OT: How much baggage will you accept?

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=kev374][quote=Disgruntled Patriot]Love does conquer all, including fear, anger, bias, and greed. It is forgiving, and does not keep score. That said, if you love her, it would be an undeniable truth that would not need the advice of your fellow piggs! [/quote]

so what are you saying? Everyone who divorced never truly loved their partner? Sometimes you may love the other person but that may not be enough to maintain a healthy long term relationship. I think love is certainly a very important component to a relationship but for a relationship to succeed long term there have to be other factors in place as well…

There is a modicum of truth in the saying “one cannot live on love and fresh air alone” ;)[/quote]

Love love me do.

[UCGal]

[quote=Blogstar][quote=Blogstar]The people who are clean and do everything right almost inevitably have as much trouble and often more than anyone else, why is that?[/quote]
Bump[/quote]
I think the people who have come from clean, picture perfect lives often assume that life, career, etc, will be easy – they haven’t faced adversity.

When faced with tough situations, they may or may not have the skills, strength, fortitude to work through it.

Oh – and I’m totally stealing your idea of contractor bags. We’re planning some travel and will put 1 or two in our small rolling luggage for souvenirs we pick up along the way. Only problems I see with contractor bags is:
– doesn’t roll or strap to back so a pain to haul from a train station to a hotel or B&B.
– can’t be locked.
– Closing it I suppose can involve twist ties or knots – but knots would lessen the volume. (Although contractor bags are HUGE – so volume should not be an issue.

[kev374]

[quote=scaredyclassic]
Marriage is a rowboat. Do not marry someone who does not have an oar in the water and who can pull hard.[/quote]

I like this quote 🙂

Just a quick update, sorry to resurrect this old thread!

It’s been 6 months since the breakup and a week or so ago I get this highly accusatory email from her blaming me for just about everything. Walking away, being cruel for not supporting her through her hard times etc. etc.

You see I have spent the last few months moving forward in my life, pursuing my hobbies etc. Occasionally I post something on Facebook such as I went on a hike or I am riding my bikes at Location X etc. The biggest mistake was that I kept her contact on FB.

She has written me that it’s heartbreaking that I am continuing life like nothing ever happened. She says it’s proof that I never cared about her. Is this even rational thought?

We have friends in common and I had told them that I was planning my trip to Nepal in November. My friends have gone and leaked this info to her (pissed at them for doing so but they claim it was just innocent talk!). She says I walked away from her due to her financial baggage but now I am “blowing money” on my vacations to exotic places so it’s proof that I did not want to be with her because I wanted to spend all my money on myself.

This is such nonsense because during our time together I have spent a sh!tload on her and us. I took her to many places solely on my dime, once we even went to Asia and I paid the tab for both of us. When she moved to her new place she did not have a TV, I gave her my old big screen TV, my blu-ray player etc. and bought myself new stuff just because I knew she like watching shows and didn’t have a big TV. I bought her a Roku, iPhone 5S for her birthday etc. I have been very generous and I can’t believe it that she writes such stuff..unbelievable! Then she says she doesn’t care about the money I spent on her because that’s not important because I left her in her time of need.

The email is full of accusations about how horrible I am and how hurtful and disrespectful I was to leave her in her time of need.

Well, I am rather surprised. I find her email rather immature. She committed fraud (see context in previous posts), whether she admits it or not. I am supposed to stick by that?

She admits I had a right to leave but her bone of contention is the way I broke up with her was very cruel. Well, I went to her place, had the talk and left. What else is there to do? How else do I break up? Do I have break up music? A break up extravaganza? I am at a loss as to what she expects of me? I had 2 of her items that I placed in her garage on a rack.. she exaggerates that I “threw all her stuff in the garage and ran away”.

She says she was in a difficult time and I should have stuck on until a better time to break up… this is completely unreasonable. Why? What does that accomplish? And isn’t it better to move on once one party realizes it isn’t going to work long term?

Her final grip with me is that I did not stand by her in her time of need. Well, I have taken so much BS from her it’s not even funny. During the breakup I did not even accuse her of wrongdoing which I should’ve done as technically she committed serious fraud. Whatever problems she has is self-inflicted due to her exceptionally poor judgement. I cannot help her with that.

Sorry for my rants and thanks for reading!

[CDMA ENG]

As a unbiased reader how has no dog in this fight I would say this.

You should almost thank her for the email.

She just confirmed everything that your inner-self knew but would not admit to.

You made good choice.

Now go act like a horny bachelor…

CE

[kev374]

Sometimes I feel I should respond with my point of view but other times I feel there is no point starting some sort of adversarial dialogue.

[CA renter]

Just tell her that you’re sorry if she felt you were cruel, and that you never meant to leave her during tough times. It’s just that you realized you didn’t want to have a long-term relationship with her, so didn’t want to tie her down or waste any more of her time or energy.

Good luck!

[CDMA ENG]

[quote=kev374]Sometimes I feel I should respond with my point of view but other times I feel there is no point starting some sort of adversarial dialogue.[/quote]

Don’t engage the crazy… She is trying to get you into dialog and suck you into her black hole.

Just don’t respond.

CE

NOW GO CHASE SKIRTS!

[UCGal]

[quote=kev374]Sometimes I feel I should respond with my point of view but other times I feel there is no point starting some sort of adversarial dialogue.[/quote]

Do not engage with her.
I agree with CE – the email should reaffirm that you made a good choice for your life by breaking up with her.

If you respond, you’ll get dragged back into the crazy zone – and no good can come of it. Do you expect her to accept facts and rational discussion? Based on her past history, that’s not going to happen. Continue to keep your distance and no contact.

Block/unfriend/whatever her on Facebook. No need for her to have access to your life.

[Coronita]

This is one of many reasons I do my best to avoid facebook.

That said, if you are already on facebook and if she’s checking up on you, just change your relationship status to “attached” or even better “engaged/getting married”……That will take care of your problem one way or the other.

[NotCranky]

Are blogs social media? What is to stop this lady from coming on here and telling her side of the story? Of course, it depends on how personalized your posts are.

[kev374]

Actually she is the one who unfriended me because she does not want to read my posts and see how much fun I am having (her exact words).

Now, the more interesting concern is if I should unfriend my long time friends (close friends I have known for over a decade) because they continue to choose to maintain a close friendship with her despite knowing what I am going through.

They also leaked all my private info to her and I am unsure if they will do that again in the future. In addition in FB if they comment on my post I believe it would be visible to my ex as well even if me and ex are not friends.

I thought the best thing is to unfriend the friends as well since I want no connection with my ex whatsoever going forward.

[Coronita]

[quote=kev374]Actually she is the one who unfriended me because she does not want to read my posts and see how much fun I am having (her exact words).

Now, the more interesting concern is if I should unfriend my long time friends (close friends I have known for over a decade) because they continue to choose to maintain a close friendship with her despite knowing what I am going through.

They also leaked all my private info to her and I am unsure if they will do that again in the future. In addition in FB if they comment on my post I believe it would be visible to my ex as well even if me and ex are not friends.

I thought the best thing is to unfriend the friends as well since I want no connection with my ex whatsoever going forward.[/quote]

You don’t need to unfriend your friends. Just stop using facebook. Or create a new account…

[flyer]

When people really “move on” from a relationship, they really don’t care what their “ex’s” are doing–they are completely immersed in their own lives and/or relationships.

When my wife and I met, we had both been in relationships where the other parties found it difficult to “let go,” so we found that cutting off all contact with those parties worked out best–especially since we had no prior marriages.

It’s not always easy when there are mutual friends/and or family involved, but, unless their are children from a previous relationship involved–it’s really the only way to go–if, in fact, you’ve actually “moved on.”

[joec]

Agree with most of the comments. Better to just ignore it and not feed the crazy with long long discussions and many wasted hours that can be better spent on “fun” things in life.

It’s pretty clear she’s still single and upset, but she’s trying to just lure you back into the talk.

Unfortunately in life, it’s not possible to be Switzerland so you have to make a call as to which friends you want to actually keep.

As you get older and with kids, I think most people would agree that most “friends” aren’t really…and more problems than they are worth.

Sorta why people drift since they weren’t that great friends to begin with…that and total lack of time and lack of continued regular contact(as you get in school, work-maybe, etc…).

Have fun chasing tail!

[kev374]

[quote=joec]
Have fun chasing tail![/quote]

I would but i’m 40 unfortunately not 25 🙁 Things at this age are a bit different.

[Author]

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