[quote=CA renter][quote=scaredyclassic][quote=NYMom]He’s lived here for close to 15 years now and has hated it from the start. It was supposed to be a temporary move for work, but the co. took off and then we met. He’s been wanting to go back for about 8 years now. He’s just very unhappy here. Doesn’t like “the lifestyle,” the weather, or pretty much anything. He feels like he’s waited long enough, worked hard, and should be able to live where he wants to finally.[/quote]
Dudes making $, lives in an awesome spot, but doesn’t like the lifestyle?
I think you guys need to sign up for my intensive counseling course before any big moves.[/quote]
Scaredy is joking a bit here, but I think he has a very valid point. You both should probably take more time to really think about what it is he wants to change. Based on what you’ve posted, it just doesn’t sound as though moving out here would be an improvement in any way (except for the weather, perhaps). It might not be a bad idea to talk to a counselor about this; it’s a big move that will cost a lot of money, and it might create some major resentments and problems if it doesn’t work out as he had hoped.[/quote]
i was not joking! i am serious! well, except for the signing up for my therapy sessions. i don’t actually give therapy. But lawyers are also known as “counselors”, and indeed, much of what we do is try to give reasonable counsel…
there’s no motivation for this move. it’s like a mysterious divorce stirring, just a feeling in his gut like there’s got to be something better than this crappy humid life in westchester. but…
. you are gonna be one pissed lady when you realize how little you’re gonna see your extended italian family, how it just wont be the same, more staged, more not like normal life, the visits will not be as nearly as frequent as necessary to keep the relationships fresh and genuine and the relatives wont be integral to your kids lives like theya re now, just odd people who show up from time to time and eat a lot of tomato sauce products probably.
you were practucally crying when you were writing about how you were going to miss this. so he knows what it means to you. unless he really hates these people, there’s no reason to flee from them. well, maybe that’s me interjecting my desire for free child care there, but still, no rational reaosn to rip these young uns away from their loved ones.
have you considered: . it might be that he intuitively knows this move will gnaw away at the goodwill in your heart, and wants to move to make you bitter and angry to generate conflict to have an excuse to split up because he’s too passive to do it directly?.
it seems devious, but one’s subconscious is incredibly devious. I don’t trust mine, i’ll tell you that.
I’m not saying splitting up is inevitable, but that unhappiness breeds on these illdefined unexamined feelings of dissatisfaction, and resentments build, and you know, you ahve kids, and your worried about the kids, and frankly, as a guy, it can get old..what about me? i like my kids, sure, but what about me? thats what he’s thinking. thats what i was thinking. thats what a lot of guys think…
the way forward is honesty, brutal honesty, tempered with love and understanding and maybe compromise. I don’t see what is better for him out here. i say you need to get in a counseling office to hash it out before you sell…
it’s unclear what the answer is…but everyone needs to be upfront… given how unhappy you will be, and how unclear it is that he will be happier, i think this is a trap…
