Parents kicking their children out of the home

[lifeisgood]

Deadbeat

[eavesdropper]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=eavesdropper]…Very often the parents have also put themselves at extreme risk by remortgaging their homes to the point of foreclosure, depleting their retirement savings, and maxing out a dozen credit cards to deal with their child’s demands and financial screw-ups…[/quote]

Great post, eavesdropper. As to the above, I’ve seen a LOT of this in recent years, done mostly for “children” (aged 30-40) and their children (grandchildren of near-retirees). These “codependent” parents have virtually, in some cases, rendered themselves near-destitute in their looming retirement years financially “helping” their able-bodied adult children. After being widowed w/o life insurance, divorced one or more times or never-married with multiple children, these “adult children” move back to their parent(s) home or even live in an RV or small granny flat on their parent(s) property, using their (often “better”) address for school attendance purposes and using the parents home for laundry, cooking, hot showers, cable TV purposes, etc. The returning kid (now parent) typically comes “back home” with no job, no assets, expensive cell phone contracts for they and their child(ren), maxed out CC’s, car payments and sometimes even student loans they have deferred into oblivion……….[/quote]

BG, there’s no shortage of horror stories like this, are there? I have to admit: when I encounter them, I’m careful to show empathy to the parent, and provide such resources as I’m able. But I’m careful not to give advice (yeah, I’m being a chickenshit) because they don’t take it as such. It’s taken more as a criticism of how they raised their kid, or a criticism of the kid in general, even though I’m very careful not to go there at all. I’ve realized that most of them don’t want advice. They want a solution to magically appear and make the situation resolve itself. And miracles are the one thing I’ve never been able to master.

I do confess to seriously wanting to deck some of these adult kids though. I mean, I really want to ….badly. Especially when I look at THEIR kids. It’s all such a waste. And it doesn’t bode well for our future as a nation. I keep hearing a lot of tough talk from people about “kicking ass” and “taking care of business”, and it’s hard not to laugh when you’ve just heard their mom complain that they can’t be bothered to pick up their dirty laundry from her living room floor.

[eavesdropper]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=eavesdropper]…Very often the parents have also put themselves at extreme risk by remortgaging their homes to the point of foreclosure, depleting their retirement savings, and maxing out a dozen credit cards to deal with their child’s demands and financial screw-ups…[/quote]

Great post, eavesdropper. As to the above, I’ve seen a LOT of this in recent years, done mostly for “children” (aged 30-40) and their children (grandchildren of near-retirees). These “codependent” parents have virtually, in some cases, rendered themselves near-destitute in their looming retirement years financially “helping” their able-bodied adult children. After being widowed w/o life insurance, divorced one or more times or never-married with multiple children, these “adult children” move back to their parent(s) home or even live in an RV or small granny flat on their parent(s) property, using their (often “better”) address for school attendance purposes and using the parents home for laundry, cooking, hot showers, cable TV purposes, etc. The returning kid (now parent) typically comes “back home” with no job, no assets, expensive cell phone contracts for they and their child(ren), maxed out CC’s, car payments and sometimes even student loans they have deferred into oblivion……….[/quote]

BG, there’s no shortage of horror stories like this, are there? I have to admit: when I encounter them, I’m careful to show empathy to the parent, and provide such resources as I’m able. But I’m careful not to give advice (yeah, I’m being a chickenshit) because they don’t take it as such. It’s taken more as a criticism of how they raised their kid, or a criticism of the kid in general, even though I’m very careful not to go there at all. I’ve realized that most of them don’t want advice. They want a solution to magically appear and make the situation resolve itself. And miracles are the one thing I’ve never been able to master.

I do confess to seriously wanting to deck some of these adult kids though. I mean, I really want to ….badly. Especially when I look at THEIR kids. It’s all such a waste. And it doesn’t bode well for our future as a nation. I keep hearing a lot of tough talk from people about “kicking ass” and “taking care of business”, and it’s hard not to laugh when you’ve just heard their mom complain that they can’t be bothered to pick up their dirty laundry from her living room floor.

[eavesdropper]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=eavesdropper]…Very often the parents have also put themselves at extreme risk by remortgaging their homes to the point of foreclosure, depleting their retirement savings, and maxing out a dozen credit cards to deal with their child’s demands and financial screw-ups…[/quote]

Great post, eavesdropper. As to the above, I’ve seen a LOT of this in recent years, done mostly for “children” (aged 30-40) and their children (grandchildren of near-retirees). These “codependent” parents have virtually, in some cases, rendered themselves near-destitute in their looming retirement years financially “helping” their able-bodied adult children. After being widowed w/o life insurance, divorced one or more times or never-married with multiple children, these “adult children” move back to their parent(s) home or even live in an RV or small granny flat on their parent(s) property, using their (often “better”) address for school attendance purposes and using the parents home for laundry, cooking, hot showers, cable TV purposes, etc. The returning kid (now parent) typically comes “back home” with no job, no assets, expensive cell phone contracts for they and their child(ren), maxed out CC’s, car payments and sometimes even student loans they have deferred into oblivion……….[/quote]

BG, there’s no shortage of horror stories like this, are there? I have to admit: when I encounter them, I’m careful to show empathy to the parent, and provide such resources as I’m able. But I’m careful not to give advice (yeah, I’m being a chickenshit) because they don’t take it as such. It’s taken more as a criticism of how they raised their kid, or a criticism of the kid in general, even though I’m very careful not to go there at all. I’ve realized that most of them don’t want advice. They want a solution to magically appear and make the situation resolve itself. And miracles are the one thing I’ve never been able to master.

I do confess to seriously wanting to deck some of these adult kids though. I mean, I really want to ….badly. Especially when I look at THEIR kids. It’s all such a waste. And it doesn’t bode well for our future as a nation. I keep hearing a lot of tough talk from people about “kicking ass” and “taking care of business”, and it’s hard not to laugh when you’ve just heard their mom complain that they can’t be bothered to pick up their dirty laundry from her living room floor.

[eavesdropper]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=eavesdropper]…Very often the parents have also put themselves at extreme risk by remortgaging their homes to the point of foreclosure, depleting their retirement savings, and maxing out a dozen credit cards to deal with their child’s demands and financial screw-ups…[/quote]

Great post, eavesdropper. As to the above, I’ve seen a LOT of this in recent years, done mostly for “children” (aged 30-40) and their children (grandchildren of near-retirees). These “codependent” parents have virtually, in some cases, rendered themselves near-destitute in their looming retirement years financially “helping” their able-bodied adult children. After being widowed w/o life insurance, divorced one or more times or never-married with multiple children, these “adult children” move back to their parent(s) home or even live in an RV or small granny flat on their parent(s) property, using their (often “better”) address for school attendance purposes and using the parents home for laundry, cooking, hot showers, cable TV purposes, etc. The returning kid (now parent) typically comes “back home” with no job, no assets, expensive cell phone contracts for they and their child(ren), maxed out CC’s, car payments and sometimes even student loans they have deferred into oblivion……….[/quote]

BG, there’s no shortage of horror stories like this, are there? I have to admit: when I encounter them, I’m careful to show empathy to the parent, and provide such resources as I’m able. But I’m careful not to give advice (yeah, I’m being a chickenshit) because they don’t take it as such. It’s taken more as a criticism of how they raised their kid, or a criticism of the kid in general, even though I’m very careful not to go there at all. I’ve realized that most of them don’t want advice. They want a solution to magically appear and make the situation resolve itself. And miracles are the one thing I’ve never been able to master.

I do confess to seriously wanting to deck some of these adult kids though. I mean, I really want to ….badly. Especially when I look at THEIR kids. It’s all such a waste. And it doesn’t bode well for our future as a nation. I keep hearing a lot of tough talk from people about “kicking ass” and “taking care of business”, and it’s hard not to laugh when you’ve just heard their mom complain that they can’t be bothered to pick up their dirty laundry from her living room floor.

[eavesdropper]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=eavesdropper]…Very often the parents have also put themselves at extreme risk by remortgaging their homes to the point of foreclosure, depleting their retirement savings, and maxing out a dozen credit cards to deal with their child’s demands and financial screw-ups…[/quote]

Great post, eavesdropper. As to the above, I’ve seen a LOT of this in recent years, done mostly for “children” (aged 30-40) and their children (grandchildren of near-retirees). These “codependent” parents have virtually, in some cases, rendered themselves near-destitute in their looming retirement years financially “helping” their able-bodied adult children. After being widowed w/o life insurance, divorced one or more times or never-married with multiple children, these “adult children” move back to their parent(s) home or even live in an RV or small granny flat on their parent(s) property, using their (often “better”) address for school attendance purposes and using the parents home for laundry, cooking, hot showers, cable TV purposes, etc. The returning kid (now parent) typically comes “back home” with no job, no assets, expensive cell phone contracts for they and their child(ren), maxed out CC’s, car payments and sometimes even student loans they have deferred into oblivion……….[/quote]

BG, there’s no shortage of horror stories like this, are there? I have to admit: when I encounter them, I’m careful to show empathy to the parent, and provide such resources as I’m able. But I’m careful not to give advice (yeah, I’m being a chickenshit) because they don’t take it as such. It’s taken more as a criticism of how they raised their kid, or a criticism of the kid in general, even though I’m very careful not to go there at all. I’ve realized that most of them don’t want advice. They want a solution to magically appear and make the situation resolve itself. And miracles are the one thing I’ve never been able to master.

I do confess to seriously wanting to deck some of these adult kids though. I mean, I really want to ….badly. Especially when I look at THEIR kids. It’s all such a waste. And it doesn’t bode well for our future as a nation. I keep hearing a lot of tough talk from people about “kicking ass” and “taking care of business”, and it’s hard not to laugh when you’ve just heard their mom complain that they can’t be bothered to pick up their dirty laundry from her living room floor.

[lifeisgood]

[quote=lifeisgood]I’ll start off by saying this. It’s amazing what you can do if you have to do it. I have no problem with kids staying at home with there parents to pursue a college degree or some other form of realistic career option. I do not agree with living off of your parents and spinning wheels waiting on something to fall in your lap.

Prime example: My sister in law graduated with a masters degree in education and started working as a teacher the following year. She was soon layed off due to the lack of teaching jobs in Cali. She then immidiately started receiving unemployment benefits and continued to stay at home. She asked her parents to allow her boyfriend (now fiance) to move in. They allowed her boyfriend to move in. After three years, they have mimimal savings that they are spending entirely on there extravigant wedding and huge engagement ring. By now they should have zero debt and a substantial savings account, but instead they have a nicer wardrobe, a new motorcycle, and a nice portfolio of pictures from the many vacations that they have went on.

I blame this entirely on there parents. Although she got laid off from teaching, she has never gone a week without getting a paycheck or looked outside of only one school district for a teaching job. She got a full time job shortly afer unemployment benefits expiring which has nothing to do with her degree. They have no plans of moving out after they get married in a couple of months. They are both in there early 30’s and without any plan or goal in place to move forward in life.

First of all I would not have let her boyfriend move in. That creates no urgency to move out. Also I would have given a time line of when they needed to move out. She has an entitled attitude and demonstrates that by allowing her parents to pay her bills, except her cell phone, even though she has never missed a paycheck. It’s also sad that she shares a cell phone with her mom and hassles her mom every month for 40 dollars of the bill. I would pay the 40 dollars if my parents were paying my car insurance(just a thought). Her parents are setting them up for failure in life and the sad thing is that these so called kids have no desire to move out and become independent. They could but they choose not to. She refuses to live in an area of the county that they could afford because it is beneath them.

The biggest problem with this is that her parents could have retired a long time ago if they pushed there child to get out of there house. There children all have college degrees and all but one of three still receive some sort of financial help from there parents. They have created human leaches.[/quote]

This is what I consider a deadbeat. This situation is certainly her parents fault, but there has to be a point in persons life that they feel like they just might be a burden on their parents. Her parents bought their house in 1988 for 199000. Now they owe 468000. There is giving to your children and then there is giving to the point of your demise.

What do you all think about the above situation? Is it me or are the parents the ones getting taken advantage of?

[lifeisgood]

[quote=lifeisgood]I’ll start off by saying this. It’s amazing what you can do if you have to do it. I have no problem with kids staying at home with there parents to pursue a college degree or some other form of realistic career option. I do not agree with living off of your parents and spinning wheels waiting on something to fall in your lap.

Prime example: My sister in law graduated with a masters degree in education and started working as a teacher the following year. She was soon layed off due to the lack of teaching jobs in Cali. She then immidiately started receiving unemployment benefits and continued to stay at home. She asked her parents to allow her boyfriend (now fiance) to move in. They allowed her boyfriend to move in. After three years, they have mimimal savings that they are spending entirely on there extravigant wedding and huge engagement ring. By now they should have zero debt and a substantial savings account, but instead they have a nicer wardrobe, a new motorcycle, and a nice portfolio of pictures from the many vacations that they have went on.

I blame this entirely on there parents. Although she got laid off from teaching, she has never gone a week without getting a paycheck or looked outside of only one school district for a teaching job. She got a full time job shortly afer unemployment benefits expiring which has nothing to do with her degree. They have no plans of moving out after they get married in a couple of months. They are both in there early 30’s and without any plan or goal in place to move forward in life.

First of all I would not have let her boyfriend move in. That creates no urgency to move out. Also I would have given a time line of when they needed to move out. She has an entitled attitude and demonstrates that by allowing her parents to pay her bills, except her cell phone, even though she has never missed a paycheck. It’s also sad that she shares a cell phone with her mom and hassles her mom every month for 40 dollars of the bill. I would pay the 40 dollars if my parents were paying my car insurance(just a thought). Her parents are setting them up for failure in life and the sad thing is that these so called kids have no desire to move out and become independent. They could but they choose not to. She refuses to live in an area of the county that they could afford because it is beneath them.

The biggest problem with this is that her parents could have retired a long time ago if they pushed there child to get out of there house. There children all have college degrees and all but one of three still receive some sort of financial help from there parents. They have created human leaches.[/quote]

This is what I consider a deadbeat. This situation is certainly her parents fault, but there has to be a point in persons life that they feel like they just might be a burden on their parents. Her parents bought their house in 1988 for 199000. Now they owe 468000. There is giving to your children and then there is giving to the point of your demise.

What do you all think about the above situation? Is it me or are the parents the ones getting taken advantage of?

[lifeisgood]

[quote=lifeisgood]I’ll start off by saying this. It’s amazing what you can do if you have to do it. I have no problem with kids staying at home with there parents to pursue a college degree or some other form of realistic career option. I do not agree with living off of your parents and spinning wheels waiting on something to fall in your lap.

Prime example: My sister in law graduated with a masters degree in education and started working as a teacher the following year. She was soon layed off due to the lack of teaching jobs in Cali. She then immidiately started receiving unemployment benefits and continued to stay at home. She asked her parents to allow her boyfriend (now fiance) to move in. They allowed her boyfriend to move in. After three years, they have mimimal savings that they are spending entirely on there extravigant wedding and huge engagement ring. By now they should have zero debt and a substantial savings account, but instead they have a nicer wardrobe, a new motorcycle, and a nice portfolio of pictures from the many vacations that they have went on.

I blame this entirely on there parents. Although she got laid off from teaching, she has never gone a week without getting a paycheck or looked outside of only one school district for a teaching job. She got a full time job shortly afer unemployment benefits expiring which has nothing to do with her degree. They have no plans of moving out after they get married in a couple of months. They are both in there early 30’s and without any plan or goal in place to move forward in life.

First of all I would not have let her boyfriend move in. That creates no urgency to move out. Also I would have given a time line of when they needed to move out. She has an entitled attitude and demonstrates that by allowing her parents to pay her bills, except her cell phone, even though she has never missed a paycheck. It’s also sad that she shares a cell phone with her mom and hassles her mom every month for 40 dollars of the bill. I would pay the 40 dollars if my parents were paying my car insurance(just a thought). Her parents are setting them up for failure in life and the sad thing is that these so called kids have no desire to move out and become independent. They could but they choose not to. She refuses to live in an area of the county that they could afford because it is beneath them.

The biggest problem with this is that her parents could have retired a long time ago if they pushed there child to get out of there house. There children all have college degrees and all but one of three still receive some sort of financial help from there parents. They have created human leaches.[/quote]

This is what I consider a deadbeat. This situation is certainly her parents fault, but there has to be a point in persons life that they feel like they just might be a burden on their parents. Her parents bought their house in 1988 for 199000. Now they owe 468000. There is giving to your children and then there is giving to the point of your demise.

What do you all think about the above situation? Is it me or are the parents the ones getting taken advantage of?

[lifeisgood]

[quote=lifeisgood]I’ll start off by saying this. It’s amazing what you can do if you have to do it. I have no problem with kids staying at home with there parents to pursue a college degree or some other form of realistic career option. I do not agree with living off of your parents and spinning wheels waiting on something to fall in your lap.

Prime example: My sister in law graduated with a masters degree in education and started working as a teacher the following year. She was soon layed off due to the lack of teaching jobs in Cali. She then immidiately started receiving unemployment benefits and continued to stay at home. She asked her parents to allow her boyfriend (now fiance) to move in. They allowed her boyfriend to move in. After three years, they have mimimal savings that they are spending entirely on there extravigant wedding and huge engagement ring. By now they should have zero debt and a substantial savings account, but instead they have a nicer wardrobe, a new motorcycle, and a nice portfolio of pictures from the many vacations that they have went on.

I blame this entirely on there parents. Although she got laid off from teaching, she has never gone a week without getting a paycheck or looked outside of only one school district for a teaching job. She got a full time job shortly afer unemployment benefits expiring which has nothing to do with her degree. They have no plans of moving out after they get married in a couple of months. They are both in there early 30’s and without any plan or goal in place to move forward in life.

First of all I would not have let her boyfriend move in. That creates no urgency to move out. Also I would have given a time line of when they needed to move out. She has an entitled attitude and demonstrates that by allowing her parents to pay her bills, except her cell phone, even though she has never missed a paycheck. It’s also sad that she shares a cell phone with her mom and hassles her mom every month for 40 dollars of the bill. I would pay the 40 dollars if my parents were paying my car insurance(just a thought). Her parents are setting them up for failure in life and the sad thing is that these so called kids have no desire to move out and become independent. They could but they choose not to. She refuses to live in an area of the county that they could afford because it is beneath them.

The biggest problem with this is that her parents could have retired a long time ago if they pushed there child to get out of there house. There children all have college degrees and all but one of three still receive some sort of financial help from there parents. They have created human leaches.[/quote]

This is what I consider a deadbeat. This situation is certainly her parents fault, but there has to be a point in persons life that they feel like they just might be a burden on their parents. Her parents bought their house in 1988 for 199000. Now they owe 468000. There is giving to your children and then there is giving to the point of your demise.

What do you all think about the above situation? Is it me or are the parents the ones getting taken advantage of?

[lifeisgood]

[quote=lifeisgood]I’ll start off by saying this. It’s amazing what you can do if you have to do it. I have no problem with kids staying at home with there parents to pursue a college degree or some other form of realistic career option. I do not agree with living off of your parents and spinning wheels waiting on something to fall in your lap.

Prime example: My sister in law graduated with a masters degree in education and started working as a teacher the following year. She was soon layed off due to the lack of teaching jobs in Cali. She then immidiately started receiving unemployment benefits and continued to stay at home. She asked her parents to allow her boyfriend (now fiance) to move in. They allowed her boyfriend to move in. After three years, they have mimimal savings that they are spending entirely on there extravigant wedding and huge engagement ring. By now they should have zero debt and a substantial savings account, but instead they have a nicer wardrobe, a new motorcycle, and a nice portfolio of pictures from the many vacations that they have went on.

I blame this entirely on there parents. Although she got laid off from teaching, she has never gone a week without getting a paycheck or looked outside of only one school district for a teaching job. She got a full time job shortly afer unemployment benefits expiring which has nothing to do with her degree. They have no plans of moving out after they get married in a couple of months. They are both in there early 30’s and without any plan or goal in place to move forward in life.

First of all I would not have let her boyfriend move in. That creates no urgency to move out. Also I would have given a time line of when they needed to move out. She has an entitled attitude and demonstrates that by allowing her parents to pay her bills, except her cell phone, even though she has never missed a paycheck. It’s also sad that she shares a cell phone with her mom and hassles her mom every month for 40 dollars of the bill. I would pay the 40 dollars if my parents were paying my car insurance(just a thought). Her parents are setting them up for failure in life and the sad thing is that these so called kids have no desire to move out and become independent. They could but they choose not to. She refuses to live in an area of the county that they could afford because it is beneath them.

The biggest problem with this is that her parents could have retired a long time ago if they pushed there child to get out of there house. There children all have college degrees and all but one of three still receive some sort of financial help from there parents. They have created human leaches.[/quote]

This is what I consider a deadbeat. This situation is certainly her parents fault, but there has to be a point in persons life that they feel like they just might be a burden on their parents. Her parents bought their house in 1988 for 199000. Now they owe 468000. There is giving to your children and then there is giving to the point of your demise.

What do you all think about the above situation? Is it me or are the parents the ones getting taken advantage of?

[lifeisgood]

What ever happened to problem solving? To many parents these days never allow their children to fall on their face enough. If you don’t want your children to play with an electrical socket, then give them a fork. It will only happen once. If you want your children to have life skills, then let them learn some on their own. To many kids these days believe that you go to college, get a job, and live happily ever after. Life is full of curve balls, let these kids try to swing at some from time to time. Just my opinion.

[lifeisgood]

What ever happened to problem solving? To many parents these days never allow their children to fall on their face enough. If you don’t want your children to play with an electrical socket, then give them a fork. It will only happen once. If you want your children to have life skills, then let them learn some on their own. To many kids these days believe that you go to college, get a job, and live happily ever after. Life is full of curve balls, let these kids try to swing at some from time to time. Just my opinion.

[lifeisgood]

What ever happened to problem solving? To many parents these days never allow their children to fall on their face enough. If you don’t want your children to play with an electrical socket, then give them a fork. It will only happen once. If you want your children to have life skills, then let them learn some on their own. To many kids these days believe that you go to college, get a job, and live happily ever after. Life is full of curve balls, let these kids try to swing at some from time to time. Just my opinion.

[lifeisgood]

What ever happened to problem solving? To many parents these days never allow their children to fall on their face enough. If you don’t want your children to play with an electrical socket, then give them a fork. It will only happen once. If you want your children to have life skills, then let them learn some on their own. To many kids these days believe that you go to college, get a job, and live happily ever after. Life is full of curve balls, let these kids try to swing at some from time to time. Just my opinion.

[Author]

Posts