Dear Mr. President Bush

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I really did send this one today.

Dear Mr. President,

I wanted to congratulate you on this new significant accomplishment:

“The CBS News poll found that President Bush has tied the presidential record for a low approval rating — 22 percent, matching Harry S. Truman’s Gallup approval rating in 1952…”

Wow, you should be proud! You are such an “over-achiever.”

Keep trying. Don’t accept merely being tied with Truman on historical levels of lowest approval rating. Go for the record. Maybe you could screw up something additional about our country to send your approval rating even lower? However, we are all wondering WHAT is left for you to screw up? You’ve covered all the bases.

You know this is only halfway tongue-in-cheek. I actually do appreciate your many screw ups. I’ve made money on them!

Why?

Because it has been IMMENSLY profitable (in legal ways) for me to identify ahead of time the next scam or screw up you are bringing down upon our Great Country. By figuring out the scam you’re running to enrich your republican cronies, I am usually able to make loads of money on it myself. Call it piggybacking on your scams and screw-ups.

I saw that your administration’s mismanagement of our economy was going to send us into a depression, crash housing prices, and crash the stock market. So I bet the stock market would fall. I sold our house, and bet against the housing market. I made lots of money. Thank you Mr. President.

Your stupid false solution (SCAM) for the energy crisis was to put a $0.50/gallon subsidy for ethanol producers because their lobby bribed your buddies. So then I bought ADM and made a killing on that grain broker and ethanol producer. Of course, your subsidy also caused corn prices around the world to soar so millions couldn’t afford to eat and starved. Oh, well, that’s life. But your friends (and I) made good money on rising corn prices. Thank you Mr. President!

I also saw years ago you were a violent sort who loved war would scam and divert money to Haliburton, so I bought that stock also. Thank you Mr. President!

I now see you are going to collapse the value of the US dollar to deflate your way out of the ponderous national debt you’ve created. So I’m buying massive quantities of gold. I thank you Mr President in advance because I’m going to make lots more money in gold thanks to your destroying the value of the dollar. Nice work.

I could go on and on but I grow weary of recalling your various scams and screw-ups.

Sincerely,

Your True Friend and a Proud American

[Anonymous]

Why thank you fellow countryman. I’m real happy that someone has at last recognized my salient qualities (I had to look up that last word). Reading your appreciative words means a lot to me, especially in these dire times. Making money from my ‘screw ups’ (I know you mean the opposite but have to conceal your identity from the enemy), is exactly what I intended, and I’m glad you saw the light. I need people like you working for me. Some people call it exploitation, but you look like you know a good deal when you see one. Keep on investing in my screw ups (hehe), because that’s just going make ’em more screwed up and you and I and can keep making more money.

Good on you citizen!

[Anonymous]

Why thank you fellow countryman. I’m real happy that someone has at last recognized my salient qualities (I had to look up that last word). Reading your appreciative words means a lot to me, especially in these dire times. Making money from my ‘screw ups’ (I know you mean the opposite but have to conceal your identity from the enemy), is exactly what I intended, and I’m glad you saw the light. I need people like you working for me. Some people call it exploitation, but you look like you know a good deal when you see one. Keep on investing in my screw ups (hehe), because that’s just going make ’em more screwed up and you and I and can keep making more money.

Good on you citizen!

[Anonymous]

Why thank you fellow countryman. I’m real happy that someone has at last recognized my salient qualities (I had to look up that last word). Reading your appreciative words means a lot to me, especially in these dire times. Making money from my ‘screw ups’ (I know you mean the opposite but have to conceal your identity from the enemy), is exactly what I intended, and I’m glad you saw the light. I need people like you working for me. Some people call it exploitation, but you look like you know a good deal when you see one. Keep on investing in my screw ups (hehe), because that’s just going make ’em more screwed up and you and I and can keep making more money.

Good on you citizen!

[Anonymous]

Why thank you fellow countryman. I’m real happy that someone has at last recognized my salient qualities (I had to look up that last word). Reading your appreciative words means a lot to me, especially in these dire times. Making money from my ‘screw ups’ (I know you mean the opposite but have to conceal your identity from the enemy), is exactly what I intended, and I’m glad you saw the light. I need people like you working for me. Some people call it exploitation, but you look like you know a good deal when you see one. Keep on investing in my screw ups (hehe), because that’s just going make ’em more screwed up and you and I and can keep making more money.

Good on you citizen!

[Anonymous]

Why thank you fellow countryman. I’m real happy that someone has at last recognized my salient qualities (I had to look up that last word). Reading your appreciative words means a lot to me, especially in these dire times. Making money from my ‘screw ups’ (I know you mean the opposite but have to conceal your identity from the enemy), is exactly what I intended, and I’m glad you saw the light. I need people like you working for me. Some people call it exploitation, but you look like you know a good deal when you see one. Keep on investing in my screw ups (hehe), because that’s just going make ’em more screwed up and you and I and can keep making more money.

Good on you citizen!

[Author]

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