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UCGal
Participant[quote=AN]
You still didn’t really answer my question. Would you kick out your kids if they’re deadbeat? I know plenty of people who live with their parents until they get married and are not deadbeats.[/quote]
I’m not Eaves… but I’ll answer for myself on this.I know plenty of folks who live with their parents and aren’t deadbeats either… they work and/or go to school, they help with household duties. That’s a symbiotic relationship. Family working together…
Deadbeat by definition is a parasite… someone who takes, but doesn’t contribute. I’ve seen lots of grown kids in their 20’s who fit that definition. Any money they earn is 100% theirs. They eat the free food, have mom do their laundry, they don’t help with the day to day running of the household (financially or by doing chores.). In fact I dated a guy like that – at age 32 he was still living at home and had no concept of what it was like to pay utility bills… when he was laid off he was unwilling to get himself to interviews if there was the slightest bit of inclement weather… We broke up because I was unwilling to be his mommy.
We have a nephew who’s 31 and living with his folks. He’s working on his 2nd PhD in History as a way of avoiding getting a real job. He’s divorced because his ex-wife got tired of supporting him. (He got married in grad school – while still on the parents dime.) She was going to school and working… but he couldn’t be bothered to get a job.
So… would I kick out a deadbeat (by my parasitic definition)… Yes. It would be painful, but I’d do it.
But I’m hoping to raise my kids NOT to be deadbeats. They contribute now – even in 2nd and 4th grade. Chores are done… which helps them be part of a household AND gives them skills for when they’re on their own.
Would I kick them out if they were working towards goals and contributing to the household… No. I’m a big fan of extended family working together. Heck we wouldn’t have built the granny flat if I weren’t… But it should be a symbiotic relationship – not a parasitic one.
Participant[quote=AN]
You still didn’t really answer my question. Would you kick out your kids if they’re deadbeat? I know plenty of people who live with their parents until they get married and are not deadbeats.[/quote]
I’m not Eaves… but I’ll answer for myself on this.I know plenty of folks who live with their parents and aren’t deadbeats either… they work and/or go to school, they help with household duties. That’s a symbiotic relationship. Family working together…
Deadbeat by definition is a parasite… someone who takes, but doesn’t contribute. I’ve seen lots of grown kids in their 20’s who fit that definition. Any money they earn is 100% theirs. They eat the free food, have mom do their laundry, they don’t help with the day to day running of the household (financially or by doing chores.). In fact I dated a guy like that – at age 32 he was still living at home and had no concept of what it was like to pay utility bills… when he was laid off he was unwilling to get himself to interviews if there was the slightest bit of inclement weather… We broke up because I was unwilling to be his mommy.
We have a nephew who’s 31 and living with his folks. He’s working on his 2nd PhD in History as a way of avoiding getting a real job. He’s divorced because his ex-wife got tired of supporting him. (He got married in grad school – while still on the parents dime.) She was going to school and working… but he couldn’t be bothered to get a job.
So… would I kick out a deadbeat (by my parasitic definition)… Yes. It would be painful, but I’d do it.
But I’m hoping to raise my kids NOT to be deadbeats. They contribute now – even in 2nd and 4th grade. Chores are done… which helps them be part of a household AND gives them skills for when they’re on their own.
Would I kick them out if they were working towards goals and contributing to the household… No. I’m a big fan of extended family working together. Heck we wouldn’t have built the granny flat if I weren’t… But it should be a symbiotic relationship – not a parasitic one.
ParticipantMy sister used one, in addition to an AC, when she lived in Okinawa. On a visit to see her I remember having to drain the reservoir at least once a day. I wasn’t paying the utilities… I was just a freeloading sister taking advantage of a free place to stay, overseas. I know she felt the AC didn’t remove enough humidity… and Okinawa was even more humid than Philly. Having the drain lines definitely sounds like a good plan to avoid it overflowing.
I also lived in Philly. As a native San Diegan, I feel your pain on the humidity thing. The cliche is correct – it IS the humidity more than the heat that makes you miserable. I was able to get by with AC… but then again, I lived in a leaky, 1900 era, uninsulated house… so the AC only cycled off when I turned it off. I didn’t have it on during the day when I was working, so I’d always get home to a hot/humid house… but in 30 minutes I had the house cool enough – even with window units.
Your place is newer construction, right? So I assume you have central air. Are there settings to have it use less power… It may be that your AC unit is oversized for the space – and that’s why it’s cycling off so much.
ParticipantMy sister used one, in addition to an AC, when she lived in Okinawa. On a visit to see her I remember having to drain the reservoir at least once a day. I wasn’t paying the utilities… I was just a freeloading sister taking advantage of a free place to stay, overseas. I know she felt the AC didn’t remove enough humidity… and Okinawa was even more humid than Philly. Having the drain lines definitely sounds like a good plan to avoid it overflowing.
I also lived in Philly. As a native San Diegan, I feel your pain on the humidity thing. The cliche is correct – it IS the humidity more than the heat that makes you miserable. I was able to get by with AC… but then again, I lived in a leaky, 1900 era, uninsulated house… so the AC only cycled off when I turned it off. I didn’t have it on during the day when I was working, so I’d always get home to a hot/humid house… but in 30 minutes I had the house cool enough – even with window units.
Your place is newer construction, right? So I assume you have central air. Are there settings to have it use less power… It may be that your AC unit is oversized for the space – and that’s why it’s cycling off so much.
ParticipantMy sister used one, in addition to an AC, when she lived in Okinawa. On a visit to see her I remember having to drain the reservoir at least once a day. I wasn’t paying the utilities… I was just a freeloading sister taking advantage of a free place to stay, overseas. I know she felt the AC didn’t remove enough humidity… and Okinawa was even more humid than Philly. Having the drain lines definitely sounds like a good plan to avoid it overflowing.
I also lived in Philly. As a native San Diegan, I feel your pain on the humidity thing. The cliche is correct – it IS the humidity more than the heat that makes you miserable. I was able to get by with AC… but then again, I lived in a leaky, 1900 era, uninsulated house… so the AC only cycled off when I turned it off. I didn’t have it on during the day when I was working, so I’d always get home to a hot/humid house… but in 30 minutes I had the house cool enough – even with window units.
Your place is newer construction, right? So I assume you have central air. Are there settings to have it use less power… It may be that your AC unit is oversized for the space – and that’s why it’s cycling off so much.
ParticipantMy sister used one, in addition to an AC, when she lived in Okinawa. On a visit to see her I remember having to drain the reservoir at least once a day. I wasn’t paying the utilities… I was just a freeloading sister taking advantage of a free place to stay, overseas. I know she felt the AC didn’t remove enough humidity… and Okinawa was even more humid than Philly. Having the drain lines definitely sounds like a good plan to avoid it overflowing.
I also lived in Philly. As a native San Diegan, I feel your pain on the humidity thing. The cliche is correct – it IS the humidity more than the heat that makes you miserable. I was able to get by with AC… but then again, I lived in a leaky, 1900 era, uninsulated house… so the AC only cycled off when I turned it off. I didn’t have it on during the day when I was working, so I’d always get home to a hot/humid house… but in 30 minutes I had the house cool enough – even with window units.
Your place is newer construction, right? So I assume you have central air. Are there settings to have it use less power… It may be that your AC unit is oversized for the space – and that’s why it’s cycling off so much.
ParticipantMy sister used one, in addition to an AC, when she lived in Okinawa. On a visit to see her I remember having to drain the reservoir at least once a day. I wasn’t paying the utilities… I was just a freeloading sister taking advantage of a free place to stay, overseas. I know she felt the AC didn’t remove enough humidity… and Okinawa was even more humid than Philly. Having the drain lines definitely sounds like a good plan to avoid it overflowing.
I also lived in Philly. As a native San Diegan, I feel your pain on the humidity thing. The cliche is correct – it IS the humidity more than the heat that makes you miserable. I was able to get by with AC… but then again, I lived in a leaky, 1900 era, uninsulated house… so the AC only cycled off when I turned it off. I didn’t have it on during the day when I was working, so I’d always get home to a hot/humid house… but in 30 minutes I had the house cool enough – even with window units.
Your place is newer construction, right? So I assume you have central air. Are there settings to have it use less power… It may be that your AC unit is oversized for the space – and that’s why it’s cycling off so much.
Participant[quote=GH]Most of these workers ARE illegal and if homeowners thought that legal action even seizure of their homes was a good possibility they would hire legitimate contractors and pay prevailing rates.[/quote]
How do you know the general contractor wasn’t legitimate? The homeowner hires a contractor, does due diligence by checking the license, etc… but cannot control what sub-contractors or day laborers are brought onsite by that contractor. The homeowner should be in the clear in this case.
The contractor, however, is at risk for hiring illegals – if they were illegals.
Not all people speaking spanish with brown skin are here illegally.Participant[quote=GH]Most of these workers ARE illegal and if homeowners thought that legal action even seizure of their homes was a good possibility they would hire legitimate contractors and pay prevailing rates.[/quote]
How do you know the general contractor wasn’t legitimate? The homeowner hires a contractor, does due diligence by checking the license, etc… but cannot control what sub-contractors or day laborers are brought onsite by that contractor. The homeowner should be in the clear in this case.
The contractor, however, is at risk for hiring illegals – if they were illegals.
Not all people speaking spanish with brown skin are here illegally.Participant[quote=GH]Most of these workers ARE illegal and if homeowners thought that legal action even seizure of their homes was a good possibility they would hire legitimate contractors and pay prevailing rates.[/quote]
How do you know the general contractor wasn’t legitimate? The homeowner hires a contractor, does due diligence by checking the license, etc… but cannot control what sub-contractors or day laborers are brought onsite by that contractor. The homeowner should be in the clear in this case.
The contractor, however, is at risk for hiring illegals – if they were illegals.
Not all people speaking spanish with brown skin are here illegally.Participant[quote=GH]Most of these workers ARE illegal and if homeowners thought that legal action even seizure of their homes was a good possibility they would hire legitimate contractors and pay prevailing rates.[/quote]
How do you know the general contractor wasn’t legitimate? The homeowner hires a contractor, does due diligence by checking the license, etc… but cannot control what sub-contractors or day laborers are brought onsite by that contractor. The homeowner should be in the clear in this case.
The contractor, however, is at risk for hiring illegals – if they were illegals.
Not all people speaking spanish with brown skin are here illegally.Participant[quote=GH]Most of these workers ARE illegal and if homeowners thought that legal action even seizure of their homes was a good possibility they would hire legitimate contractors and pay prevailing rates.[/quote]
How do you know the general contractor wasn’t legitimate? The homeowner hires a contractor, does due diligence by checking the license, etc… but cannot control what sub-contractors or day laborers are brought onsite by that contractor. The homeowner should be in the clear in this case.
The contractor, however, is at risk for hiring illegals – if they were illegals.
Not all people speaking spanish with brown skin are here illegally.ParticipantMy parents must have been from the same school as eaves’ and CAR’s…
I knew from a young age that at 18 I had better be in school, full time, in a degree that would get me a job… or working. And if it was the latter, I could live at home, with rules, if I contributed to the household. Otherwise I could use my earnings to pay my own way.
I chose the last option because I wasn’t ready for college. Best decision I ever made. Eventually I went to school, and my parents did help me with tuition/books. But there were strings attached.
Prior to turning 18 – it was understood that chores came before fun. That was a non-negotiable. The line that all my friends were out playing didn’t cut it with my parents.
Because of these chores and responsibilities my siblings and I were pretty self reliant when we moved out. We could all cook, change oil on a car, knew basic sewing (mending), knew how to do laundry and cleaning, could do basic repairs… (chores incorporated all these things.).
I’m raising my kids with the same expectations. And they’re getting one more lesson – care for elderly family. We take care of my in-laws… and the boys are part of that process… helping their grandmother with her trash, keeping an eye on grandpa if she needs some time to get stuff done, etc.
I won’t kick my kids out if they are contributing to the household. I’ll do it in a heartbeat if they start acting entitled to life on a silver platter. I’m fine with multi-generational family. But, IMO, if parents do their job right, the kids *want* to move out at some point to try life outside the nest. My job as a parent is to give them the skills and motivation to survive on their own. If they’re sitting at home, while I shelter, feed, do laundry… practically wipe their butt – I’m not doing my job.
As far as 18 being an arbitrary age… Yes… but it’s the age you can *legally* kick them out if they don’t follow the household rules.
ParticipantMy parents must have been from the same school as eaves’ and CAR’s…
I knew from a young age that at 18 I had better be in school, full time, in a degree that would get me a job… or working. And if it was the latter, I could live at home, with rules, if I contributed to the household. Otherwise I could use my earnings to pay my own way.
I chose the last option because I wasn’t ready for college. Best decision I ever made. Eventually I went to school, and my parents did help me with tuition/books. But there were strings attached.
Prior to turning 18 – it was understood that chores came before fun. That was a non-negotiable. The line that all my friends were out playing didn’t cut it with my parents.
Because of these chores and responsibilities my siblings and I were pretty self reliant when we moved out. We could all cook, change oil on a car, knew basic sewing (mending), knew how to do laundry and cleaning, could do basic repairs… (chores incorporated all these things.).
I’m raising my kids with the same expectations. And they’re getting one more lesson – care for elderly family. We take care of my in-laws… and the boys are part of that process… helping their grandmother with her trash, keeping an eye on grandpa if she needs some time to get stuff done, etc.
I won’t kick my kids out if they are contributing to the household. I’ll do it in a heartbeat if they start acting entitled to life on a silver platter. I’m fine with multi-generational family. But, IMO, if parents do their job right, the kids *want* to move out at some point to try life outside the nest. My job as a parent is to give them the skills and motivation to survive on their own. If they’re sitting at home, while I shelter, feed, do laundry… practically wipe their butt – I’m not doing my job.
As far as 18 being an arbitrary age… Yes… but it’s the age you can *legally* kick them out if they don’t follow the household rules.
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