FLU: “Here lies your problem. Longer term…You need to figure out if the guy is doing what he’s doing because he was burned and just trying to be careful, or is it just an excuse for him to treat you like sh!t. I mean money aside, there is a degree of respect, and there shouldn’t be a price on that one way of the other. I wouldn’t necessarily be taking dates out to 5 star restaurants, but I wouldn’t exactly take her to mcdonald’s either. And there are some people that are broken and aren’t going to come around no matter how accomodating you try to be.”
Yes, if you know what to look for and watch someone long enough, study the signs, let them talk, sooner or later it all comes out. Sooner or later in pieces. As to my part, I didn’t think I was being unreasonable. When he opens his mouth again, I’ll know more.
“Things do get interesting though. It’s not about the money. It’s about respect… For example, for awhile we argued about whether to let her parents move here permanently. I wasn’t a big fan of it because they can’t drive, get around, and felt it would be a huge burden in addition to a kid. She obviously wanted to be closer to her parents. Financially, there were times that I could tell she wanted to say “I can afford to buy my parents their own place damnit, so leave me alone”. But I have to say she took the high road and understood that would leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth….that would lead to both of us saying to each other “the hell with you, I’m deciding whatever I want and I don’t give a damn”. For that reason, it’s the same reason why I won’t go spend money on a new car even if I could without running it by her, or she wouldn’t make big purchases without running it by me. It’s not the money alone, it’s the acknowledgement of respect that you would listen and consider the others feelings.”
Just to comment on this, marriage is hard work,no doubt. Most times, it takes a lot more than love. Part of that is two people being more alike than different in fundamental ways. With that there’s a good chance of needs being met. I believe there has to be something about the person you’re with that “speaks” to you. If not, you end up with a roommate with a contract, a sex partner, and sometimes friend.
