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zzz
ParticipantI have to agree that I believe most people cheat, period. I have seen too much inappropriate behavior amongst men and woman, married or in a long term committed relationship. Cheating is to me a broader definition that includes messing around with someone without doing the deed. In other words, I don’t use the Bill Clinton dictionary.
I also have to agree that its often the ones that appear the least likely to cheat are probably cheating but GREAT about hiding it.
I have friends who everyone thinks they have such the perfect family, that the husband is amazing, and guess what, he cheats. He doesn’t carry on affairs nor a regular fling, but when he sees a piece of cake that he wants, he eats it. As one man described it to me, just because your favorite food is lasagna doesn’t mean you want to eat it EVERY day, every meal. You might actually want spaghetti, or mexican or chinese.
A LARGE number of woman I know are insecure, I would say the majority of all woman I’ve ever known. They can be smart, beautiful, have a great husband or boyfriend, and yet they still feel insecure. So they cheat because they NEED male attention.
I think most people are completely oblivious to the dynamics between other couples. How can you really know what happens between 2 people? There is a lot of cheating going on that none of us ever hear about nor see.
Participant[quote=UCGal]
I guess this is all fancy talk for saying I found a compatable person… I got lucky.[/quote]I think you have simply what the french would call that elusive “Je ne sais quoi”. It just simply works.
It also sounds like you don’t sweat the small stuff. And heck, boring is good!
Participant[quote=UCGal]
I guess this is all fancy talk for saying I found a compatable person… I got lucky.[/quote]I think you have simply what the french would call that elusive “Je ne sais quoi”. It just simply works.
It also sounds like you don’t sweat the small stuff. And heck, boring is good!
Participant[quote=UCGal]
I guess this is all fancy talk for saying I found a compatable person… I got lucky.[/quote]I think you have simply what the french would call that elusive “Je ne sais quoi”. It just simply works.
It also sounds like you don’t sweat the small stuff. And heck, boring is good!
Participant[quote=UCGal]
I guess this is all fancy talk for saying I found a compatable person… I got lucky.[/quote]I think you have simply what the french would call that elusive “Je ne sais quoi”. It just simply works.
It also sounds like you don’t sweat the small stuff. And heck, boring is good!
Participant[quote=UCGal]
I guess this is all fancy talk for saying I found a compatable person… I got lucky.[/quote]I think you have simply what the french would call that elusive “Je ne sais quoi”. It just simply works.
It also sounds like you don’t sweat the small stuff. And heck, boring is good!
ParticipantUCGal, I’m glad to hear. I DO know couples who are modern and make it work, but they just are not in the majority. I find it shocking and surprising that more of those modern couples don’t make it work, but it seems their complicated lives and the constant power struggle becomes too much.
May I ask about your dynamics? Are you both communicators? Are you both fairly easy going and agreeable? Is one of you more of the leader and the other a follower and happy with it? Are you both Type A? Just trying to get some insight.
ParticipantUCGal, I’m glad to hear. I DO know couples who are modern and make it work, but they just are not in the majority. I find it shocking and surprising that more of those modern couples don’t make it work, but it seems their complicated lives and the constant power struggle becomes too much.
May I ask about your dynamics? Are you both communicators? Are you both fairly easy going and agreeable? Is one of you more of the leader and the other a follower and happy with it? Are you both Type A? Just trying to get some insight.
ParticipantUCGal, I’m glad to hear. I DO know couples who are modern and make it work, but they just are not in the majority. I find it shocking and surprising that more of those modern couples don’t make it work, but it seems their complicated lives and the constant power struggle becomes too much.
May I ask about your dynamics? Are you both communicators? Are you both fairly easy going and agreeable? Is one of you more of the leader and the other a follower and happy with it? Are you both Type A? Just trying to get some insight.
ParticipantUCGal, I’m glad to hear. I DO know couples who are modern and make it work, but they just are not in the majority. I find it shocking and surprising that more of those modern couples don’t make it work, but it seems their complicated lives and the constant power struggle becomes too much.
May I ask about your dynamics? Are you both communicators? Are you both fairly easy going and agreeable? Is one of you more of the leader and the other a follower and happy with it? Are you both Type A? Just trying to get some insight.
ParticipantUCGal, I’m glad to hear. I DO know couples who are modern and make it work, but they just are not in the majority. I find it shocking and surprising that more of those modern couples don’t make it work, but it seems their complicated lives and the constant power struggle becomes too much.
May I ask about your dynamics? Are you both communicators? Are you both fairly easy going and agreeable? Is one of you more of the leader and the other a follower and happy with it? Are you both Type A? Just trying to get some insight.
Participant[quote=patientrenter]I don’t know why we have to pick out illegal immigrants or army volunteers for examples of men who give up a lot materially when they marry and have kids. Most guys are happy to have money for a simple place to live, beer, a big TV and cable, a pool table, golf, a nice car… and they put the rest aside to hasten the day when they can spend all their time enjoying nothing but the above.
Adding the expenses of a wife and kids dramatically reduces the budget for his ideal lifestyle. That’s the real Daddy tax. I am not complaining, just pointing out that there’s a certain symmetry here.[/quote]
PR, what about the woman who questions why they would want to get married so they can contribute their earnings to the guy’s lifestyle of pool, cars and golf? What about her own needs for a nice car and golf habit? What about the woman who makes more than the man? Something like 25% of woman earn more than her man.
I think that is the modern day conundrum. To Acetia’s point and TG’s, I think in past generations, men’s and women’s role’s were far more clearly defined. Nuclear families were more likely to be intact. Man’s job: Bring home the bacon , do the manly stuff around the house like fixing things, take out the trash, fix the cars, etc. Woman: Nurture the family including keeping a beautiful home, cooking meals, cleaning, and taking care of the kids…oh and taking care of her man. I don’t know if people were happy with their roles, but it was what it was.
Look at modern life now. Both people work and often there are no clearly defined roles. What happens now is people fight or constantly negotiate who cooks, does the domestic chores, picks up the kids from school, helps kids with homework, bathes them, etc. How many couples sit down and define what roles they will play, and then accept it and actually live it? Both people can’t be the CEO. Someone has to be the janitor, the cook, the CFO, etc. You can’t decide to just share everything 50/50 because lets face it, someone always ends up doing more or shouldering the executive decision making. Who wears the pants in the family/relationship?
What is shocking to me is I see very few relationships where those who’ve adopted the modern life are in harmony. Happiest couples I know are the traditional ones. Man works, woman stays at home. Often times the woman used to be a high powered career woman herself, but chose to give it up when the 2nd or 3rd child came. Often times the man brings home the bacon, but the woman controls the finances. You would not believe how many men I know have said if their wife decided to screw with him and leave him, he’d be f’d because he lets his wife handle all the finances. I don’t understand the dynamics often, but those marriages where those roles are CLEAR and more traditional seem to have the least amount of conflict and those are the couples I know that are still married.
Participant[quote=patientrenter]I don’t know why we have to pick out illegal immigrants or army volunteers for examples of men who give up a lot materially when they marry and have kids. Most guys are happy to have money for a simple place to live, beer, a big TV and cable, a pool table, golf, a nice car… and they put the rest aside to hasten the day when they can spend all their time enjoying nothing but the above.
Adding the expenses of a wife and kids dramatically reduces the budget for his ideal lifestyle. That’s the real Daddy tax. I am not complaining, just pointing out that there’s a certain symmetry here.[/quote]
PR, what about the woman who questions why they would want to get married so they can contribute their earnings to the guy’s lifestyle of pool, cars and golf? What about her own needs for a nice car and golf habit? What about the woman who makes more than the man? Something like 25% of woman earn more than her man.
I think that is the modern day conundrum. To Acetia’s point and TG’s, I think in past generations, men’s and women’s role’s were far more clearly defined. Nuclear families were more likely to be intact. Man’s job: Bring home the bacon , do the manly stuff around the house like fixing things, take out the trash, fix the cars, etc. Woman: Nurture the family including keeping a beautiful home, cooking meals, cleaning, and taking care of the kids…oh and taking care of her man. I don’t know if people were happy with their roles, but it was what it was.
Look at modern life now. Both people work and often there are no clearly defined roles. What happens now is people fight or constantly negotiate who cooks, does the domestic chores, picks up the kids from school, helps kids with homework, bathes them, etc. How many couples sit down and define what roles they will play, and then accept it and actually live it? Both people can’t be the CEO. Someone has to be the janitor, the cook, the CFO, etc. You can’t decide to just share everything 50/50 because lets face it, someone always ends up doing more or shouldering the executive decision making. Who wears the pants in the family/relationship?
What is shocking to me is I see very few relationships where those who’ve adopted the modern life are in harmony. Happiest couples I know are the traditional ones. Man works, woman stays at home. Often times the woman used to be a high powered career woman herself, but chose to give it up when the 2nd or 3rd child came. Often times the man brings home the bacon, but the woman controls the finances. You would not believe how many men I know have said if their wife decided to screw with him and leave him, he’d be f’d because he lets his wife handle all the finances. I don’t understand the dynamics often, but those marriages where those roles are CLEAR and more traditional seem to have the least amount of conflict and those are the couples I know that are still married.
Participant[quote=patientrenter]I don’t know why we have to pick out illegal immigrants or army volunteers for examples of men who give up a lot materially when they marry and have kids. Most guys are happy to have money for a simple place to live, beer, a big TV and cable, a pool table, golf, a nice car… and they put the rest aside to hasten the day when they can spend all their time enjoying nothing but the above.
Adding the expenses of a wife and kids dramatically reduces the budget for his ideal lifestyle. That’s the real Daddy tax. I am not complaining, just pointing out that there’s a certain symmetry here.[/quote]
PR, what about the woman who questions why they would want to get married so they can contribute their earnings to the guy’s lifestyle of pool, cars and golf? What about her own needs for a nice car and golf habit? What about the woman who makes more than the man? Something like 25% of woman earn more than her man.
I think that is the modern day conundrum. To Acetia’s point and TG’s, I think in past generations, men’s and women’s role’s were far more clearly defined. Nuclear families were more likely to be intact. Man’s job: Bring home the bacon , do the manly stuff around the house like fixing things, take out the trash, fix the cars, etc. Woman: Nurture the family including keeping a beautiful home, cooking meals, cleaning, and taking care of the kids…oh and taking care of her man. I don’t know if people were happy with their roles, but it was what it was.
Look at modern life now. Both people work and often there are no clearly defined roles. What happens now is people fight or constantly negotiate who cooks, does the domestic chores, picks up the kids from school, helps kids with homework, bathes them, etc. How many couples sit down and define what roles they will play, and then accept it and actually live it? Both people can’t be the CEO. Someone has to be the janitor, the cook, the CFO, etc. You can’t decide to just share everything 50/50 because lets face it, someone always ends up doing more or shouldering the executive decision making. Who wears the pants in the family/relationship?
What is shocking to me is I see very few relationships where those who’ve adopted the modern life are in harmony. Happiest couples I know are the traditional ones. Man works, woman stays at home. Often times the woman used to be a high powered career woman herself, but chose to give it up when the 2nd or 3rd child came. Often times the man brings home the bacon, but the woman controls the finances. You would not believe how many men I know have said if their wife decided to screw with him and leave him, he’d be f’d because he lets his wife handle all the finances. I don’t understand the dynamics often, but those marriages where those roles are CLEAR and more traditional seem to have the least amount of conflict and those are the couples I know that are still married.
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