OT: Homesick

[Thibault]

I have been reading this forum for a long time and like that most contributors are smart and usually give great advice.

I am French myself. I have been here in the US for over 15 years. I now have dual citizenship.
For 13 years now, I have been working as a software engineer for various companies in San Diego.
My personal situation is not optimal: I was once married, got a divorce and now have shared (and equal) custody of my daughter with my ex.
I own a small house in a quiet but boring neighborhood.

I just can’t take it being here anymore. All I have been doing for the past 13 years is work, work and more work. I never have an opportunity to press the “pause” button. I guess it’s just the way things work in America.
You work, you produce and you consume.

Being from France, this is especially hard. I feel like people don’t take the time to live life, to enjoy what life has to offer. All they do is run. Time goes way too fast.
There is not one thing in particular I miss about France. I just miss being there. What I love in the French lifestyle is in the details, going to a wine bar and socializing with strangers, inviting your friends or neighbors for dinner on a Saturday night, sitting at a Parisian coffee and just look at the people passing by, being able to discuss and argue about pretty much anything…
Of course I truly miss being able to take long extended vacations. I remember when, as a kid, I would go to the French Riviera with my parents in the summer for an entire month. Then I’ll go ski in the French Alps in the winter and spend Spring Break on the Atlantic coast. This quality of life there was and still is priceless for any family.
Here in the US, all I have is 3 weeks of paid time off. Given that I use already one week per year when I or my daughter is sick, plus a few days to run errands and take care of things, at the end I have roughly 10 days left per year to travel. How can it be sufficient? It’s not worth going to Europe for less than 10 days. All I can do is go to Mexico or Florida for a week and that’s it. It no longer matters how much more money I make here if I can’t take the time to enjoy what money can buy…

Truly I have become miserable. I see pictures of my French friends on Facebook taking 4 weeks off in July or August, travelling around the world, spending quality time with their families.
I am not sure if I am going through mid-life crisis or what but I can’t accept the fact that if I stay here in the US, things are just going to remain the way they are. And I’ll wake up one day and it will be too late.

So I have started looking at possible solutions to my homesickness. I keep looking at job boards with the hope of finding a job (any job!) that would send me to France or Europe once in a while. Even if the primary reason for going to Europe is work, I already know how good it will feel just being able to spend more time there and seeing my friends and family.
Unfortunately I haven’t found such opportunities yet.
Going back to France for good is not a solution either, as I would have to leave my child behind and that’s definitely not an option.

My goal would be to go back to France for a few weeks at a time and several times a year and ideally spend the entire summer there and have my daughter with me during her summer break.
But what kind of job would accommodate that?
After sharing my problem with friends and family members, many people are telling me to just create my own activity, or create some kind of business between France and the US, like an import/export business (people have suggested selling clothes, music instruments, even cars!)
I just don’t know how realistic that is.

I thought that by sharing my story here, maybe some of you would have suggestions. What would you do?

Thanks for reading!

[The-Shoveler]

Really, you get three weeks!

Just kidding.

Just sign on with one of those unlimited vacation time Jobs and see what you can get away with.

Anyone done that ?

[Thibault]

I have. In one of my previous jobs, the company – a start-up – offered “unlimited time-off”. I never took so little time off that when I worked there!
All my vacation requests would be denied by my manager because there was too much work in the pipeline.

[spdrun]

Do you have any equity in the house? If yes, then sell it, buy a 2-bedroom condo (flat) with cash or a large down payment to keep your monthly costs to a minimum. You’re talking $20/mo insurance, $250/mo common charges, $250/mo taxes, and you have a place that you can easily sublet for 3x those costs when you travel.

If you have anything left over, pick up a rental property. Drive a used car, no payments. Etc. Live below your means, use the money saved on travel.

Also: can you take a few weeks unpaid time off?

Lastly, you’re a software engineer. It’s not difficult to incorporate an LLC in California (much easier than starting a firm in most Eurozone countries) and sell your services on the open market. Plenty of small to midsize firms need custom software, web back ends, and mobile apps developed. Also things like digital control systems if you know anything about them. Buyer’s market for good freelancers out there.

I’m honestly as uncomfortable with the typical American lifestyle as you are.

[spdrun]

^^^

Nothing wrong with testing your value to a company in that instance. Don’t give them a choice, tell them you need the time off. If you’re valuable to them, they’ll let you keep the job. If not, then fuck them — no reason to work for people who don’t value your services.

[all]

Can you freelance, as already mentioned? Move downtown? A recently divorced friend of mine moved to downtown and his social life is very dynamic. Assuming you are in decent shape and still remember some French you should not have hard time acquainting with people.

[spdrun]

http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/4859-Cole-St-Unit-35_San-Diego_CA_92117_M17983-58748?row=2

Here’s a 3/2 for $255,000, common charges $170 within spitting distance of Pacific Beach. Probably a slightly dumpy area/complex, but relatively cheap, rentable when you travel, and easy to get to the beaches or to a cafe in PB.

San Diego is a very beautiful city, but not when you play the damn game that “they” want you to play.

[Thibault]

One solution would be to find a company that lets me telecommute and work in a different time zone.
Most software jobs just require that you have a laptop and an Internet connection. Still, I haven’t been able to find such a job.

Going to Europe frequently is expensive. 12 years ago I could fly from LA to Paris for under $500 R/T during the low season. Now airfares are $900 in low season and over $1,300 in high season. I need to take that in consideration.

I have a friend in France who has a very successful business in selling electronic parts for computers.
He suggested importing Levi’s jeans from US to France. Levi’s are 90 to 110 euros ($125-$150) in France, no kidding. They are $39 here at Macy’s…

[Thibault]

[quote=all]Can you freelance, as already mentioned? [/quote]
It would be hard to freelance in my field.
I am a software configuration manager / release engineer, not a developer.
Basically I am in charge of the code repository in a software organization. I take care of the builds, manage the releases to production etc. It is more of a support role.

[spdrun]

What are customs duties and what would be infrastructural costs to distribute the pants?

BTW – if you just want to pay for part of airfare to Europe, nothing wrong with bringing a high-end iPhone or two (one personal, one “work”) with you to the right country and “losing” them on the trip. iPhone prices in Poland and Czech Republic are about 30-35% higher than unlocked price in the US. Same might go for MacBooks, haven’t checked recently.

You can easily make $200 per device and spend the money on your trip, thus negating currency exchange commissions.

[FlyerInHi]

Lots of American girls want a romantic Frenchman.

Just get remarried and you will soon get over your homesickness.

[The-Shoveler]

I see a market for Total recall type virtual vacations that can be shared as well.

[spdrun]

Yeah, but does a romantic Frenchman want a American girl who was conditioned to think that life is defined by work, consumption, and more work? Fool a man once…

[spdrun]

Other option is to go academic — get the right teaching job and the work load will be somewhat humane. You’ll also have contact with some pretty interesting people.

[Coronita]

I know this isn’t going to make you feel better ,but look on the bright side…

About 2-3 months ago, we shutdown our office in France. A lot of folks affected.
I guess what happened was (1) cost was too high and (2) labor/union rules that didn’t allow easy employee management.. So they closed the entire office since it was easier to do that than to actually let go individuals…

I suggest maybe looking into a government job? Seriously…..The hours should be better.

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