You aren't a wuss for worrying about your kid or wanting to spend time with him or her. I think it's admirable that outsourcing child care and raising a child to others bothers you. Where did we ever get the notion that hired help is what a child deserves?
What bothers me about the other side of the argument is that it seems to say the hell with the kids. As if their care and nurturing wasn't worth anything in their view if and when it comes time to pay for it after divorcing. They see no value in caring for a child, nor do they understand that the child's care most likely came along with compromising earnings, future job possibilities, retirement funding, etc. for the parent who stayed at home or cut corners to be the primary care giver. To me the wuss is the one who won't cut corners to care for the child they created or whine that the other parent who did, doesn't deserve a damn thing for doing so.
I'm finding out the hard way that
1) Social Stigma: Stay at home Dad == bad idea
2) Stay At Home Mom == Wife would go insane.
We don't look down on people who are stay at home parents. Quite contrary, it's not that easy to do. And as much as I love my wife, there are days I think, damnit, things would be easier if she just wanted to stay home. But at the same time I understand that that's just how she was brought up to be independent. She would feel useless if that was the only thing she did.
I think my wife and are managing reasonably well. Not ideal, but ok. Plus i really don't want to get the inlaws involved.
So for the time being my weekday routine is
6:15am-7am: Dad wakes up, checks the stock market. Places whatever market orders for that day.
7am-9am: Child wakes up. Mom takes care of changing child. Nanny preps breakfast. Mom and Dad Family spends time with child in the park, no tv. Wife goes to work around 8:30, while dad waits until 9.
9:30-12pm: Dad and mom work while live in nanny takes care of child, who btw, keeps the damn tv on all day. Dad schedules meetings around 9:30am so he can take it on a cell phone on at home or on the way to work (yes I have a handsfree bluetooth kit in my car so I'm not one of those retarded people doing 40mph on I-56)
12-1pm: lunch break with child (me or wife and not all the time)
1-5:30pm: both of us work while nanny puts child to sleep for about 2-3 hours. Somewhere along the line, during free time, I close any stock orders on a need basis. Child wakes up around 5, and nanny gives child a bath and preps for dinner.
5:30pm: Wife gets home and spends time with child while nanny preps dinner. Nanny finishes dinner.
6:30-7:30 I get home. Family dinner time.
7:30-8:30 Nanny cleans up, dismissed for the day. Family time spent in the park
8:30-9:00 Bedtime reading and play time, no tv.
9:00 pm child put sent to bed. Dad rests with Mom until Mom falls asleep.
10:00 pm-2am Dad spends time catching up with work, blogging, looking at porn, and any leftover time spent time building company with other people so he doesn't have to continue in the bored as hell rat race moving forward.
The deal with my wife is either
1) I find a job that brings in a gross household income of $300k/year and she'll consider quiting… That frankly won't happen by me trying to climb an existing corporate ladder….
2) OR she gets laid off/fired at which point she'll won't re-enter the engineering space (also highly unlikely).
3) OR I figure out a way to have a company that she can be a part of on a part-time basis such that she could be challenged. Together with investments, bring $300k/year.
So we're planning for plan 3 right now. The ridiculous thing about this one would conclude, fvck, that's a pretty messed up family. You guys spend and spend and spend, don't save, and are complaining. Why don't you downsize your lifestyle, be more frugale, and your wife wouldn't need to work? Contrary, we are pretty frugale, we don't spend alot, cash flow is very positive each month, and overall investments are ok. Go figure.
The problem you have sometimes marrying someone with career objectives too much like you…is that they think too much like you….You both end up being pigheaded on the same things. It's pretty frickin scary when your wife goes to sleep talking with you about some code defect she found at work and you could totally relate and talk about it or if your wife asked you to help do a code review over dinner.
