OT: Homesick

[FlyerInHi]

[quote=scaredyclassic]I moimeme was an au pair in the ville of vincennes for one year after finishing college in the 80s. Just part of my floating around epriod, which ended about 7 years after that. To me, the France, she is awesome, but your homesickness is beyond France. [/quote]

Moi aussi, i’m a admirer of France. But France back in the 80s compared more favorably to the USA.

in the US, we now have culture, fashion and cuisine that’s just as good.

The world has also changed, and with the Internet, virtually free telecom, we are now a multicultural interconnected world. Seems like France is retreating rather than embracing the 21st century. And that’s too bad.

Interesting take of an American philosopher in Paris:

[FlyerInHi]

[quote=EconProf] Your dissatisfaction with our frantic lifestyle is a healthy and understandable impulse.[/quote]

I don’t think that that he’s complaining about the “frantic” lifestyle in Carmel Valley. It’s rather laid back compared to Paris, I’m sure.

I guess the OP would not even mind his job if he could live in France with his daughter.

The problem is that life in the suburbs is boring and soulless. You don’t meet new people and make new friends unless you join a church, or organizations like that.

I think the problem with the USA in general is that urban planning is all about the car. So there are no serendipitous collisions among people.

You can’t sit at a café after work, watch people go by, and text your friends to join you on their way home. You can’t really call up someone on the spur of the moment and meet for dinner. Everything is prearranged.

In San Diego, the only places that resemble real city neighborhoods are Hillcrest and North Park. They are pretty dead compared to a European city. Downtown is a tourist and conventioneer trap.

NY is the only city in America that is more like Paris.

[scaredyclassic]

Here’s a legit suggestion.

Tour guide. I have an old acquaintance who takes families on custom tours. It’s actually lucrative. I Would not have Thought it Would Work but….

People will pay for organization and insight.

[bibsoconner]

Thibault,

Have you considered a slight change of career? Perhaps a technical sales rep, or technical service engineer or some such thing that must be bilingual (French/English). Have you looked at the linked in group “French Connections”? There are other French groups on LinkedIn related to engineering, medical instruments, etc. It occurs to me that there must be some company that needs to send someone to France on service/consulting calls AND needs that person to be French speaking. Most folks would hate that kind of assignment because it would take them away from their families for weeks at a time. But it might be just right for you.

I too have been trying to find a job (but permanent) in France and move there (but with my wife and kids). My kids go to the French schools in San Diego. Unfortunately, although I speak some French, I am by no means fluent, and there seem to be plenty of smart software engineers that are fluent in French.

Anyhow, good luck to you. I am American but I love France. I particularly liked the Dordogne region.

Dave

[dumbrenter]

[quote=Thibault][quote=spdrun] What area of town are you in? [/quote]

I live in Carmel Valley just off the 56 freeway.
It’s nice and clean but overall very sterile.[/quote]

Now, that could be the source of the problem!
Carmel Valley is the total opposite of Paris. As other posters suggested, why not move downtown/hillcrest?

It will not make you feel any better, but I hated every minute I spent in Paris (had to for work reasons). A collection of rudest and most inconsiderate people ever to be found in one place. Couldn’t wait to get back to carmel valley: the land of shallow people and polite facades, people just like me.
For somebody who likes paris, I can see why carmel valley would make you homesick.

[joec]

It’s nice to hear someone’s honest opinion on the endless rat race for most non-critical and non-inspiring tech work. I didn’t see, but how old is your daughter? I assume once she is old enough for college, that should allow you to work in more places than being stuck in SD…

In general, I just think at probably an age like 35-45 with a kid in the suburbs, you really can’t expect too much. IMO, and I see this in my own life, I just put up with it and see life as mostly waiting now, at least till the kids are grown and out of the house…

Being divorced as well and having gone through my own “mid-life” crisis probably 10 years ago, I’m sorta ok with it though. I did take time off with no work so I got to travel and do nothing for a while which I’d recommend if you can swing it. Downside is if you HAVE to work to raise a kid, that’s a lot of pressure/stress since time off looks bad. I had no kids when I took time off so just screwed around for a while which was totally awesome…honestly.

I don’t know if it’s just you or most people/families with kids, but a lot of people (OK, maybe it’s just ME) aren’t really interested in expanding their friend networks since they just don’t have that much free time. The most free time I had was when I was single and could control my own schedule. Once you have a wife/gf/kid, time is really scarce.

With kids and all their stuff and work, I honestly just don’t have time and don’t care I have very few/zero friends honestly. If anything, it’s sorta less problems to have to listen to and since I’m not trolling to hook up or meet women, I guess I simply don’t care honestly.

What I’d recommend is maybe figure out what activities you like to do in your spare time and find other people who like to do it too. Since you’re single, it’s certainly going to be easier to control your schedule for your daughter and figure out what you find “fun”.

Best of luck! I liked your post and agree that America is too much about work. It’s also true that if you have experienced other countries, things here aren’t THAT great IMO…

Learn to consume a lot less, save a war chest now, and retire early and move to a lower cost of living place and enjoy your free time.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=joec]It’s nice to hear someone’s honest opinion on the endless rat race for most non-critical and non-inspiring tech work. I didn’t see, but how old is your daughter? I assume once she is old enough for college, that should allow you to work in more places than being stuck in SD…

In general, I just think at probably an age like 35-45 with a kid in the suburbs, you really can’t expect too much. IMO, and I see this in my own life, I just put up with it and see life as mostly waiting now, at least till the kids are grown and out of the house…

Being divorced as well and having gone through my own “mid-life” crisis probably 10 years ago, I’m sorta ok with it though. I did take time off with no work so I got to travel and do nothing for a while which I’d recommend if you can swing it. Downside is if you HAVE to work to raise a kid, that’s a lot of pressure/stress since time off looks bad. I had no kids when I took time off so just screwed around for a while which was totally awesome…honestly.

I don’t know if it’s just you or most people/families with kids, but a lot of people (OK, maybe it’s just ME) aren’t really interested in expanding their friend networks since they just don’t have that much free time. The most free time I had was when I was single and could control my own schedule. Once you have a wife/gf/kid, time is really scarce.

With kids and all their stuff and work, I honestly just don’t have time and don’t care I have very few/zero friends honestly. If anything, it’s sorta less problems to have to listen to and since I’m not trolling to hook up or meet women, I guess I simply don’t care honestly.

What I’d recommend is maybe figure out what activities you like to do in your spare time and find other people who like to do it too. Since you’re single, it’s certainly going to be easier to control your schedule for your daughter and figure out what you find “fun”.

Best of luck! I liked your post and agree that America is too much about work. It’s also true that if you have experienced other countries, things here aren’t THAT great IMO…

Learn to consume a lot less, save a war chest now, and retire early and move to a lower cost of living place and enjoy your free time.[/quote].

I would really like to have a friend. I had a friend but failed to maintain. maybe i could try again.

[Coronita]

[quote=scaredyclassic]
I would really like to have a friend. I had a friend but failed to maintain. maybe i could try again.[/quote]

Dude, with my personality. I would settle for just not having enemies 🙂

[Coronita]

[quote=dumbrenter][quote=Thibault][quote=spdrun] What area of town are you in? [/quote]

I live in Carmel Valley just off the 56 freeway.
It’s nice and clean but overall very sterile.[/quote]

Now, that could be the source of the problem!
Carmel Valley is the total opposite of Paris. As other posters suggested, why not move downtown/hillcrest?

It will not make you feel any better, but I hated every minute I spent in Paris (had to for work reasons). A collection of rudest and most inconsiderate people ever to be found in one place. Couldn’t wait to get back to carmel valley: the land of shallow people and polite facades, people just like me.
For somebody who likes paris, I can see why carmel valley would make you homesick.[/quote]

It’s not *that* bad…. I only almost got run over by a soccer parent in a big SUV twice this week…Down from almost every other day….

[moneymaker]

Check this place out http://olivewoodgardens.org/gardening-classes/
Evidently they are doing a container garden class this morning, which should remind you of Paris if you lived in the city. The place was once owned by John Walton, one of the Walmart heirs, now deceased. I’ve been there for dinner many years back. Anyway, even if you aren’t into gardening you might meet someone there, you just have to go out and mingle.

[scaredyclassic]

There’s someone out there.

Are there personal ads for friends?

[Thibault]

Thanks for all the great feedback! I will try to reply to some of the questions a little later.
My desire was not to go back to France just for the sake of going to France. It is mostly to see my family and my friends on a more regular basis.
In the past 10 years or so, I have only been to France about every other year and usually for 10 to 12 days at most. It is not even what I would call a vacation. It’s essentially a quick tour to see as many as people as possible.
I guess going back to France with my daughter just once a year but 2 or 3 months at a time would be a great solution to my problems. But with the job I currently hold, that’s not feasible. My company would problably let me know do that once as unpaid time-off but I already know for sure they won’t let me do that every single year.
So I am basically to find a job that would accomodate that. And it’s not easy.
I will defnitely explore some of the options you guys suggested.

[Coronita]

[quote=Thibault]Thanks for all the great feedback! I will try to reply to some of the questions a little later.
My desire was not to go back to France just for the sake of going to France. It is mostly to see my family and my friends on a more regular basis.
In the past 10 years or so, I have only been to France about every other year and usually for 10 to 12 days at most. It is not even what I would call a vacation. It’s essentially a quick tour to see as many as people as possible.
I guess going back to France with my daughter just once a year but 2 or 3 months at a time would be a great solution to my problems. But with the job I currently hold, that’s not feasible. My company would problably let me know do that once as unpaid time-off but I already know for sure they won’t let me do that every single year.
So I am basically to find a job that would accomodate that. And it’s not easy.
I will defnitely explore some of the options you guys suggested.[/quote]

At my company, there are a lot of people who have family in India and the Far East (Korea,China,etc)…

Typically, for those employees, they tended to schedule 4-5 weeks of vacation off during the summertime to see family.

Previously, when my employer use to offer paid vacation days, people would accumulate their vacation time until they hit the maximum/cap and then they would plan ahead to take time off….

Since then, my employer eliminated vacations in the old sense and made vacation policy technically “unlimited” subject to deadlines/etc… They did this as a cost saving measure so that people who never took vacation couldn’t cash it in for money at the end of their employment etc/etc/etc. So what ends up happening now is people just schedule vacation time in since it’s a use it or lose it policy now.

Assuming you are a full time employee, you should have either accrued vacation or the new type of “vacation” policy….

[Thibault]

[quote=flu]
Assuming you are a full time employee, you should have either accrued vacation or the new type of “vacation” policy….[/quote]

Yes I can accumulate paid time-off in my company. Right now I have 15 days of PTO but I don’t have sick days: if I am sick, my PTO goes down.

There are many instances during the year where I need to take a day off here and there. So I am often left with 2 weeks of vacation time per year. At this rate, I will need to wait 4 years to take a 2-month long vacation to France…

It’s hard for me to understand why Americans don’t have more paid time-off. Life shouldn’t be just about work.

But I agree that the French just don’t work enough (yet they are the most productive people in the world). Here is an opportunity for me to criticize and show the absurdity in my own country by providing a little comparison: the minimum length of paid time-off in France by law is 25 days or 5 weeks. But that’s just the beginning.

In 2000, the (socialist) government adopted the 35-hour week measure (versus 39 hours previously). Some companies (mostly government jobs) apply the 35-hour week by forcing their employees to take a day off every other week. But in companies where the 35-hour week is difficult to put into effect (and that’s most medium and large size public companies), employees get extra PTO days (called RTT) to compensate the fact that they still work 39 hours a week. The calculation of the amount of “RTT” days is fairly complex but it varies between 10 and 22 days per year.

But that’s not all. French have 11 paid holidays. When a holiday falls on a weekend, you still get an extra day off. And if the holiday falls on a Tuesday or Thursday, almost all companies give an extra day off so that employees can take a 4-day weekend. That’s an additional 4 to 6 days per year.
As an example. May in France is a very slow month. This year, there are 3 holidays in May: May 1st (Labor Day), May 8th (end of WWII) and May 29th (a Christian holiday called Ascension Day). All fall on a Thursday so that’s 3 x 4-day weekends in just one month!

In total, French people easily accumulate 40 to 50 PTO days per year plus 11 paid holidays! “Et la cerise sur le gateau” (and the cherry on the top): sick days do not count towards these PTO days. I don’t think there is even a limit in how many days you can be sick, as long as you provide the employer with a doctor’s certificate. I recently read that, in 2013, the average French worker took 35 sick days in the year. Crazy!

Add maternity/paternity leaves, plus a few days where you can’t go to work because of strikes in the public transportation and you’ll quickly realize that on average the French don’t even work 1 day out of 2!

[Jazzman]

Thibault, I feel for you. As an expat I recognize many of the symptoms. I’m probably a bit older than you so most of my family have passed on, although I still have friends in Europe. It sounds to me like you are a bit down in the dumps. I usually long for my home when that happens, and then it passes as something nice happens. Your work sounds like another issue. If it is killing you then deal with that first. On your next trip to France, tell your friends and family how you feel; perhaps they are better able to offer support.

[Author]

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