because the type and size of house and type and size of lot and type of neighborhood that we want we find there more than other places. I like Del Mar west of 5 better than RSF, but we can’t find the size of house or lot that we want there, we did look several times for it. We rulled out La Jolla for different reasons and for similar reasons.

[raptorduck]

LL. Have you been talking with my wife? The way you described it is why I can’t be upset at my wife for being upset and why I don’t think she is acting spoiled. I don’t agree with her view on renting, but understand the other stuff.

Well there are many reasons so much time has been spent, but here are but a few.

• a little OCD on my part
• we have a long list of criteria that we require for an ideal home and despite a large inventory in the market, many houses don’t come close to that criteria.
• two people with “very” different tastes and needs in homes so you have to find a house that caters to both. (good luck!) To make it more interesting, we are giving our older kids and my dad, who will live with us, a say too.
• we are very very picky to boot.
• I view any price in my range as a lot of money and that makes me that much more nit-picky.
• Unlike the last time when we bought a 5 year house we stayed in 8 so far, we are looking for a 20+ year house now. Many houses we have seen would have been great for 5 years , but we could not project them out further.
• despite all of the above, we have found lots of houses that fit all our criteria, around a dozen, cuz that is about how many offers we wrote.
• but after all that you still have to find a seller willing to sell you a house at the price you want to pay. In half the cases I more or less found such a seller, unfortunatley so did a bunch of other bidders willing to pay more than I was. In the other case I found sticky sellers sticking to above market prices that are hundreds of thousands of dollars above what I would pay. Those homes are all still on the market.
• in the one case where I could have found “the house” I screwed up. You could be in a motorcycle race and be perfect for 99 laps and blink at the wrong time for a split second and boom, crash and burn.
• unlike up here where you find 1 in 100 homes that fits your criteria and thus if the price is anywhere in your price range, you jump all over it, we found that SD had an embarrasment or riches of the type of homes we like, and that is not necessarly a good thing because it makes you not “jump” on the first house that you like. Sometimes too many choices lead to no choice at all. In NorCal you look at 100 homes to find the “one”, in SD you look at 100 homes to find the best of many “ones.”
• This has been a learning process. Through all this searching we have refined our tastes as to what we like in a home and what we don’t like. Seeing that many houses has that inevitable effect. As those tastes have been refined, some homes became of greater interest and othes less.
• Not knowing what particular part of RSF and surrounds is best for us left us looking in a pretty broad range of areas.
• Our range is pretty broad and you can’t compare a $2M home to a $5M home, a fixer upper to a turn-key, so easily.

For all those reasons above and many others we ended up looking at a lot of homes. In part due to our experience to date, when we start looking again, we are considering limiting our search to Fairbanks Ranch only in the $3M-$4M market, as opposed to $2M-$5M. The reason for that is obvious from my previous posts.

P.S. We did not pick RSF just for school district. CV’s is as good or better, for example. We picked it because the type and size of house and type and size of lot and type of neighborhood that we want we find there more than other places. I like Del Mar west of 5 better than RSF, but we can’t find the size of house or lot that we want there, we did look several times for it. We rulled out La Jolla for different reasons and for similar reasons.

[raptorduck]

LL. Have you been talking with my wife? The way you described it is why I can’t be upset at my wife for being upset and why I don’t think she is acting spoiled. I don’t agree with her view on renting, but understand the other stuff.

Well there are many reasons so much time has been spent, but here are but a few.

• a little OCD on my part
• we have a long list of criteria that we require for an ideal home and despite a large inventory in the market, many houses don’t come close to that criteria.
• two people with “very” different tastes and needs in homes so you have to find a house that caters to both. (good luck!) To make it more interesting, we are giving our older kids and my dad, who will live with us, a say too.
• we are very very picky to boot.
• I view any price in my range as a lot of money and that makes me that much more nit-picky.
• Unlike the last time when we bought a 5 year house we stayed in 8 so far, we are looking for a 20+ year house now. Many houses we have seen would have been great for 5 years , but we could not project them out further.
• despite all of the above, we have found lots of houses that fit all our criteria, around a dozen, cuz that is about how many offers we wrote.
• but after all that you still have to find a seller willing to sell you a house at the price you want to pay. In half the cases I more or less found such a seller, unfortunatley so did a bunch of other bidders willing to pay more than I was. In the other case I found sticky sellers sticking to above market prices that are hundreds of thousands of dollars above what I would pay. Those homes are all still on the market.
• in the one case where I could have found “the house” I screwed up. You could be in a motorcycle race and be perfect for 99 laps and blink at the wrong time for a split second and boom, crash and burn.
• unlike up here where you find 1 in 100 homes that fits your criteria and thus if the price is anywhere in your price range, you jump all over it, we found that SD had an embarrasment or riches of the type of homes we like, and that is not necessarly a good thing because it makes you not “jump” on the first house that you like. Sometimes too many choices lead to no choice at all. In NorCal you look at 100 homes to find the “one”, in SD you look at 100 homes to find the best of many “ones.”
• This has been a learning process. Through all this searching we have refined our tastes as to what we like in a home and what we don’t like. Seeing that many houses has that inevitable effect. As those tastes have been refined, some homes became of greater interest and othes less.
• Not knowing what particular part of RSF and surrounds is best for us left us looking in a pretty broad range of areas.
• Our range is pretty broad and you can’t compare a $2M home to a $5M home, a fixer upper to a turn-key, so easily.

For all those reasons above and many others we ended up looking at a lot of homes. In part due to our experience to date, when we start looking again, we are considering limiting our search to Fairbanks Ranch only in the $3M-$4M market, as opposed to $2M-$5M. The reason for that is obvious from my previous posts.

P.S. We did not pick RSF just for school district. CV’s is as good or better, for example. We picked it because the type and size of house and type and size of lot and type of neighborhood that we want we find there more than other places. I like Del Mar west of 5 better than RSF, but we can’t find the size of house or lot that we want there, we did look several times for it. We rulled out La Jolla for different reasons and for similar reasons.

[raptorduck]

LL. Have you been talking with my wife? The way you described it is why I can’t be upset at my wife for being upset and why I don’t think she is acting spoiled. I don’t agree with her view on renting, but understand the other stuff.

Well there are many reasons so much time has been spent, but here are but a few.

• a little OCD on my part
• we have a long list of criteria that we require for an ideal home and despite a large inventory in the market, many houses don’t come close to that criteria.
• two people with “very” different tastes and needs in homes so you have to find a house that caters to both. (good luck!) To make it more interesting, we are giving our older kids and my dad, who will live with us, a say too.
• we are very very picky to boot.
• I view any price in my range as a lot of money and that makes me that much more nit-picky.
• Unlike the last time when we bought a 5 year house we stayed in 8 so far, we are looking for a 20+ year house now. Many houses we have seen would have been great for 5 years , but we could not project them out further.
• despite all of the above, we have found lots of houses that fit all our criteria, around a dozen, cuz that is about how many offers we wrote.
• but after all that you still have to find a seller willing to sell you a house at the price you want to pay. In half the cases I more or less found such a seller, unfortunatley so did a bunch of other bidders willing to pay more than I was. In the other case I found sticky sellers sticking to above market prices that are hundreds of thousands of dollars above what I would pay. Those homes are all still on the market.
• in the one case where I could have found “the house” I screwed up. You could be in a motorcycle race and be perfect for 99 laps and blink at the wrong time for a split second and boom, crash and burn.
• unlike up here where you find 1 in 100 homes that fits your criteria and thus if the price is anywhere in your price range, you jump all over it, we found that SD had an embarrasment or riches of the type of homes we like, and that is not necessarly a good thing because it makes you not “jump” on the first house that you like. Sometimes too many choices lead to no choice at all. In NorCal you look at 100 homes to find the “one”, in SD you look at 100 homes to find the best of many “ones.”
• This has been a learning process. Through all this searching we have refined our tastes as to what we like in a home and what we don’t like. Seeing that many houses has that inevitable effect. As those tastes have been refined, some homes became of greater interest and othes less.
• Not knowing what particular part of RSF and surrounds is best for us left us looking in a pretty broad range of areas.
• Our range is pretty broad and you can’t compare a $2M home to a $5M home, a fixer upper to a turn-key, so easily.

For all those reasons above and many others we ended up looking at a lot of homes. In part due to our experience to date, when we start looking again, we are considering limiting our search to Fairbanks Ranch only in the $3M-$4M market, as opposed to $2M-$5M. The reason for that is obvious from my previous posts.

P.S. We did not pick RSF just for school district. CV’s is as good or better, for example. We picked it because the type and size of house and type and size of lot and type of neighborhood that we want we find there more than other places. I like Del Mar west of 5 better than RSF, but we can’t find the size of house or lot that we want there, we did look several times for it. We rulled out La Jolla for different reasons and for similar reasons.

[Author]

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