Parents kicking their children out of the home

[bearishgurl]

[quote=JohnAlt91941]There is something seriously wrong with much of the “Baby Boomer” generation. They for the most part are the parents of these Millennials.

For some reason their kids, born mostly in the 1980’s, are “special”. Remember the “Baby on Board” signs in car windows?

They won’t kick their ADULT kids out because those kids are their best friends. My parents were not my friends when I was a young man. They were parents, IMHO as it should be.[/quote]

JohnAlt91941, baby boomers had their kids from the mid 60’s all the way thru the 90’s. Not ALL boomers “coddled” their kids and decided to be their “best friend.” I was raised like you and believe my kids already have enough “friends.” I believe parents should be parents.

[NotCranky]

On the flip side, I hate the way the emphasis on professional “success” often splits up families. With “globalism” I imagine my kids will be successfully living half way around the planet if we let them develop anything useful towards competing in the world. I am not sure of the value of these trade-offs.

[NotCranky]

On the flip side, I hate the way the emphasis on professional “success” often splits up families. With “globalism” I imagine my kids will be successfully living half way around the planet if we let them develop anything useful towards competing in the world. I am not sure of the value of these trade-offs.

[NotCranky]

On the flip side, I hate the way the emphasis on professional “success” often splits up families. With “globalism” I imagine my kids will be successfully living half way around the planet if we let them develop anything useful towards competing in the world. I am not sure of the value of these trade-offs.

[NotCranky]

On the flip side, I hate the way the emphasis on professional “success” often splits up families. With “globalism” I imagine my kids will be successfully living half way around the planet if we let them develop anything useful towards competing in the world. I am not sure of the value of these trade-offs.

[NotCranky]

On the flip side, I hate the way the emphasis on professional “success” often splits up families. With “globalism” I imagine my kids will be successfully living half way around the planet if we let them develop anything useful towards competing in the world. I am not sure of the value of these trade-offs.

[CA renter]

[quote=eavesdropper]CAR, many of them are trying to buy their kids’ love. What they don’t realize is that, as far as the kids are concerned, there isn’t anything to be grateful for. Because the kids are never made to do anything for themselves, they grow up with a fully-developed sense of entitlement. They truly believe that it’s their parents’ obligation to pay for everything indefinitely. I don’t blame the kids ( a very loose term, since many are well into their 30s). If a sense of self-responsibility is not instilled in a child, exactly what is going to make them decide that they have to get up at 6 in the morning to go to work at a boring low-paying job (which, for most of them, is 99.9% of available employment)?

Many of the sentiments in your post echo those of a post I left yesterday, CAR. You and I had very similar experiences growing up, and while it wasn’t always an easy or pleasant existence, I reached the age of 18 fully prepared to go out and make my way in the world. I knew how to do most things for myself, and I was able to figure out how to handle unfamiliar situations and problems when I encountered them. More important: I was not only able, but *willing* to tackle obstacles, and not simply crumple up into a pile of sniveling self-pity.

My husband and I, who are extremely well-suited to each other and who have a very loving and close relationship, have almost reached the point of separation over his unwillingness to parent his 15-year-old. He was quite good about it until she reached her teens, and then, suddenly, virtually total abdication from responsibility!! He deludes himself into thinking that everything is wonderful, accomplishing this by not asking questions about the child’s after-school whereabouts or social plans, avoiding conversations about school, neglecting to attend parent-teacher meetings (the stepmother – me – attends them), and pointedly ignoring broken rules and curfews. He and her mother (equally clueless) are engaged in this fantasy that their child will be going off to college in a couple years where she will excel in some major that will result in multiple high-paying job offers that will enable her to move into a gorgeous high-end home immediately following graduation. Of course, this requires that they suspend all belief in the reality that she’s unable to spell, punctuate, and write a cohesive sentence, still cannot perform basic multiplication and division without a calculator, and is entirely bewildered by anything concerning fractions (including the basic definition). I’m finding it increasingly difficult to maintain respect (previously at a very high level) for my husband since his extreme reluctance to exert parental responsibilities not only implies that he can’t stand up to his teenage child, but will also result in lifetime handicaps for her. To me, that is just like withholding food from your child.

CAR, I fully agree with your opinion that childhood participation in and contributions to the household community will result in more competent and self-sufficient adults. And I will go further, and venture that this competence and self-sufficiency results in much better mental health in these individuals, in both childhood and adult years. Life is scary, from the moment you are born to the day you die. Imagine how much more frightening it is if you don’t feel like you have the skills to handle even a minor setback.[/quote]

If the parents are trying to buy their kids’ love, I feel very sorry for them. They could not be more misguided. From what I’ve seen, the kids of parents who never expected anything of them in their youth ended up resenting these parents for not preparing them better for “real life.” Any “love” they display for their parents is usually done to maintain access to all the goodies. I have yet to meet one of these “entitled” kids who admitted to respecting their parents. They knowingly use and abuse their parents, IMHO.

OTOH, the kids I know who have maintained strong, **healthy** bonds with their parents were expected to be useful members of society — one way or another.

I’m so sorry to hear about your step-daughter, Eaves. Does he ever say why he treats her this way? Is it because he’s uncomfortable because she’s a girl, and he’s afraid to broach subjects that might be tied to hormones and “girl things,” like dating, etc.? Does he get sensitive about it if you try to bring up these issues with him?

[CA renter]

[quote=eavesdropper]CAR, many of them are trying to buy their kids’ love. What they don’t realize is that, as far as the kids are concerned, there isn’t anything to be grateful for. Because the kids are never made to do anything for themselves, they grow up with a fully-developed sense of entitlement. They truly believe that it’s their parents’ obligation to pay for everything indefinitely. I don’t blame the kids ( a very loose term, since many are well into their 30s). If a sense of self-responsibility is not instilled in a child, exactly what is going to make them decide that they have to get up at 6 in the morning to go to work at a boring low-paying job (which, for most of them, is 99.9% of available employment)?

Many of the sentiments in your post echo those of a post I left yesterday, CAR. You and I had very similar experiences growing up, and while it wasn’t always an easy or pleasant existence, I reached the age of 18 fully prepared to go out and make my way in the world. I knew how to do most things for myself, and I was able to figure out how to handle unfamiliar situations and problems when I encountered them. More important: I was not only able, but *willing* to tackle obstacles, and not simply crumple up into a pile of sniveling self-pity.

My husband and I, who are extremely well-suited to each other and who have a very loving and close relationship, have almost reached the point of separation over his unwillingness to parent his 15-year-old. He was quite good about it until she reached her teens, and then, suddenly, virtually total abdication from responsibility!! He deludes himself into thinking that everything is wonderful, accomplishing this by not asking questions about the child’s after-school whereabouts or social plans, avoiding conversations about school, neglecting to attend parent-teacher meetings (the stepmother – me – attends them), and pointedly ignoring broken rules and curfews. He and her mother (equally clueless) are engaged in this fantasy that their child will be going off to college in a couple years where she will excel in some major that will result in multiple high-paying job offers that will enable her to move into a gorgeous high-end home immediately following graduation. Of course, this requires that they suspend all belief in the reality that she’s unable to spell, punctuate, and write a cohesive sentence, still cannot perform basic multiplication and division without a calculator, and is entirely bewildered by anything concerning fractions (including the basic definition). I’m finding it increasingly difficult to maintain respect (previously at a very high level) for my husband since his extreme reluctance to exert parental responsibilities not only implies that he can’t stand up to his teenage child, but will also result in lifetime handicaps for her. To me, that is just like withholding food from your child.

CAR, I fully agree with your opinion that childhood participation in and contributions to the household community will result in more competent and self-sufficient adults. And I will go further, and venture that this competence and self-sufficiency results in much better mental health in these individuals, in both childhood and adult years. Life is scary, from the moment you are born to the day you die. Imagine how much more frightening it is if you don’t feel like you have the skills to handle even a minor setback.[/quote]

If the parents are trying to buy their kids’ love, I feel very sorry for them. They could not be more misguided. From what I’ve seen, the kids of parents who never expected anything of them in their youth ended up resenting these parents for not preparing them better for “real life.” Any “love” they display for their parents is usually done to maintain access to all the goodies. I have yet to meet one of these “entitled” kids who admitted to respecting their parents. They knowingly use and abuse their parents, IMHO.

OTOH, the kids I know who have maintained strong, **healthy** bonds with their parents were expected to be useful members of society — one way or another.

I’m so sorry to hear about your step-daughter, Eaves. Does he ever say why he treats her this way? Is it because he’s uncomfortable because she’s a girl, and he’s afraid to broach subjects that might be tied to hormones and “girl things,” like dating, etc.? Does he get sensitive about it if you try to bring up these issues with him?

[CA renter]

[quote=eavesdropper]CAR, many of them are trying to buy their kids’ love. What they don’t realize is that, as far as the kids are concerned, there isn’t anything to be grateful for. Because the kids are never made to do anything for themselves, they grow up with a fully-developed sense of entitlement. They truly believe that it’s their parents’ obligation to pay for everything indefinitely. I don’t blame the kids ( a very loose term, since many are well into their 30s). If a sense of self-responsibility is not instilled in a child, exactly what is going to make them decide that they have to get up at 6 in the morning to go to work at a boring low-paying job (which, for most of them, is 99.9% of available employment)?

Many of the sentiments in your post echo those of a post I left yesterday, CAR. You and I had very similar experiences growing up, and while it wasn’t always an easy or pleasant existence, I reached the age of 18 fully prepared to go out and make my way in the world. I knew how to do most things for myself, and I was able to figure out how to handle unfamiliar situations and problems when I encountered them. More important: I was not only able, but *willing* to tackle obstacles, and not simply crumple up into a pile of sniveling self-pity.

My husband and I, who are extremely well-suited to each other and who have a very loving and close relationship, have almost reached the point of separation over his unwillingness to parent his 15-year-old. He was quite good about it until she reached her teens, and then, suddenly, virtually total abdication from responsibility!! He deludes himself into thinking that everything is wonderful, accomplishing this by not asking questions about the child’s after-school whereabouts or social plans, avoiding conversations about school, neglecting to attend parent-teacher meetings (the stepmother – me – attends them), and pointedly ignoring broken rules and curfews. He and her mother (equally clueless) are engaged in this fantasy that their child will be going off to college in a couple years where she will excel in some major that will result in multiple high-paying job offers that will enable her to move into a gorgeous high-end home immediately following graduation. Of course, this requires that they suspend all belief in the reality that she’s unable to spell, punctuate, and write a cohesive sentence, still cannot perform basic multiplication and division without a calculator, and is entirely bewildered by anything concerning fractions (including the basic definition). I’m finding it increasingly difficult to maintain respect (previously at a very high level) for my husband since his extreme reluctance to exert parental responsibilities not only implies that he can’t stand up to his teenage child, but will also result in lifetime handicaps for her. To me, that is just like withholding food from your child.

CAR, I fully agree with your opinion that childhood participation in and contributions to the household community will result in more competent and self-sufficient adults. And I will go further, and venture that this competence and self-sufficiency results in much better mental health in these individuals, in both childhood and adult years. Life is scary, from the moment you are born to the day you die. Imagine how much more frightening it is if you don’t feel like you have the skills to handle even a minor setback.[/quote]

If the parents are trying to buy their kids’ love, I feel very sorry for them. They could not be more misguided. From what I’ve seen, the kids of parents who never expected anything of them in their youth ended up resenting these parents for not preparing them better for “real life.” Any “love” they display for their parents is usually done to maintain access to all the goodies. I have yet to meet one of these “entitled” kids who admitted to respecting their parents. They knowingly use and abuse their parents, IMHO.

OTOH, the kids I know who have maintained strong, **healthy** bonds with their parents were expected to be useful members of society — one way or another.

I’m so sorry to hear about your step-daughter, Eaves. Does he ever say why he treats her this way? Is it because he’s uncomfortable because she’s a girl, and he’s afraid to broach subjects that might be tied to hormones and “girl things,” like dating, etc.? Does he get sensitive about it if you try to bring up these issues with him?

[CA renter]

[quote=eavesdropper]CAR, many of them are trying to buy their kids’ love. What they don’t realize is that, as far as the kids are concerned, there isn’t anything to be grateful for. Because the kids are never made to do anything for themselves, they grow up with a fully-developed sense of entitlement. They truly believe that it’s their parents’ obligation to pay for everything indefinitely. I don’t blame the kids ( a very loose term, since many are well into their 30s). If a sense of self-responsibility is not instilled in a child, exactly what is going to make them decide that they have to get up at 6 in the morning to go to work at a boring low-paying job (which, for most of them, is 99.9% of available employment)?

Many of the sentiments in your post echo those of a post I left yesterday, CAR. You and I had very similar experiences growing up, and while it wasn’t always an easy or pleasant existence, I reached the age of 18 fully prepared to go out and make my way in the world. I knew how to do most things for myself, and I was able to figure out how to handle unfamiliar situations and problems when I encountered them. More important: I was not only able, but *willing* to tackle obstacles, and not simply crumple up into a pile of sniveling self-pity.

My husband and I, who are extremely well-suited to each other and who have a very loving and close relationship, have almost reached the point of separation over his unwillingness to parent his 15-year-old. He was quite good about it until she reached her teens, and then, suddenly, virtually total abdication from responsibility!! He deludes himself into thinking that everything is wonderful, accomplishing this by not asking questions about the child’s after-school whereabouts or social plans, avoiding conversations about school, neglecting to attend parent-teacher meetings (the stepmother – me – attends them), and pointedly ignoring broken rules and curfews. He and her mother (equally clueless) are engaged in this fantasy that their child will be going off to college in a couple years where she will excel in some major that will result in multiple high-paying job offers that will enable her to move into a gorgeous high-end home immediately following graduation. Of course, this requires that they suspend all belief in the reality that she’s unable to spell, punctuate, and write a cohesive sentence, still cannot perform basic multiplication and division without a calculator, and is entirely bewildered by anything concerning fractions (including the basic definition). I’m finding it increasingly difficult to maintain respect (previously at a very high level) for my husband since his extreme reluctance to exert parental responsibilities not only implies that he can’t stand up to his teenage child, but will also result in lifetime handicaps for her. To me, that is just like withholding food from your child.

CAR, I fully agree with your opinion that childhood participation in and contributions to the household community will result in more competent and self-sufficient adults. And I will go further, and venture that this competence and self-sufficiency results in much better mental health in these individuals, in both childhood and adult years. Life is scary, from the moment you are born to the day you die. Imagine how much more frightening it is if you don’t feel like you have the skills to handle even a minor setback.[/quote]

If the parents are trying to buy their kids’ love, I feel very sorry for them. They could not be more misguided. From what I’ve seen, the kids of parents who never expected anything of them in their youth ended up resenting these parents for not preparing them better for “real life.” Any “love” they display for their parents is usually done to maintain access to all the goodies. I have yet to meet one of these “entitled” kids who admitted to respecting their parents. They knowingly use and abuse their parents, IMHO.

OTOH, the kids I know who have maintained strong, **healthy** bonds with their parents were expected to be useful members of society — one way or another.

I’m so sorry to hear about your step-daughter, Eaves. Does he ever say why he treats her this way? Is it because he’s uncomfortable because she’s a girl, and he’s afraid to broach subjects that might be tied to hormones and “girl things,” like dating, etc.? Does he get sensitive about it if you try to bring up these issues with him?

[CA renter]

[quote=eavesdropper]CAR, many of them are trying to buy their kids’ love. What they don’t realize is that, as far as the kids are concerned, there isn’t anything to be grateful for. Because the kids are never made to do anything for themselves, they grow up with a fully-developed sense of entitlement. They truly believe that it’s their parents’ obligation to pay for everything indefinitely. I don’t blame the kids ( a very loose term, since many are well into their 30s). If a sense of self-responsibility is not instilled in a child, exactly what is going to make them decide that they have to get up at 6 in the morning to go to work at a boring low-paying job (which, for most of them, is 99.9% of available employment)?

Many of the sentiments in your post echo those of a post I left yesterday, CAR. You and I had very similar experiences growing up, and while it wasn’t always an easy or pleasant existence, I reached the age of 18 fully prepared to go out and make my way in the world. I knew how to do most things for myself, and I was able to figure out how to handle unfamiliar situations and problems when I encountered them. More important: I was not only able, but *willing* to tackle obstacles, and not simply crumple up into a pile of sniveling self-pity.

My husband and I, who are extremely well-suited to each other and who have a very loving and close relationship, have almost reached the point of separation over his unwillingness to parent his 15-year-old. He was quite good about it until she reached her teens, and then, suddenly, virtually total abdication from responsibility!! He deludes himself into thinking that everything is wonderful, accomplishing this by not asking questions about the child’s after-school whereabouts or social plans, avoiding conversations about school, neglecting to attend parent-teacher meetings (the stepmother – me – attends them), and pointedly ignoring broken rules and curfews. He and her mother (equally clueless) are engaged in this fantasy that their child will be going off to college in a couple years where she will excel in some major that will result in multiple high-paying job offers that will enable her to move into a gorgeous high-end home immediately following graduation. Of course, this requires that they suspend all belief in the reality that she’s unable to spell, punctuate, and write a cohesive sentence, still cannot perform basic multiplication and division without a calculator, and is entirely bewildered by anything concerning fractions (including the basic definition). I’m finding it increasingly difficult to maintain respect (previously at a very high level) for my husband since his extreme reluctance to exert parental responsibilities not only implies that he can’t stand up to his teenage child, but will also result in lifetime handicaps for her. To me, that is just like withholding food from your child.

CAR, I fully agree with your opinion that childhood participation in and contributions to the household community will result in more competent and self-sufficient adults. And I will go further, and venture that this competence and self-sufficiency results in much better mental health in these individuals, in both childhood and adult years. Life is scary, from the moment you are born to the day you die. Imagine how much more frightening it is if you don’t feel like you have the skills to handle even a minor setback.[/quote]

If the parents are trying to buy their kids’ love, I feel very sorry for them. They could not be more misguided. From what I’ve seen, the kids of parents who never expected anything of them in their youth ended up resenting these parents for not preparing them better for “real life.” Any “love” they display for their parents is usually done to maintain access to all the goodies. I have yet to meet one of these “entitled” kids who admitted to respecting their parents. They knowingly use and abuse their parents, IMHO.

OTOH, the kids I know who have maintained strong, **healthy** bonds with their parents were expected to be useful members of society — one way or another.

I’m so sorry to hear about your step-daughter, Eaves. Does he ever say why he treats her this way? Is it because he’s uncomfortable because she’s a girl, and he’s afraid to broach subjects that might be tied to hormones and “girl things,” like dating, etc.? Does he get sensitive about it if you try to bring up these issues with him?

[CA renter]

[quote=Jacarandoso]On the flip side, I hate the way the emphasis on professional “success” often splits up families. With “globalism” I imagine my kids will be successfully living half way around the planet if we let them develop anything useful towards competing in the world. I am not sure of the value of these trade-offs.[/quote]

Like you, I think “success” can take many different forms; however, none of those includes being a deadbeat loser who sits around on the couch all day, expecting others to take care of them.

I also question the benefit of splitting families apart, and love the idea of multi-generational households all working together and supporting one another, but they ALL need to be doing something useful, which can mean getting a high-paying job, or taking care of kids/elderly parents, or maintaining the house, etc. I think people here are decrying the 30 year-olds+ who do NOTHING, some not even taking care of themselves.

[CA renter]

[quote=Jacarandoso]On the flip side, I hate the way the emphasis on professional “success” often splits up families. With “globalism” I imagine my kids will be successfully living half way around the planet if we let them develop anything useful towards competing in the world. I am not sure of the value of these trade-offs.[/quote]

Like you, I think “success” can take many different forms; however, none of those includes being a deadbeat loser who sits around on the couch all day, expecting others to take care of them.

I also question the benefit of splitting families apart, and love the idea of multi-generational households all working together and supporting one another, but they ALL need to be doing something useful, which can mean getting a high-paying job, or taking care of kids/elderly parents, or maintaining the house, etc. I think people here are decrying the 30 year-olds+ who do NOTHING, some not even taking care of themselves.

[CA renter]

[quote=Jacarandoso]On the flip side, I hate the way the emphasis on professional “success” often splits up families. With “globalism” I imagine my kids will be successfully living half way around the planet if we let them develop anything useful towards competing in the world. I am not sure of the value of these trade-offs.[/quote]

Like you, I think “success” can take many different forms; however, none of those includes being a deadbeat loser who sits around on the couch all day, expecting others to take care of them.

I also question the benefit of splitting families apart, and love the idea of multi-generational households all working together and supporting one another, but they ALL need to be doing something useful, which can mean getting a high-paying job, or taking care of kids/elderly parents, or maintaining the house, etc. I think people here are decrying the 30 year-olds+ who do NOTHING, some not even taking care of themselves.

[CA renter]

[quote=Jacarandoso]On the flip side, I hate the way the emphasis on professional “success” often splits up families. With “globalism” I imagine my kids will be successfully living half way around the planet if we let them develop anything useful towards competing in the world. I am not sure of the value of these trade-offs.[/quote]

Like you, I think “success” can take many different forms; however, none of those includes being a deadbeat loser who sits around on the couch all day, expecting others to take care of them.

I also question the benefit of splitting families apart, and love the idea of multi-generational households all working together and supporting one another, but they ALL need to be doing something useful, which can mean getting a high-paying job, or taking care of kids/elderly parents, or maintaining the house, etc. I think people here are decrying the 30 year-olds+ who do NOTHING, some not even taking care of themselves.

[Author]

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