High PSAT scores

[scaredyclassic]

As predicted my kids good at standardized tests. He’s the opposite of the Asian tiger mother book, just raised basically free range. Grades all over the place, high in ap phyics, low in some “easy” class.

Saw a bumpersticker. Ucsd parent. On the wY to school this morning. Talked to him about parents feeling they should get credit for kids success.

I said I thought a kids success meant just that a parent didn’t screw up a great kid too bad and let them develop as they should.

Kid agreed.

Not sure though.

Kind of want credit for his successes but seems better to act as if it weren’t me.

[scaredyclassic]

Pretty sure high sat scores are genetic. I’d like him anyway, but it’s beautiful to have a kid functioning nicely in the world. Chip off the old blockhead.

[Anonymous]

I’m in the “free range” camp also. Not because I necessarily believe it’s better, just because it requires far less effort.

Your results are encouraging and I will use them to support my rationalizations going forward.

[scaredyclassic]

Not total free range now, needs to be some type of pen.

Zen and the art of childrearing.

Maybe doing less is actually more difficult.

[an]

[quote=walterwhite]Maybe doing less is actually more difficult.[/quote]
IT really depends on who you are and what’s your personality. There are plenty of people who do less and want to do less because it’s easier. It’s only difficult if you want to do more but refraining from doing so. It’s also difficult if you don’t want to do more but force yourself to do more. I’ve seen smart kids who do well in school even when their parents do not push them (but I feel like they could do much more with their natural potential). I also see their siblings who are not as gifted floundering because their parents are not pushing them. I’m sure there are kids who resent their parents for pushing them too hard but at the end of the day. So, at the end of the day, do whatever make you happy. If you take a poll, I’m sure most kids would love it if their parents not push them.

[UCGal]

First – congrats to your kid on the psat scores. IIRC – psats feed the national merit scholarships… which is money for college. Cha-ching.

(That’s the way it was 30 years ago, anyway.)

As far as free range… I have 2 kids. One would (does) do just fine free range. The other, er… not so much. His instincts for finding trouble, annoying authority figures, bullying…. As Yoda would say: “the force is strong in this one, it is.” If I let him act on every impulse he’d be in juvi.

Each kid is different. Some are self motivated, others not. Each kid has their own level of aptitude, also.

My kids are both pretty bright… but VERY different from each other. Not sure about the free range thing for the younger one.

[nla]

What’s considered high PSAT score for a freshman? My D took it last year as a freshman and she got 183. According to the report she scored higher than 85% of juniors. But compared to sophomores she scored higher than 93% of them. They don’t account for freshmen since only few freshmen takes PSAT. It would be interesting what’s her score this year as a sophomore.

[SK in CV]

I think it’s pretty much dumb luck. Or maybe it’s more what they see you do, rather than anything you intentionally teach them. My kids were pretty much free range.

I have 2 kids. Almost opposite personalities. Son is responsible only when it’s a necessity. Got mediocre grades in high school. He was reminded to do his homework, but never really disciplined if he didn’t. He usually did. If he didn’t do well on a test, he blamed it on the teacher not making it interesting. Was out well past midnight the night before he took the SAT. (Parental error, HE knew the test was scheduled, parents forgot.) Never studied for it, got a 1480. Now working on his masters degree.

Daughter is driven. A 99 on a test is a failure. Never once reminded to study or do homework. Runs marathons for fun. Finishing up her first semester in medical school next week.

I’d love to take credit for something other than paying for their undergrad education. I can’t. I think you nailed it with this:

I said I thought a kids success meant just that a parent didn’t screw up a great kid too bad and let them develop as they should.

I got lucky and had great kids. Just luck. I didn’t make them great kids. There are difficult kids. If mine had been difficult, I have no idea what I would have done. Probably screwed them up even more.

And you don’t have to take credit. People will give you credit if your kid does well whether you’re deserving or not. I know. I was there. I don’t deserve the credit. Except for being there. That’s the only thing I can take credit for. No tremendous parenting skills. But I never missed a ball game or a back to school night or a parent teacher conference or a karate match or a school performance. That’s something I don’t get with some parents. My daughter played water polo in high school (and college). I probably missed 5 games in 4 years. Same for her mother. There were girls she played with whose parents never showed up. Not once in 4 years. Never understood that. And those girls were f’d up. I wonder why.

[an]

[quote=UCGal]Each kid is different. Some are self motivated, others not. Each kid has their own level of aptitude, also.

My kids are both pretty bright… but VERY different from each other. Not sure about the free range thing for the younger one.[/quote]
I totally agree. Every kids is different, so as a parent, you have to know when to take the reign and when to let them free. There’s no single answer. However, they all need guidance. There are life lessons that you can pass on to your kids to prevent them from experiencing the same mistake you made. Also, being there for them makes a huge difference. Although SK in CV doesn’t want to take credit, him being there for his kids makes a huge difference.

SK in CV, do you think your kids would turn out the same way if you and your wife never gone to any of those events?

[scaredyclassic]

I don’t think it’s the showing up per se, but a feeling of healthy connectedness. Showing up might be part of it but it could manifest in other ways. I can’t help believing that really listening to kids and connecting with what’s going on in their heads is probably predictive of better outcomes.

[scaredyclassic]

One life lesson I taught my kids is always read the fine print. The way I taught this is whenever I read them a book, from age 2 and up, we always always always read the copyright and publishing info page first.

[an]

[quote=walterwhite]I don’t think it’s the showing up per se, but a feeling of healthy connectedness. Showing up might be part of it but it could manifest in other ways. I can’t help believing that really listening to kids and connecting with what’s going on in their heads is probably predictive of better outcomes.[/quote]
I totally agree. I didn’t mean as literal as just showing. I mean everything that goes along with parents that show up. If you’re too busy to show up, you’re probably too busy to connect with your kids, etc. I don’t know the exact relation of SK and his kids, but seeing how he actually take the time to show up for his kids events means he would have more than enough time to be there for his kids when they need him.

[SK in CV]

I don’t know AN. It just always seemed like the right thing to do. I changed careers because working 80 hours a week wasn’t compatible. Any evidence that I have that kids whose parents didn’t show up were screwed up kids would just be anecdotal. But it sure seemed that way. And I also know of kids whose parents were just as involved as I was, and the kids are total screw ups. Again, just an observation, but it seems those parents were also control freaks. We pretty much stopped telling our kids what to do by the time they were 6. (That’s probably an exaggeration. I really don’t remember telling them what to do. Like I said, I got lucky. Neither one of them ever got in trouble. For anything.)

[Author]

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