[quote=zk]Back to the subject of sexual misconduct.
Scenario:
You’re a guy like, say, Matt Lauer. You’re rich, famous, and good-looking. There are a lot of women out there who want to have sex with you. Even sex with no strings. And, of course, a lot who don’t.
And you’re also in a position of power. You can make or break careers.
Are you required to never approach a woman at work regarding sex? Are you required never to approach any woman in your entire field? It seems any approach would put the woman in a position that so many women have found themselves in. They think (some of them correctly) that refusing could hurt their careers. So they say yes, even though they don’t want to.
What if a woman is giving you “the signals?” Signals, Jerry, signals!! What if she’s got the semaphore flags out, with her arms fully extended and waving fiercely, flags making all kinds of noise as she flaps them around, and a look on her face that says, “look! I’m right here! I’m waving these flags at you!” You can’t act on that without risking your own career. You could say, “it appears you want to have sex with me. Is that correct?” Even if you say that (and on the off chance it doesn’t kill the mood), you’re still the one bringing it up and asking the woman to have sex (presumably asking, if she says that you are correct). What if she’s giving more subtle signals? You sure as hell don’t want to screw with that. What if she walks right up to you, unbeckoned, and says, “I want to have sex with you right now in that storeroom right there?”
While never approaching a woman regarding sex in this scenario might be a wise policy, should it really be required? Is there a way to approach a woman in that situation without putting her in a position that you shouldn’t put her in? I mean, even if you say, “yes, I’m Matt Lauer. I can make or break your career. But I won’t. A “no” from you won’t be a problem for you.” Even if you say something like that, there’s a chance they’ll feel pressured anyway.[/quote]
1. Where did the media come up with the idea that Matt Lauer is good looking?
2. Yes. If you want to avoid damage to your career, don’t “sleep where you eat.” Interestingly, this is a quote from a man who, while I was a summer associate at a law firm, slid up next to me on a banquette at a restaurant (it was a firm function) grabbed my thigh and said “how’s it going, baby cakes?” Later at another firm function when I was an associate, he invited me to join him on his motor cycle and said “best way I know to make partner.” A male friend of mine who was having trouble making partner (and to whom I feel much appreciation to this day) yelled “REALLY??” and jumped on the back of the bike 🙂 .
3. Even if she’s giving this hypothetical guy “the signals” – everyone knows that work relationships rarely end up well, and problems are almost unavoidable. Why open yourself up for that? Other than small town USA, most often the fraction of available women who aren’t coworkers is going to be at least 99%. And, on a more practical note, dating at work has some scary downstream results. Do you really want all of the women at work to know your intimate secrets? You know how women talk ;).
4. There are temptations in life – you can choose to resist or give in, but the result is yours and you have to deal with it. It’s like my kids saying that they didn’t do their homework because they couldn’t resist going to a social event. This problem is as old as the hills – Biblical even (see: Potiphar’s wife – although this was a circumstance where the victim couldn’t have avoided the situation he was in). Bottom line – you and you alone need to take responsibility for your own well being.
Of course, none of this condones people making false allegations. ….
