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CA renter
Participant[quote=zk][quote=CA renter]Most men would probably do well by reading a romance novel or two, just to get a better understanding of how many women think about romance (or hope for it).[/quote]
Most women would probably do well by watching “The Man Show” just to get a get a better understanding of how many men think about life.[/quote]
Absolutely. That, or whatever many/most men think is an accurate reflection of their views on relationships, women, etc.
We all need to try to understand the other side better — no matter the type of relationship.
Participant[quote=scaredyclassic][quote=CA renter][quote=spdrun]How about counterfeit money coated in a slow acting contact poison? Or a potent hallucinogenic drug?[/quote]
My guess would be that they get rid of a lot of the money right away. Could be used for weapons, in which case the poison might be useful, but they might also be using the money to buy non-weapon goods and services in the open market. It wouldn’t be nice to poison the poor person who’s selling cucumbers and tomatoes at the market.[/quote]
wait. maybe we could just pay them in shrooms.[/quote]
That would be preferable. 🙂
Participant[quote=njtosd][quote=flyer]The specific “effect” Romance novels have on each person who buys them is definitely an individual experience, but, IMO, and my wife’s opinion, they aren’t selling billions of copies around the world just because of any sexual content.
It’s true that, in the past few years, the “erotic” Romance sub-genre like “50 Shades,” etc., is outselling other Romance genres, but those, like my wife, who prefer not to write in that genre, are still selling books by the millions.
My wife gets thousands of responses from women who share why her “love stories” connect with them in their lives, and, without going into it in great depth, suffice it to say, their reasons are far deeper and more complex than the obvious.
This is pretty much all I have to say on this topic, so I’ll leave it at that. The only reason I brought it up in the first place, was because the OP concerned relationships, and I thought the phenomenal success of Romance novels might provide an interesting perspective.[/quote]
I hope you understand that I was limiting myself to a certain type of book – Jane Austen apparently qualifies as a writer of romance novels, and I certainly wasn’t including her. As I mentioned, there are books with very little plot or character development that have a salacious quality that appears designed to be titillating (pun intended). I have no problem with it – just remarking.
Flyer – it sounds as though your wife has energy to spare. I am jealous.[/quote]
I second what njtosd is saying here. Please tell your wife, if she’s been reading this thread, that the “women’s porn” comment was not directed at her; not at all. My very little experience with romance novels is what I’ve gleaned from coworkers and a few female friends; the ones who voraciously read romance novels seemed to be into a lot of those “spicy” ones. I’m a non-fiction gal, myself.
Your wife seems to be living a very exciting and fulfilling life. Her contributions to this thread are appreciated, as are yours. Your comment about Kev possibly learning something about relationships by reading romance novels is an excellent one; he’d be wise to consider it. Most men would probably do well by reading a romance novel or two, just to get a better understanding of how many women think about romance (or hope for it).
Participant[quote=njtosd][quote=CA renter]
Because of this, we are judging this man’s actions only from our emotional perspective. Maybe, if we could create a world where people would never have to interact with or rely on other humans, things would work out better for Elliot than for the rest of us. We’re looking at this case from a very biased perspective.Just speaking theoretically…[/quote]
In my opinion, emotions are the equivalent of a computer routine or a macro that go into action under certain circumstances (there is an example in an earlier thread where a cat ends up mothering ducklings). Thinking things out takes too long (like when a lion is about to tear you apart). Thinking is a good set of brakes for some emotions, but alone, like brakes with no car, it’s sort of useless.[/quote]
Interesting analogy. I suppose instinct and emotion might have a similar role in the case of the cat or if one is approached by a wild lion…but is instinct really emotion, or is it a type of automatic logical programming?
But “analysis paralysis” really is an issue for me, too. I’m probably more dispassionate about decisions than most, and when confronted with two options that can possibly have equally beneficial outcomes (for the same cost), I have a definite problem with decision making.
Participant[quote=scaredyclassic]i must be the most sentimental dumbshit in the world because i’m weeping salty tears listening to this version by barbra streisand and i dont even like barbra streisand and im stuffing my face with a hamburger with my kids.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsiozE3IY3k%5B/quote%5D
Very nice. And while you might be sentimental (that’s a good thing, BTW), you’re certainly not a dumbshit. You always make great contributions here. Thank you.
Participant[quote=njtosd][quote=flyer]Concerning Romance novels–the numbers speak for themselves. Women, primarily, are buying them by the billions. That definitely tells us something about the state of relationships in our society, and, it’s also a great business opportunity.
Realize everyone defines love, lust, and relationships differently–and drama is definitely a natural part of the whole package–wouldn’t have it any other way. As long as the relationship works for the people involved–that’s all that matters.[/quote]
Much of the “romance” genre (the bodice ripper types) is the female equivalent of pornography. Women read it surreptitiously, don’t care about the plot, characters are ridiculously 2 dimensional. Not talking about all of it – but if Fabio (or his current equivalent) is on the cover, women aren’t reading it for the nuanced character development. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And the numbers do speak for themselves, but what are they saying?? The secretaries at work used to have piles of them that they passed around . . .[/quote]
Totally agree. The women I’ve known who read this stuff like the really hot sex scenes. It is women’s porn, and they can’t get enough of it. No different from men, really. Men get turned on by visual stimulation (at least, that’s what they say), and women get turned on by visions and scenarios in their minds that are conjured up by reading detailed stories of “romance.”
Participant[quote=njtosd][quote=FlyerInHi][quote=Blogstar]
What results represent an unimpassioned piece of wood? That kind is uncomfortable for me. Want to hit them with some electricity or something. Not crazy about really difficult people but the complete stiff is the worst.[/quote]Hey, I practiced becoming zen and unperturbed. It makes life so much easier. You can invest and make decisions rationally.
It also helps you not desire things that are not good for you. It makes you more observant of things around you and helps you objectively look at the foibles of humans.[/quote]
Emotion is crucial to good decision making. Patient named Elliott had brain surgery which resulted in an inability to feel emotion. Here was the result:
“. . . At the time, neuroscience assumed that human emotions were irrational. A person without emotions should therefore make better decisions. His cognition should be uncorrupted. The charioteer should have complete control. To Damasio, Elliot’s pathology suggested emotions are a crucial part of decision-making. Cut off from our feelings, the most banal decisions become impossible. A brain that can’t feel can’t make up its mind.”
Thanks for sharing that interesting article, njtosd. Very interesting to see what happens if a person’s emotional capacity is greatly compromised.
One thought that occurred to me while reading about that case was that his failures happened in relationships (which require emotions), whether in his marriage or work. Even at work, we have to relate to employers, employees, coworkers, customers, vendors, etc. The absence of emotion, and the absence of a moral compass that would require emotional understanding, would make it almost impossible to succeed in anything requiring us to deal with other people. The fact that he failed at these things probably shouldn’t be surprising.
But we are also looking at it from the perspective of an emotional creature. Humans rely heavily on socialization because we are herd/tribal animals. If we’re stranded on a deserted island, or in a wild forest, the first thing most of us will do is seek out other humans to help us. We cannot live without each other, with very few exceptions…if that.
Because of this, we are judging this man’s actions only from our emotional perspective. Maybe, if we could create a world where people would never have to interact with or rely on other humans, things would work out better for Elliot than for the rest of us. We’re looking at this case from a very biased perspective.
Just speaking theoretically…
Participant[quote=FlyerInHi]CAr, the reasons you mentioned are why my target market is not the ordinary woman but heiress.
An heiress, needs a personal trainer, nutrition consultant, personal assistant, chauffeur, pilot, jockey, architect… imagine outsourcing all of those things.
My neighbors thought that I was an architect because I did such a good job on my apartment. What’s the cost of having a great architect on retainer?
If I may so myself, I’m worth a pretty good salary. I won’t settle for any less.
Even the household work that I do now, if someone else profit from my labor, I need to get paid!A feng-shui Asian friend says that I should not “look up” all the time… The levels above are too hard to attain.
I should “look around me” as in water seeks its own level, or “look slightly below” because the people below appreciate things more.
I have 3 options I think:
1. Marry an heiress to get paid my full husband potential. Not a problem because she can afford me.
1.5. Marry a woman my age and income level. We can pay each other our spouse’s worth and adopt kids, if we wish. That might not work, because I’m worth more since I’m talented in so many areas. My wife might not be able to afford me, or there might be resentment because all the networth will accrue to me.
2. Marry a younger woman, have children and a beautiful family. zk said that I’d be getting a hooker, but I don’t think so.
3. Not marry at all and become a philosopher.[/quote]
You know, I was thinking about you earlier today and realized that you probably *could* marry well and be a househusband, even without kids. But, like so many women who’ve come before you, you would probably have to marry someone 20+ years your senior. And you would have to shower her with attention and affection; satisfy her sexual and emotional desires; profess your love for her day and night, both privately and publicly; and maintain those awesome looks of yours. 🙂
But, yes, you could probably do it. You just need to start circulating in those places where all the rich divorcees hang out…and be incredibly charming and as good-looking as possible. You’d probably manage to find a “sugar mama” within a year.
ParticipantAnd since you are paying for the appraisal, you should not have to share that information with the seller. I’m trying to remember from when we sold various properties, but I don’t remember getting copies (could be wrong, though). I would talk to the mortgage company about this; tell them that you want to be the ONLY one to get all related paperwork, if that’s what you’d prefer. The agents should only need to know that the appraisal is being done within the loan contingency period. Don’t give them any more personal information than they absolutely need.
FWIW, most appraisals will come in right at the purchase price, unless the home isn’t worth anywhere near that (I’ve never seen the opposite, where the appraisal comes in higher, but am not a realtor so don’t have that much experience).
Good luck!
ParticipantThis is from another thread where we’ve discussed inspectors. It looks like Dan (urbanrealtor), and BG, and I have all used him.
[quote=CA renter][quote=bearishgurl]I second UR here as my clients and I have used Parra Bldg Consultants several times in the past (used to be father and son but not sure anymore). They are VERY thorough and prefer at least one of the buying parties accompany them (crawl in attic and crawlspace, etc).
see: http://piggington.com/mold_testing_company_recs%5B/quote%5D
I third UR’s recommendation. We’ve used them twice, once on a sale we backed out of, and again on our recent house. They were very thorough and professional. Yep, still a father-son-grandkids operation, which we liked, too. 🙂
BTW, UR/Dan, I told them we got their name from you.[/quote]
http://piggington.com/any_recommendations_on_a_home_inspector_for_my_purchase
Congratulations on your (almost) purchase, Ricechex! So happy for you! 🙂
Participant[quote=flyer]This is fascinating. I had my wife read the last few entries of this thread, and neither of us could understand why true love was never mentioned.
My wife is a “TF Baby,” highly educated, from a great family, etc., etc., and she feels I have my attributes as well. When we met, we each considered the other a “catch,” for all of the right reasons, but without love, neither of us would have found the level of happiness we have enjoyed, and would never have considered forming a permanent relationship.[/quote]
IMO, some kind of love/lust is assumed. Real love isn’t experienced until many years into the relationship (again, IMO). The first part is usually hormone/chemical reactions and lust. Love comes after the couple has experienced some trials and tribulations…then, when you look over, expecting the other person to be ready to bug out, he/she is still there with a smile, ready to tackle the next obstacle with you. That is love! 🙂
For the sake of this incredibly long discussion, though, let’s assume that “love” (however one defines it) is a given.
Participant[quote=FlyerInHi]Kidding, but mostly serious.
I’m thinking rationally here.
I’ve seen my friends and colleagues marry below them and the results are not pretty. I’m sure they’re fine, but looking in from my vantage point, I don’t see the upside. They are not getting richer despite the spouses’ imputed incomes.I don’t want a divorcee who can’t make kids, is set in her ways, and is bossy. But if I work as a house-husband with income to go along, then I’m willing to please my “employer” and earn my salary. If the “employer” can’t pay, then she’s useless to me.
I can offer someone 20 years my junior a fairly good lifestyle. And as CAr said, she can offer her youth and beauty in exchange. Fair trade.
Pretty much all my peers have gone the way of Val Kilmer. I’m still the Tom Cruise. So, yeah, I think I’m a catch.
The Myers-Briggs test doesn’t really apply to me. I’m kinda extroverted (I will talk and make friends with all my neighbors), I make decisions quickly, but that doesn’t mean I’m impatient and rash (e.g. never get upset with restaurant service). I actually have supreme patience and I’ve practiced being very calm and zen. One can change to be what one wants to be.
My real personality is closer to INTP, I think. But I can adjust pretty easily. That’s why I believe I’d do well with the daughter of a tiger mom. A strong person who can deal with the realities of the world.[/quote]
If you want to be a househusband, then you have to give something in return…like children, your youth, beauty, and you have to do lots of housework! You’re too old to give them your youth and beauty, and unless you’re a hermaphrodite (with a complete set of female reproductive organs), you probably don’t have a uterus. And doing housework and all of the related domestic chores for just two people (no kids) doesn’t really justify having a SAH spouse. Sorry, brian. 😉
Participant[quote=spdrun]How about counterfeit money coated in a slow acting contact poison? Or a potent hallucinogenic drug?[/quote]
My guess would be that they get rid of a lot of the money right away. Could be used for weapons, in which case the poison might be useful, but they might also be using the money to buy non-weapon goods and services in the open market. It wouldn’t be nice to poison the poor person who’s selling cucumbers and tomatoes at the market.
Participant[quote=Rich Toscano][quote=zk][
I’m still an INTP.[/quote]
Makes sense. I’m jealous of P’s… seems like a more relaxing way to live. I sometimes have E-envy too. I like my middle letters though.[/quote]
That’s what drinking is for!
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