NyMom, San Diego is a desert. That barren feel is San Diego. Honestly you are just not being realistic. Everyone likes to recommend areas on the coast like Del Mar, but there is no way you’ll get what you want in the price range you are looking.

Olivenhain would be a good area to look for the down to earth feel, but there is no village.

I’d recommend some of the areas around La Mesa. Not La Mesa proper, or even Hillcrest. You’d probably have to send the kids to private school though as both those areas are in San Diego City Unified. Those areas are much more down to earth and have a wide variety of housing stock.

3000+ square feet is gigantic. Only the newer cookie cutter stuff will be in that size, or it will be a very, very expensive area.

Compromises are key. What’s more important, house, neighborhood feel, or schools. Once you nail which is the biggest deal, the others are pretty easily winnow-able.
Josh