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scaredyclassic
Participantfunny. if you’d come to the site 5 years ago we’d all be trying to talk you out of buying a house. now it’s all just neighborhood advice and marital counseling.
the more i think about it, the more you eprosnally are going to despise temecula. cross it off your list. it’s not for you. seriously. im not trying reverse psychology here. no temecula…
Participant[quote=CA renter][quote=scaredyclassic][quote=NYMom]He’s lived here for close to 15 years now and has hated it from the start. It was supposed to be a temporary move for work, but the co. took off and then we met. He’s been wanting to go back for about 8 years now. He’s just very unhappy here. Doesn’t like “the lifestyle,” the weather, or pretty much anything. He feels like he’s waited long enough, worked hard, and should be able to live where he wants to finally.[/quote]
Dudes making $, lives in an awesome spot, but doesn’t like the lifestyle?
I think you guys need to sign up for my intensive counseling course before any big moves.[/quote]
Scaredy is joking a bit here, but I think he has a very valid point. You both should probably take more time to really think about what it is he wants to change. Based on what you’ve posted, it just doesn’t sound as though moving out here would be an improvement in any way (except for the weather, perhaps). It might not be a bad idea to talk to a counselor about this; it’s a big move that will cost a lot of money, and it might create some major resentments and problems if it doesn’t work out as he had hoped.[/quote]
i was not joking! i am serious! well, except for the signing up for my therapy sessions. i don’t actually give therapy. But lawyers are also known as “counselors”, and indeed, much of what we do is try to give reasonable counsel…
there’s no motivation for this move. it’s like a mysterious divorce stirring, just a feeling in his gut like there’s got to be something better than this crappy humid life in westchester. but…
. you are gonna be one pissed lady when you realize how little you’re gonna see your extended italian family, how it just wont be the same, more staged, more not like normal life, the visits will not be as nearly as frequent as necessary to keep the relationships fresh and genuine and the relatives wont be integral to your kids lives like theya re now, just odd people who show up from time to time and eat a lot of tomato sauce products probably.
you were practucally crying when you were writing about how you were going to miss this. so he knows what it means to you. unless he really hates these people, there’s no reason to flee from them. well, maybe that’s me interjecting my desire for free child care there, but still, no rational reaosn to rip these young uns away from their loved ones.
have you considered: . it might be that he intuitively knows this move will gnaw away at the goodwill in your heart, and wants to move to make you bitter and angry to generate conflict to have an excuse to split up because he’s too passive to do it directly?.
it seems devious, but one’s subconscious is incredibly devious. I don’t trust mine, i’ll tell you that.
I’m not saying splitting up is inevitable, but that unhappiness breeds on these illdefined unexamined feelings of dissatisfaction, and resentments build, and you know, you ahve kids, and your worried about the kids, and frankly, as a guy, it can get old..what about me? i like my kids, sure, but what about me? thats what he’s thinking. thats what i was thinking. thats what a lot of guys think…
the way forward is honesty, brutal honesty, tempered with love and understanding and maybe compromise. I don’t see what is better for him out here. i say you need to get in a counseling office to hash it out before you sell…
it’s unclear what the answer is…but everyone needs to be upfront… given how unhappy you will be, and how unclear it is that he will be happier, i think this is a trap…
ParticipantOK I’m still thinkingng a solid 8.
Kids who are confident, poised, deeply thoughtful, really good at self control,even as teenagers very attuned to others, capable of powerful connections with others, who love each other a lot, who know and understand their old man….just filled with interestingness and other people say man your kids are fun to hang out with…
Where can I get some kids like that?
Just kidding!!! Those are mine!!!
ParticipantAh forget It. Maybe I suck.
Participant[quote=FlyerInHi]The title says why. But you haven’t told us why yet. You only say you’re awesome.
aside from not fucked up in the head, what other attributes do you kids display?
remember the other thread about the santa barbara shooter. some think that personality is innate/genetic.[/quote]
Yes. Maybe I’m a great parent because my DNA is so awesome.
Participant[quote=flyer]Probably a good thing everyone has a different idea of the “perfect” place to live, or we’d all end up in one overly crowded location.
Even though we love RSF, we’ve always been open to moving, and have checked out many places over the years. Family and friends in Santa Monica, Laguna, Malibu, Calabasas, etc. have tried to encourage us to move to those locations, but even though they are fantastic places, and would be closer to my wife’s connection to the film business, we just can’t deal with the proximity to LA on a daily basis.
As far as the OP is concerned, as long as you folks know exactly what to expect from living in the Los Angeles area–you should be fine–but I’d still check San Diego County (and Temecula) out thoroughly before making your final decision.[/quote]
In the interest of complete disclosure you will probably find Temecula sucky. I’ll understand.
Maybe you guys should just sell the house, take the cash and go on a 2 year adventure.
ParticipantMy greatness is perhaps due to my lack of suckiness.
Participant[quote=FlyerInHi][quote=spdrun]What’s wrong with raising kids in an apartment? It’s done all the time throughout the world — living in an apartment isn’t a case of leprosy :)[/quote]
I agree.
I’d move to a smaller house in Santa Monica and remodel it. Hire an architect and do a modern beach design. Design affects the feeling of space and livability.[/quote]
I grew up in a very small apt. It was fine. But when we got older all I wanted was out!!!!
Participant[quote=Blogstar]You are never an ass to you kids , Scaredy? So why are you not a 10?[/quote]
Of course I’m an ass sometimes … but I am expert at apologizing.
ParticipantI actually think I’m really good at this. I suck at a lot of things. But I think I’m great at this. I base it on how they strike me as not being fucked up in the head at all and how they are not troublesome teens. And other good attributes. Perhaps tonight after a few drinks I will reveal my secret techniques.
ParticipantNymom, today go to a bookstore and read the first 20 pages of vol. Two (2) of knaussgaards’ book. MY Struggle.
ParticipantIf he’s looking for lifestyle diamond bar won’t cut it. I’m afraid we have to let the kids go and move into a really nice condo on laguna beach.
ParticipantMy objective awesomeness.
Participant[quote=NYMom]He’s lived here for close to 15 years now and has hated it from the start. It was supposed to be a temporary move for work, but the co. took off and then we met. He’s been wanting to go back for about 8 years now. He’s just very unhappy here. Doesn’t like “the lifestyle,” the weather, or pretty much anything. He feels like he’s waited long enough, worked hard, and should be able to live where he wants to finally.[/quote]
Dudes making $, lives in an awesome spot, but doesn’t like the lifestyle?
I think you guys need to sign up for my intensive counseling course before any big moves.
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