Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
UCGal
ParticipantI’ve had to do meyers briggs for employers. I usually score INTJ – but sometimes ENTJ. The most complete one I did showed I was very close to the line on the introvert/extrovert side of things.
Participant[quote=CDMA ENG][quote=CDMA ENG][quote=UCGal][quote=CDMA ENG][quote=UCGal]My husband is convinced he’s the sex object in our relationship. I don’t dissuade him of this notion. LOL.[/quote]
Typical Pisan…
😛
CE[/quote]
Mio marito è molto maschilismo. Lui è molto bello… nella sua testa.(Can you tell I’m acing my Italian 101 class? – I can use present tense verbs, adjectives, prepositions – and possessive pronouns.)[/quote]
Oh man… You are challenging my limited Italian…
Right now my phrase of choice is…
“CHE PUTZ BAMBINO! Oh Ma’ron!”
😛
CE[/quote]
I just realized I wasnt even spelling it correctly and using the slang version anyway…
Should be Che Puzza!
CE[/quote]
Cool – I just learned a new Italian verb – puzzare. I can see it being a useful verb. 🙂
And I’m sure the mini CE bambino is not so odorific as you imply.
Il tuo bambino e’ fortunato avere dei genitori come voi.
Participant[quote=CA renter]
And please do not do what UCGal did, where she claimed that I said something that was neither stated nor implied.
[/quote]I quoted you directly, previously, showing you directly compared a nanny working 40 hours a week to a SAHP working 24×7 – and pointed out the comparison was invalid because the working parent does the labor for free (like a SAHP) for the rest of the week outside the nanny’s hours.
That and your rants about feminism that seem so far off track to what mainstream feminism is. You’ve chosen some fringe folks to rant about – even though they aren’t representative, they’re fringe.
Here are some quotes of yours that I have issue with. I agree we’re probably talking past each other.
[quote=CA renter]
How much would you have to pay for someone to be there for your children 24/7? How much to make all the appointments and shuttle people to these appointments and manage all the follow-up? How much to manage a family’s finances — including bill paying, negotiating contracts and doing due diligence on service providers, doing investment research and allocating financial resources? How about a family’s financial/legal business like estate planning, insurance, home purchases, etc…especially if that tends to be managed by one spouse? [/quote]My issue here is that many households with 2 working parents manage to do many of these tasks without paying outside people. You are comparing what you do 24×7 to what many working parents cram into the remaining 128 hours of the week that they aren’t at work. I’m not saying it doesn’t have value. But it’s unpaid work in the vast majority of households – whether the parents work or not. And outside that 40 hours of work time, parents are with their kids. (16×5 + 24×2).
I went back and re-read your response – and you clearly miss my point.
[quote=CA renter]
I think that people aren’t getting what I’ve posted for some reason. I never said that a SAHP’s work should be valued more than the same work done by someone who works for wages. The point is that if the SAHP isn’t doing these things, then somebody else is. The cost of these things should be ascribed to the value of what a SAHP does. If the parents are both working outside of the home and both sharing these duties, it doesn’t change a thing. This work still has the same value.[/quote]
To the bolded – most of these things (perhaps outside of 40 hours of childcare) are done by working parents in the remaining 128 hours of the week. The tasks still get done. Usually unpaid. By someone who already spent the day working for wages.My point is: For most households these are unpaid, do it yourself tasks. Sure – you CAN pay to have someone manage your money, run your kids to soccer on the weekends, run the family…. But most of us either can’t afford to pay outside people, or choose not to spend our money that way. You don’t get to count the value as both unpaid earned income and also as saved money. Some families choose to pay for these tasks other choose to do them themselves to save the money.
I am currently not working outside the house and have an 11 year old and 13 year old. I have made the choice to not work outside the home right now – because we were fortunate enough to be able to afford to have this option. It is a CHOICE. It is not one that I get paid for nor do I expect income, imputed or virtual. In fact, it had tangible negative impact on our income stream. (obviously.)
I am mostly doing the same tasks I did prior to retiring – just less time crunched to do it. My house might be a little cleaner, though. I don’t really see that I am owed money or that my “value contributed to the household” went up. My amount of sleep went up because I’m no longer juggling as much… I can pace out the tasks of cleaning/yardwork/estate planning/negotiating contracts/child-rearing/coaching robotics teams/baking bread from scratch/investing/travel planning/meal prep. But I was doing all of that prior to retiring – and working a 32 hour work week.
Obviously you add value to your household with everything you do. That’s why you made the choices you did. Hopefully Mr. CAR isn’t one of the cads you describe who doesn’t appreciate what you do.
But you seem to fail to recognize that many families manage to accomplish most of the tasks you describe, in the hours outside of earning income. Yes – it adds stress to a household and exhaustion to the parents – but it gets done. Usually for no income… but in order to save money so that it can be spent on other things.
Again – You obviously add value to your family. But so do parents who juggle many of the same tasks while working.
Participant[quote=Blogstar]
It’s a beautiful day to have the freedom of a sahp ! I wonder what those cubicles that all those power mongering workers are sitting in are like?[/quote]
This!
I’m getting ready to pick up my kids from school and then run a First Lego League robotics meeting. While waiting for them – I’ll have the car doors open, nice music playing, and a book being read. Definitely better than cube-life.Participant[quote=Blogstar]
Take away the cleaning and my high priced sex, I am near as good of a SAHP as there is. WIth 3 kids, I am worth no more than the 30k including What vegetables I grow for seasonal eating and putting up because I do that on a pretty large scale, more than most working parents could do. The vegetable growing is a very low paying job on an hourly basis so it isn’t much. I do car repairs and take care of 20 acres in a pretty minimal fashion….keep a safe fire zone.[/quote]
Russ – you need to market yourself better. You aren’t just veggie gardening and maintaining 20 acres – you’re “managing the family business”. That’s worth more, even if it’s the same work.
ParticipantFor those looking for good news.
No one who wasn’t a health care worker directly involved in the care of Duncan was infected. Even his fiance and son. Apparently he was cleaning up after himself before he went to the hospital, so they weren’t exposed, directly, to his bodily fluids.
All of the other cases in the US, with the exception of the camera man, were health care workers who’d been in west Africa. Duncan wasn’t a health care worker – but was exposed helping a pregnant neighbor, apparently unaware she had ebola, and not just complications from her pregnancy.
The doctor in NY did not expose an entire ER while showing symptoms. NYC and the doctor seemed to handle it well. The bowling alley was visited before he showed symptoms.
To date – no one from the flight that Vinson took has shown symptoms.
You may now return to your previously scheduled panic.
Participant[quote=CDMA ENG][quote=UCGal]My husband is convinced he’s the sex object in our relationship. I don’t dissuade him of this notion. LOL.[/quote]
Typical Pisan…
😛
CE[/quote]
Mio marito è molto maschilismo. Lui è molto bello… nella sua testa.(Can you tell I’m acing my Italian 101 class? – I can use present tense verbs, adjectives, prepositions – and possessive pronouns.)
Participant[quote=CA renter]The feminists are trying to paint a picture of SAHPs as parasites who deserve nothing in return for their services. They are actively undermining the protections for SAHPs that many have worked so hard for over the years. [/quote]
Examples please.
Show that there is a feminist agenda to paint a picture of SAHPs as parasites. I’ve seen the exact opposite from groups I consider feminist. (Women’s professional societies, NOW, Ms Magazine, etc.)And you still don’t get my point that working parents are still contributing to the household in a non-financially compensated way during non-work hours – you don’t get to claim the 24/7 hours for SAHP and not allow working parents to claim the off-hours as well. This refusal to see this point is incredibly frustrating.
Here- maybe this will make you feel better.
CAR – you are a wonderful parent, wife, homemaker, and you are worth billions of dollars to your family!!!! Far more than any other mother anywhere.Participant[quote=Blogstar]
I’ll concede to a lot of that. Age comes into play. Maybe this is rarer than I think also, but the guys who take foreign women not their race or education and income level seem to take younger women pretty often.[/quote]
I’ve seen this to… I’ve also seen a lot of these marriages fail. Mismatched expectations.
Participant[quote=scaredyclassic]i feel like we are an old married couple arguing and im not even sure what we are arguing about anymore.
i concede that it would cost a lot of money to hire someone to do what you do.
i don’t concede I’d actually hire anyone to do it. id cobble together some sort of patchwork to hold shit together.
i concede you make my life much richer.
but i refuse to put a dollar value on it.
and it’s not worth X cause you say it is.[/quote]
Best summation yet.
Participant[quote=CA renter]
Try to find someone who will take care of your kids seven days a week, and take care of your house, pay bills, manage all of your family’s business, etc. for $30K/year. [/quote]This is the specific quote that set me off. (I added the bolds.) It implies that working parents don’t manage tasks outside of work…. because you imply that you’re trying to hire a 7 day a week, babysitter, financial advisor, business manager, housekeeper.
***
to your other points
***
I agree that our professions gave us enough income to get by on 3 and 4 day work weeks. If we had lower paying jobs we might have had to work full time. Just like if your husband made less, you would have to consider working, or living in a lesser neighborhood than you do. Each family makes decisions in the context of their own financial situation.We also made choices not to buy new cars, install pools, send the kids to private schools, buy designer clothes. Heck I even cut my own hair and rarely eat out. By spending less (being a cheap b*tch) I was able to work less – and eventually pay off my mortgage, and save enough to stop working while my kids are still tween/teenagers. So, in effect, I’m a SAHM now. The difference, I guess, is I don’t feel that the world needs to value my choices – only my family’s opinion matters.
Participantsocial pressure combined with plastic surgery and spa treatments (for both men and women).
Participant[quote=poorgradstudent]Tangental, I’ve read that the whole stereotype of “rich, successful guy marrying his hot young secretary” is basically a dead trend. Successful men for the most part want to marry successful women. It’s actually part of why the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor in this country, as most people tend to marry a partner from their same general income bracket.[/quote]
coming home from walking the dog on the beach this morning I listened to an NPR story about how rare the trophy wife really is.Yes there are beautiful women married to rich men. – But if you dig deeper, those beautiful women are often wealthy in their own right. Outside of the blatent examples like Anna Nicole Smith, it’s really much less common that you’d think – to the point of being rare.
The radio piece had a lot of discussion with a sociologist about this – she basically restated the idea in the other thread – people marry at their own level. She pointed out that rich people are more comfortable around other rich people. Beautiful people tend to be more comfortable with other beautiful people. So the trophy wife stereotype has a rich guy marrying someone poor – which is unusual, and a beautiful woman marrying someone not attractive – which is also unusual… so that combo really makes it rare.
Participant[quote=CA renter][quote=Blogstar]It appears that the consensus it that it is worth 30k or less. More for prima donna stay at home parents.[/quote]
Try to find someone who will take care of your kids seven days a week, and take care of your house, pay bills, manage all of your family’s business, etc. for $30K/year. You can’t even get a teenaged babysitter to work just 40 hours/week for that money…and that’s just for keeping an eye on the kids. Good luck with that, whiner.[/quote]
CAR – again you suggest that working parents don’t do any parenting on weekends and evenings. I am largely sympathetic to your POV until you pull that crap.
If you are promoting the value added to the family of the choice to be a stay at home parent you need to compare it for the hours you would be at work. NOT 24×7.
As someone who worked – I was a full time parent from when I walked in the door in the evening, till I left in the morning, and 3 days of the weekend 24×3. (For non part timers it would be 24×2.) I managed to juggle sleepless nights because I was breast feeding – and even toted the breast pump to work for two kids… one didn’t wean till 18 months… Which meant I had a baby literally glued onto me from when I walked in the door… That time COUNTS as parenting. Yet you claim that only SAHPs get credit for after work hours parenting.
And I managed to take care of the house, pay the bills, and take care of all of the family business – including dealing with renters, etc.
Lets stick to a 45 hour week comparison. (To allow commute time and a quick lunch.) Even parents that work outside the home manage to parent their kids and pay bills during their non-work hours. Some even clean, do laundry, grocery shop, and invest during their non-work hours.
-
AuthorPosts
