OT: financial infidelity

[my tiny apt]

How many of you are honest and open about your spending, income, debts, etc. with your significant other? I ask because I recently found my boyfriend’s W2 and it looks like his wages are being garnished. I’ve known for a long time that he didn’t have extra money to spend and I couldn’t figure out why. I’ve pieced together that he had a lot of credit card debt and he also owes child support. I don’t know how much lee-way to give him for not being more forthcoming with this information.

[CA renter]

I don’t know how much lee-way to give him for not being more forthcoming with this information.
————-

It depends on whether or not this is a serious relationship (likely heading toward marriage or raising children together). If you only started dating in the past few months, and haven’t had a “money” conversation, then it’s certainly something to watch, but not end the relationship over it.

OTOH, if you’ve talked money, or child support, etc. and he’s never mentioned this stuff to you, it’s time to leave, IMHO.

Another thing to keep in mind is that what he does to his former spouse/mother of his child, he’ll be willing to do to you. Once a cheater/liar/thief, always a cheater/liar/thief.

Best of luck to you!

[CA renter]

I don’t know how much lee-way to give him for not being more forthcoming with this information.
————-

It depends on whether or not this is a serious relationship (likely heading toward marriage or raising children together). If you only started dating in the past few months, and haven’t had a “money” conversation, then it’s certainly something to watch, but not end the relationship over it.

OTOH, if you’ve talked money, or child support, etc. and he’s never mentioned this stuff to you, it’s time to leave, IMHO.

Another thing to keep in mind is that what he does to his former spouse/mother of his child, he’ll be willing to do to you. Once a cheater/liar/thief, always a cheater/liar/thief.

Best of luck to you!

[CA renter]

I don’t know how much lee-way to give him for not being more forthcoming with this information.
————-

It depends on whether or not this is a serious relationship (likely heading toward marriage or raising children together). If you only started dating in the past few months, and haven’t had a “money” conversation, then it’s certainly something to watch, but not end the relationship over it.

OTOH, if you’ve talked money, or child support, etc. and he’s never mentioned this stuff to you, it’s time to leave, IMHO.

Another thing to keep in mind is that what he does to his former spouse/mother of his child, he’ll be willing to do to you. Once a cheater/liar/thief, always a cheater/liar/thief.

Best of luck to you!

[CA renter]

I don’t know how much lee-way to give him for not being more forthcoming with this information.
————-

It depends on whether or not this is a serious relationship (likely heading toward marriage or raising children together). If you only started dating in the past few months, and haven’t had a “money” conversation, then it’s certainly something to watch, but not end the relationship over it.

OTOH, if you’ve talked money, or child support, etc. and he’s never mentioned this stuff to you, it’s time to leave, IMHO.

Another thing to keep in mind is that what he does to his former spouse/mother of his child, he’ll be willing to do to you. Once a cheater/liar/thief, always a cheater/liar/thief.

Best of luck to you!

[CA renter]

I don’t know how much lee-way to give him for not being more forthcoming with this information.
————-

It depends on whether or not this is a serious relationship (likely heading toward marriage or raising children together). If you only started dating in the past few months, and haven’t had a “money” conversation, then it’s certainly something to watch, but not end the relationship over it.

OTOH, if you’ve talked money, or child support, etc. and he’s never mentioned this stuff to you, it’s time to leave, IMHO.

Another thing to keep in mind is that what he does to his former spouse/mother of his child, he’ll be willing to do to you. Once a cheater/liar/thief, always a cheater/liar/thief.

Best of luck to you!

[DWCAP]

OK.

1) My GF knows how much I make, how much I save, and how much I have saved in general terms. She doesnt need to know that I spent $7.62 on lunch today. She doesnt need to know I save alittle more than I let on, cause I am a saver and hate the thought of being broke.
Think of it on these terms: “how much do you want your BF involved in your finances?” My GF didnt know hardly any of it till we moved in together either. It wasnt her buisness until then. (she became dependant upon me to pay my half, she deserves to know I can. and Vis-Versa)

2) Whatever you do, dont go telling him that you “found” his W-2 and are pissed he didnt tell you about his withholdings. It smacks of gold-digging and deciet on your part. If he wanted to share those things, he would have. And he wont believe you “found” it.
If you want to know what is up with him, ask why he doesnt have more financial flexability. Say you would like to plan a nice vacation together, but need to know how much he can afford. When a very small number comes back, tell him you find that strange and give him a chance to come clean on his own. Then IF he does, forget you ever ever saw his W-2. If he doesnt, deal; and you cant deal with it, find a new man. That is your choice. But confronting him with his W-2 will end up with the second choice EVERY SINGLE TIME. Money may be important to women, but it is Ego to men; and forcing him to admit he doesnt have enough of either will be disasterous to any relationship.

A female friend of mine did this a few years ago. She “found” his returns and found out that he was making over 100k. She was SO happy it wasnt funny. The next day she went finding for his bank reciepts (wondering about housing DP’s and where it would get her) and learned he had almost no savings. Turns out the guy liked to gamble. He wasnt very good at it. She was PISSED! She confronted him, and that 7 year relationship was over.

[DWCAP]

OK.

1) My GF knows how much I make, how much I save, and how much I have saved in general terms. She doesnt need to know that I spent $7.62 on lunch today. She doesnt need to know I save alittle more than I let on, cause I am a saver and hate the thought of being broke.
Think of it on these terms: “how much do you want your BF involved in your finances?” My GF didnt know hardly any of it till we moved in together either. It wasnt her buisness until then. (she became dependant upon me to pay my half, she deserves to know I can. and Vis-Versa)

2) Whatever you do, dont go telling him that you “found” his W-2 and are pissed he didnt tell you about his withholdings. It smacks of gold-digging and deciet on your part. If he wanted to share those things, he would have. And he wont believe you “found” it.
If you want to know what is up with him, ask why he doesnt have more financial flexability. Say you would like to plan a nice vacation together, but need to know how much he can afford. When a very small number comes back, tell him you find that strange and give him a chance to come clean on his own. Then IF he does, forget you ever ever saw his W-2. If he doesnt, deal; and you cant deal with it, find a new man. That is your choice. But confronting him with his W-2 will end up with the second choice EVERY SINGLE TIME. Money may be important to women, but it is Ego to men; and forcing him to admit he doesnt have enough of either will be disasterous to any relationship.

A female friend of mine did this a few years ago. She “found” his returns and found out that he was making over 100k. She was SO happy it wasnt funny. The next day she went finding for his bank reciepts (wondering about housing DP’s and where it would get her) and learned he had almost no savings. Turns out the guy liked to gamble. He wasnt very good at it. She was PISSED! She confronted him, and that 7 year relationship was over.

[DWCAP]

OK.

1) My GF knows how much I make, how much I save, and how much I have saved in general terms. She doesnt need to know that I spent $7.62 on lunch today. She doesnt need to know I save alittle more than I let on, cause I am a saver and hate the thought of being broke.
Think of it on these terms: “how much do you want your BF involved in your finances?” My GF didnt know hardly any of it till we moved in together either. It wasnt her buisness until then. (she became dependant upon me to pay my half, she deserves to know I can. and Vis-Versa)

2) Whatever you do, dont go telling him that you “found” his W-2 and are pissed he didnt tell you about his withholdings. It smacks of gold-digging and deciet on your part. If he wanted to share those things, he would have. And he wont believe you “found” it.
If you want to know what is up with him, ask why he doesnt have more financial flexability. Say you would like to plan a nice vacation together, but need to know how much he can afford. When a very small number comes back, tell him you find that strange and give him a chance to come clean on his own. Then IF he does, forget you ever ever saw his W-2. If he doesnt, deal; and you cant deal with it, find a new man. That is your choice. But confronting him with his W-2 will end up with the second choice EVERY SINGLE TIME. Money may be important to women, but it is Ego to men; and forcing him to admit he doesnt have enough of either will be disasterous to any relationship.

A female friend of mine did this a few years ago. She “found” his returns and found out that he was making over 100k. She was SO happy it wasnt funny. The next day she went finding for his bank reciepts (wondering about housing DP’s and where it would get her) and learned he had almost no savings. Turns out the guy liked to gamble. He wasnt very good at it. She was PISSED! She confronted him, and that 7 year relationship was over.

[DWCAP]

OK.

1) My GF knows how much I make, how much I save, and how much I have saved in general terms. She doesnt need to know that I spent $7.62 on lunch today. She doesnt need to know I save alittle more than I let on, cause I am a saver and hate the thought of being broke.
Think of it on these terms: “how much do you want your BF involved in your finances?” My GF didnt know hardly any of it till we moved in together either. It wasnt her buisness until then. (she became dependant upon me to pay my half, she deserves to know I can. and Vis-Versa)

2) Whatever you do, dont go telling him that you “found” his W-2 and are pissed he didnt tell you about his withholdings. It smacks of gold-digging and deciet on your part. If he wanted to share those things, he would have. And he wont believe you “found” it.
If you want to know what is up with him, ask why he doesnt have more financial flexability. Say you would like to plan a nice vacation together, but need to know how much he can afford. When a very small number comes back, tell him you find that strange and give him a chance to come clean on his own. Then IF he does, forget you ever ever saw his W-2. If he doesnt, deal; and you cant deal with it, find a new man. That is your choice. But confronting him with his W-2 will end up with the second choice EVERY SINGLE TIME. Money may be important to women, but it is Ego to men; and forcing him to admit he doesnt have enough of either will be disasterous to any relationship.

A female friend of mine did this a few years ago. She “found” his returns and found out that he was making over 100k. She was SO happy it wasnt funny. The next day she went finding for his bank reciepts (wondering about housing DP’s and where it would get her) and learned he had almost no savings. Turns out the guy liked to gamble. He wasnt very good at it. She was PISSED! She confronted him, and that 7 year relationship was over.

[DWCAP]

OK.

1) My GF knows how much I make, how much I save, and how much I have saved in general terms. She doesnt need to know that I spent $7.62 on lunch today. She doesnt need to know I save alittle more than I let on, cause I am a saver and hate the thought of being broke.
Think of it on these terms: “how much do you want your BF involved in your finances?” My GF didnt know hardly any of it till we moved in together either. It wasnt her buisness until then. (she became dependant upon me to pay my half, she deserves to know I can. and Vis-Versa)

2) Whatever you do, dont go telling him that you “found” his W-2 and are pissed he didnt tell you about his withholdings. It smacks of gold-digging and deciet on your part. If he wanted to share those things, he would have. And he wont believe you “found” it.
If you want to know what is up with him, ask why he doesnt have more financial flexability. Say you would like to plan a nice vacation together, but need to know how much he can afford. When a very small number comes back, tell him you find that strange and give him a chance to come clean on his own. Then IF he does, forget you ever ever saw his W-2. If he doesnt, deal; and you cant deal with it, find a new man. That is your choice. But confronting him with his W-2 will end up with the second choice EVERY SINGLE TIME. Money may be important to women, but it is Ego to men; and forcing him to admit he doesnt have enough of either will be disasterous to any relationship.

A female friend of mine did this a few years ago. She “found” his returns and found out that he was making over 100k. She was SO happy it wasnt funny. The next day she went finding for his bank reciepts (wondering about housing DP’s and where it would get her) and learned he had almost no savings. Turns out the guy liked to gamble. He wasnt very good at it. She was PISSED! She confronted him, and that 7 year relationship was over.

[Coronita]

Did you ask your boyfriend about his finances directly? If not, I’d start there, if you’re pretty serious already. No point snooping around.

If you did ask….and you’ve been in this relationship for something longer than a few months(to the point is pseudo serious now), apparently, he “forgot” to file a 10-k disclosure to you from the time you folks started dating until now, and there isn’t any reason why you should have to pick up the excess baggage.

If you really love him and plan on marriage, get him to sign a prenuptial and make sure you keep separate accounts temporarily.

Then make sure you tell him you’ve decided to assume the CFO position in your household with at least 50% controlling stake and that he has a remaining 49% stake and that the remaining 1% is left to a coin toss which he can optionally exercise at most 2 times per year on expenses $5k or less, because obviously he did a piss poor job in the past.

Also make sure in the contract, that it clearly states unauthorized purchases without the explicit consent of the CFO will result in automatic disciplinary action, which includes no sex, no football, no beer for 3 months. And second offense results in above said disciplinary action for 6 months.

If he doesn’t agree, time to find another boyfriend without so much baggage.

[Coronita]

Did you ask your boyfriend about his finances directly? If not, I’d start there, if you’re pretty serious already. No point snooping around.

If you did ask….and you’ve been in this relationship for something longer than a few months(to the point is pseudo serious now), apparently, he “forgot” to file a 10-k disclosure to you from the time you folks started dating until now, and there isn’t any reason why you should have to pick up the excess baggage.

If you really love him and plan on marriage, get him to sign a prenuptial and make sure you keep separate accounts temporarily.

Then make sure you tell him you’ve decided to assume the CFO position in your household with at least 50% controlling stake and that he has a remaining 49% stake and that the remaining 1% is left to a coin toss which he can optionally exercise at most 2 times per year on expenses $5k or less, because obviously he did a piss poor job in the past.

Also make sure in the contract, that it clearly states unauthorized purchases without the explicit consent of the CFO will result in automatic disciplinary action, which includes no sex, no football, no beer for 3 months. And second offense results in above said disciplinary action for 6 months.

If he doesn’t agree, time to find another boyfriend without so much baggage.

[Coronita]

Did you ask your boyfriend about his finances directly? If not, I’d start there, if you’re pretty serious already. No point snooping around.

If you did ask….and you’ve been in this relationship for something longer than a few months(to the point is pseudo serious now), apparently, he “forgot” to file a 10-k disclosure to you from the time you folks started dating until now, and there isn’t any reason why you should have to pick up the excess baggage.

If you really love him and plan on marriage, get him to sign a prenuptial and make sure you keep separate accounts temporarily.

Then make sure you tell him you’ve decided to assume the CFO position in your household with at least 50% controlling stake and that he has a remaining 49% stake and that the remaining 1% is left to a coin toss which he can optionally exercise at most 2 times per year on expenses $5k or less, because obviously he did a piss poor job in the past.

Also make sure in the contract, that it clearly states unauthorized purchases without the explicit consent of the CFO will result in automatic disciplinary action, which includes no sex, no football, no beer for 3 months. And second offense results in above said disciplinary action for 6 months.

If he doesn’t agree, time to find another boyfriend without so much baggage.

[Coronita]

Did you ask your boyfriend about his finances directly? If not, I’d start there, if you’re pretty serious already. No point snooping around.

If you did ask….and you’ve been in this relationship for something longer than a few months(to the point is pseudo serious now), apparently, he “forgot” to file a 10-k disclosure to you from the time you folks started dating until now, and there isn’t any reason why you should have to pick up the excess baggage.

If you really love him and plan on marriage, get him to sign a prenuptial and make sure you keep separate accounts temporarily.

Then make sure you tell him you’ve decided to assume the CFO position in your household with at least 50% controlling stake and that he has a remaining 49% stake and that the remaining 1% is left to a coin toss which he can optionally exercise at most 2 times per year on expenses $5k or less, because obviously he did a piss poor job in the past.

Also make sure in the contract, that it clearly states unauthorized purchases without the explicit consent of the CFO will result in automatic disciplinary action, which includes no sex, no football, no beer for 3 months. And second offense results in above said disciplinary action for 6 months.

If he doesn’t agree, time to find another boyfriend without so much baggage.

[Author]

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