I have to say that this site always suprises me as to who is actually posting here. Reading the general comments I sense a very male tone and I know that I contribute to it. However there seems to be a far larger number of female posters here than I imagined. Interesting to see the social dynamics of a group when no one can see anyone else.
Along the same lines I am suprised how many people on here seem to be “pull yourself up by your bootstrap” kinds of people. But I really shouldnt be suprised at that, I think the mentality of earning it on your own brings financial wisdom sorely lacking in Washington today.
While I may be hated for saying this I dont think that post you all responded to about Raptor wife was TOO terrible. The part about lazy ass and nail salons and such wasnt needed, but the underlying point wasnt too far off. You all responded with two things,
1) Wanting a house for my family isnt spoiled
2) You just dont understand how it is (kids, spouse, family etc)
1) you are right, wanting a house isnt spoiled. But there is a huge difference between wanting a 5 million dollar house and a 500K SFR. RD works hard and deserves to do as he pleases with his money. I wont tell him or his wife where or when he should and shouldnt spend his money. But as a bonified child of rich parents who grew up with many others of the same I can say that I ran into a similar mentality alot. I liked jpinpb’s point about throwing the football around alot more than worring if the nursery is 12*12 or 10*10. Tell yourself whatever you want, those decisions are being made on your behalf, not the childs. Making sure there is no nails poking through the wall or lead in the paint is for your kids. Everyone wants the best for their children and that is a beautiful thing. But dont tell me that any child cant do just as well in Mira Mesa, Poway, or anyother middle class neighborhood with good schools and low crime. You buy in RSF for the extras, and making demands and threats (buy this house or I wont talk to you) is acting spoiled, even if she isnt a spoiled person.
2) While I am loath to ever accept the “you just dont get it and you never can” argument for anything this may be a case where there is something to it. Usually this argument is for people who cant support what they are saying. Having said that, I come back to the “whats really best for your child” argument. Money was never an issue in my family, but time with my parents was. I use to have alot of jealousy for the kids who got picked up everyday from school. I got very good at a game I invented while waiting to eventually get picked up. It was called “How many stars can you count”. I eventually was allowed to walk home, all 2.8 miles, at the age of 11. It took an hour and half, but atleast I got home at a regular time. My father routinly recalls a camping trip or a day at the beach or something and I have to remind him that was my older brother, not me. (His buisness became much more demanding as time went on.) So I maybe I have a twisted point of view, but alot of things people do “for their kids” is actually for themselves so they can tell themselves what good parents they are. As an example, my sister-in-law spent a small fortune on kids clothes. My neice mostly just ran around in a diaper, but she sure looked cute when company came over. Is that really for the kid????????
Also, to turn alot of your “id do anything for my family” argument around, Dont you think she was wrong in not realizing this is very important to her husband? I do. I get this from my GF every now and then. She was mad at me for something while I was cooking dinner, and was going on and on about how I dont show her I care enough. I asked her “like making you dinner most nights?” I was showing I cared in my own way, but she wasnt picking up on it. We talked about it, agreed to some minor changes and moved on. Punishing him for being himself is the otherside of the coin for her frustration at not buying.
RD, I am glad you took it all instride and she is talking to you again. I dont mean denouce your wife, but I really like the ability to analize peoples behavior. I tried to include some stuff about myself, I am a nut too, if it helps at all. I really hope someday I can be as well off as you are so I can have the problem of not buying a 5 million dollar house. That isnt being mean, I really do. (I guess that is the internet equilivant of a thumbs up for all your success)
