[OT] WSJ: “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior”

[Stradivarius]

I am Chinese, am a doctor, play the violin in the La Jolla Symphony, rock climb, drive a Honda, and have thick glasses. Yet I can also socially hang with the best. Thanks, mom.

My mother, an immigrant from Hong Kong, was pretty strict, and I will never forget the first really deep conversation I had with her when I was 10 years old. What I got out of it was that it wasn’t about getting straight A’s and being the best violinist in the orchestra, but that excelling academically unlocks doors. Good grades-> good college -> better job selection-> professional and financial freedom. Music lessons teach self-discipline which is useful for studying as well as the rest of your life.

A huge difference with my Chinese mom is that she encouraged me to socialize, play sports, as well as get good grades and practice violin and piano. She arranged sleepovers at our house for my sister and me, took us shopping, and taught us how to apply makeup. Looking pretty and having good social skills go a long way in any profession. Again, more opportunity for success.

Consequently, I am a commitment-phobe (what if I lose some options because I committed to something?!?). I got lucky with an awesome husband but haven’t been able to commit to purchasing a house or my own medical practice. I don’t own any pets. Not even a houseplant. So maybe I didn’t turn out exactly the way Mom intended, but the part-time doctor/rock climbing/violin thing works for me, so we are both happy. She even likes my non-Asian husband.

[ocrenter]

as FLU pointed out already, Asian competition is huge.

Asian parents also expect to be taken care of when they are older, and therefore they have a lot of skin in the game in regard to how well their kids turn out.

There is also a huge history of cultural tendency for authoritarian methods.

The mix of the above is really the basis for this so-called “Chinese mothering technique.”

Asian parents, apart from ones that’s westernized, are mostly quite dictatorial. Hence the children become highly disciplined, and rebellions are crushed ruthlessly. This creates extreme favoritism that I can see in almost every Asian family I know. You see this approach all the way up to how corporations treat its employees, how governments treat its citizens, and even how countries treat each other (for example, Chinese missiles and severe diplomatic pressures when Taiwan elects an anti-China president, and sweetheart trade deals if they elect a pro-China one). Of course, if someone’s daughter is a doctor and a violinist, then other aspects such as marrying outside of race might be more easily forgiven.

The ultimate drivers in this ruthless dictatorial method are the need for the kids to do better to ensure a secure retirement and because of the inter-Asian competition. the Asian mother is in constant competition mode, competing about her house, her husband, and most importantly, her kids. To give you an idea about Asian competition, think about why computers have gotten so cheap (inter-Asian cut throat competition to one up each other for market share). The ferocious inter-mother competition translate to 4 hour piano practices for the kids.

But all of this is at the extreme. Most Asian kids do not practice for 4 hours a day, most do not go to Kumon. Most simply take their studies seriously and do their work and pay attention in class.

All in all, the reason for the book (that was the original topic afterall) is meant to shock. Because the bottom line is America needs the shock and it is in desperate need to wake up from its stagnating ways.

Afterall, human history is filled with fallen empires that did so because it collapsed from within (the Roman, the Tang dynasty, the Spanish, the British). All collapsed because it was the most powerful without any challengers. And at its most powerful stage is when its people become complacent and ultimately collapse. We should be glad Chua wrote this book because if American parents simply take up a few of her pointers, perhaps we won’t continue down our steady decline.

[ocrenter]

as FLU pointed out already, Asian competition is huge.

Asian parents also expect to be taken care of when they are older, and therefore they have a lot of skin in the game in regard to how well their kids turn out.

There is also a huge history of cultural tendency for authoritarian methods.

The mix of the above is really the basis for this so-called “Chinese mothering technique.”

Asian parents, apart from ones that’s westernized, are mostly quite dictatorial. Hence the children become highly disciplined, and rebellions are crushed ruthlessly. This creates extreme favoritism that I can see in almost every Asian family I know. You see this approach all the way up to how corporations treat its employees, how governments treat its citizens, and even how countries treat each other (for example, Chinese missiles and severe diplomatic pressures when Taiwan elects an anti-China president, and sweetheart trade deals if they elect a pro-China one). Of course, if someone’s daughter is a doctor and a violinist, then other aspects such as marrying outside of race might be more easily forgiven.

The ultimate drivers in this ruthless dictatorial method are the need for the kids to do better to ensure a secure retirement and because of the inter-Asian competition. the Asian mother is in constant competition mode, competing about her house, her husband, and most importantly, her kids. To give you an idea about Asian competition, think about why computers have gotten so cheap (inter-Asian cut throat competition to one up each other for market share). The ferocious inter-mother competition translate to 4 hour piano practices for the kids.

But all of this is at the extreme. Most Asian kids do not practice for 4 hours a day, most do not go to Kumon. Most simply take their studies seriously and do their work and pay attention in class.

All in all, the reason for the book (that was the original topic afterall) is meant to shock. Because the bottom line is America needs the shock and it is in desperate need to wake up from its stagnating ways.

Afterall, human history is filled with fallen empires that did so because it collapsed from within (the Roman, the Tang dynasty, the Spanish, the British). All collapsed because it was the most powerful without any challengers. And at its most powerful stage is when its people become complacent and ultimately collapse. We should be glad Chua wrote this book because if American parents simply take up a few of her pointers, perhaps we won’t continue down our steady decline.

[ocrenter]

as FLU pointed out already, Asian competition is huge.

Asian parents also expect to be taken care of when they are older, and therefore they have a lot of skin in the game in regard to how well their kids turn out.

There is also a huge history of cultural tendency for authoritarian methods.

The mix of the above is really the basis for this so-called “Chinese mothering technique.”

Asian parents, apart from ones that’s westernized, are mostly quite dictatorial. Hence the children become highly disciplined, and rebellions are crushed ruthlessly. This creates extreme favoritism that I can see in almost every Asian family I know. You see this approach all the way up to how corporations treat its employees, how governments treat its citizens, and even how countries treat each other (for example, Chinese missiles and severe diplomatic pressures when Taiwan elects an anti-China president, and sweetheart trade deals if they elect a pro-China one). Of course, if someone’s daughter is a doctor and a violinist, then other aspects such as marrying outside of race might be more easily forgiven.

The ultimate drivers in this ruthless dictatorial method are the need for the kids to do better to ensure a secure retirement and because of the inter-Asian competition. the Asian mother is in constant competition mode, competing about her house, her husband, and most importantly, her kids. To give you an idea about Asian competition, think about why computers have gotten so cheap (inter-Asian cut throat competition to one up each other for market share). The ferocious inter-mother competition translate to 4 hour piano practices for the kids.

But all of this is at the extreme. Most Asian kids do not practice for 4 hours a day, most do not go to Kumon. Most simply take their studies seriously and do their work and pay attention in class.

All in all, the reason for the book (that was the original topic afterall) is meant to shock. Because the bottom line is America needs the shock and it is in desperate need to wake up from its stagnating ways.

Afterall, human history is filled with fallen empires that did so because it collapsed from within (the Roman, the Tang dynasty, the Spanish, the British). All collapsed because it was the most powerful without any challengers. And at its most powerful stage is when its people become complacent and ultimately collapse. We should be glad Chua wrote this book because if American parents simply take up a few of her pointers, perhaps we won’t continue down our steady decline.

[ocrenter]

as FLU pointed out already, Asian competition is huge.

Asian parents also expect to be taken care of when they are older, and therefore they have a lot of skin in the game in regard to how well their kids turn out.

There is also a huge history of cultural tendency for authoritarian methods.

The mix of the above is really the basis for this so-called “Chinese mothering technique.”

Asian parents, apart from ones that’s westernized, are mostly quite dictatorial. Hence the children become highly disciplined, and rebellions are crushed ruthlessly. This creates extreme favoritism that I can see in almost every Asian family I know. You see this approach all the way up to how corporations treat its employees, how governments treat its citizens, and even how countries treat each other (for example, Chinese missiles and severe diplomatic pressures when Taiwan elects an anti-China president, and sweetheart trade deals if they elect a pro-China one). Of course, if someone’s daughter is a doctor and a violinist, then other aspects such as marrying outside of race might be more easily forgiven.

The ultimate drivers in this ruthless dictatorial method are the need for the kids to do better to ensure a secure retirement and because of the inter-Asian competition. the Asian mother is in constant competition mode, competing about her house, her husband, and most importantly, her kids. To give you an idea about Asian competition, think about why computers have gotten so cheap (inter-Asian cut throat competition to one up each other for market share). The ferocious inter-mother competition translate to 4 hour piano practices for the kids.

But all of this is at the extreme. Most Asian kids do not practice for 4 hours a day, most do not go to Kumon. Most simply take their studies seriously and do their work and pay attention in class.

All in all, the reason for the book (that was the original topic afterall) is meant to shock. Because the bottom line is America needs the shock and it is in desperate need to wake up from its stagnating ways.

Afterall, human history is filled with fallen empires that did so because it collapsed from within (the Roman, the Tang dynasty, the Spanish, the British). All collapsed because it was the most powerful without any challengers. And at its most powerful stage is when its people become complacent and ultimately collapse. We should be glad Chua wrote this book because if American parents simply take up a few of her pointers, perhaps we won’t continue down our steady decline.

[ocrenter]

as FLU pointed out already, Asian competition is huge.

Asian parents also expect to be taken care of when they are older, and therefore they have a lot of skin in the game in regard to how well their kids turn out.

There is also a huge history of cultural tendency for authoritarian methods.

The mix of the above is really the basis for this so-called “Chinese mothering technique.”

Asian parents, apart from ones that’s westernized, are mostly quite dictatorial. Hence the children become highly disciplined, and rebellions are crushed ruthlessly. This creates extreme favoritism that I can see in almost every Asian family I know. You see this approach all the way up to how corporations treat its employees, how governments treat its citizens, and even how countries treat each other (for example, Chinese missiles and severe diplomatic pressures when Taiwan elects an anti-China president, and sweetheart trade deals if they elect a pro-China one). Of course, if someone’s daughter is a doctor and a violinist, then other aspects such as marrying outside of race might be more easily forgiven.

The ultimate drivers in this ruthless dictatorial method are the need for the kids to do better to ensure a secure retirement and because of the inter-Asian competition. the Asian mother is in constant competition mode, competing about her house, her husband, and most importantly, her kids. To give you an idea about Asian competition, think about why computers have gotten so cheap (inter-Asian cut throat competition to one up each other for market share). The ferocious inter-mother competition translate to 4 hour piano practices for the kids.

But all of this is at the extreme. Most Asian kids do not practice for 4 hours a day, most do not go to Kumon. Most simply take their studies seriously and do their work and pay attention in class.

All in all, the reason for the book (that was the original topic afterall) is meant to shock. Because the bottom line is America needs the shock and it is in desperate need to wake up from its stagnating ways.

Afterall, human history is filled with fallen empires that did so because it collapsed from within (the Roman, the Tang dynasty, the Spanish, the British). All collapsed because it was the most powerful without any challengers. And at its most powerful stage is when its people become complacent and ultimately collapse. We should be glad Chua wrote this book because if American parents simply take up a few of her pointers, perhaps we won’t continue down our steady decline.

[Coronita]

Asian aspiring parents…

Go watch Better Luck Tomorrow.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0280477/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Better_Luck_Tomorrow

It’s actually pretty decent movie (at least worthy of renting).

This is how your asian kid can turn out.

[Coronita]

Asian aspiring parents…

Go watch Better Luck Tomorrow.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0280477/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Better_Luck_Tomorrow

It’s actually pretty decent movie (at least worthy of renting).

This is how your asian kid can turn out.

[Coronita]

Asian aspiring parents…

Go watch Better Luck Tomorrow.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0280477/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Better_Luck_Tomorrow

It’s actually pretty decent movie (at least worthy of renting).

This is how your asian kid can turn out.

[Coronita]

Asian aspiring parents…

Go watch Better Luck Tomorrow.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0280477/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Better_Luck_Tomorrow

It’s actually pretty decent movie (at least worthy of renting).

This is how your asian kid can turn out.

[Coronita]

Asian aspiring parents…

Go watch Better Luck Tomorrow.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0280477/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Better_Luck_Tomorrow

It’s actually pretty decent movie (at least worthy of renting).

This is how your asian kid can turn out.

[jpinpb]

I honestly don’t think it’s limited to Asian culture. My dad was extremely strict w/us. He would not allow sleepovers or playdates. Unheard of. He was dictatorial. No way would there be any sports. We were supposed to study. We were not allowed to date while in high school. My dad was very old school Italian. We grew up resenting him. I couldn’t wait until I was 18 so I could move out, which I did.

I know a few Asian people. One woman from Singapore fits the description in the article. She is running her children’s lives. They have absolutely no autonomy. They would be lost w/out her. She made herself indispensible. They have no thought of their own. While they do good in schools, they do not get straight As. They are like robots.

As for her behavior, it is so stereotypical that you have to laugh. One child was forced to play the violin. Two of the children are studying Chinese. She HAS to live in a new McMansion in 4S Ranch. They have to have new cars every 2 years and they must be high-end vehicles. Even the child old enough to drive has a new car. She divorced her first husband who was in sales so she can upgrade to someone who has a PhD.

Now does this translate to happiness? Every time I see her, she is miserable. The most unhappy person I’ve ever met. She is always stressed. She complains about struggling financially, clearly b/c she is living way beyond her means, even w/her 6 figure husband. She makes everyone around her miserable w/her yelling and complaining. She calls the shots about everything and the burden of this pressure is crushing her psyche. She has NO friends. She is competing w/everyone, but I NEVER see her socialize, not even at work. She is very solitary.

I am so glad I’m not her.

[jpinpb]

I honestly don’t think it’s limited to Asian culture. My dad was extremely strict w/us. He would not allow sleepovers or playdates. Unheard of. He was dictatorial. No way would there be any sports. We were supposed to study. We were not allowed to date while in high school. My dad was very old school Italian. We grew up resenting him. I couldn’t wait until I was 18 so I could move out, which I did.

I know a few Asian people. One woman from Singapore fits the description in the article. She is running her children’s lives. They have absolutely no autonomy. They would be lost w/out her. She made herself indispensible. They have no thought of their own. While they do good in schools, they do not get straight As. They are like robots.

As for her behavior, it is so stereotypical that you have to laugh. One child was forced to play the violin. Two of the children are studying Chinese. She HAS to live in a new McMansion in 4S Ranch. They have to have new cars every 2 years and they must be high-end vehicles. Even the child old enough to drive has a new car. She divorced her first husband who was in sales so she can upgrade to someone who has a PhD.

Now does this translate to happiness? Every time I see her, she is miserable. The most unhappy person I’ve ever met. She is always stressed. She complains about struggling financially, clearly b/c she is living way beyond her means, even w/her 6 figure husband. She makes everyone around her miserable w/her yelling and complaining. She calls the shots about everything and the burden of this pressure is crushing her psyche. She has NO friends. She is competing w/everyone, but I NEVER see her socialize, not even at work. She is very solitary.

I am so glad I’m not her.

[jpinpb]

I honestly don’t think it’s limited to Asian culture. My dad was extremely strict w/us. He would not allow sleepovers or playdates. Unheard of. He was dictatorial. No way would there be any sports. We were supposed to study. We were not allowed to date while in high school. My dad was very old school Italian. We grew up resenting him. I couldn’t wait until I was 18 so I could move out, which I did.

I know a few Asian people. One woman from Singapore fits the description in the article. She is running her children’s lives. They have absolutely no autonomy. They would be lost w/out her. She made herself indispensible. They have no thought of their own. While they do good in schools, they do not get straight As. They are like robots.

As for her behavior, it is so stereotypical that you have to laugh. One child was forced to play the violin. Two of the children are studying Chinese. She HAS to live in a new McMansion in 4S Ranch. They have to have new cars every 2 years and they must be high-end vehicles. Even the child old enough to drive has a new car. She divorced her first husband who was in sales so she can upgrade to someone who has a PhD.

Now does this translate to happiness? Every time I see her, she is miserable. The most unhappy person I’ve ever met. She is always stressed. She complains about struggling financially, clearly b/c she is living way beyond her means, even w/her 6 figure husband. She makes everyone around her miserable w/her yelling and complaining. She calls the shots about everything and the burden of this pressure is crushing her psyche. She has NO friends. She is competing w/everyone, but I NEVER see her socialize, not even at work. She is very solitary.

I am so glad I’m not her.

[jpinpb]

I honestly don’t think it’s limited to Asian culture. My dad was extremely strict w/us. He would not allow sleepovers or playdates. Unheard of. He was dictatorial. No way would there be any sports. We were supposed to study. We were not allowed to date while in high school. My dad was very old school Italian. We grew up resenting him. I couldn’t wait until I was 18 so I could move out, which I did.

I know a few Asian people. One woman from Singapore fits the description in the article. She is running her children’s lives. They have absolutely no autonomy. They would be lost w/out her. She made herself indispensible. They have no thought of their own. While they do good in schools, they do not get straight As. They are like robots.

As for her behavior, it is so stereotypical that you have to laugh. One child was forced to play the violin. Two of the children are studying Chinese. She HAS to live in a new McMansion in 4S Ranch. They have to have new cars every 2 years and they must be high-end vehicles. Even the child old enough to drive has a new car. She divorced her first husband who was in sales so she can upgrade to someone who has a PhD.

Now does this translate to happiness? Every time I see her, she is miserable. The most unhappy person I’ve ever met. She is always stressed. She complains about struggling financially, clearly b/c she is living way beyond her means, even w/her 6 figure husband. She makes everyone around her miserable w/her yelling and complaining. She calls the shots about everything and the burden of this pressure is crushing her psyche. She has NO friends. She is competing w/everyone, but I NEVER see her socialize, not even at work. She is very solitary.

I am so glad I’m not her.

[Author]

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