When I was in my 20s and 30s in the UK, I was part of huge group of friends, who went out every weekend, played badminton, swam together etc…most of us were single and childless, so had the time and energy to dedicate to our friendships with each other, rather than family commitments.
Once I moved over here, 6 1/2 years ago, it was a shock to the system, as suddenly I didn’t have a whole gang of people within easy calling distance, ready to go out and have fun at the drop of a hat.
Added to that the real ‘culture shock’ that most foreigners suffer when they move, even to a country that ostensibly is ‘similar’ (ie US vs UK). Even though we were invited to places via people from our work, not many of these casual get-togethers turned into real friendships. When I started college, I made maybe a couple of what I would call ‘real’ friendships, but I can still count the number of them on the fingers of one hand, even though I’ve been here for over 6 years.
Having said that, things have changed drastically amongst my UK lot, too. I went home again this summer and attended the first 50th Birthday party amongst my group closest friends. As it was an afternoon barbeque, everyone brought thier partners and kids, and, astonishingly, since we’ve been in the US, no less than 14 kids have been born to my old club/pub mates!
It made me realise that, even if my husband and I had stayed in London, our social life would have been different anyway. We left at the precise time that eveyone was starting to pair off and having kids, but because we were starting a new life in L.A we weren’t there to see it happen.
I also find it difficult to guage the temperament of Americans – as I had been amongst a group of people that had known me for ..ooh..almost 20 years..in the UK, I had no inhibitions about saying stuff to them.
Over here, I find myself double checking everything that comes out of my mouth
– politics, mmmm, too risky: I got into an argument with a coworker once, where he almost shot me (on work premesis), about the start of the Iraq War. As it turned out, my reaction of “WMD…wha?” (to quote Jon Stewart) was largely correct, and he had a bipolar disorder (later committed suicide), but by then the damage was done and I’ve learnt to keep my mouth shut over here about my politics.
– same with religion. Many Americans are anaware that 99% of so-called ‘Church of England’ christians in the UK actually have no religious feelings at all, and the population is much, much more secular than over here. Some of my comments along the lines of doing something bad and ‘making the Baby Jesus cry’ have earned me a few Hairy Eyeball looks from people over here, so i’ve learnt to bite my tounge around all things religious.
– being an ex-Raver, and having spent a couple of decades in the Uk, running clubs/DJ-ing and going to friends parties for support and help, has given me scores of unsalubrious anecdotes of a drink/drug/inapproprate sexual activity/law enforcement flavour (thankfully, almost none of them happened to me personally, but you know what I mean….) Again, this sort of behaviour is frowned upon here, and so I keep my thoughts to myself.
So, along with my self-prohibition, and the fact that my accent will always bring comments like ‘oh I LOVE your accent’ (me, internally: ‘yeah, its only an ‘accent’ over here’. Or, ‘yeah, me and 20 million other people’), I often find I have a very slim range of what I can talk about and share with other people, and always feel like the ‘redheaded stepchild’ of most groups.
I’m not complaining – and as an only child, i’ve always been happy with my own company from as far back as I can remember, but I find that my skillset and life experiences simply don’t gell with many people over here. Added to the fact that everyone, on both sides of the pond, has gotten older and less fancy-free, I find it harder and harder to make real ‘mates’ like I used to.
So, mydogsarelazy, et al, i guess its just an ‘age thang’. The older you get, the harder it is to make that fundamental connection. It does mean that I treasure my old life-long friends in the UK all the more, and am more appreciative of the real friends i have made over here (the very few of them), so I guess you win some and you lose some.
“What you gain on the swings, you lose on the roundabouts”, as they say in Sarf East Lahndahn…;-)
