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  • November 2, 2010 at 7:01 PM #18151
    Rich Toscano
    Keymaster

    So I’m having a debate with a friend of mine. I say that it is just the tiniest bit impolite to issue what I call “please commands.”

    This is a please command:

    “Please sign this form and mail it back to me.”

    I read it as issuing a command, not a request, and just putting “please” at the beginning. Thus I interpret that sentence as being a little bossy and unfriendly.

    Now, my friend is the nicest and most polite person you could ever meet, and he just doesn’t see it that way. He interprets it as shorthand for “Please do me a favor and sign this form and mail it back to me.” Now, to me that’s only slightly better, because it’s still a command, though with even more friendly preamble affixed. But still, he reads the please commands as totally benign.

    He wanted to make sure that I put the issue in context. He says: “If your boss said please give this to so and so, then it is a command.  If you say to your friend, please give this to so and so, then it is asking for a favor without saying ‘do me a favor.'”

    FWIW I don’t really see any distinction whether you are saying it to an employee or a friend… to me it sounds bossy either way. But I wanted to let him tell his side.

    Since my friend is such a ridiculously friendly and nice guy I am now wondering whether I am off base on this one. I was unsuccessful googling this, so I thought I’d bring it to the Council of Piggs.

    What say ye?

    November 2, 2010 at 7:35 PM #625634
    citydweller
    Participant

    I think putting “Please” before a command is just a way of being polite and showing respect.

    Also, I think your example is more of a request than a command. In other words, they could have said “If you want us to loan you money we require that you sign the form and return it, if you do not do so, we will not loan you money, it’s up to you”. Putting “Please” at the beginning of their request says the same thing with a lot less words 🙂

    I don’t mind when my bosses tell me to do something, but I do feel it shows some respect when they add “please” at the beginning. Do you think it would be better if commands (or requests) were stated without the please?

    Please don’t say you disagree with me!! lol

    November 2, 2010 at 7:35 PM #625716
    citydweller
    Participant

    I think putting “Please” before a command is just a way of being polite and showing respect.

    Also, I think your example is more of a request than a command. In other words, they could have said “If you want us to loan you money we require that you sign the form and return it, if you do not do so, we will not loan you money, it’s up to you”. Putting “Please” at the beginning of their request says the same thing with a lot less words 🙂

    I don’t mind when my bosses tell me to do something, but I do feel it shows some respect when they add “please” at the beginning. Do you think it would be better if commands (or requests) were stated without the please?

    Please don’t say you disagree with me!! lol

    November 2, 2010 at 7:35 PM #626265
    citydweller
    Participant

    I think putting “Please” before a command is just a way of being polite and showing respect.

    Also, I think your example is more of a request than a command. In other words, they could have said “If you want us to loan you money we require that you sign the form and return it, if you do not do so, we will not loan you money, it’s up to you”. Putting “Please” at the beginning of their request says the same thing with a lot less words 🙂

    I don’t mind when my bosses tell me to do something, but I do feel it shows some respect when they add “please” at the beginning. Do you think it would be better if commands (or requests) were stated without the please?

    Please don’t say you disagree with me!! lol

    November 2, 2010 at 7:35 PM #626389
    citydweller
    Participant

    I think putting “Please” before a command is just a way of being polite and showing respect.

    Also, I think your example is more of a request than a command. In other words, they could have said “If you want us to loan you money we require that you sign the form and return it, if you do not do so, we will not loan you money, it’s up to you”. Putting “Please” at the beginning of their request says the same thing with a lot less words 🙂

    I don’t mind when my bosses tell me to do something, but I do feel it shows some respect when they add “please” at the beginning. Do you think it would be better if commands (or requests) were stated without the please?

    Please don’t say you disagree with me!! lol

    November 2, 2010 at 7:35 PM #626696
    citydweller
    Participant

    I think putting “Please” before a command is just a way of being polite and showing respect.

    Also, I think your example is more of a request than a command. In other words, they could have said “If you want us to loan you money we require that you sign the form and return it, if you do not do so, we will not loan you money, it’s up to you”. Putting “Please” at the beginning of their request says the same thing with a lot less words 🙂

    I don’t mind when my bosses tell me to do something, but I do feel it shows some respect when they add “please” at the beginning. Do you think it would be better if commands (or requests) were stated without the please?

    Please don’t say you disagree with me!! lol

    November 2, 2010 at 7:48 PM #625639
    NotCranky
    Participant

    Understood context between two parties means a lot.

    For instance:
    “Please sign this form and mail it back to me.”
    If you both know that the signing of the form accomplishes a need of, or something of benefit to the signing party, and it is reasonable that they would return it, then this is quite polite.

    If the requestor is asking something that doesn’t necessarly benefit the person who would sign and return, then it is rude. I would think something like, “Would you please consider signing and returning this form?”,is better. The question may or may not be better with a reason for the request being communicated . Gratitude/respect for the consideration is require regardless of compliance.

    I think it is nice if a superior show politeness often.However, work could easily be overloaded with it. If you know you are on the same team,with sufficient mutual respect , every single thing doesn’t merit so much spoken courtesy.I think we tend to find a balance.

    November 2, 2010 at 7:48 PM #625721
    NotCranky
    Participant

    Understood context between two parties means a lot.

    For instance:
    “Please sign this form and mail it back to me.”
    If you both know that the signing of the form accomplishes a need of, or something of benefit to the signing party, and it is reasonable that they would return it, then this is quite polite.

    If the requestor is asking something that doesn’t necessarly benefit the person who would sign and return, then it is rude. I would think something like, “Would you please consider signing and returning this form?”,is better. The question may or may not be better with a reason for the request being communicated . Gratitude/respect for the consideration is require regardless of compliance.

    I think it is nice if a superior show politeness often.However, work could easily be overloaded with it. If you know you are on the same team,with sufficient mutual respect , every single thing doesn’t merit so much spoken courtesy.I think we tend to find a balance.

    November 2, 2010 at 7:48 PM #626270
    NotCranky
    Participant

    Understood context between two parties means a lot.

    For instance:
    “Please sign this form and mail it back to me.”
    If you both know that the signing of the form accomplishes a need of, or something of benefit to the signing party, and it is reasonable that they would return it, then this is quite polite.

    If the requestor is asking something that doesn’t necessarly benefit the person who would sign and return, then it is rude. I would think something like, “Would you please consider signing and returning this form?”,is better. The question may or may not be better with a reason for the request being communicated . Gratitude/respect for the consideration is require regardless of compliance.

    I think it is nice if a superior show politeness often.However, work could easily be overloaded with it. If you know you are on the same team,with sufficient mutual respect , every single thing doesn’t merit so much spoken courtesy.I think we tend to find a balance.

    November 2, 2010 at 7:48 PM #626394
    NotCranky
    Participant

    Understood context between two parties means a lot.

    For instance:
    “Please sign this form and mail it back to me.”
    If you both know that the signing of the form accomplishes a need of, or something of benefit to the signing party, and it is reasonable that they would return it, then this is quite polite.

    If the requestor is asking something that doesn’t necessarly benefit the person who would sign and return, then it is rude. I would think something like, “Would you please consider signing and returning this form?”,is better. The question may or may not be better with a reason for the request being communicated . Gratitude/respect for the consideration is require regardless of compliance.

    I think it is nice if a superior show politeness often.However, work could easily be overloaded with it. If you know you are on the same team,with sufficient mutual respect , every single thing doesn’t merit so much spoken courtesy.I think we tend to find a balance.

    November 2, 2010 at 7:48 PM #626701
    NotCranky
    Participant

    Understood context between two parties means a lot.

    For instance:
    “Please sign this form and mail it back to me.”
    If you both know that the signing of the form accomplishes a need of, or something of benefit to the signing party, and it is reasonable that they would return it, then this is quite polite.

    If the requestor is asking something that doesn’t necessarly benefit the person who would sign and return, then it is rude. I would think something like, “Would you please consider signing and returning this form?”,is better. The question may or may not be better with a reason for the request being communicated . Gratitude/respect for the consideration is require regardless of compliance.

    I think it is nice if a superior show politeness often.However, work could easily be overloaded with it. If you know you are on the same team,with sufficient mutual respect , every single thing doesn’t merit so much spoken courtesy.I think we tend to find a balance.

    November 2, 2010 at 7:59 PM #625644
    citydweller
    Participant

    [quote=citydweller]

    I don’t mind when my bosses tell me to do something, but I do feel it shows some respect when they add “please” at the beginning. [/quote]

    To clarify, this would only apply to written requests/commands.

    November 2, 2010 at 7:59 PM #625726
    citydweller
    Participant

    [quote=citydweller]

    I don’t mind when my bosses tell me to do something, but I do feel it shows some respect when they add “please” at the beginning. [/quote]

    To clarify, this would only apply to written requests/commands.

    November 2, 2010 at 7:59 PM #626275
    citydweller
    Participant

    [quote=citydweller]

    I don’t mind when my bosses tell me to do something, but I do feel it shows some respect when they add “please” at the beginning. [/quote]

    To clarify, this would only apply to written requests/commands.

    November 2, 2010 at 7:59 PM #626399
    citydweller
    Participant

    [quote=citydweller]

    I don’t mind when my bosses tell me to do something, but I do feel it shows some respect when they add “please” at the beginning. [/quote]

    To clarify, this would only apply to written requests/commands.

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